ladelfina
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Messages
- 2,713
Caroline.. fantastic post..
Al.. yep, I was thinking about this.
Let's say the guy takes home (just for ease of calculation) $100k after tax, and the family spends $30k. This has been going on 10 years so they have $700k plus whatever gains on that; at 8% compounded annually this is around a million bucks, which more or less seems in the range (proportionally, if not in actual dollars) of where he is figuring his 'retiring now in squalor' scenario. During this time (him working hard; wife working hard with little kids) things were "equal" in his mind.
Now, he'd like to retire both early and "well". So that requires an extra 5 years (continuing to save at the same rate would give them $2million in 5 years). While he sees this 5-year "home stretch" as impossible, he "presents plans" to his wife that are very black and white and extreme, as Caroline points out.. instead of trying to be creative in all the myriad ways this shortfall could be resolved. It could be a part-time job for him (and not just as a Wal*Mart greeter). It could be reduced spending. It could be a home business they work on together. It could be a lot of things in combination. HK1970, read Caroline's post multiple times. kaudrey also made excellent points and re-assumed key other ones.
Al, I love your rug idea. It could become a family activity!
Also, here's an idea for a collaborative home-based business:
Would you wear a cat hair sweater? - Styledash
I'm still worried that he is preoccupied with the divorce stuff when that should be the last thing on his mind. Whether now or later, it's gonna be bad, bad, bad and he should do everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen, since it sounds like something neither of them want! That means working on what's causing his frustration w/his job to spill over into resentment towards his wife, who really doesn't seem to be 'demanding' all that much, at least not in proportion to his resentments and fears.
Shawn, as far as the "worth" argument is concerned.. I agree that husbands have similar kinds of "worth" as do wives! That's why we should ALL appreciate the hell out of each other.
HK1970, I'm glad that you scored 'normal'. Hope you are not offended as it was not meant that way; it is a condition that happens and can comport a certain rigidity in thinking, yet many people can learn to work with it.
and as growingolder pointed out.. you have kept a remarkably patient attitude given all the negative reaction! But still you seem to be missing something, and focusing on the negatives much more than on the positives:
Al.. yep, I was thinking about this.
Let's say the guy takes home (just for ease of calculation) $100k after tax, and the family spends $30k. This has been going on 10 years so they have $700k plus whatever gains on that; at 8% compounded annually this is around a million bucks, which more or less seems in the range (proportionally, if not in actual dollars) of where he is figuring his 'retiring now in squalor' scenario. During this time (him working hard; wife working hard with little kids) things were "equal" in his mind.
Now, he'd like to retire both early and "well". So that requires an extra 5 years (continuing to save at the same rate would give them $2million in 5 years). While he sees this 5-year "home stretch" as impossible, he "presents plans" to his wife that are very black and white and extreme, as Caroline points out.. instead of trying to be creative in all the myriad ways this shortfall could be resolved. It could be a part-time job for him (and not just as a Wal*Mart greeter). It could be reduced spending. It could be a home business they work on together. It could be a lot of things in combination. HK1970, read Caroline's post multiple times. kaudrey also made excellent points and re-assumed key other ones.
Al, I love your rug idea. It could become a family activity!
Also, here's an idea for a collaborative home-based business:
Would you wear a cat hair sweater? - Styledash
I'm still worried that he is preoccupied with the divorce stuff when that should be the last thing on his mind. Whether now or later, it's gonna be bad, bad, bad and he should do everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen, since it sounds like something neither of them want! That means working on what's causing his frustration w/his job to spill over into resentment towards his wife, who really doesn't seem to be 'demanding' all that much, at least not in proportion to his resentments and fears.
Shawn, as far as the "worth" argument is concerned.. I agree that husbands have similar kinds of "worth" as do wives! That's why we should ALL appreciate the hell out of each other.
HK1970, I'm glad that you scored 'normal'. Hope you are not offended as it was not meant that way; it is a condition that happens and can comport a certain rigidity in thinking, yet many people can learn to work with it.
and as growingolder pointed out.. you have kept a remarkably patient attitude given all the negative reaction! But still you seem to be missing something, and focusing on the negatives much more than on the positives:
But she didn't say that! You said she "wasn't totally opposed to" your quitting right now and living in reduced circumstances from the ones you'd envisioned. That sounds pretty on-board to me as far as it goes; she ISN'T expecting you to work the way YOU are expecting you to work.. Read Caroline's post. All the best wishes..The comments about her response to my proposal of stopping work are interesting. If she did indeed say that she didn’t want to be with me anymore because of that, it would be quite ironic since she told me that she isn’t interested in switching roles with me and working for a while. For those who think she may leave me over this, is there some reason why I should be the only one expected to work in this relationship?