Do people really like to connect after 30-40 years?

[littleb]

So here is the story.

I have a friend who is looking for me on XXXXXX reunion website and she has been posting for years trying to find me. She cannot locate me because she does not know my married name.

We were friends as teenagers for 2-3 years and then her family moved to another state. I connected with her 5 years later and her wild ways and taking advantage of people were more irritating than I remembered as a teenager. I had to give her gas money so she would leave.

Out of the blue 10 years later she called and was in town with her children and wanted to stay the night since she had nowhere to go. I politely told her we had plans and it was not possible at the last minute. This was her typical life of dropping in and expecting everyone to accommodate her situation. She made poor decisions in life, had 3 children out of wedlock and existed mainly on welfare according to her relatives.

The bottom line is I have nothing in common with her. Sure as 16 year old teenagers we had some pretty great times but we were young and immature. It seems like she never grew out of that mentality.

So do others feel this way about someone they hung out with in school and only knew a few years as a teenager? Do you really have that much in common with them as adults? I am not talking about long term childhood friendships.

 

[Fedup]

I feel the same way about my cousins. We did hang around a lot from 10-15, but we have not met since because I don't know if we have anything in common as adults.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

I have only one of my teenage friends on Facebook, and even that person I rarely see.

 

[6miths]

I love to connect with friends old and new. I was lucky and had a wonderful childhood and teenage years with many fond memories. 40 years later some of the people and friends are gone but I enjoy talking to those I can from back in the day. That said, I can't say that I have any friends that would fall into the category of what you are describing so I suspect that I might feel differently in your situation.

 

[AutumnElf]

I think you are strong to draw the line where you did. Some people just walk all on in, and others just let them but aren't happy. Good for you.

There are several people I'd love to see again from my grade school years to high school. We've kept in touch (even pre-Facebook by *gasp* writing letters). But all the rest, nope. I'm pretty picky about who I let into my home and my confidence now. So any old aquaintance who tries to sneak back into my life will find quite a bit of difficulty. However with the few who I've had constant contact over the years, with my home and heart is open.

One annoying thing. Since the advent if Facebook, I've had two old boyfriends try to get me to add them to my contacts. One has the gall to send requests regularly! Both broke up with me. Not one word since. And now, you think I want to "friend" you on FB to what...satisfy your curiosity about what I'm doing now? To soothe your conscience about being a huge jerk to me? Or to just have me in your contact list just because you can...I think it's inconsiderate and disrespectful and says a lot about those people. But I've got the power to calmly delete their request, never to think about them again until this topic comes up

 

[Rambler]

I've reconnected with some old friends via Facebook. Also via Facebook, I've learned enough about their current situations to know that I'm not interested in going to see them, even though my son, until recently, lived only 10-15 miles away from both of them, and I've been to see mi kid dozens of times. That said, each time we go, I tell my wife to either not mention it on Facebook, or at least not to tag me on any bisit related posts, so they don't know I'm nearby. Facebook is as close as I want to get. We had some really good times way back when, but none of us are the same people we were back then. Some have grown up, and some have kept the seventeen year old mentality.

 

[athena53]

I had the guts to go to my 40th HS reunion after connecting with a lot of former classmates on FaceBook. I didn't particularly enjoy HS- it was mostly a place to get the education I needed so I could go to college- but some of them have turned out to be genuinely nice people and I enjoy their company. I've been back for the 45th and will be attending a grade-school reunion in October.

It's not all perfect- I disconnected from one classmate and stopped following another because their arguments were more emotional than anything else and they refused to acknowledge facts or consider points that didn't fit their world view. Interestingly, one is a staunch conservative and the other is a flaming liberal.

I also have cousins I rarely see but when we do run into each other at weddings and funerals we're sort of caught up on each others' lives.

So, yes, I have and it's worked out well- but I wouldn't be interested either in someone who shows up in town with her kids and wants a free room for the night.

 

[W2R]

I haven't kept in touch with any of my high school classmates. I don't see the point of it. Probably that means I'm maladjusted or something. Be that as it may, I'm enjoying life and don't feel like there's an empty spot waiting to be filled.

I got a 50th high school reunion booklet a few months ago (class of '66). Of course I did not attend the reunion, but they sent me the book anyway. Each page has one classmate's photo back then, their photo now, and a self written description of how life unfolded for them. I was curious and read it.

I was shocked at how poorly some of the most brilliant and hardworking of my classmates did, in their careers. I didn't expect that. It's not that they were failures but they did not turn out to be the inspirational, spectacular stars that I expected. Their careers appeared to have boring, average ones through which they plodded until they could retire. Some are still working.

Likewise, some of those who appeared to be boring in high school and who did little more than attend, with their eternal C's and lack of creativity, rose like a shooting star once they got out and actually made a difference in the world. Hmm! Never expected that.

My conclusion is that in high school, we really didn't know each other. We were too busy studying and trying to survive adolescence.

Also I was surprised that over 10% are dead already.

 

[Just_Steve]

Although I and a group of 6 other childhood friends get together a few times a year none of them are school friends. I didn't like the people in school then and I'm sure I wouldn't like them much now.

 

[LOL!]

I'm not on FB nor linkedn, so I don't get requests from HS friends.

But today while out walking the dog I unexpectedly ran into a college acquaintance from 40 years ago and her husband. We walked another 30 min together and chatted.

I guess with no obligations set up nor expected by either party it is no big deal.

 

[Walt34]

While I don't connect much with old friends DW does. They reconnected via Facebook and have lunches together two or three times a year. I don't have a Facebook account at all and rely on DW telling me about family information.

I've never been to a HS reunion as I just have little interest in it.

 

[Out of Steam]

My experience has been mixed. I've had fun spending time with a pretty successful group of people I went to school with from 7th grade through high school.

On the other side, Facebook connections with people from my immediate neighborhood have been awkward. People who knew me well usually accept that I've ended up in a very different place from where they knew me. More casual acquaintences tend to get frustrated with me, and often disappear of their own accord.

 

[Dawg52]

I have only one of my teenage friends on Facebook, and even that person I rarely see.

I reconnected with a childhood friend on Facebook a year or so ago. She moved to AZ around 1970. I was best friends with her brother and just knew her through him. I only joined FB a couple of years ago and within no time she stumbled onto me. I've enjoyed chatting with her and catching up on her family.

 

[athena53]

I was shocked at how poorly some of the most brilliant and hardworking of my classmates did, in their careers. I didn't expect that. It's not that they were failures but they did not turn out to be the inspirational, spectacular stars that I expected. Their careers appeared to have boring, average ones through which they plodded until they could retire. Some are still working.

Likewise, some of those who appeared to be boring in high school and who did little more than attend, with their eternal C's and lack of creativity, rose like a shooting star once they got out and actually made a difference in the world. Hmm! Never expected that.

This. The class goofball, who got himself into the yearbook picture of the National Honor Society even though he wasn't a member, is now a high-powered Ph.D. microbiologist who goes off to conferences in various places in the world (per his FB posts). The class President got a law degree and was with a large firm for quite awhile but now has been in a series of jobs for which he seems overqualified.

One of the most popular girls was widowed at an early age with 3 kids and was apparently in something like social work. I overheard her telling someone she was having a hard time paying her mortgage.

I DID immediately ask the woman who'd been hell-bent on being a doctor (a radical aspiration in 1971) if she had. Yes, she was!

 

[travelover]

I recounted recently that a grade school friend looked me up on Linkedin. We got together for coffee and had a great time reminiscing about our childhood friends. He wasn't a jerk then and isn't a jerk now, so it was fun and flattering that he cared enough to look me up. I'll probably never see him again as I'm moving cross country, but I'm glad we met one last time.

 

[Walt34]

Likewise, some of those who appeared to be boring in high school and who did little more than attend, with their eternal C's and lack of creativity, rose like a shooting star once they got out and actually made a difference in the world. Hmm! Never expected that.

This reminds me of a story I read about many years ago. The guy who was voted "Least likely to succeed" became a very successful restaurant chain owner and became quite wealthy. Some one asked how he did and and he replied:

"Easy. I buy a steak for $10 and sell it for $20. That way I always make fifty per cent".

Presumably his accountant was better at math than he was.

 

[TrophyWife]

I think memories, especially if they are good, are better left undisturbed. I contacted a few friends on facebook and it was just weird as we had nothing in common.

I did contact a girl that I had been mean to in 6th grade. I was able to apologize but never met up with her in person.

I did enjoy having coffee with one friend I was close to in junior high but our lives are very different and we have little in common now. She did clear up some reasons that we drifted apart and that closed some questions for me. That was positive.

 

[Choices]

I do not have any contact with my old high school buds. I caught up with their lives at our 35th and found I have nothing in common with them. I have not gone to any reunions since.
Many just kinda stayed in state while I took off.... a bunch are dead and close to 10 percent cannot be located! I guess they do not care either.
The dumb kid who worked construction during summers is a very successful contractor, the guy I was sooooo in love with has a PHD and is an entrepreneur and one gal who was pretty middle of the road scholastically started and runs a non profit that helps kids. I use these examples to show my kids that you can never tell how people will end up. Even an old hippie flake like their mom can turn out okay

 

[littleb]

One annoying thing. Since the advent if Facebook, I've had two old boyfriends try to get me to add them to my contacts. One has the gall to send requests regularly! Both broke up with me. Not one word since. And now, you think I want to "friend" you on FB to what...satisfy your curiosity about what I'm doing now? To soothe your conscience about being a huge jerk to me? Or to just have me in your contact list just because you can...I think it's inconsiderate and disrespectful and says a lot about those people. But I've got the power to calmly delete their request, never to think about them again until this topic comes up ��

Hmmm I contacted a guy I dated in high school that I dumped. However, I contacted him on a classmates forum not Facebook and apologized to him. Yes, to clear my conscious because sometimes when you are young and immature you treat people badly. He was a good guy and it bothered me for years how I treated him. He was very gracious and accepted my apology. He married a wonderful woman and had three kids so his life worked out great.

 

[AutumnElf]

Well that's nice. Perhaps I should take that method? Ugh my experience and senses tell me to just leave it alone though. I'm never on Facebook anyway so I hardly think about it.

 

[athena53]

A bit long-winded but I have to tell this one.

In college I dated a guy a couple of times when he and I met in a class my senior year. He was an Engineering major and I don't think he had much dating experience but we enjoyed each others' company. Perfectly platonic- I think he was too scared to try and go beyond that. We drifted apart after graduation in 1975; in 1978 I moved to the East Coast.

When I was adding contacts to LinkedIn, I thought of him and sent him a note. He later said that that e-mail had been like a lightning bolt. All those 30+ years he'd been beating himself over the head for losing contact with me, thought I was furious at him, said I was the great "what-if" in his life. He'd found references to me on the Internet (I never did change my last name through 2 marriages) but hadn't contacted me.

We met a couple of times when he was in my area- with my husband's knowledge and support. Haven't seen him for maybe 5 years. He's married but it sounds pretty dead. No fantasies on my side about running off with him- he's way too talkative for my temperament so I think we'd drive each other nuts- but we e-mail frequently. Never anything that I wouldn't want his wife to see- he gives me long missives on home and auto repair questions and I think he gets a vicarious thrill reading about my travels and my participation in local athletic events (such as tomorrow's 35-mile Tour de Bier bike ride).

I'm still stunned and a little flattered that he had such vivid memories of me all those years and glad that I could put his mind at ease.

 

[MRG]

We moved away before our first reunion(we graduated together) and have never been to one. We went back to the area for our 30th, but bailed on attending. Instead we went to our one really great friends place and watched black bears in his yard.

There was a bunch of our old crowd there so it was a reunion. Better yet, just the folks we liked. Since then I have connected with some on FB. Most are still living in the same small town, small mindset we left 40 years ago. I guess I'm grateful for where I'm from!

On another hand I have an old buddy like you describe. I gave him an ultimatum 15~ years ago(don't call me when you get drunk....). Haven't heard from him since. I'd like to call as I just learned his DW passed away last year. However based on his past behavior he's not a healthy person for me to hang around with.

 

[FUEGO]

Yep. My best friend growing up. Last I heard from him, he was calling me at my parents' house from jail and begging me to please call his mom to bail him out because she wouldn't pick up the phone from an unknown number. I made that difficult phone call to his mom (who I knew pretty well from spending so much time at their house growing up). Haven't heard from him since other than a facebook friend request and a "hey we should hang out sometime" message that I didn't respond to.

He got really into drugs and the party scene right as I was getting serious in college. That time he called me from jail I just randomly happened to be visiting my parents' house for the day. From the sparse details I see on facebook he's engaged to some zany chick and working a minimum wage job while "pursuing art".

 

[Elbata]

I didn't finish traditional high school (in MD), so my peers were those in grade school. Many of the same classmates for 7 years, though lost contact shortly after.

A few years ago I'm in downtown LA with wife and our golden. Two women walk over and ask to pet the dog. Strike up a conversation and lo and behold, one of them was my classmate from ~50 years ago.

I was so happy, I started to cry. Couldn't believe it.

I think we made five back and forths on FB and never heard from each other again.

 

[timo2]

Also I was surprised that over 10% are dead already.

My high school alumni group found me and sends updates on the class. My class of 1971 has at least 13% that are dead (they can't find some people so we don't know about them). That should convince anyone to start enjoying life if they are not already!! ( I'm retiring in less than a month, so I'm off to a new start there)