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Old 07-25-2021, 10:56 AM   #61
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....
OTOH, they bad mouthed you on social media. Who do they think they are? Prince Harry and Megan? But, if they didn't do it in some far removed country and didn't get paid a nice bundle for the TV rights, I would let that pass.
.....
If my kids badmouthed me on TV/social media for some Millions of $$$ , like Prince Harry and Megan probably did. I would congratulate them and encourage them to do it again

I like all my children to be successful.
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Old 07-25-2021, 11:08 AM   #62
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My Aunt died, she left my Sister $50K. I got nothing.
My Sister did visit our Aunt about 5 times a year , whereas I didn't.
Who do I blame for the unequal inheritance ..... My Aunt !

This unequal inheritance didn't cause bad blood between myself and Sister, and I don't really blame my Aunt either.

Funny part is my Sister was thinking she was getting the house worth $500K. She actually talked quite a bit about the Aunt's $$ before the Aunt died, so I'm pretty sure a number of the visits had some motivation behind them.
Maybe my Aunt thought of this too.
The $500K house went to another niece instead..
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Old 07-25-2021, 12:18 PM   #63
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If a child did not want to be burdened with a relationship with me, I see no reason to burden the child with an inheritance.

An adult "child" is not entitled to an inheritance.
^^^^
This.

I'd take it a bit further. It's likely, IMHO, that the estranged daughter would actually find the inheritance insulting and a final effort on the part of her parents to push themselves into her life where they are definitely not wanted. In these situations, it's generally a painful situation for the parents and a satisfying situation for the child. For the sake of all, cut the strings and let it go.

As a parent, I can tell you that's easy to say but hard to do..........
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Old 07-25-2021, 12:47 PM   #64
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If anyone is considering disinheriting a close relative, definitely talk it over with a good lawyer. You need do it right, even so, lawsuits can easily happen - especially if the money is significant.
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Old 07-25-2021, 01:44 PM   #65
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I think parents have a large impact on their children, even when the children attempt to toally disown them. From Bob Dylan, who disowned his parents and in multiple magazine interviews in the mid 60's claimed he had no family, when his dad died:

"Though we lived in Hibbing, my father from time to time would load us into an old Buick Roadmaster and we’d ride to Duluth for the weekend. My father was from Duluth, born and raised there. That’s where his friends still were. One of five brothers, he’d worked all his life, even as a kid. When he was sixteen, he’d seen a car smash into a telephone pole and burst into flames. He jumped off his bicycle, reached in and pulled the driver out, smothering the driver’s body with his own — risking his life to save someone he didn’t even know. Eventually he took accounting classes for Standard Oil of Indiana when I was born. Polio, which left him with a pronounced limp, had forced him out of Duluth — he lost his job and that’s how we got to the Iron Range where my mother’s family was from...

In the short time I was there, it all came back to me, all the flim flam, the older order of things, the Simple Simons — but something else did too — that my father was the best man in the world and probably worth a hundred of me, but he didn’t understand me. The town he lived in and the town I lived in were not the same. All that aside, we had more in common now than ever — I too was a father three times over — there was a lot that I wanted to share, to tell him. Now there would be no way to say what I was never capable of saying before, . ."

I think parental humility is the way to go.
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Old 07-25-2021, 01:47 PM   #66
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I would let her live as she wants, if she forgets about your existence (calling on birthdays, holidays, coming to visit at list once in a while), than I would surely cut her off. Everyone has disagreements, arguments, sometimes quarrels with kids. However, kids must respect their parents, who raised them and provided them with all necessities till they got to adulthood. That is the basic human value.
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Old 07-25-2021, 02:07 PM   #67
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I think Mom is totally clueless about her own role in the separation and needs to grow up and take some responsibility for what she has done.
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Old 07-26-2021, 12:11 AM   #68
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If anyone is considering disinheriting a close relative, definitely talk it over with a good lawyer. You need do it right, even so, lawsuits can easily happen - especially if the money is significant.
Correct.
When my Mon disinherited my brother, it was stated very clearly in the Will why she was disinheriting him, she made it clear she had considered him and considered him unworthy of inheriting anything.

This was to avoid the common lawsuit reason of: "She simply forgot to put my name down, it was an oversight".
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Old 07-26-2021, 10:51 AM   #69
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Old 07-26-2021, 11:28 AM   #70
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When my mother passed away, my sister inherited all that was left after years of care.
I did not resent it at all, as she and my BIL were handling all her affairs and visiting her a number of times a year.
They EARNED it!
OTOH, my younger son was estranged from me for many years due to the stories my ex told him.
However, a number of years ago, we reconnected, and have been close ever since.
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Old 07-27-2021, 07:20 PM   #71
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Iím the father of five: biological, adopted and step. I have kids every way you can. What does unconditional love have to do with money/inheritance? Thatís just dollars. When I set up our family trust the first question the lawyer asked was: ďdo you want to disinherit any kids?Ē Must be common. I have a few kids that would burn through million $ inheritance in just a few years. Others not so much. I have a nephew whose addictions would kill him if he had $10K. It would not be a blessing to gift him anything. Better to let him live hand to mouth.
OP, you earned it saved it. You should blow that dough, indulge the loved ones you are in touch with maybe bless grandkids with educational funds.
I will likely leave loved one out of my will. I have a very similar situation with two kids. I love them dearly have tried to contact them. Will probably leave them little or nothing because I can barley find them.
I donít feel good or bad about it, itís just money. I earned and saved it.
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Old 07-30-2021, 03:49 PM   #72
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I would fire a warning shot across the bow: "If you do not change your behavior and respect your parents, then I have no choice but to donate my wealth to charity after I pass away".
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Old 07-30-2021, 05:05 PM   #73
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My in laws thought correctly that my sister in law was horrible with money. They bequeathed all their estate to my wife with the provision that she hold half for the benefit of SIL to be given to her at my wife's discretion.

We have for over a decade given SIL an allowance but held on to the bulk of what would have been her part of the inheritance which was high 5 digits.

If SIL had directly inherited the money it would be long gone. In the wind.

Thankfully both my adult daughters are responsible but if one of them weren't I would have no problem doing what my in laws did.
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Old 07-30-2021, 06:08 PM   #74
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No. Equal to all children.
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Old 07-30-2021, 06:13 PM   #75
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My in laws thought correctly that my sister in law was horrible with money. They bequeathed all their estate to my wife with the provision that she hold half for the benefit of SIL to be given to her at my wife's discretion.



We have for over a decade given SIL an allowance but held on to the bulk of what would have been her part of the inheritance which was high 5 digits.



If SIL had directly inherited the money it would be long gone. In the wind.



Thankfully both my adult daughters are responsible but if one of them weren't I would have no problem doing what my in laws did.

We have essentially done this with my alcoholic son. Except that his third of any inheritance will go into a trust. That trust is managed by a trust department in a local bank. With my two daughters serving in advisory capacity with the bank trustee. I just didnít want to put the primary responsibility on my two daughters. Concerned about their maintaining as good a relationship as possible with their brother.

Hopefully we can solve any concern by spending all our money and leaving little inheritance. Although I doubt thatís what happens.
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Old 07-30-2021, 06:22 PM   #76
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It is apparent (and I am happy for you, truly) that many here have not experienced the excruciating emotional pain and trauma of having an adult child cut you out of their lives after rewriting family history. Its actually a “thing” now with several books written and FB support groups where misery loves company. Most people are loathe to talk about it as they will surely be judged (as in this post). Let’s just say with respect to the subject matter, 1) no one truly knows what they would do until they are personally faced with this issue; and 2) as one poster questioned, what does this have to do with early retirement?
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Old 07-30-2021, 06:26 PM   #77
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It is apparent (and I am happy for you, truly) that many here have not experienced the excruciating emotional pain and trauma of having an adult child cut you out of their lives after rewriting family history. Its actually a “thing” now with several books written and FB support groups where misery loves company. Most people are loathe to talk about it as they will surely be judged (as in this post). Let’s just say with respect to the subject matter, 1) no one truly knows what they would do until they are personally faced with this issue; and 2) as one poster questioned, what does this have to do with early retirement?

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Old 07-30-2021, 06:57 PM   #78
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I want to spend money on the people I care about while I am around. Due to conservative money management, it's inevitable that I'll have a lot leftover, but I don't believe anyone is entitled to an inheritance. The one thing I don't want to do is create rifts among family. I have four siblings. They are equal beneficiaries of one account I have. The one sibling who is one of my best friends is the 100% beneficiary of a separate account. All my accounts have direct beneficiaries. These accounts will pass outside the estate. If I were estranged from my children, I would do something similar.
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Old 07-30-2021, 07:22 PM   #79
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In a heartbeat. These millenials need a wake up call.
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Old 07-30-2021, 08:37 PM   #80
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I hate to say it, but if a kid doesn't want a parent, they probably don't want an inheritance either. Or wouldn't get one from me. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
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