Alone, antisocial and ready to retire

[kcowan]

It's nice to know I'm not psychotic and that there are other people out there like me.

Nui

My brother retired at age 42. Everyone said: What is wrong with him. I said: Nothing!

He was sociable but not social. Unlike me.

 

[Major Tom]

This has been a really wonderful thread. Thank you for starting it Nui.

I think it was only fairly recently that I fully came to terms with my introversion. I mean, it's not exactly a particularly nice word, sounding too much like "ingrown" or "incest". That's not entirely a joke either - if other words were used to describe introverts and extroverts, we might be thought of a little more kindly by the extreme extroverts who find it hard to understand us.

Although I do like people and need to be around others, like a lot of people here have said about themselves, I'm not good in large social groups, preferring either small ones or time one on one with people that I'm close to. For years when I was younger, I don't think I quite understood why it was that although I was a nice person and people liked me, I didn't have a lot of friends - and I thought that meant there was something wrong with me. Because the majority of people are extroverts, I tended to judge myself by their social guidelines. It's probably similar to how a gay kid must feel growing up in a mainly heterosexual world - the social "norms" and rules are set by the majority.

Even though I now know there's nothing wrong with me and that I am a nice guy, it's comforting to read that others here have similar experiences and feelings.

It's just after noon, I'm sitting in my pajamas on the computer working on a few different projects. I've had 2 cups of coffee, a big bowl of oatmeal, and the kitty is sleeping happily on the bed next to me. Life is pretty good

 

[Nuiloa]

Funny how we're so quick to assume that there's something wrong with us because we prefer alone time.

I've always felt like an outsider looking in. I see people looking forward to parties and I don't understand that feeling. When I was 9, I begged my parents to stop throwing me birthday parties....I HATED them. When I was 14, my mom thought I was so strange that she actually took me to the doctor to ask him to fix me because I had no friends, no social life and no apparent desire to get either one. I lived at the library.

When I turned 50, despite my warnings that I do not celebrate birthdays, my brother and my dance teacher (my EXTREMELY social friend) decided to throw a surprise birthday party for me. It would have been on the same night as The X-files and I was a big fan, plus I had the x-philes anonymous chat room to go to for post-episode dissection. They tried everything to get me to agree to go out for the evening and I just said no. Finally, 3 days before, they had to tell me about the big surprise party. I told them I was sorry, but I was staying home to watch X-files and nothing was going to change my mind. They had to cancel the party. They tried to make me feel bad, but, while I understand that everyone thought I was rude and ungrateful, I have never felt the least bit guilty about it. My friend kept telling me that "all your friends" will be at the party, but for the life of me I could not think of a single friend other than him. Anyone else in my life is an acquaintance.

Over the years, I've learned to smile and to appear to have some social graces, but just once in my life I'd like to experience what it feels like to look forward to being with a bunch of people who aren't relatives.

BTW - I've warned my staff that there is to be no retirement party for me when the time comes. They can have a party if they want to - but I won't be there.

 

[skyvue]

Has me at INTJ also.

I - 78
N - 12
T - 88
J - 22

 

[WhoDaresWins]

I took the quick test referenced at the top of this page, and I am an ISFP. I apparently share personality traits with Princess Di, Elvis Presley

, Auguste Rodin, and Frederic Chopin.
Please don't drum me out....diversity in all things is good!
I hope I live long enough to retire as I believe most of the above referenced celebs died young. I don't know about Rodin...will have to Google him.


Just looked him up: Rodin died at age 77 of influenza.

 

[carnivalday]

My score is ISTJ, I-100 S-38 T-50 J-67. Im not exactly sure what it means, other than I am perfectly suited to be me.

 

[Nuiloa]

Nui, don't even start on the left-handers--not only is this forum disproportionately INTJ and ISTJ, but lots more lefties than the expected populace.

I'm right handed, but I golf and do archery left-handed. Does that count

 

[scrabbler1]

BTW - I've warned my staff that there is to be no retirement party for me when the time comes. They can have a party if they want to - but I won't be there.

I also requested no luncheon on my last day of working in late 2008. Instead, my best friend/coworker took me out to lunch, as we had often done in my last several years of working. I have never gone out to the farewell luncheons of other coworkers, so why should they have one for me (which I would not attend)? Instead, to my surprise, they took the money they would have spent on my luncheon and gave it to me in cash, about $160 worth. That, and a box of Devil Dogs (inside joke). I was quite pleased.

 

[davemartin88]

He was sociable but not social. Unlike me.

I'm an ESTJ but the E/I is pretty close (don't remember the actual numbers). The quote above is a good description for me. I don't mind talking with people or being in new situations but don't go out of my way to find them. I'm the guy that has the long conversation in the parking lot with a stranger but very seldom goes to a party if I can avoid it.

I didn't have a retirement party either, just a nice lunch with a couple of my closest coworkers.

 

[Major Tom]

I'm the guy that has the long conversation in the parking lot with a stranger but very seldom goes to a party if I can avoid it.

....and I thought I was the only one who was like that. You just described me to a tee

 

[Walt34]

That test called me an INTJ, most say ISTJ. I guess it depends on who wrote the test, the alignment of the stars, and what I ate for breakfast.

And I didn't have a retirement party, didn't want one, didn't miss it.

 

[kyounge1956]

Hi Nuiloa,
I've been wanting for days to reply on this thread but I was getting ready for a trip and had to get a zillion things done. But now I am where I was going to and have time to write.

Like you, I'm single and an introvert. I forget the exact numbers but I think among early retirees in general and here on E-R the percentage of INTJs (I'm one too) is something like ten times what it is in the general population. I'm planning to join the "garden, read, knit, noodle around on the computer and play with the cats" brigade when I retire, with an occasional genealogy research trip thrown in for variety. I really think going to church on Sunday mornings and choir practice one night a week will be just about enough social interaction for me, but if not I can always take a class, or volunteer for something, or ask the vicar over for tea.

 

[vicente solano]

I made ISTJ. Should I be concerned?

 

[Major Tom]

I made ISTJ. Should I be concerned?

No, but if you were an "E" anything, we'd have to give you the silent treatment

 

[RunningBum]

No, but if you were an "E" anything, we'd have to give you the silent treatment

Oh, who are we kidding? We're all I's, we give everyone the silent treatment!

 

[Webzter]

Oh, who are we kidding? We're all I's, we give everyone the silent treatment!

Some of the most opinionated, vocal, factual thinkers I know... and if we threw a party it'd be some muttered hellos, maybe some brief discussions, then a few hours of looking at watches before wandering off to go home.

I'll bring the ice.

 

[kcowan]

Maybe a quick game of bridge?

 

[Nuiloa]

Some of the most opinionated, vocal, factual thinkers I know... and if we threw a party it'd be some muttered hellos, maybe some brief discussions, then a few hours of looking at watches before wandering off to go home.

I'll bring the ice.

Ain't it the truth!!! The only way around it that I've ever figured out is to have a "theme" for the get together. For example, the X-files group I still belong can have long and loud debates about whether respirators are accurately portrayed in TV shows.

 

[Nuiloa]

Hi Nuiloa,
I've been wanting for days to reply on this thread but I was getting ready for a trip and had to get a zillion things done. But now I am where I was going to and have time to write.

Like you, I'm single and an introvert. I forget the exact numbers but I think among early retirees in general and here on E-R the percentage of INTJs (I'm one too) is something like ten times what it is in the general population. I'm planning to join the "garden, read, knit, noodle around on the computer and play with the cats" brigade when I retire, with an occasional genealogy research trip thrown in for variety. I really think going to church on Sunday mornings and choir practice one night a week will be just about enough social interaction for me, but if not I can always take a class, or volunteer for something, or ask the vicar over for tea.

Glad you found time to join the discussion.

That gives me an idea for another thread about volunteering.