Hi advice on dating

[athena53]

Does "common law marriage" have any legal financial consequences even though not legally married?

Yes, it does, but many states don't recognize it. There are also pretty specific requirements in the US. Cohabitation, representing yourselves as husband and wife, and intending to be "married". I suppose it's a remnant of pioneer days when you couldn't always find someone around to perform a ceremony.

To the OP: I'm female, 66 and in a similar situation- dating a nice guy with far less in assets than I have due to a "grey divorce". He knows what I have. He's never even hinted that I should spend money on his "wants" because I have it and he doesn't. (My first husband did that a lot so I know the signs.) We live about an hour away from each other. Neither if us is interested in remarrying. In this case I wouldn't, anyway- the big risk would be that he needs LTC and I'd be on the hook for it. Life is good the way things are.

 

[MarieIG]

Does "common law marriage" have any legal financial consequences even though not legally married?

Common law marriage is jurisdictional - couples can become legally married without a ceremony in certain jurisdictions, IF that is the law of the jurisdiction. Typically (in the US) they need to hold themselves out as a married couple in such a jurisdiction (state).

I was taught that, in the US the practice came into being in the pioneer days. A couple wanted to get married, popped out a few kids, and the preacher didn't come around until a few years later. Rather than basterdize the children, which had inheritance implications (we're not talking millions of bucks here, but land) common law marriage became recognized in certain areas.

It is certainly not as "common" as it used to be, but still does exist in a few states.

It sounds as if the situation as a lot more dicey in Australia, with persons not intending to establish permanent unions becoming financially vulnerable.

Obviously, if one produces a child, additional support obligations come into play whether or not there is a union or other domestic relationship between the adults.

 

[Nemo2]

Do we have clarity on what qualifies as 'younger' in this scenario?

DW is 10 years and 22 days younger than me, but we are in essence 'one person'........just before I met her, (online 'dating' post 'widowerhood'), I was contacted by a female that I would classify as 'considerably younger'.......I opted out......quickly.

 

[SheitlQueen]

No marriage unless a prenuptial.

Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

 

[frayne]

Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard from another, that Tinder works pretty well.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I find that Australian law to be ridiculous. How can people not even living together be considered married?

 

[brewer12345]

I think in Australia I would just pay for it as needed.

 

[Surfer]

Yes, it does, but many states don't recognize it. There are also pretty specific requirements in the US. Cohabitation, representing yourselves as husband and wife, and intending to be "married". I suppose it's a remnant of pioneer days when you couldn't always find someone around to perform a ceremony.

To the OP: I'm female, 66 and in a similar situation- dating a nice guy with far less in assets than I have due to a "grey divorce". He knows what I have. He's never even hinted that I should spend money on his "wants" because I have it and he doesn't. (My first husband did that a lot so I know the signs.) We live about an hour away from each other. Neither if us is interested in remarrying. In this case I wouldn't, anyway- the big risk would be that he needs LTC and I'd be on the hook for it. Life is good the way things are.

Good you know the signs. One of my single female friends a similar age to me and who is in a very good financial position, says she is very careful who she dates, as she doesn’t want to be on the hook for “purse or nurse” haha.

 

[Surfer]

I find that Australian law to be ridiculous. How can people not even living together be considered married?

Yes I agree. For this to apply the relationship must satisfy certain conditions to be classified as “De Facto By Distance”.

 

[Surfer]

Do we have clarity on what qualifies as 'younger' in this scenario?

DW is 10 years and 22 days younger than me, but we are in essence 'one person'........just before I met her, (online 'dating' post 'widowerhood'), I was contacted by a female that I would classify as 'considerably younger'.......I opted out......quickly.

She is a bit over 10 years younger than me. When I was online dating I was bombarded by 20 something women wanting me to pay their university fees in exchange for their company. I explained to them that I would be putting my hard earned towards my early retirement instead. Seemed to end those conversations quick smart haha.

 

[Surfer]

Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

That is really bad. I guess you can never really know what someone will do after breaking up.

 

[NW-Bound]

Happiness is being single.....(sample size of one)

The sample size has been many singles.

China has been celebrating Singles' Day on Nov 11 (11/11) for many years. They use this day to shop for themselves, and the recent one brought more than US$30 billion of sales.

I learned of this day when shopping on AliExpress, and saw it mentioned in conjunction with sales run by many vendors.

See: https://www.cnbc.com/2018/12/04/how...came-the-worlds-biggest-shopping-holiday.html

 

[FLD3C]

What would be the advices for an old rich man to date a young poor woman?

Or even middle class man:
Philippines

 

[chris2008]

Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

Her lawyer probably told her that she can sign it BECAUSE it was not enforceable and would be overruled in case of divorce...

 

[John Galt III]

Any chance of an Australian politician or two running on the promise to change these (imo absurd) laws ? I dunno, did Australian voters even want these laws? Just curious.

 

[Surfer]

Any chance of an Australian politician or two running on the promise to change these (imo absurd) laws ? I dunno, did Australian voters even want these laws? Just curious.

De facto relationships were included under the Australian Family Law Act in 2009 by the federal government at the time, thus affording them the same property rights as married couples. I have heard the odd minor political party campaign against some of the elements of family law.

The “de facto by distance” concept is the one that doesn’t seem to make any sense to me at all and once that I think stifles the development of some relationships - particularly those where there is an imbalance of assets. Unfortunately, if you are in a relationship for more than two years here, but you don’t live together, then you break up, if your relationship is deemed “de facto by distance”, the other party to the relationship can make a claim against you.

 

[ER Eddie]

She is a bit over 10 years younger than me.

Oh, just 10 years. I thought it was more like a 50 vs. 25 thing. 10 years isn't that big a deal.

Which may not mean a whole lot. I have a friend who had his wife sign a prenuptial before they got married. She absolutely agreed to sign, she even took it to her attorney who advised her to sign it. But when they got divorced, she decided she no long liked it and dragged it through the court system who decided it wasn't "fair". It was set aside and the guy lost a lot of money.

Yup. I've heard many similar stories. It happens all the time.

 

[CaliKid]

Don't know Oz laws, but here you could put assets in trust that go to beneficiaries designated vs. widow.

This would likely work at death but not divorce. At divorce a separate trust could definitely be attacked. Also, I have seen after death cases that are somewhat like a divorce where the surviving spouse attacks to try and get something. I would say your statement is definitely not accurate at least in my state.

 

[akrono]

I was once in a similar situation to you. I was involved with a woman who had little in the way of assets and three children. I,on the other hand, was 45 years old with a career, home, pension, IRA's and investments. I was concerned that if the marriage didn't last I would lose much of what I had worked my whole life for. My desire was to protect what I came into the marriage with. My fiancee agreed to a prenuptial and my attorney drafted one reflecting the protection of my assets. When her attorney explained to her what she would NOT be getting in the event of a divorce she went ballistic and the claws came out! The end result was the engagement was terminated and we broke up.
That document revealed what she was really all about and saved me from an ugly future divorce. I would recommend anyone in later life to insist on a prenup.
The rest of the story was I later met a wonderful lady and have been happily married now for 21 years!

 

[Amethyst]

With, we presume, a prenuptial agreement in place?

The rest of the story was I later met a wonderful lady and have been happily married now for 21 years!

 

[Aerides]

Oh, just 10 years. I thought it was more like a 50 vs. 25 thing. 10 years isn't that big a deal.

At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd.

But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time.

OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

 

[Calico]

At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd.

But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time.

OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children.

In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

 

[ER Eddie]

At 50, a "bit over 10 years" is a creative way to say she's in her 30's. 10 years in general I agree, not a big deal. 60 yo dates a 50 yo, nbd.

But 50 vs 37/8/9 means she's in a completely different place in her life. Most likely (and the OP hasn't said otherwise) still wanting to start a family, and running out of time.

OP also mentions online dating with girls in their 20's. IDK about you, but when I did online dating I set my profile to an age range for potential matches. I didn't stray out of it because that would have been silly. I wasn't looking for dates but for a partner, and I'm firm believer that having more in common than not, is more helpful for long term success, including approximate age. (YMMV, annecdotes and exceptions can and do prove me wrong all the time)

Well, if the scenario is what you're painting -- a late 30 year old with a hunger, maybe desperation, to marry up and have kids -- then you're right, he needs to be very careful about that aspect.

As for the younger ages ... as you probably know, men tend to look for younger women, whereas women generally tend to look for men in their age group. When I'm engaged in my annual fruitless ritual of checking out an online dating site, I'll search for women down to 10 years younger (I'm 58). It's a vast wasteland out there, at least afaic, so I lose interest after a week and forget about it.

I'm not going to go younger. Other men sometimes encourage me to, but I'm just not interested in chasing younger women. It feels kind of pathetic to me. I'd find it socially and personally embarrassing, to be dating someone in their 20s. Everyone (including me and her) would know what the exchange is -- my resources for sex with her (which often isn't that great anyhow, more packaging/promise than real). Plus with younger women you can get the ideological craziness and the higher risks of false allegations, etc., that come with it. There is also of course the higher risk of pregnancies, "accidental" or otherwise. And the "baby rabies" you mentioned, in those 28-35 or so.

One of the advantages of being 58 is that sexual desire isn't in the driver's seat anymore. It's not that big of a motivator. If I want sex with a young woman, I'll just get a prostitute like other 50 year old guys do, lol. It's not worth all the time, trouble, expense, headache, risk, energy, and embarrassment of trying to date and establish a relationship with someone in their 20s. At least that's my view.

In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children.

In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

Ah, good. Thanks for the clarification.

 

[Chuckanut]

The financial things I look for in a potential relationship is financial independence and financial responsibility.

That means:

1.) She should be able to live without needing money from me. I may decide to open my wallet to pay for both of us to have an upgraded experience, but she can pay for her own basics.

Edited to add: If she has the cash and wants to pay for an upgraded experience, that's OK too.

2.) She handles money well. Bills are paid on time. She has not bet the farm on her SS check or inheriting money from her Uncle Milton. Investments are in things like index funds and maybe a balanced fund like Wellesly. No money in get rich quick schemes like cryptocurrencies, and she is not in love with a high fee FA.

 

[Chuckanut]

In an earlier post the OP said his partner doesn't want children.

In an earlier post the OP said the 20-somethings were seeking him out to pay their bills, and he shut them right down. He wasn't seeking them out to date.

I was online for a while. It's amazing the number of 20-something hotties in Asia and Eastern Europe who are just dying to get their hands on my 60-something body. Alas, I had to disappoint them. I don't want some wet-behind-the-ears inexperienced woman as my partner. Give me a knowledgeable 50-60 year old gal any day over these foolish kids.