Fed up with my nephew.....!

[Lsbcal]

Here in Spain it is assumed that family has to put up with a lot, and, for them, hosting "now and then" a nephew is nothing to get upset about. It´s something that you take in stride.They say that they would happily do the same for me. But of couse I wouldn´t allow my son to crash whenever he liked in my siblings´s houses for the reasons that my nephew does: just to be with his girlfriend

Hi Vincente, I read through the posts and this seemed to stick out. As an American who has no strong cultural understanding of Spain, this is kind of fascinating. Have you asked some Spanish friends about their opinions on your specific case? Perhaps they would be more insightful? If you could see a family counselor in Spain what do you think they would advise?

Just some questions, you do not have to answer them here if you'd rather not. I know how you might feel, asking about a family matter and getting well meaning advise that is hard on the ears and perhaps a bit embarrassing to receive. My condolences on your plight. There is always the chance your nephew will not return and will remember his uncle as a nice guy.

P.S. I don't know about youth unemployment in Spain right now but Spanish unemployment is > 20%.

 

[samclem]

What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?

Yes!
- Workout/exercise room (lots of barbells and iron purchased secondhand. "Doctors orders--I gotta work out! You can sleep on the workout bench when I'm not here, it's softer than it looks")
- Hobby room for you and DW. Quick, fill it up with something.
- TV/media room.
- Live-in maid.
- Take in a "boarder." Just get some old suitcases and sprinkle some clothes around. "The money really comes in handy. He's out of the house right now, but he and his friends will be back soon. Nice guys, but a litte rough. I don't know why they hate folks from Madrid so much. So prejudiced. So violent. It's a pity about Miguel . . ."

And, I'm not sick of hearing about the problem (if you're not tired of our crackpot suggestions). Good luck!

 

[rescueme]

Now I'm curious. Would you care to share with us what caused him to leave?

omni

He read the comments on this thread ....

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

I see that some of you are getting as fed up with me as I of my nephew. Next time i post I¨ll be the chirpy, cheery, easygoing guy this Forum deserves.

Note: My nephew has left, but not for good. He´ll be back again, sooner rather than later.

QUICK! Change the locks!

Vincente, please do not get ruffled. I can see that there are cultural differences here, in addition to family issues. It is interesting that it is hard for you to discuss the issue with dear nephew.

I favor a diplomatic approach, in steps if necessary. I remember that my family was very tolerant, but not necessarily silently, of me when I was a youth. I am anticipating a difficult situation with our daughter and her husband soon. I hope to be as patient with them as my elders were with me.

 

[vicente solano]

What are you going to do with the room he was using? Have you considered using it in a way that makes it not available if he wants to return?

A couple of years ago, that room was being occupied by my mother in law, who was terminally sick, but he didn´t thought that a deterrant/ an obstacle , and spent a week sleeping on a couch....

 

[Alan]

A couple of years ago, that room was being occupied by my mother in law, who was terminally sick, but he didn´t thought that a deterrant/ an obstacle , and spent a week sleeping on a couch....

A week on a couch is a lot different than living with you for many months. We moved into a small place as soon as the kids left home, and when they visit they have to sleep on a couch. I'm not suggesting you move house, but I do think that putting the room to another use is a good idea. If/when he comes back to stay then he should be made to sleep on the couch.

You could maybe even buy a couch that is particularly uncomfortable to sleep on

 

[Redbugdave]

Vicente...Now that he is out, the worst part is over. When or if he decides to come back just tell him a simple "no". Now, it will be much easier knowing what to expect before he gets his foot in and how you will handle it.

Here's an analogy...Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!

You have a right to feel as you do, and you should not have to be unhappy because of others. Simply put.

 

[arebelspy]

Vicente...Now that he is out, the worst part is over. When or if he decides to come back just tell him a simple "no". Now, it will be much easier knowing what to expect before he gets his foot in and how you will handle it.

Here's an analogy...Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!

You have a right to feel as you do, and you should not have to be unhappy because of others. Simply put.

I think you have that backwards...

 

[Redbugdave]

Hey! You are right Arebelspy! That explains why I keep getting taken advantage, too! Ha!