Wondering what I may be up against ?

[frayne]

DW and I found out last week MIL has stage four cancer of the bowel, liver and lungs. Her wishes are to move in with us and split time between here and my son's house until she passes on. She is currently in Ohio and will be arriving this evening here in Chattanooga. She has given my son POA over all of her affairs, medical and financial. We have a room already for her. She is mid 70s and still fairly mobile. The oncologist said she has anywhere from one month to one year depending on chemo treatments. She is planning on trying chemo to see how it makes her feel and may or may not continue treatments.

I really have little to no experience with this kind of situation and just wonder if anyone here can offer some sage thoughts, suggestions, etc. Any and all replies are appreciated in advance.

 

[chris2008]

I am so sorry for your MIL and your family.
You might want to contact a support group for relatives for some guidance during these difficult times. Such group might be available through hospices or palliative care institutions in your area.
From my deceased relatives I have learned that they appreciated to talk open about their situation and not having to face well intended denial.

 

[W2R]

I am so sorry.

Being a caregiver for someone dying of cancer can be a very arduous full time job. Depending on her condition you may even have to hire a live in nurse at some point. I agree that you should contact a support group.

A relative was given 2-3 weeks to live upon diagnosis of terminal cancer, and yet survived for a year and a half. The last year was a nightmare for him and his wife/caregiver. The live-in nurse was a godsend and she was used to this so that helped a lot. Having her there was definitely not cheap.

 

[REWahoo]

fryane, I'm assuming she will be in hospice care. If not, get them involved. They have excellent resources for both the patient and the caregivers.

 

[GrayHare]

Being a caregiver for someone dying of cancer can be a very arduous full time job. Depending on her condition you may even have to hire a live in nurse at some point. I agree that you should contact a support group.

+1

 

[ls99]

Been through it with 3 different family members. It can get pretty tough. Suggest, as others have, get a hospice involved. They provide immense help, understanding and guidance.

 

[pb4uski]

So sorry to hear of your MIL. We lost both FIL and MIL to cancer, each just over a year after diagnosis. It is an insidious disease.

+1 with others to get supports in place now - you will find that you can't do it all by yourselves and will need breaks to rejuvenate so you can be there for MIL.

Best of luck.

 

[bbbamI]

Perhaps this website can help....

Hospice care: Comforting the terminally ill - MayoClinic.com


My best to you and your family.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

My advice: get hospice involved as soon as she is established with a new oncologiist.

Notwithstanding her desire to stay in the home, have a plan for her leaving home care due to mounting needs (inpatient hospice, assisted care, etc.). Start checking them out sooner rather than later -- hospice may be able to guide you.

I'm about due for routine colonoscopy. Note to self: schedule it.

Best to you and your family.

 

[meekie]

Hospice is great, they can assist with getting all sorts of stuff she may need. It sounds like she's in good shape now, but eventually a walker, wheelchair, hospital bed, are all things that hospice has helped with in my experiences.

I think I mentioned the book here recently, but I was really helped by a book called Handbook for Mortals. It's pretty much written for your situation.

I hope that she has enough health to have some happy experiences while she's with you, as that doctor dying article mentions, it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

Best of luck, you'll be in my thoughts.

 

[Nuiloa]

I'm very sorry to hear about your MIL.

In addition to the stress of the disease, the poor woman will also be stressed by leaving her familiar surroundings. There's also the loss of autonomy, when you move into someone else's home. I feel very sad for her.

In addition to the hospice care, I would also recommend that you plan regular respite care for yourselves. Give yourselves permission to have some fun without feeling guilty. You will need it.

Nui

 

[Dreamer]

I am so sorry to hear this. Hospice was a great resource when my brother had lung cancer. Good luck and take care of yourselves.

 

[Bestwifeever]

No advice or suggestions, just a "hang in there" and a comment on what a caring DH you are to be there for your wife's mother.

 

[FreeAtLast]

Sorry to hear about your MIL. My mother passed away about 11 months ago and was in Hospice for about 9 months before she passed away. She was also in an ALF facility. The extra care that she got from Hospice was wonderful.

 

[Achiever51]

My advice: get hospice involved as soon as she is established with a new oncologiist.

Notwithstanding her desire to stay in the home, have a plan for her leaving home care due to mounting needs (inpatient hospice, assisted care, etc.). Start checking them out sooner rather than later -- hospice may be able to guide you.

.....

Best to you and your family.

Absolutely agree. My father wanted to stay in his home after his terminal diagnosis and my brother and I agreed to be there for him as long as we could care for him. We got hospice involved early on and they were wonderful, providing in home care, respite care and support to us all. When Dad's condition got to the point where we just couldn't handle his needs, he agreed to move to the hospice facility, where he spent his last month as he said "treated like royalty.". He died so peacefully, without distress or pain, and our last memories of him are of dignity and a graceful passing. Hospice staff are really angels on earth.

 

[sheehs1]

I am so sorry. Also agree with the advice of others. Both of my parents had hospice care at home. Without more medical details it is hard to know how she may do with the chemo. Take care of yourselves thru this process.