It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

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:LOL::LOL:

Looks like a new Barbie doll just came out....


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Car-Guy said:
He was a little before my time.... Glad you can remember him....:)
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I recall him coming home from his first day at kindergarten, climbing on my lap, and saying "Have you heard this one?" :LOL:
 
RunningBum said:
Where's Skipper to hold her hair?
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Funny you say that, someone else had responded to the joke on another forum and said they'll probably come out with a “Hoping to score Ken” to hold her hair. :)
 
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:LOL::LOL::LOL:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off to work. The "man" should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and sit down. Would you like a coffee before we start?"
"Yes please, 2 sugars"
When she brought the coffee in, she asked blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bath, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too... you can really spread out!"
"Bath? Living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." She said.
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, my, that's a lot of..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus and this one was done on the lawn."
"Oh my gawd!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling, I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your ...um...equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
 
:LOL::LOL:


A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental.
He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!"
The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."
 
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz the other one wasn't wearing a mask.

Why did Mrs Chicken cross the road? Cuz Mr. Chicken was cluckin' around.



I'll be here all night folks.
 
:LOL:

This one isn't that funny but it is perfect for ER.Org



An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, Senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing
and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, Senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions, Senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
 
:LOL: Another old one...

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's two weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, he was the "Pizza" delivery guy from Domino's.
 
Car-Guy said:
:LOL:

This one isn't that funny but it is perfect for ER.Org



An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, Senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing
and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, Senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
"Millions, Senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
Click to expand...

^ This joke has been posted so many times on E-R.org we should probably assign it a nickname or number for all future postings. :)

https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/its-funny-joke-thursday-20756-168.html#post1418507
https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/put-in-perspective-56952.html
https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/the-rat-race-explained-21645.html
https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/i-thought-this-story-both-timely-and-timeless-89927.html
https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/a-parable-about-lbym-79251.html
 
No doubt I've post some duplicates (sorry about that) but I'm not about to scan 5000+ posts to check... Hey at least the same jokes don't pop up nearly as often as some questions around here like "When should I take SS" or "Should I take the annuity or the lump sum"....
 
Car-Guy said:
No doubt I've post some duplicates (sorry about that) but I'm not about to scan 5000+ posts to check... Hey at least the same jokes don't pop up nearly as often as some questions around here like "When should I take SS" or "Should I take the annuity or the lump sum"....
Click to expand...

Don't let it worry you! Most members are so old they can't remember most jokes for more than a day or so! Keep bringing them!! :D
 
 
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