It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

[Alan]

Sorry, but I need to vent!!!!

I experienced the WORST customer service today. I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed with this matter. Last night I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back and the store told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO." I asked to talk to a manager now as I was getting upset over this kid's attitude and the way he was handling me (THE CUSTOMER).
5 Minutes later, a manager came out from the back. I explained to the manager that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me, to my face, that I was "OUT OF LUCK." They would not be issuing me a refund. No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr. . I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from that store.

 

[Chuckanut]

I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back and the store told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt.

It worked exactly as it was designed to work. It took your money and transferred it to the lottery operators. Most likely it was a government run lottery, correct? If so, you are now part of a very large group of people who have successfully paid your government's optional tax.

 

[braumeister]

a very large group of people who have successfully paid your government's optional tax.

A very select group, only one of whom is born in any given minute.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Sorry, but I need to vent!!!!

I experienced the WORST customer service today. I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed with this matter. Last night I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back and the store told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO." I asked to talk to a manager now as I was getting upset over this kid's attitude and the way he was handling me (THE CUSTOMER).
5 Minutes later, a manager came out from the back. I explained to the manager that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me, to my face, that I was "OUT OF LUCK." They would not be issuing me a refund. No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr. . I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from that store.

good one!

 

[Alan]

It worked exactly as it was designed to work. It took your money and transferred it to the lottery operators. Most likely it was a government run lottery, correct? If so, you are now part of a very large group of people who have successfully paid your government's optional tax.

Just to be clear, it wasn't really me, this was a joke

 

[Car-Guy]

Just to be clear, it wasn't really me, this was a joke

It had me going too and I was wondering why this was in the funny joke thread, of course until I read the last line or the punch line...


I mean, what could be more legitimate than complaining about poor customer services these days.

 

[TromboneAl]

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

“Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

 

[Walt34]

When trades mix the wrong way:

 

[Walt34]

At least one advantage to aging:

 

[REWahoo]

Using my best "please don't get pissed at me" tone of voice, I asked DW this morning why she talked to herself so much.

Her response: "I want to make sure there is no misunderstanding."

 

[TromboneAl]

“Well, this woman goes to see the doctor, and she tells him what’s wrong. He has her take off her clothes and wait in another room. She’s in there, and a man comes in, also naked. She screams and covers herself up with a pillow. ‘This is crazy,’ she says, ‘I got a splinter in my finger, and the doctor made me take all my clothes off.’ ‘Tell me about it,’ says the man. ‘I came here to tune the piano.’”

 

[Nemo2]

A seven-year-old boy asked his Mom, "How was I born, Mommy?"

Mom smiled and said, "Once upon a time your Daddy and I had a wonderful time and we planted a little seed. Daddy buried it, and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while, the seed began to grow beautifully and it turned into a healthy leafy plant.


So, we dried it, smoked it, got high, and forgot to use a condom."

 

[Walt34]

Retirement dreams:

 

[TromboneAl]

I think I heard both these jokes when I was around ten. I've added them to my work-in-progress. It's a conversation between the main character and his deaf twin as they're waiting to go skydiving.

 

[Clone]

I sat down next to a (much) older woman at the mall. We started small talk, as she watched to the folks strolling past. A young couple wandered past, and she remarked- you know, I offered to buy a friend a new phone, if they would just manage to get me laid one last time! I thought to myself, what a sad existence this must be, and how can I plan things and socialize such that I never have such needs. And I thought how lonely some folks must get, and how fortunate I am to have the friends and connections that I have. And I felt better about myself.


-Sent from my iPhone XI

 

[frayne]

I sat down next to a (much) older woman at the mall. We started small talk, as she watched to the folks strolling past. A young couple wandered past, and she remarked- you know, I offered to buy a friend a new phone, if they would just manage to get me laid one last time! I thought to myself, what a sad existence this must be, and how can I plan things and socialize such that I never have such needs. And I thought how lonely some folks must get, and how fortunate I am to have the friends and connections that I have. And I felt better about myself.


-Sent from my iPhone XI

We need a poll on the frequency of geriatric sex. Asking for a friend.

 

[Car-Guy]

We need a poll on the frequency of geriatric sex. Asking for a friend.

Ask your "friend" if that poll needs to be measured "per annum" so that "he" can have a measurable scale of frequency.

 

[frayne]

Ask your "friend" if that poll needs to be measured "per annum" so that "he" can have a measurable scale of frequency.

Friend said yes on the per annum and also with a qualifier that the nasty act must include a partner, opposite or same sex, going alone doesn't count and farm animals are a disqualifier with those offenders being placed in the forum time out section, known as "The Barn."

 

[Clone]

We need a poll on the frequency of geriatric sex. Asking for a friend.

In the context of the joke, I should be OK until the iPhone XII comes out!

 

[HFWR]

Friend said yes on the per annum and also with a qualifier that the nasty act must include a partner, opposite or same sex, going alone doesn't count and farm animals are a disqualifier with those offenders being placed in the forum time out section, known as "The Barn."

That’s so ba-a-a-a-d... [emoji207]

 

[aja8888]

We need a poll on the frequency of geriatric sex. Asking for a friend.

Well, set up a poll then!

 

[Keim]

Well, set up a poll then!

Tried. Couldn't get the poll up.

 

[aja8888]

Tried. Couldn't get the poll up.

How do I create a new poll?

When you post a new thread, you may also have the option to create a poll.

This allows you to ask a question and specify a number of possible responses. Other members will then be able to vote for the response they wish, and the results of the voting will be displayed in the thread.

An example poll might be:

What is your favorite color?

Red
Blue
Yellow
Green
Sky-blue
Pink with yellow spots

To create a poll when you post a new thread, simply click the 'Yes, post a poll with this thread' checkbox at the bottom of the page, and set the number of possible responses you want to include.

When you click the submit button, you will be taken to the poll creation page, where you can specify the question and the list of responses you want to include.

You may also want to specify a time limit for the poll, so that (for example) it stays open for voting for only a week.

 

[Keim]

How do I create a new poll?

When you post a new thread, you may also have the option to create a poll.

This allows you to ask a question and specify a number of possible responses. Other members will then be able to vote for the response they wish, and the results of the voting will be displayed in the thread.

An example poll might be:

What is your favorite color?

Red
Blue
Yellow
Green
Sky-blue
Pink with yellow spots

To create a poll when you post a new thread, simply click the 'Yes, post a poll with this thread' checkbox at the bottom of the page, and set the number of possible responses you want to include.

When you click the submit button, you will be taken to the poll creation page, where you can specify the question and the list of responses you want to include.

You may also want to specify a time limit for the poll, so that (for example) it stays open for voting for only a week.

You may have missed the joke.

 

[aja8888]

You may have missed the joke.

Somehow, I missed it. Brain going soft.