Feeling Empty after early retirement

[flyfishnevada]

Yeah those hammocks can take your mind off your old job !...

What hammock?!?

A month or so in, I miss one aspect of work. My friends. The called me from Las Vegas last week during what used to be our monthly trip down there for meetings. Obviously, I didn't get to go this time. They saw Cheap Trick. Last year we saw Twisted Sister's Christmas concert. I miss that stuff and talking to them everyday. Other than that, I don't miss it.

I do feel the need to do stuff, sometimes. Like I need something worthwhile to do. Honestly, I dismiss it. I know it is the way I had been programmed for the last few decades. It's habit. I am breaking that habit and I do what I want, when I want. to me now, that is worthwhile. thge whole world tells you that work is important for years. Without time to adjust and plan, it seems that "need" to do something worthwhile is still there. It's your mind set you need to change. It's time to live for you, not for the job.

On the other hand, maybe you aren't ready. Then get a job. Doesn't have to be high pressure, full-time or come with a big paycheck. Just something to give you a place to go. Still, I can imagine a lot of other places I would rather be than at a job.

 

[Stevewc]

Is that legal now?

Sure Doc
Now that you have retired you can do anything you want to.
We want tell anybody.
You can trust us.
Go Ahead, give it your best shot.
Steve

 

[Stevewc]

What hammock?!?
They saw Cheap Trick. Last year we saw Twisted Sister's Christmas concert.

Man, who did you work for?
Most of the folks I worked with wouldn't even know who these bands were.
Sounds like a cool bunch of people/company that let you guys do things like that.

Anytime I find my self concerned about my decision to retire.
I just stop and think of the numerous things that really bummed me out at work.
The weak moment evaporates immediately and I get a warm fuzzy feeling and big smile on my face.
As I've mentioned before I think it took me 3 weeks to get the smile off my face after I walked out of the parking for the last time.
Steve

 

[Kroeran]

an interesting retirement hobby might be to design a company that doesnt have those negative things...if that is possible

what would a company look like that people enjoyed going into, and didn't count the years or days to retirement?

its NEVER the work right? its wasteful BS and negative personalities, right?

by way of example, I once came across a firm in my field that had an unusual requirement for new hires...they had to demonstrate and declare on a document that they were "happy" people.

 

[HFWR]

They saw Cheap Trick. Last year we saw Twisted Sister's Christmas concert. I miss that stuff and talking to them everyday. Other than that, I don't miss it.

Most of the folks I worked with wouldn't even know who these bands were.

Steve

You say that like it's a bad thing...

 

[Stevewc]

You say that like it's a bad thing...

I guess I can't imagine working for people/company that was somewhat hip.
I haven't had that opportunity in probably 35 years.
Didn't know it existed today.
Steve

PS. I'm happy I'm free from my X environment.
Just got to continue to loosen up and try to revive my old long hair hippie attitude I had in a past life. It will take time but I'll get there.

 

[Kroeran]

went to a local organic farmers market this sunday and had an early 70s hippy flashback - ponchos, beards, communes, gardens, rural living, baking granola and bread from scratch

like when I visit our local vegetarian restaurant...very nice vibe

big tree fell down in my side yard day before last....wood cleared out yesterday...eyeing it for a possible garden

 

[HFWR]

I guess I can't imagine working for people/company that was somewhat hip.
I haven't had that opportunity in probably 35 years.
Didn't know it existed today.
Steve

PS. I'm happy I'm free from my X environment.
Just got to continue to loosen up and try to revive my old long hair hippie attitude I had in a past life. It will take time but I'll get there.

Not sure I'd consider Cheap Trick or Twisted Sister as "hip"...

One should definitely cultivate their inner hippie! In my case, most of the hair is gone, though.

 

[Purron]

One should definitely cultivate their inner hippie!

Yeah baby!

 

[ziggy29]

IMO - it's not nearly as much fun to be retired if your spouse is still working. That really constrains what you can do - like you can't really move, and your spouse is not available to travel with you, etc.

With your lifestyle, I can certainly see that. But some couples aren't really much into travel, for example, and there it can work well, particularly if one spouse has a good enough j*b and benefits while the other does most of the housework and runs most of the errands.

My wife will likely be placed in a congregation for a ministry training program within the next few months. If that works out I fully intend to retire before her (perhaps in 5-10 years) and become a "preacher's wife" (among other things) -- and it would be with her blessing (or so she says now)...

 

[REWahoo]

My wife will likely be placed in a congregation for a ministry training program within the next few months. If that works out I fully intend to retire before her (perhaps in 5-10 years) and become a "preacher's wife" (among other things) -- and it would be with her blessing...

God I hope so or there will be Hell to pay.

 

[Stevewc]

Not sure I'd consider Cheap Trick or Twisted Sister as "hip"...

One should definitely cultivate their inner hippie! In my case, most of the hair is gone, though.

You have a point But:
If the folks I worked with Had no clue about these groups, they were totally lost when and if I went back any further.

 

[Midpack]

I can identify with all this. I am comfortably FIRE, age 56, but I haven't pulled the trigger because:

a) my wife is 54 and still enjoys her job, one of us working one retired, doesn't have much appeal (I'll get stuck doing all the cooking, I like our lifelong 50/50 deal just fine) and
b) I cannot sit around watching TV, playing golf, drinking too much or laying in a hammock for long - all sound more boring than work to me. NOT commenting on anyone's else's choices.

And I can't imagine filling all my days with activities or volunteering either. [Interestingly, I did the Zelinski Get-A-Life Tree exercise (highly recommmended IMO) and decided to start on some of the new activities now - why wait until I retire?]

So I fully expect to continue to work, but at something that's purely for the enjoyment/satisfaction, instead of something that's just the best paying gig I can get (what I do now). Some of us are just happier with structured work - just knowing I can walk anytime thanks to FI is "priceless" in a way I could not fathom until we actually arrived, it's bliss.

 

[LOL!]

Not much mention of the kids in this thread. Every 47 year old woman that I know with children is playing a big role in [-]getting[/-] helping their kids with college applications, high school sports or academic booster clubs, and general black hawk helicoptering around. I wonder if Happybee27 would like to comment about all that.

Then soon after kids complete college, come the grandkids. Many 47 year-old women are grandmas. That leads on to another rewarding stage of life.

 

[harley]

I can identify with all this. I am comfortably FIRE, age 56, but I haven't pulled the trigger because:

a) my wife is 54 and still enjoys her job, one of us working one retired, doesn't have much appeal (I'll get stuck doing all the cooking, I like our lifelong 50/50 deal just fine) and
b) I cannot sit around watching TV, playing golf, drinking too much or laying in a hammock for long - all sound more boring than work to me. NOT commenting on anyone's else's choices.

And I can't imagine filling all my days with activities or volunteering either. [Interestingly, I did the Zelinski Get-A-Life Tree exercise (highly recommmended IMO) and decided to start on some of the new activities now - why wait until I retire?]

So I fully expect to continue to work, but at something that's purely for the enjoyment/satisfaction, instead of something that's just the best paying gig I can get (what I do now). Some of us are just happier with structured work - just knowing I can walk anytime thanks to FI is "priceless" in a way I could not fathom until we actually arrived, it's bliss.

Sorry for the delay in responding. I was lying in my hammock, drinking and watching golf on TV.

I'm with Brewer on this one. Get a job. See if that fills the emptiness. If not, quit again. But it sounds like you went from one extreme to another, without getting in the proper mindset for it. Ease into ER at the pace you are comfortable with. Some of us are naturals at sloth and non-productiveness. Others need to train for it. Good luck.

 

[Carnage]

I get the sense that a lot of people who retire early (or even just "regular" retire), actually miss a lot of the structure of a job. I know DW will drive me nuts when we retire because she needs to have a certain structure or plan to the day.

Me, I can lay in a hammock and drool on myself until the cows come home. I think what is needed for a lot of people is a "transition" job. Like a job where it's not about the money, but more about the structure of filling some time into your days while you figure out what to do with your extra free time. It doesn't even have to be that fulfilling. Go work in a coffee shop or bookstore 3 or 4 days a week or something.

It's not that I have little sympathy for people like this, but there's tons I want to do. Learn a language, read more, learn how to fix a car, grow a garden etc.....to say you NEED a job is to say you're not sure what to do with yourself. Now if you have a CAREER and actually enjoy what you do, well that's a different story.....

 

[REWahoo]

I get the sense that a lot of people who retire early (or even just "regular" retire), actually miss a lot of the structure of a job. I know DW will drive me nuts when we retire because she needs to have a certain structure or plan to the day.

Easy solution - find her a job.

 

[Carnage]

Easy solution - find her a job.

DW is in a particularly unique field, I already have tagged her as "Future Part-Time Consultant"

 

[sheehs1]

Someone once told me "We are "humans doing" not "human beings". (and it should be the other way around). That comment hit home. Another comment that hit home after I walked away from my job was a friend told me when I was struggling with a "purpose" : " As a person, you are not "what you do"..meaning "what you do" in terms of a job is subject to change.

While it may have taken me a while to adjust to not working...I would not go back. Thirty years of working while raising children was enough and I pray my savings will last...once I have to start drawing on them in about 4 years.
While I was always these things to some degree I have become even more the "yard woman", "the house woman", "the home improvement woman"(painting room, staining decks..etc), "the support my working husband woman", "the support my children with their lives woman", the "budget keeper" calling the telephone, cable, insurance companies to get better services for fewer dollars..etc. (and by support I mean simply being there for them which takes time!) These are thankless jobs...but hey...someone has to do it! LOL!
I probably save "us" $15,000 a year or more doing the things I used to pay others to do...if not more. Over 10 years, that's $150,000 or more. It wasn't until I stopped working that I had the time to do all these things and realized how much I was making other people rich on things I could do myself...now that I had the time.

 

[Carnage]

Tyler Durden: "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your ******* khakis"

 

[dex]

So I fully expect to continue to work, but at something that's purely for the enjoyment/satisfaction, instead of something that's just the best paying gig I can get (what I do now). Some of us are just happier with structured work - just knowing I can walk anytime thanks to FI is "priceless" in a way I could not fathom until we actually arrived, it's bliss.

Great points - Being FI while working does change you mental attitude towards work. It takes away the 'I need this job' aspect. I can see how this would improve work performance since it takes some stress out of the equation.

I was one of those people who were bored silly at work - paid well, reasonable hours, easy work, head of a staff, computer & TV in the office.

Contrary to my current blues; I am a bit of a romantic and hopeful person. I think my ER is part of what I need to do to grow as a person - it may take awhile; I can be very stupid.

So far, the scale is tipping towards I did the correct thing.

 

[audreyh1]

With your lifestyle, I can certainly see that. But some couples aren't really much into travel, for example, and there it can work well, particularly if one spouse has a good enough j*b and benefits while the other does most of the housework and runs most of the errands.

The ability to go on extended leisure travel was one of my major impetuses to retire early.

If DH had continued to work, I don't think I would have retired, because frankly I don't think I would have found enough to do being in town all the time, and I had little interest in going off on my own.

DH was already part-time in his self-employed work, so we had already enjoyed the benefits of one spouse running a lot of the household and errands while the other pulled long hours. And it was great. But when I was ready to retire, I made sure he was also ready to close up shop, otherwise I would have kept working - at least part time too, I think. My company made me some nice offers for staying on with reduced hours.

But each to his own.

Audrey

 

[DeborahB]

My S.O. is semi-retired (self-employed) and I am now fully retired. This was intentional (on my part). I notice that he has a much more structured approach to the day than I do - he sets goals and gets upset when he (usually) misses them

I, on the other hand, vary from doing one project or another or just loafing. I deserve it and unless there's a need, I don't see why I should hassle myself with unnecessary goals for the day. I'm slowly working my way through the clutter. I want to organize the house. But I don't beat myself up or set any goals - just over the next year or so I'd like to get it done.

I can't envision a situation where I wouldn't have something to do - watch a movie, read a book, make art work, even clean up the clutter, loaf, garden, talk to friends.... I haven't had time to hang out with friends yet but I will at some point need some stuff like that to get me out of the house. At least I think so.

I also play games on facebook ... It's a petite vice, all things considered!

I'm messing with financial stuff all the time, for fun. Just moved to Quicken so now I get to learn how to work that program. I invest and watch my investments a lot, but that is fun for me.

The one thing I do NOT miss is having to do stuff on someone else's schedule, and being judged by my manager. Or by anyone. I don't have to get up early or go to meetings. I'm cutting back on volunteer work that doesn't suit me. I can't believe how much less stressed I am already - I expected it, but it has been substantial. I have plenty of stress from dealing with elderly parents and so on - but it's not like the work stress was.

It's great for me. That doesn't help the OP's wife out of her situation - I did this voluntarily. I guess my advice would be to analyze what parts of the job were rewarding and what parts were not. Then see if she can find some way to fill those needs in another way, whether it's volunteer work of some kind, or a job, or perhaps just part time work.

Good luck!

 

[Onward]

The one thing I do NOT miss is having to do stuff on someone else's schedule, and being judged by my manager. Or by anyone. I don't have to get up early or go to meetings.

That's four things. And I can add about 50 more.

I ER'ed four months ago and have been walking on clouds ever since. I catch myself sometimes with this huge, silly grin on my face, for the first time in decades. Every day I get more determined never, ever to have to go back to w*rk. I have to admit I look at people who can retire, but don't, the same way I'd look at a two-headed snake at the circus. But I try to remember that people are different, and to each his own.

 

[Happybee27]

Not much mention of the kids in this thread. Every 47 year old woman that I know with children is playing a big role in [-]getting[/-] helping their kids with college applications, high school sports or academic booster clubs, and general black hawk helicoptering around. I wonder if Happybee27 would like to comment about all that.

Then soon after kids complete college, come the grandkids. Many 47 year-old women are grandmas. That leads on to another rewarding stage of life.

Yes, I do have 3 kids, two in the colleges and 1 in high school. In fact, after FIRE, my most rewarding time is able to spend more time with the kids. I do spend time send/fetch the younger one to school, trying out new recipes for the family. As for grand kids, it is still long way to go...but I'm sure it will be rewarding