Trophy Spouse, Companion, or Live Alone

[Bir48die]

My wife died at age 50 (I was 51). She had a very long illness and it did not allow us to have a physical relationship for 15 years. As soon as she passed away I put my name on Match.com. By divine intervention I was sought out and hounded by a woman who was also a widow at a younger age (she's a year and a half older). I couldn't have been more blessed and we were married two years later.

We married and did not live together so I could do the right thing and set a good example for the kids on both sides. It cost us some significant money that she was getting from the VA. However we are great together and I do like the company of a woman.

Not sure what I'd do if I became a widow again. The kids are older and they would probably understand a different type of relationship than another marriage.

 

[athena53]

I'll bet there are some funny stories in there
.

One guy I do have to mention even though I already related this in the earlier discussion on dating: 71 years old, lawyer, in good shape from his picture, who observed in his profile comments that he was really looking forward to the companionship of a woman because "even though I'm ambidextrous my hands are getting tired".

Well, at least he was quite clear about his expectations.

 

[IMATERP]

I'm 3 hours away from the legal and clean cathouses of Nevada.

I'd rather be married. I enjoy being married. I miss being married.

You know, I have a coffee mug from the Cherry Patch Ranch that I got 30 years ago at a cathouse in Purhump, Nevada. That particular evening, I sat in a bar while my buddy "did his thing."

Today, I am so grateful for my marriage. I can't even imagine ever going into a "cathouse" again, or a "bar" for that matter.

Life is Good!

Michael

 

[braumeister]

not looking forward to the "sorting out" part.

As the saying goes, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince."

Best of luck!

 

[Moemg]

I was widowed at 51 and started dating a year later . After a few frogs I met my quirky SO and we have been together ever since (17 years ) . If something happened to him I would not even look I would live alone . It takes too long to break someone in.

 

[SheitlQueen]

I would probably never want to share my home full time with another husband. But I would get more cats.

Exactly what I did....got two new ones after I lost my husband. They are great companions....to a limited extent.

 

[SheitlQueen]

Life is good. I know that sounds weird. I loved my husband and we had a wonderful marriage but when you lose a wonderful husband you're forced to make a different life for yourself.

Definitely....sorry for your loss.

I'm VERY unlikely to marry again. Too many financial and legal complications, especially if he can't fund his own long-term care. It would take a heck of a man to make me want to give up my independence.

I lost my husband 3 years ago, and these are some of the reasons I wouldn't want to remarry. Plus deep down I still feel like I am married. It would be almost impossible for me to find a husband where I currently live, so more than likely I would have to move. I'm not willing to do that.
I do miss having someone to talk to , to travel with, to do things with, but I'm also am not willing to give up my independence just to fill those needs.

 

[socca]

I vote for the kitten option. Much easier to train up a cat than a husband. Husbands will jump on the countertop, no matter how often you spray them with water.

My Dad's cat will sit on the kitchen floor until my Dad leaves, and then leap onto the counter. When the cat hears my Dad approaching, he jumps down.

 

[athena53]

I do miss having someone to talk to , to travel with, to do things with, but I'm also am not willing to give up my independence just to fill those needs.

I"m doing well on the travel part-just got back from a wonderful week in Iceland, with a side trip to Greenland. DH and I had been to Iceland 2 years ago and it was one of our best trips. I'd traveled a lot on business on my own so maybe it was easier for me to slip into solo traveler mode, but I enjoyed doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted, even if I wanted to put away the map and just wander (DH's waning stamina didn't allow that) or spend extra time in the museum, using my dictionary to compare Icelandic and English words on the information plaques.

My dilemma will be the opposite: I like to travel in Business Class on long hauls. So now I've gotta find a guy who can pay his own way in Business Class if I don't want to fund another very expensive seat, or who's willing to stay home and hear about my trip when I get back. Good problem to have, I guess.

 

[Amethyst]

I do recall that. Probably thought he was being so down-to-earth and funny, while the rest of us threw up in our mouths a little from reading it.

One guy I do have to mention even though I already related this in the earlier discussion on dating: 71 years old, lawyer, in good shape from his picture, who observed in his profile comments that he was really looking forward to the companionship of a woman because "even though I'm ambidextrous my hands are getting tired".

Well, at least he was quite clear about his expectations.

 

[Amethyst]

I like this! The first time I heard "trophy" I assumed it meant "a real catch," as in "I really won the marriage lottery!" and then I found out it was meant as an insult.

+1

I went for the trophy wife the first time around. 37 years later she's still in mint condition.

 

[JoeWras]

I'm still waiting for the user with the name TrophyWife to chime in here.

 

[misanman]

My mother suffered a debilitating illness at age 39 and my father took care of her for nearly 30 years. When she passed as a result of unrelated surgery, there was no shortage of widows his age that were looking for a man. He pretty much ignored all these "suitable" companions and established a relationship with a lady half his age. While I wouldn't describe her as a trophy wife, she didn't have any health issues, which I believe was important to him. I think she was looking for someone that could afford things she could not. He included her in his will but his estate was never compromised.

While his children (me included) were perplexed and worried about how this would turn out, it made him happy so we tried to look on the bright side.

 

[aja8888]

We live in a 55+ community in a desirable community 40 miles north of Houston, TX. Currently, DW is not able to do much physically due to a variety of incapacitating illnesses so I do all the errands and walk our 15 pound dog a few times per day. We have been here 3 years.

My best "walking buddy" is a late 60's widow who lives next door. She is one of several widows I got to know just out walking the dog daily. Actually, this community is loaded with widows and most of them appear to be well off financially. I don't know of any of the ones I know as being in the "hunt" for a new husband or just a male companion (but I have never approached that in conversations with any of them). Maybe my sample is too small and I don't see the real picture. But I also have not been single for the last 20 years and only have married male friends outside of this community.

I would suspect, that if I were to be single again, I would just stay that way and be happy with the dog being my buddy. I say that now, but I suspect I would be more social with the widow population that is right at my fingertips.

Funny thing: Very few men are out doing the dog walk thing. Of course, some are dead, but I think the married ones just don't have the energy to take the dog out, or are on the golf course.

 

[pullmyfinger]

I would probably never want to share my home full time with another husband. But I would get more cats.

Another +1000! I'm definitely sticking with the cats.

 

[ls99]

A recent widower, not yet in the looking mode.

However, in dance class I get a lot of very close embraces. Noteworthy, since the instructor often notes that the closeness of the embrace is the woman's choice.

 

[Amethyst]

A relative, 74, nursed his 3rd wife for a year before her death. He has various health issues himself.

He just married No. 4 - a widow who approached him. She is 70. One of the qualities he mentioned was "she's healthy as a horse."

 

[Dash man]

I'll just live by myself and visit the kids and grandkids. Nobody could replace my wife.

 

[googily]

New-ish widow (5 months, age 51). I like hearing stories of non-remarriage companions. I can't really ever imagine getting married again, but I already have the cats and despite being able to live on my own pretty easily, I do miss someone to share stuff with. But DH was one in a million--we were so perfectly matched. And I'm not the type to settle just to have someone to talk to.

But it's a little different given that we didn't have kids--alone is ALONE. As in, who the hell is my emergency contact?

 

[Amethyst]

Please accept my condolences.

New-ish widow (5 months, age 51). ?

 

[Amethyst]

Mr. A., as everyone knows, is older than I am by a good bit. The first time I hugged him (he had helped me paint the interior rooms of my first little house that I had just bought all by myself), I braced myself for that middle-aged squishiness. And wow! He had a firm, springy waistline! I was so amazed that I hugged it again, just to make sure. He smelled good, too. Not like aftershave and bachelor food. (Yes, that is a particular fragrance).

That was the beginning of the "end"

A recent widower, not yet in the looking mode.

However, in dance class I get a lot of very close embraces. Noteworthy, since the instructor often notes that the closeness of the embrace is the woman's choice.

 

[athena53]

My best "walking buddy" is a late 60's widow who lives next door. She is one of several widows I got to know just out walking the dog daily. Actually, this community is loaded with widows and most of them appear to be well off financially. I don't know of any of the ones I know as being in the "hunt" for a new husband or just a male companion (but I have never approached that in conversations with any of them).

I think that, for a lot of widows, it's the first time they're truly independent, not on anyone else's schedule, and finally free to do what they please. I married for the first time at 31 so living alone is something I've done before and, being a but introverted, it has definite benefits. When I look back, I was also in a mild form of caregiving mode for the past few years as DH's health worsened. He'd forget to refill prescriptions (sometimes just before we were going out of town), had a balance problem so was a fall risk, was able to do less around the house so I took on more, especially after I retired. I'm so glad I was there for him and even the last couple of months of his life weren't all that intense compared to some of the stories I've heard. Still, I'm glad to have this self-indulgent time in my life right now, although I do spend a good part of my spare time doing things that benefit others. Tomorrow I'm donating platelets, which will kill the whole afternoon, but I'm so glad I can do it.

I can't imagine giving up this life, even for simple cohabitation.

 

[aja8888]

I can't imagine giving up this life, even for simple cohabitation.

I'd have to imagine that many of the widows I see frequently and know a bit about have the same view as you. Plus, they all have adult children and grandchildren to fill voids and provide family emotional support.

 

[Rustic23]

DW and I just celebrated our 50th. So if faced with this decision, I would think it would be a short time. My decision today would be live alone.

 

[Idnar7]

My DF remarried at 80 two years after my DM died of Alzheimers. He was completely lost after my DM died, having taken care of her for years. After marrying again, he lived another six years, wintering in Florida and traveling. I had lived out of state and moved back to spend time with him. If it wasn't for this marriage, he would have never lasted that long. My step-mom died six months after him. They both had said previously they would never marry again because they didn't want to go through losing someone again. You can find meaning and happiness at any age.