Not my problem?

[Lisa99]

No, it's because we don't really read the question, or are eager to discuss what we are thinking about. This is a shocking trend, and we're all a bunch of threadholes here.

I, for one, am speaking up about it.

This phenomenon isn't just with forums. It's in everyday face-to-face conversation as well.

I don't talk a lot so spend a fair amount of time listening to those around me talking. It's amazing how often people talk to each other yet they seem to be having two completely different conversations!

 

[unclemick]

I like the part where I ignore the 10 item sign cause the sweetie motioned me over to her THEN empty register.

Of course THEN customers matialize out of nowhere. Where upon I do my best Godfather rountine - or my 'go pound sand look.'

"Never apologize Mr Cahill. It's a sign of weakness."

heh heh heh - I never blow them a kiss while driving anymore - sometimes they pull guns.

 

[Nords]

It's amazing how often people talk to each other yet they seem to be having two completely different conversations!

Reminds me of parenting a teenager...

 

[Amethyst]

That's funny - I've never seen a single line with 8 registers, and you've never seen anything else! Maybe it is because we are on opposite sides of the country I'm afraid that where I shop, a line for 8 self-check registers would reach to the back of the store

Incivility at the self-checkout: We will not use the self-checkout at our local Home Depot because the woman assigned to "help" customers, has an abrasive manner. She doesn't come over, just brays useless "instructions" from a distance in such a loud voice that everyone else turns around and looks. Neither of us can stand this - we don't want to be noticed. I suppose we could complain to the management, but hey, they can hear her too!

Amethyst

All the self check registers in my area use the single queue method. There are about a half dozen stores I frequent with self-check and they all work this way. In fact, I have never seen a self check with separate queues. I assumed it was to make it easier on the one store employee overseeing the multiple registers, because around here they all have a single queue to feed the self-check stations. Regular checkout still uses a separate queue for each checker in each of these places.

 

[Chuckanut]

I'm not saying teachers are the source, they just educate our kids and teach what they are told to. Text books are full of this kind of bias.

I think we need some objective documentation to back this up.

 

[Chuckanut]

Sometimes I think that we have a downward spiral going here, in which the the first generation of kids that were not taught well have now become teachers. Think so?

No.

 

[JOHNNIE36]

Midpack, getting back to the point of your thread, I have made a resolution. I will forever give up getting frustrated over a customer having too many items to be in a certain line, I will always hold the door for someone, I will always says please and thank you and hereby promise to be considerate of others. Life is too short to be so uptight about these little things. Thanks for the great thread.

 

[Nords]

Incivility at the self-checkout: We will not use the self-checkout at our local Home Depot ...

I manage to lock those things up three out of four times, to the point where it's faster to wait in line for a human cashier.

BTW I suspect the "self checkout cashier" is put over there because they don't work well with others, and they're exiled over there until it occurs to them to quit.

 

[Rustward]

BTW I suspect the "self checkout cashier" is put over there because they don't work well with others, and they're exiled over there until it occurs to them to quit.

At the store we use the most, it is obvious to even the most causal observer (us -- well maybe we are more observant than others, but hey), that the "self checkout cashier" job is rotated among employees -- it may be different elsewhere. We just don'k know how the rotation is determined. But there are some of the self checkout cashiers that work very well with others, even in the regular checkout lines.

 

[FreeAtLast]

I have to admit I have gone in the express line with more than ten items. I was a single dad working Full time stopping at the market almost every day to pick up a few items. My daily number of items was usually less than ten but in a few instances was probably 20 or more. The last thing on my mind was to count the items I bought. The cashier reminded me one day and I tried harder to comply.

 

[Bestwifeever]

Midpack, getting back to the point of your thread, I have made a resolution. I will forever give up getting frustrated over a customer having too many items to be in a certain line, I will always hold the door for someone, I will always says please and thank you and hereby promise to be considerate of others. Life is too short to be so uptight about these little things. Thanks for the great thread.

Great philosophy. Sometimes when I whine to my laidback, always happy son about something trivial, he tells me to just get over it, and I realize he is right.

 

[urn2bfree]

I have to admit I have gone in the express line with more than ten items. I was a single dad working Full time stopping at the market almost every day to pick up a few items. My daily number of items was usually less than ten but in a few instances was probably 20 or more. The last thing on my mind was to count the items I bought. The cashier reminded me one day and I tried harder to comply.

Ok, so I don't want to pick on this poster and I am sure you are a good guy who really has not thought out the implications of what you posted. but being a "single dad working Full time" is irrelevant to the rules. Lots of people in that store have other demands on their time. This is not an excuse to be oblivious to the rules and structure that are there for the benefit of all. Your answer implied or at least made it easy to infer that you think that your life situation made that inconsiderate behavior somehow excusable. The counting of items may have been last on your mind, but the effect your actions had on others never even made the list. It is good that once reminded by the cashier you started considering others, or tried to.
Again, coming back to the scofflaws who smoke In inappropriate places at the hospital- they often suggest that whatever real stresses they are experiencing--and they are real at a hospital- somehow makes the rule not applicable to them.
NO. The rule is not just there for the unstressed or the unbusy...it is there for a reason or there is no reason for anyone to follow it. The more people try to rationalize why this or that rule does not apply to them, the more disordered and difficult it is for all. And those who would accept or look the other way are enablers.

 

[WanderALot]

Ok, since we're venting. I've been doing this for a while now and it just makes me feel good. Picture a two-lane road that is being merged into a single lane after a traffic light. There are those little merge arrows painted on the road before and after the traffic light. While stopped at the light, some douche will invariably drive on the soon-disappear lane and cut in front of everyone else when the light turns green. So what do I do? I block the lane so no one can pass. On more than one occasion I have gotten dirty looks from other "law-abiders" when they thought that I was going to cut in front of everyone before they realized that I was trying to prevent someone else from doing it.

DW hates it when I do this!

 

[obgyn65]

Same here. I don't think I would have spoken up. There are more important things in life than waiting lines at your favorite stores. I don't care if someone is using the wrong line at my store.

If something bothers you and you don't speak up, imho you don't really have a problem with it. I don't think I would have spoken up. Are we going to hell in a handbasket because people are selfish? Who knows.

 

[ChiliPepr]

Ok, since we're venting. I've been doing this for a while now and it just makes me feel good. Picture a two-lane road that is being merged into a single lane after a traffic light. There are those little merge arrows painted on the road before and after the traffic light. While stopped at the light, some douche will invariably drive on the soon-disappear lane and cut in front of everyone else when the light turns green. So what do I do? I block the lane so no one can pass. On more than one occasion I have gotten dirty looks from other "law-abiders" when they thought that I was going to cut in front of everyone before they realized that I was trying to prevent someone else from doing it.

DW hates it when I do this!

So, it is two lanes before the light where you are blocking people? You are doing this to stop someone from reaching the point where the lanes merge? I would think that if the city wanted there to be only one lane before the light, they would have put merge and have only one lane before the light.

I would say I agree with your wife.

 

[donheff]

So, it is two lanes before the light where you are blocking people? You are doing this to stop someone from reaching the point where the lanes merge? I would think that if the city wanted there to be only one lane before the light, they would have put merge and have only one lane before the light.

I would say I agree with your wife.

+1 All moving over early does is move the bottleneck back. If I pulled behind someone blocking two lanes I would pull quickly around them after the light. It seems exceedingly dumb to me that drivers will slow down in a merge lane far before the end to try to work their way into a backed up lane next to them. They simply succeed in transferring the merge back to a point the road designers did not intend. Why not proceed to the merge as intended? Another nasty aspect of blocking both lanes is that in some cases your may be preventing someone else from making a right turn on red, also as planned in the road design.

 

[sheehs1]

I'll probably repeat what a lot have already said. The cashier talking to her sidekick about her "night out" or holding a conversation with someone while checking me out annoys me. I've yet to say anything but if I did it would be something like "you are on my time while you are checking my items out" or "isn't your break in 30 minutes"? I always help bag my own items to speed things up. A couple of times, Ive said, "Does the store give me 5% off for bagging my own groceries?" (meaning while you stand their chit chatting?").
Another: Carts left in parking spaces in the parking lot such that the spaces are not useable. Usually can't say anything as the culprit is no longer around.
Another: Handicapped parking. I have said something. Usually it's something like: "Ya know, that space is for someone that is truly handicapped and you look o.k. to me.
That said, There was recently an altercation at one of our local grocery stores. An elderly couple said something to this guy who was breaking the rules. This guy waiting for them outside and proceeded to push, shove, knock down...to the point the police were called.
Have to pick your battles based on "how sane" the person looks!"

 

[sheehs1]

Ok, since we're venting. I've been doing this for a while now and it just makes me feel good. Picture a two-lane road that is being merged into a single lane after a traffic light. There are those little merge arrows painted on the road before and after the traffic light. While stopped at the light, some douche will invariably drive on the soon-disappear lane and cut in front of everyone else when the light turns green. So what do I do? I block the lane so no one can pass. On more than one occasion I have gotten dirty looks from other "law-abiders" when they thought that I was going to cut in front of everyone before they realized that I was trying to prevent someone else from doing it.

DW hates it when I do this!

LOL! I've been known to do the same. I get over just enough to make it difficult for the person to break in the line/lane.

 

[Midpack]

I give up...it was never about minor pet peeves. But clearly I have not framed the thought very well. Maybe I'll try again one day, and maybe not.

 

[ERD50]

LOL! I've been known to do the same. I get over just enough to make it difficult for the person to break in the line/lane.

+1 All moving over early does is move the bottleneck back. If I pulled behind someone blocking two lanes I would pull quickly around them after the light. It seems exceedingly dumb to me that drivers will slow down in a merge lane far before the end to try to work their way into a backed up lane next to them. They simply succeed in transferring the merge back to a point the road designers did not intend. Why not proceed to the merge as intended? Another nasty aspect of blocking both lanes is that in some cases your may be preventing someone else from making a right turn on red, also as planned in the road design.

+2 The traffic control people want you to use all that space. It feels like cheating to move up and merge, but it is the right thing to do.

This was clearer to me when I thought of it in practical engineering terms. You always try to maximize the use of limited resources in a system. That lane space is a limited resource - utilize ALL of it!

-ERD50

 

[REWahoo]

I give up...it was never about minor pet peeves. But clearly I have not framed the thought very well. Maybe I'll try again one day, and maybe not.

Previously my pet peeve was threads complaining about pet peeves, but it has now been superseded by complaints about threads not about pet peeves!

 

[ERD50]

I give up...it was never about minor pet peeves. But clearly I have not framed the thought very well. Maybe I'll try again one day, and maybe not.

Try restating the original question. Even in the OP it was kind of buried with a lot background. And we are easily distracted. How 'bout those Cubbies?

-ERD50

 

[Major Tom]

Hi - what is this thread about? I just came on to say good morning to you all.

 

[W2R]

Well an entertaining thread I suppose, nothing wrong with that. Only about 1 in 10 replies took on the basic question I was asking, but that must mean I didn't frame the question well enough (or that we can't be framed here...).

OK, let me begin by quoting your original post, and then doing my best to respond exactly to what you asked.

I've been reading a lot about how our culture in the US is evolving, for the worse IMO. But a real world example, to see how others view it?

I was in the 10 items or less line at the grocery store with others, there is a sign that you can't miss (most of you probably know where this is headed already). Hadn't noticed but when the guy checking out at the head of the line starts putting his items on the counter, I look at his cart and count 20 items before I stop counting. No one is saying anything. I struggle with 'no big deal (true enough)', 'not my business', 'maybe the cashier will act' versus 'it's because no one ever speaks up that people do things like this.' I decide it's worth at least speaking up and say loud enough for all to hear 'it must be nice that the sign only applies to the rest of us.' The guy with the cart full never makes eye contact with any of us, just keeps going. No one in line says anything, and no one makes eye contact, though most of them smile, smirk, chuckle and look down - though no one acted, the body language was all positive it seemed. After about 15 items, the cashier said to the guy, 'you know this line is for 10 items or less?' but she keeps ringing him up (I wouldn't have expected otherwise). He responds to her so quietly that we don't know what he said. When the guy finally leaves I watch and only when he's about 20 feet away does he turn around to look (presumably) at me.

I spoke up because I wonder if we've all gotten a little too 'not my problem.' Where rules, laws, etiquette used to work more effectively by going hand in hand with real time peer pressure, decades of the lack of speaking up has compromised rules, laws, etiquette and how we treat each other. The situation didn't make me angry at all, that's not why I spoke up. At most, I hoped the guy would think twice next time, and/or the cashier and others in line might speak up next time. If it happens often enough, it might help. I'm under no illusion that one instance will do much, but it has to start somewhere.

Needless to say, this isn't about grocery shopping (or pet peeves), it's a trivial example getting at citizenship. The difference between self-interest and selfishness. It conceivably extends to many more important aspects of our culture, and comes back to affect us all almost daily.

What would you have done? What should you do (if the answer is different)?

I'm prepared for every response to disagree with how I handled it, some may well conclude 'what a jackass!' And again, it's trivial in the overall scheme of things, I'm not suggesting otherwise.

Just a topic that I'm reading about and trying to understand better lately...and it can be an interesting discussion IMO.

And now for my specific responses:

What would you have done?

Either nothing, or I would have framed the rebuke as a friendlly question. Getting into verbal confrontations with strangers is not going to change anything, IMO. The carrot works better than the stick.

What should you do (if the answer is different)?

Probably just blow it off (see below comments on our changing country, to explain why).

Yes, sometimes I lose my cool and respond in a less than ideal way because I have a temper. Scolding strangers in public has never produced a result that was even encouraging, though. All it does is produce a rude response and leave me grumbling and thinking of "I should have said"s for hours or days, losing sleep, and so on.

Some things to contemplate (though they may go slightly beyond the scope of your question), are:

(1) Do people really change? Especially strangers who you only confront for a few seconds once in their lives?

(2) Although 50 years ago often we shared the same values (especially in small towns, like Mayberry RFD as an extreme example) I think that is no longer as universally true as it once was. We have changed as a country in so many ways, due to the explosion in available global news, information, and influences. Schools and parents are stuck in the middle, trying to keep up with these changes and yet bring up kids to be good citizens. I think that the type of social pressure that people respond to now, is not produced by denouncing someone for doing something that you view is wrong, because likely they do not view it as wrong. Sad, but true.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I want a gold star. I answered the question.