Asking about ethnicity?

[jollystomper]

So how does asking about one's ethnicity, etc. promote discrimination? If they're already being discriminated against due to the color of their skin, why would asking their ethnicity change anything?

And you specifically mention people of color. What about someone who is caucasian? By your statement above, it is implicit that it is less okay to ask a person of color rather than a caucasian. That sets artificial barriers based on skin color. How is this not inherently promoting discrimination?

In my view, the issue is really that many times questions are asked, not so much to find out information, but to make presumptions and/or to confirm assumptions. So one finding about where someone is from, from an ethnic standpoint, can be seem as them trying to determine what assumptions they need to make about that person - instead of trying to find out what is unique about that person. And when a response is received that does not make the presumption or assumption, rather than learn, the questioner tries to stick to the presumption/assumption.

One example: DW once met a woman in a social situation, who after a few minutes asked DW about her background. When DW mentioned it, the woman started saying how great that was, and how she admired a particular singer of that same ethnic background. DW replied that actually she did not like that style of music so she did not care for that singer, she preferred classical music instead. The woman could not figure out why in the world DW would not like that singer, she just assumed that, since they were "similar" that she would.

This is one example, but, since DW has looks that make it hard for people to discern her background from sight (and assume all varieties), she gets this type of situation several times a month. Fortunately she is a people person, and has the patience to deal with it.

BTW, this can happen to someone regardless of their skin color or ethnic background. I would suggest that it has happened to minorities more frequently.

 

[dirtbiker]

I will answer your question from the perspective of a non-white person who was married to a white person. The general consensus on this thread is to not ask.

Excellent. From my perspective and that of most non-whites questions like that from a stranger are at the least annoying, at worst they are insulting. Not going to drop the "R" word in here but it can be seen that way. So why go there? It is just not worth it for the limited information that you will receive. I mean why does it even matter? It is just not a good look.

Oh, and we non-white folks do talk negatively about people who insist on asking intrusive questions like that. It ain't pretty either. So again just don't go there.

Random non-white people are not here to satisfy anyone's curiosity. Just mark them down as human and continue on with whatever interaction you are having.

The reason that I identified myself as non-white married to a white person at the beginning of my reply is to put on the table not to ask about that either. It is also annoying bordering on insulting. As a stranger, you really do not need to know how we got together and how we navigate our lives. Again mixed couples are not here to satisfy anyone's curiosity.

So you're also saying not to ask about how you and your spouse met? That's such a common question to ask a couple, regardless of skin color. My wife and I (both white) get asked how we met all the time, especially if we're meeting another couple, with no offense ever taken. Why would skin color make this an off-limits topic? And FWIW my ex-wife was a different skin color than I am, and the thought if it being insulting if someone asked us how we met was an entirely foreign concept to us. I guess I just can't understand the thin skinned always be offended mentality.

I refuse to treat people differently because of their skin color, and being afraid to ask how a couple met because they have different skin colors only promotes discrimination and inequality IMO.

I mean, I just can't wrap my head around creating barriers, and how that doesn't promote racism. I just really don't.

 

[nancyfrank232]

Why wouldn't it be interesting? It's part of who we are.

Would you consider asking about a person’s ethnicity to be as interesting or less/more interesting as asking about an individual’s eye color or height or gender? (since this is part of who I am as well)

 

[pj.mask]

I am assuming the questions ‘where you are from’ and ‘what is your ethnicity’ are getting at the same thing in this thread.

I met a coworker who was Asian, I asked them this type of question because I’m curious. They said they were Chinese-Malaysian they discussed the nuances of the ethnic groups in Malaysia. How there is discrimination against non Malay people. How their parents business is actually legally owned by their friends (Malay) because they were denied a business permit based on ethnicity.

So how is it interesting? I got to know more about a country, it’s people, got to visit them for 2 weeks during Chinese New Year (awesome trip) and we are still friend over 10 years later. Now I have perspective on that country that I apply to world events and I’m aware of little nuances that have been appreciated when meeting others from Malaysia.

There seems to be a focus on brown people but I’m just as curious with these questions about white people and I see no need to make the conversation about white vs black/brown. Have you ever talked to people who grew up in East Germany? What was that like and were they German or Russian? Is that racist to ask?

I don’t really want to re-discuss questions from obviously racists people. If you want to paint a simply curious question as racist, I think it is better the reflect on your own perceptions.

 

[Idnar7]

I took a class in Denver one time and a classmate had a charming accent I couldn't place. It was kind of a twangy brogue. He was very outgoing and we talked during a break. I said he had a very interesting accent I couldn't place. He explained he was originally from Scotland but had spent the last 20 years in the oil industry in West Texas. That solved it immediately.

 

[Bestwifeever]

This obviously is a great and thought-provoking OP, MountainSoft. You did ask us in it what we thought and you are certainly getting responses! I imagine the people getting asked those questions must get used to them. If they are waiting on us as a job, they really are not in a position to show offense to personal questions so they may be just grinning and bearing it because tips or comments to their boss might be involved.

Personally I try not to tailor small-talk chit-chat conversations to the other person's appearance or accent, but if you're comfortable asking questions about them, let that be your guide. I recently cringed as a probably well-meaning, just curious, enjoying exploring someone else's diversity person interrogated another person about skin color and background and compared that person to a celebrity, of course I don't know how the receiving person felt about those questions and maybe she liked talking about it (although since we were naked in a gym's locker room, I'm guessing she just wanted to get dressed and out of there!).

 

[marko]

I ran into a young man in Austria who spoke perfect English but with a very heavy German accent. I asked where he learned English so well and he said he was born and raised in New York and was just in Austria studying.

As the conversation went on, his accent slowly went away and after about 10 minutes his New York accent was right back to Queens!

As an aside we lived in France for several years and I would often catch myself speaking English with a French accent.

I took a class in Denver one time and a classmate had a charming accent I couldn't place. It was kind of a twangy brogue. He was very outgoing and we talked during a break. I said he had a very interesting accent I couldn't place. He explained he was originally from Scotland but had spent the last 20 years in the oil industry in West Texas. That solved it immediately.

 

[nancyfrank232]

I am assuming the questions ‘where you are from’ and ‘what is your ethnicity’ are getting at the same thing in this thread.

They’re different things.

Perhaps the misunderstanding in this thread stems from people misattributing “what is your ethnicity” with “where are you from”?

I’m just asking with regards to the OP’s questions around “ethnicity”

Personally I don’t confuse my ethnicity with where I’m from

 

[MichaelB]

Gumby’s post from earlier in the thread comes to mind.

If only there were something we could do to prevent people from becoming self appointed arbiters of what is and is not considered offensive by groups of people who are not them.

 

[pj.mask]

They’re different things.

Perhaps the misunderstanding in this thread stems from people misattributing “what is your ethnicity” with “where are you from”?

I’m just asking with regards to the OP’s questions around “ethnicity”

Personally I don’t confuse my ethnicity with where I’m from

I think it can depend. You get introduced to someone who has been at your apartment complex for 5 years now but they look foreign and speak with a strong accent, maybe use a sentence structure that indicates English isn’t their first language. When you ask them where they are from - you aren’t wanting to know apartment 5B. You probably want to know what country (or ethnic group if that is different within that country as with Malay/Chinese malay). So is that (in this example) any different than asking what is your ethnicity?

India, China, Spain, & Germany - just to name a few have big differences for the same race people within their country that I would say their ethnicity are different.

It’s probably better to ask where they are from if they actually moved from there and better to ask what ethnicity if they were born/raised here. Your best tell is chit-chat but foreigners may have perfect English?

My point is I don’t think it is inherently rude to ask either question.

 

[nancyfrank232]

I think it can depend. You get introduced to someone who has been at your apartment complex for 5 years now but they look foreign and speak with a strong accent, maybe use a sentence structure that indicates English isn’t their first language. When you ask them where they are from - you aren’t wanting to know apartment 5B. You probably want to know what country (or ethnic group if that is different within that country as with Malay/Chinese malay). So is that (in this example) any different than asking what is your ethnicity?

India, China, Spain, & Germany - just to name a few have big differences for the same race people within their country that I would say their ethnicity are different.

It’s probably better to ask where they are from if they actually moved from there and better to ask what ethnicity if they were born/raised here. Your best tell is chit-chat but foreigners may have perfect English?

My point is I don’t think it is inherently rude to ask either question.

This is why I asked upthread about what people find interesting about someone’s ethnicity

Since I don’t find another person’s ethnicity particularly interesting I’m genuinely curious what others, who find ethnicity interesting enough to ask about it, specifically find interesting about another person’s ethnicity?

And would the topic of a person’s ethnicity be as interesting or less/more interesting as asking about a person’s eye color, height or gender?