Finding Contentment...I guess that is the goal??

[thefed]

the book i mentioned (which was previously mentioned to me in this thread) Eckhart Tolle : A New World, can help with worriers as well... a lot of things in that book are effective when applied to emotions and thoughts like worry

 

[audreyh1]

I do think my fretting over my ER plans is due in part to my not being convinced that anything has really changed on Wall Street. I'm doing my part, pouring in as much money as I can but I have this feeling that some very greedy and soul-less people are gambling with my money. It's not an up-front obsessive worry, more of a niggly-naggly back of the mind thing.

Well, I think you are probably right about nothing has really changed on Wall Street. But that doesn't really bother me too much, and I am retired and totally dependent on my investments. The best plan I have is to use mutual funds and be diversified across industries, asset classes, international, etc.

Sure Wall Street seems pretty crooked, but most of my investments are in US and international businesses, not in Wall Street directly. I'm also not happy about how much weaker shareholders are today compared to decades past, and how most professional CEOs set themselves up to enrich themselves at the expense of their shareholders. That, unfortunately, seems to be the consequence of investing trends today that own company stock through indirect, passive mechanisms like mutual funds. But since I'm not ready to become an activist shareholder and git after anybody, I choose to let it go.

But somehow, recognizing these issues doesn't cause me to experience bad feelings or worry. It's just the way it is.

Audrey

 

[ziggy29]

Excellent book - your post reminded me that I already have it. I got it out last night. Thanks for the reminder.

As Audrey said, worry is a habit - I need to re-read the book and remind myself of that more often.

Yes, I've been struggling with worry and anxiety recently, mostly related to my wife quitting her job a few weeks ago -- no discussion, no consensus, she just came home telling me she was having a particularly bad day and she quit -- after more than a year of looking for something. I've had some trouble sleeping lately, worrying that now if I lose *my* job we have no backup paycheck or health insurance.

I've been trying to find a lot of "self help" in this area and I've also taken to posting a passage from the Bible (Matt. 6:25-34) near my computer screen at my desk. It helps remind me that I need to let go of what I really can't change anyway...

 

[Martha]

Generalized worry isn't any good and can be a habit that with work maybe can be overcome. Specific worries about specific issues can be different. You may feel disappointed to angry and mildly concerned to "lose sleep over it" worried, depending on the circumstances. In those kind of close to home situations I work on acknowledging that the weight is there, it makes sense, and instead thinking about it over and over again I try to put it in a mental room and shut the door for a while. Keeping busy helps keep the door shut.

Most discontent that I feel usually is a signal that I should be doing something different from what I am doing. But sometimes I live with a degree of dissonance.

FWIW.

 

[NW-Bound]

Yes, I've been struggling with worry and anxiety recently, mostly related to my wife quitting her job a few weeks ago -- no discussion, no consensus, she just came home telling me she was having a particularly bad day and she quit -- after more than a year of looking for something

Uh oh!

That does not sound right, but then your wife might have her reasons.

 

[NW-Bound]

Well, hopefully I won't be living in the trailer. Recently paid off the house, so I plan to stay put!

Make it a small RV and have a great time, like many whose blogs I have found on the Web.

 

[Midpack]

Ah yes, a little bit of Buddhist wisdom there.

Fed, you might find the following books of wisdom interesting. You actually might find your answers in them as well.

A New Earth, Eckard Tolle. (IMHO, a brilliant book)

Any book by Pema Chodron. She is a Buddhist who writes in a manner that type A Americans can understand and relate to.

No idea why this jumped out at me, but I checked it out at the library, why not - it's free. Read it, and listened to webcast discussion on it, free online.

What an incredible, fascinating book - completely different than my typical reading choices. How I can have that many Aha! moments after 55 years on this earth from one book just floors me. Where the hell have I been? I just ordered my own copy online to refer to again in the months ahead. Amazing, thanks Oldbabe!!! WOW...

BTW, almost done reading Live Like a Fruit Fly/Berman which is like A New Earth (very) Light. A New Earth is deep, takes focus to read it, highly worthwhile.

And Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[thefed]

No idea why this jumped out at me, but I checked it out at the library, why not - it's free. Read it, and listened to webcast discussion on it, free online.

What an incredible, fascinating book - completely different than my typical reading choices. How I can have that many Aha! moments after 55 years on this earth from one book just floors me. Where the hell have I been? I just ordered my own copy online to refer to again in the months ahead. Amazing, thanks Oldbabe!!! WOW...

BTW, almost done reading Live Like a Fruit Fly/Berman which is like A New Earth (very) Light. A New Earth is deep, takes focus to read it, highly worthwhile.

And Merry Christmas everyone.

That's what I'm sayin! I've been pushing this book on the few people in my life I know can appreciate it....I really was impressed. I plan to re-read it here soon and glean some more from it

 

[Midpack]

That's what I'm sayin! I've been pushing this book on the few people in my life I know can appreciate it....I really was impressed. I plan to re-read it here soon and glean some more from it

Understandable IMO, this book is not for everyone. Even the author says you will know if it's for you after reading chapter 1, if not, there is no point in continuing (BTW, how many authors do you know who would say that about their own book?). If someone had given me this book 20 years ago I would have laughed. And even this time, I had to read the first few pages several times and even then thought huh? But I pushed through and it all hit me reading chapters 2 and 3. Incredible...but I don't intend to push it on anyone. Fortunately, DW picked it up and I am hoping she will read it through, I think it could be a revelation to her.


Among the things I learned:

• I've known what makes me happy all my adult life, but never why. Now I know exactly why, which makes it much easier to differentiate those activities. Can't wait to explore.
• I understand myself, and others much better, by better understanding ego and consciousness. I am seeing differences in how people, especially strangers, respond to me - I am more peaceful, and hope to become even more so.
• I have even less fear of aging, I will grow in other, far more satisfying ways. I look forward to this growth, I have a long way to go.

 

[thefed]

Understandable IMO, this book is not for everyone. Even the author says you will know if it's for you after reading chapter 1, if not, there is no point in continuing (BTW, how many authors do you know who would say that about their own book?). If someone had given me this book 20 years ago I would have laughed. And even this time, I had to read the first few pages several times and even then thought huh?go.

reading the amazon reviews prepared me for his abrasive language...and it helped me not be put-off. and i agree on the parts that really stood out...i remember setting the book down around page 60 or 70 and saying 'wow'!! i need to really think about this. beyond that, it got really, really repetitive at times, but was still helpful

 

[Helen]

I have this on hold at the library. I don't know if this is a good time to read it or not as my Mother passed away a few weeks ago.

If it isn't the right time, I'll return it and check it out again later.

 

[Orchidflower]

Check out Myth #9:

Myths, Lies and Straight Talk - ABC News


I always had such a strong need to achieve that I went thru some years pretty similar to the fed. I didn't realize how bad it was until this Xmas when my son seemed shocked at his Xmas gifts and how well chosen they were--without him telling me what he wanted. I'm sitting here eldercaring and calm with the time to really introspect and put some thoughts into what I do now.
Usually he has to tell me what he wants and I get it. Why wasn't I more creative before? How can you sit down and plan gifts when you are so obsessed with work?
It's taken me 5 years to calm down from the incredibly hectic pace I always kept up with business. 5 years! I think that's a long time to take to unwind now that I look at it. But, then again, it was 40+ working years, so maybe it isn't alarming.
I see how unbalanced my life was before as I was work obsessed. Never taking enough time for myself or my health (I was just lucky to inherit some good health genes). Friends kept mentioning it, but I was on such a treadmill and I couldn't stop as I had too many responsibilities for years and years. Too many clients, too many employees, too much pressure.
I'm just glad it's over now.

And I totally believe posters who say get an animal as they calm you down. My Tiger was such a joy to pet, play with and he would wait for me when he heard my car. So worth having an animal, which is a different kind of love than you get from your children.
And, having been there, Kahn's idea of sitting and watching the squirrels for an hour is so smart for your mental health.
And start a regular exercise program or you'll end up dead at your desk. Then who'll be sorry?

 

[TromboneAl]

I've known what makes me happy all my adult life, but never why. Now I know exactly why, which makes it much easier to differentiate those activities. Can't wait to explore.

Can you explain the why to us?

 

[thefed]

I have this on hold at the library. I don't know if this is a good time to read it or not as my Mother passed away a few weeks ago.

If it isn't the right time, I'll return it and check it out again later.

I read this book the weekI lost 2 close relatives...I had funerals 2 thursdays ina row, and read this in between. It gave some parts much more meaning.

 

[Midpack]

Can you explain the why to us?

Without going into detail, it's activities I enjoy that also force my mind entirely into the present/now. No space in my head for distractions about other aspects in life (work, past, future, my own ego). Some examples include sailing (even more so in challenging conditions and/or solo sailing), my dog, most music, hard workouts including biking (usually), etc. Bliss...

 

[TromboneAl]

Ah, yes, that makes a lot of sense. Now I don't have to read the book.

Like the concept of "flow."

 

[audreyh1]

OK, gosh darn it! I guess I'm going to have to read that book! Otherwise, I might miss out!

I usually get into the flow thing with creative activities. Although creative activities can also be frustrating - learning to balance the two (flow or frustration) - I haven't mastered that! And if I spend too much time in intense creative mode, as exhilarating as it can be at the time, it can also be incredibly draining. I haven't learned how to manage that either.

Audrey

 

[Midpack]

Ah, yes, that makes a lot of sense. Now I don't have to read the book.

Like the concept of "flow."

OK, gosh darn it! I guess I'm going to have to read that book! Otherwise, I might miss out!

I usually get into the flow thing with creative activities. Although creative activities can also be frustrating - learning to balance the two (flow or frustration) - I haven't mastered that! And if I spend too much time in intense creative mode, as exhilarating as it can be at the time, it can also be incredibly draining. I haven't learned how to manage that either.

Audrey

Yes, but A New Earth is a lot broader than "flow" based on the link IMO. Good thing about the book, you'll know after one chapter whether or not it's for you. If not, no worries...

 

[GoodSense]

I am about 1/4 through "A New Earth" right now. It's pretty good. I find some of his thinking similar to zen principles (like separating your desires from your "self", recognizing attachments, etc.).

I also scanned his other book, "The power of now," and found it a little too spiritual-teaching-new-age-guru like.

 

[bbbamI]

I'm in the flow when I write or sketch. Haven't done very much of either one lately.

 

[Martha]

I am about 1/4 through "A New Earth" right now. It's pretty good. I find some of his thinking similar to zen principles (like separating your desires from your "self", recognizing attachments, etc.).

I also scanned his other book, "The power of now," and found it a little too spiritual-teaching-new-age-guru like.

As just another point of view, I have this real aversion to Tolle. It partly is the enlightenment profiteering guru stuff (get your Power of Now calendar!) , which really turns me off (to use new age speak). Plus, philosophically I am not a non-dualist and I do not believe in the absolute.

 

[thefed]

As just another point of view, I have this real aversion to Tolle. It partly is the enlightenment profiteering guru stuff (get your Power of Now calendar!) , which really turns me off (to use new age speak). Plus, philosophically I am not a non-dualist and I do not believe in the absolute.

yeah that really turns me off too

 

[JacqJolie]

Here's a couple of blogs that give a different (less positive) perspective on Eckhart [-]Troll[/-] er... Tolle:

Guruphiliac: Eckhart Tolle Hates Your Ego
Guru Ratings, More on Eckhart Tolle

There are many Buddhist teachers/authors out there who are much less new-agey, like Pema Chodron - and much clearer in their presentation. Like anything, you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but it helps if the baby is a bit easier to find IN the bathwater.

I don't know, I find my mind chatter kind of entertaining. But not as entertaining as most of you all!

One video that I found helpful was Byron Katie's "The Work" as I was kind of stressing, worried about whether my savings would last me the XX years I'm hoping it will (and that firecalc tells me it will). But this moment and this month and this year, I know I have enough. Anyway, here it is:

The Work of Byron Katie

 

[FUEGO]

One video that I found helpful was Byron Katie's "The Work" as I was kind of stressing, worried about whether my savings would last me the XX years I'm hoping it will (and that firecalc tells me it will). But this moment and this month and this year, I know I have enough. Anyway, here it is:

The Work of Byron Katie

Cult warning! Google this one before you get sucked into too much. There was a former coworker of mine that was nutso and he was really into this Byron Katie stuff. I've researched it a fair amount (cults interest me) and it looks like the books are ok if they work for you, but she's another highly commercialized guru who will want to sell you tickets to a $3000 "intensive training session" that has received some seriously negative criticism.

Just a friendly FYI from your neighborhood skeptic!!