Feeling Empty after early retirement

[Milton]

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit.

 

[Kroeran]

wow, they really nailed that character, right down to the calculator watch and stained tie!

 

[vicente solano]

5 years into early retirement and nothing to show for it. Stuck on my acquired hobbies (some of them I´ll have to drop due to disability or absolute lack of progress. People tell me they would kill to be in my situation. And they are right.
But I wouldn´t go back to work. And it seems that I can´t find any hobbies I would really like. Boredom has long ago settled in. But I can´t complain seeing what there is around me.
Well, enough is enough.

 

[cardude]

The important thing is to leave all of this open for periodic re-negotiation

Great point Nords.

That's why I love this board. Invaribly a few poeple have already tackled whatever problem or scenario I encounter, however strange or completely unique to me I think it is. Very cool.......

 

[cardude]

5 years into early retirement and nothing to show for it. Stuck on my acquired hobbies (some of them I´ll have to drop due to disability or absolute lack of progress. People tell me they would kill to be in my situation. And they are right.
But I wouldn´t go back to work. And it seems that I can´t find any hobbies I would really like. Boredom has long ago settled in. But I can´t complain seeing what there is around me.
Well, enough is enough.

What did you want to do back when you were working?

It's not too late to take up drinking in the morning!
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(that's a joke)

 

[haha]

Dude, becoming wife-free is painful and expensive, but not all bad. You would be astonished at how much freedom you lose over the years- and I am not talking about freedom to date whoever you want. I mean thinking, speaking, doing what you want how you want, relating to your kids and friends how you want, choosing the friends you want, etc..

It's a long list. If I were approaching this as a young man again, I think I would be a poppa, an SO on month-to-month, but I don't think I would be a husband. Or so I say.

Ha

 

[FIREd]

How does everyone else with a spouse or SO do it? Do you have seperate accounts?

We each have an allowance account. I put the same sum of money in each account at the beginning of the year and we are free to blow that money on whatever we want without seeking the other's prior approval. DW usually fails to spend all of her allowance money in any given year, so the balance rolls over to the next year. I don't have that particular problem.

 

[NW-Bound]

DW usually fails to spend all of her allowance money in any given year, so the balance rolls over to the next year.

Can that help pay for an RV, or a down payment at least?

Even if you can pay cash, an RV qualifies as a domicile and interest on it qualifies for tax treatment. Oops, I am bringing up the mortgage controversy again.

 

[HsiaoChu]

5 years into early retirement and nothing to show for it. Stuck on my acquired hobbies (some of them I´ll have to drop due to disability or absolute lack of progress. People tell me they would kill to be in my situation. And they are right.
But I wouldn´t go back to work. And it seems that I can´t find any hobbies I would really like. Boredom has long ago settled in. But I can´t complain seeing what there is around me.
Well, enough is enough.

You need to join some organizations and get promoted into some job that helps people. Your problem is a feeling that no one NEEDS YOU. You can fix that, there are lots of organizations that would kill to have you spend some of your free time with them, and they will learn to count on you, and then you will have a reason to feel needed again: because you will be.

It is what it is.

 

[FIREd]

Can that help pay for an RV, or a down payment at least?

Nah, I am not going to ask DW to forfeit her unspent allowance. I'm sure she is saving it for something special (not the RV ). Besides, we also have a communal allowance account to pay for things we do together or that benefit both of us equally (dining out, travel, etc...). That's probably where the RV money will come from.

 

[Milton]

Even if you can pay cash, an RV qualifies as a domicile and interest on it qualifies for tax treatment. Oops, I am bringing up the mortgage controversy again.

OMG.

 

[NW-Bound]

Eh, I take it that you find US tax treatment for RV loan interests a bit strange, yes?

Well, most foreigners already know that residential mortgage interests in the US are tax deductible.

Now, a residence is a residence, whether it has a foundation, or flies, or floats, or rolls on wheels, yes?

I don't think that mortgage deduction is the right thing either (witness the recent housing bubble), but one thing about this tax treatment is that one cannot say it is inconsistent and discriminatory against certain types of domicile.

 

[Purron]

I think this thread needs a theme song...."I'm empty and aching and I don't know why"...

YouTube - Simon And Garfunkel Live In Paris America 1970

 

[myself]

How does everyone else with a spouse or SO do it? Do you have seperate accounts?

Not us. We both felt that when we got married that we would become one. Thus, our money was pooled together (even before marriage ... which I wouldn't always suggest). That was to make sure that she was able to stay at home with our kids (4 of 'em now), and be there when they got home, or almost immediately if they were sick in school. 10 years later, that scenario is still the same, although it allowed me to grow my income by 35% due to be being able to have less to worry about getting home to pick up the kids from school, etc.

We have retirement accounts for me right now (10% starting in October), but we're planning on setting aside $3,000-$5,000/yr starting next year for her for in a retirement account. While fundamentally it's from the income I earn at work, I'm quite alright with that because I consider it our money.

 

[Milton]

Well, most [-]foreigners[/-] citizens of other countries already know that residential mortgage interests in the US are tax deductible.

Fixed for you.

Some poor souls live out of their cars, and some live in tents. Are those tax-deductible?!

 

[Amethyst]

How does everyone else with a spouse or SO do it? Do you have seperate accounts?

When we got married, I tried to have separate accounts (I'd been on my own for some years, owned my own home, etc). However, it soon became clear that I have the patience to track money and expenses, while he hates to be bothered, so I gradually took over the books to his relief.

Neither of us knew anything about investing, which, to us, was like a giant scary purple fog with tentacles. Together we have made many $$ mistakes, still make mistakes, sometimes painful ones, but we have learned.

The key to making it work has been: We are on the "same team" (i.e. we aren't trying to hide money or purchases from each other, force the other one to accept a purchase or investment he or she does not like, or force the other one to go without something he or she dearly wants).

Amethyst

 

[audreyh1]

How does everyone else with a spouse or SO do it? Do you have seperate accounts?

No - never have. If either of us has a major purchase we want to make, we mention it to the other, but we don't sweat the small stuff.

We have about the same spending habits and neither of us is a big spender, so I imagine that also helps things run so smoothly.

We always think of it as "our money".

I would feel odd being retired but for my SO to feel that they had to "earn their own spending money". For us a big part of financial independence was having enough where each of us had plenty of spending money.

Since both of us had well paying careers, maybe we each felt independent enough anyway before FIRE. I wonder if that is part of what your wife feels - that somehow she didn't contribute enough yet? Partners in relationships can be funny about this sort of thing.

Or maybe she really does enjoy this part of her life that gives her time and goals separate from her family and the spending money bit is more of an excuse?

Since DH and I tend to do most major projects and traveling together aside from our personal hobbies (in other words our personal goals tend to be closely aligned), this need for separate time doesn't come into play in our relationship either. But I get the impression that it is a factor in some relationships.

Audrey

 

[audreyh1]

During those times I took care of the parenting & home stuff so that she didn't have to do more heavy lifting. I also made sure to be around when she got home in case she needed to vent.

Wow - what a great SO!

Audrey

 

[Nords]

Wow - what a great SO!

Thanks! It's my personal self-preservation longevity-enhancement program.

When spouse ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...

 

[NW-Bound]

Fixed for you.

A bit surprised by your fixing, I conferred with Mr. Webster, and he said a foreigner is "a person belonging to or owing allegiance to a foreign country". So, it means the same thing as "citizens of other countries" to me. Does the term foreigner have a negative connotation that escapes me?

But back to the real discussion, or is it the main thread hi-jack topic ...

Some poor souls live out of their cars, and some live in tents. Are those tax-deductible?!

Umm... Tough luck there. Somebody once explained to me that a domicile must provide shelter and has a kitchen and a toilet to qualify. So, cars and tents are out!

Your observation got me thinking though. Now, do these poor souls really miss out on this tax treatment? I don't think so. It reduces income tax, and these people may not even have income to have to worry about taxes. In fact, their low income or lack of it may allow them to tap various public assistance programs. So, it is not as unfair as it seems.

But then, I thought a bit further about the letter of the law. What if I put a porta-potty in a van for a toilet, along with a camping stove serving as a kitchen? Would the van qualify then? I do not know if a shower facility is required or not. Something to research if one has the time. Still, such van must be financed, as only the loan interest is deductible, not the operating cost nor depreciation.

Anyway, we have strayed a bit from the main thread topic, and I hope other readers are amused and not annoyed by this. Eh, now you know what retirees, and semi-retirees too, do all day.