Financial "Success/Secrets" you only share with strangers but not families/friends

[brett]

We have no gift tax.

Over the past year we have passed on $285K to our daughter and husband for business purposes and real estate opportunities.

This is not even making a dent in our equity but we are not about to mention that.

We do not want to become a well so to speak at this point in time.

When we feel the time is right we will start transferring wealth to our children. Until then we keep our finances between us and our investment advisor.

 

[luckydude]

That's why I said "that's one of the reasons". I think I covered my b_tt right there (i.e, being political correct). See, it seems to be so important nowadays to speak P.C. all the time, every time, everywhere. Cover all the basis, otherwise, people call you out on it. How tiring.

I was very lucky to be born into a wealthy family and I know many wealthy family members and friends, both self-made and inherited. DW and I are also very lucky to have amassed a good-sized portfolio over the years.

One of the traits I've observed from my circle of wealthy relatives and friends is that many of them are very humble. They don't flaunt their wealth, and only discuss it or dispense advice if others ask. They treat people they meet in all walks of life with respect, no matter how much $ these people have, and they don't presume to think that they are better or have advice to give just because they have more $.

Be respectful of others and be humble and thankful. These are lessons I'm still trying to take to heart and be mindful of as I climb the wealth ladder, and hopefully I can impart these to my kids.

 

[TOOLMAN]

Actually, I think that watch costs more than that poor simpleton's entire net worth!

10% of US households have a negative net worth.

 

[HawaiiShrimp]

I was very lucky to be born into a wealthy family and I know many wealthy family members and friends, both self-made and inherited. DW and I are also very lucky to have amassed a good-sized portfolio over the years.

One of the traits I've observed from my circle of wealthy relatives and friends is that many of them are very humble. They don't flaunt their wealth, and only discuss it or dispense advice if others ask. They treat people they meet in all walks of life with respect, no matter how much $ these people have, and they don't presume to think that they are better or have advice to give just because they have more $.

Be respectful of others and be humble and thankful. These are lessons I'm still trying to take to heart and be mindful of as I climb the wealth ladder, and hopefully I can impart these to my kids.

I respect every sentence you said right there.

 

[Letj]

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

Very true and very well said. You just described me. I have more money than I will ever spend. I live a happy, way under my means life and get way more enjoyment out of my friends and hobbies than I will ever get from a bigger house, private plane, etc. I do love to travel and I spoil my children with trips abroad. However, there really isn’t much more that I would want materially out of this life. I assume I am this way because I grew up with frugal parents who lived a simple and contented life so my desires and wants aren’t grand. I am grateful for that upbringing because I find so much joy without needing the bells and whistles.

Most people I associate with know what I did for a living and know I have some real estate interests but I will never divulge my net worth to anyone because I grew up with the idea that this was bad taste and doing so would cause envy. My estate planning attorney asked me about it and I was reluctant to give a number. Some days I wonder what’s the point of accumulating so much more that we need.

 

[travelover]

If I made four million dollars last year, I'd brag about it. Just not to anyone I know.

 

[Souschef]

bells and whistles.
. Some days I wonder what’s the point of accumulating so much more that we need.

On the whole, I agree with you. BUT there may be the "black swan" event that can eat into your savings.
For example, my dad left my mom comfortable, but she lived to 102! In her last years she had 24/7 caregivers, which ate into her funds. At the end, my sis and I had to help her.

 

[Markola]

Mr. Money Mustache said something that stuck with me. Imagine him, someone who managed with his wife to save $600,000 and built his own paid off house before he was 30, with the intention of being free from work to focus on raising their son.

Man, talk about culling oneself from the herd of one’s peer set and standing out. Furthermore, he chronicled it all in a very public and successful blog, making himself wealthy in his 30s and even more odd.

His comment was, essentially, “In choosing to retire early, you are doing something very unconventional compared to virtually everyone else you know. That presents a difficult challenge, so the way to handle it is to build up one’s mental toughness. You have to build a unique strength, like it’s a muscle.”


A related saying that’s important for FIRE people and anyone else with a goal, not that we have to be obnoxious about it, is:

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

 

[Freedom56]

I think most friends and family members are smart enough to understand that anyone retiring early and travelling around the world whenever they feel like it, possess some financial acumen.

 

[finnski1]

If I made four million dollars last year, I'd brag about it. Just not to anyone I know.

Yeah but you 'd have to tell them about the 5 million you've lost this year.

 

[ncbill]

I was very lucky to be born into a wealthy family and I know many wealthy family members and friends, both self-made and inherited. DW and I are also very lucky to have amassed a good-sized portfolio over the years.

One of the traits I've observed from my circle of wealthy relatives and friends is that many of them are very humble. They don't flaunt their wealth, and only discuss it or dispense advice if others ask. They treat people they meet in all walks of life with respect, no matter how much $ these people have, and they don't presume to think that they are better or have advice to give just because they have more $.

Be respectful of others and be humble and thankful. These are lessons I'm still trying to take to heart and be mindful of as I climb the wealth ladder, and hopefully I can impart these to my kids.

Define wealthy.

Dad earned a high income via his business but he & all his friends I knew with exceptions I can count on the fingers of one hand simply spent it.

And I wouldn't classify any of them as humble...more like "I and I alone am responsible for my success."

It didn't help their high-consumption lifestyles attracted every hustler/conman/scumbag around.

In the end Dad had to sell his business for maybe half what it was worth just to have enough funds for him and his wife in their later years...and Dad was not as profligate as most of those around him.

It's too late for me but I'd love to know (maybe via PM) what business allowed the OP to earn such a high income in a single year since I've got one kid who just finished undergrad & has an entrepreneurial bent.

 

[Dash man]

Back in 2011 we took the extended family on a Caribbean cruise. I’m sure they figured we had some wealth by then. Nobody knows our net worth, but I want to divulge our finances to the boys soon. One son is well on his way to Fire, the other not so much. They both live in townhomes we own and we’ve gifted money to them for several years now. So they know we have money, just not how much.
My father-in-law lives with us and though we haven’t told him anything, he has told other family members we’re “rich.” Not happy about that, but no one has come to us asking for money. They’re satisfied with what they have and appreciate a few things we’ve done, such as funding 529 plans for our nephew’s kids after he died.
Our Priest and the Parish Business Manager know what we contribute, so they know we have money, but have never asked us for any more directly.

 

[Gumby]

In my church, the pastor by design has no knowledge of any congregant's pledge. We want him to treat everyone equally. Only one of the financial secretaries knows that, and she is sworn to secrecy.

 

[Sue J]

I think the title including "only share with strangers but not family and friends" means strangers like folks on ER.org, etc.

I have shared more with this forum than anywhere else. It's the only place where I talk about finances.

DH has no interest and it's an effort to just keep him in the loop for his own good. Our sons have told me their salaries without me asking. If either one asked me I would tell them any and all of our numbers. I've shared with them that we live off DHs pension and that my SS and part time income are gravy. They also have seen me working on being more generous, doubling gifts this year and making donations so they know we are doing well enough.

Our younger son (35) just started a new job and he gets Federal benefits including pension and TSP. I've never seen benefits like this before, they are actually beneficial! He had a couple years of ObamaCare and really appreciates his new health insurance. Both of them are making more than us now, which just thrills me! If they ask me investing questions, I may tell them what I know and what I do but remind them that I'm a very conservative investor.

 

[Rianne]

I don't really care how much or how little money (or other assets) people possess. I am much more interested in what they can do, are doing or have done. The latter leads to far more interesting conversations.

+1000
To do this one has to be interested, observe, and question. Take away the face value and look deeper. Ignore clothing, cars, house, job, vacations, and status. Success is humility. There is a fascinating story behind every living thing and anyone who appreciates that, is successful.

 

[Dash man]

In my church, the pastor by design has no knowledge of any congregant's pledge. We want him to treat everyone equally. Only one of the financial secretaries knows that, and she is sworn to secrecy.

Our Pastor signs our tax receipts and thank you letters. We’re not treated any differently than other members of our parish. A priest’s salary is not set by the parish, but by the archdiocese.

 

[Montecfo]

we do not highlight this to friends or family. They know we retired early. Since most folks never plan to retire then we must be filthy rich in some eyes.

Then again we seem to have the oldest cars and most modest cars as anyone in our neighborhood. So some probably think we are barely scraping by.

I kind of like the ambiguity.

 

[Chuckanut]

What are some of the financial "Success/Secrets" you can only share with strangers here but not families/friends because the risk of envy, jealousy or unwanted attention. For me, that is: I made $4m last year. I am hella happy about it but it seems socially unacceptable to share that with friends or even relatives because it will always appear as 'showing off' somehow...

What's yours?

4 million is not that much. I know of two guys, Bill and Jeff, who have lost tens of billions this year. I may pass the hat to help them out.

 

[Time2]

Yeah but you 'd have to tell them about the 5 million you've lost this year.

You mean like, I was up $330k last year but I was down $484k in the first 6 months of this year. Last year my money was growing faster than I could Roth convert it, This year, I wish my money was growing faster than I can Roth convert it.

 

[MarieIG]

My friends know I have retired, but on the whole, are not interested in discussing finances. Their eyes would glaze over if I so much mentioned simple principles of retirement planning. I do have some family members who fit in the "filthy rich" category, who are good people.

 

[jebmke]

Our Pastor signs our tax receipts and thank you letters. We’re not treated any differently than other members of our parish. A priest’s salary is not set by the parish, but by the archdiocese.

"culture" can have a lot to do with how people react.

When I was MD of several companies in Europe I was required to disclose my income and assets in statutory filings. Theoretically, my employees could request statutory filings and see what I made and what I was worth. To my knowledge, nobody did -- or if they did, it didn't faze them.

 

[armor99]

Sadly…. I can never share my financial success with my family. They are truly awful people. I wish my father was still alive, I think he would have cheered for me.
I do have good friends, and we are all in much the same situation, being financial “unicorns”. We are grateful to be able to discuss things together, because for us, it is never jealousy. We cheer for each other… and mean it!

I recently had my taxes done and they were a FP as well, asked a few questions about things I was thinking about doing. The man just stared at me in total shock when I disclosed my wealth level. And compared to some on here, I am in the very shallow end of that pool.

 

[Gumby]

Our Pastor signs our tax receipts and thank you letters. We’re not treated any differently than other members of our parish. A priest’s salary is not set by the parish, but by the archdiocese.

Mine is a Congregational church (gathered in 1639). We have no governance structure beyond our own congregation. We have an annual meeting every January, where we get together and vote on the budget for the coming year, which includes the pastor's salary.

 

[armor99]

I agree with your basic premise that talking about one's success is a taboo subject in our society and SOME people can get resentful or jealous when others talk about their success.

However, your statement above comes across as bit presumptuous because the statement implies that everyone measures "success" in terms of money. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Maybe people don't want to hear it because they are happy with what they have and with their lives. They don't care if other people have more than they do, and they don't care about learning other people's secret to success financially. Maybe some people are content because they have "enough". Maybe some people measure "success" in terms of having a happy family, friendship, volunteering in the community, charity, etc. etc. So many factors motivate how people live their lives and money is simply one aspect, but surely it isn't the ONLY one.

Just because some people have less money and don't care to learn about other people's financial success doesn't make them "less fortunate". Some of most fortunate, happiest folks I know aren't wealthy, but they have loving families, great friends, jobs their enjoy and hobbies they love. They genuinely love and enjoy their life. I really think these folks are the true fortunate ones because they are content with what they have. They don't seek more because they have enough.

There is a YouTube channel I love watching called “My Self Reliance”. A man bought property, and is in the process of building his own log cabin, and growing enough food to sustain his family. Love it. I am truly envious. Has way less money than me, but is “wealthier” is his life and what he gets to do… than I will likely ever be..

 

[foxfirev5]

There is a YouTube channel I love watching called “My Self Reliance”. A man bought property, and is in the process of building his own log cabin, and growing enough food to sustain his family. Love it. I am truly envious. Has way less money than me, but is “wealthier” is his life and what he gets to do… than I will likely ever be..

WADR that sounds like a lot of work. My take on it is that when I'm FIRE'd I dont need to do that stuff.