Friends are all broke!

[lsimpson33]

I have this a lot with friends and wanting to travel with them.

I often wonder if it's a case of priorities, not finances, per se. For example, they "have to have" a new car every 2 years, so that's more important to them than having money to go on a vacation.

Are there things you can do with your friends that don't cost money?

 

[Scuba]

I have this a lot with friends and wanting to travel with them.



I often wonder if it's a case of priorities, not finances, per se. For example, they "have to have" a new car every 2 years, so that's more important to them than having money to go on a vacation.



Are there things you can do with your friends that don't cost money?

I agree, different priorities can make it difficult to travel with others. We generally don’t like large resorts and prefer to rent our own apartment, home or condo on vacation. We like to cook some of our own meals rather than eating out 2-3 times every day. And we like to spend a lot of our time diving and at the beach. Friends who like to be pampered at ultra luxurious hotels wouldn’t like our travel style, nor would we want to stay at a hostel or low-end hotel.

I think one essential for traveling with others is to agree up front on expectations. We prefer traveling with people who like to do some exploring on their own so we don’t feel like we have to rush or cut short our underwater time.

 

[Kabekew]

My parents (mid-70's) over the past five years broke some ties with their long-term friends going back to High School, and found all-new friends more in their same situation (saved and lived frugally their whole life and now have enough to enjoy retirement). My mother said it's nice to go out to dinner and nobody cares who picks up the bill or who doesn't. Both my parents had no regrets about giving up their old friends. She said "just because you went to school with them, doesn't mean you have to be friends with them."

 

[jollystomper]

I agree. I am a little surprised that so many posters seem to know so much about their friends and family’s finances. I generally don’t know whether my friends/family are in debt to their ears or big savers. Agree that you can often assume things based on lifestyle but many here seem to be very much “in the know”. Maybe a little fixated on relative financial success?

For us we really only know because we have more than a few relatives who in our younger years would brag about their finances. Most of DW's siblings and her mother saw showing off wealth as a competition, and were nosy about us because we refused to play their game. Then when some of them got into financial trouble they had no shame in coming to us for help, with the attitude of "you folks are cheap, so you must have money to help us".

One of DW's nieces had a temporary job in the personnel department of my Megacorp. Somehow this job gave her access to Megacorp's job salary ranges. We did not know this at that time, and what I thought were questions about my job and career to help her decide on a career path was in fact to figure out my job level and see what my salary range was, which she promptly told other members of the family, which made the nosiness about us even worse for a while. We never found out about this until years later.

So sometimes, even though you do not care about others finances, they care about yours, and are brazen about showing off, trying to show you up, or sneaking about to find out your details.

 

[akidagain2018]

Some people can't make the climb

Wow! That makes me feel better! In fact I know a couple who relocated from the north to So. Cal, started second careers and switched to healthy life styles, and did the same with friends. They said it was switching to a healthy life style. We're financially healthy, and yeah, it's hard to mix with people who aren't. Ugh! And I'd have a couple glasses of wine at a late Friday dinner, so I'm bushed, and then they ask me to do the high math to figure out how to split the tip. 'Cause I'm the financial person.... Old hens tend to do this, I think, maybe. I've had to move away from friends and some relatives like your parents did. They just sit around and complain about how everything is rigged against them and bla bla bla this problem financially and that. Dated a broke guy for a while. That won't work!! As many times as I've tried, it won't work. To some extent I find the same with friends.

 

[dixonge]

They own a penthouse in PV, a ski place in Whistler, 2 condos in Vancouver, and a 1923 house in the west end (Kits).

I take it they aren't actively renting out any of their properties? Seems like a good place to start...cash-flow-wise...

 

[kcowan]

I take it they aren't actively renting out any of their properties? Seems like a good place to start...cash-flow-wise...

Yes they are renting out one of the condos in Vancouver but renting out the Whistler one would make a difference for sure. It would be a sacrifice for the whole family but that is what a crisis demands. Thanks for the suggestion. I will pass it along.

(They do rent out their PV condo but return to Vancouver each time.)

 

[Teacher Terry]

WE lost a few friends when we semi-retired at 58 and 53. The friends were older and coundn't afford to retire. However, when they got an inheritance instead of staying in their home they bought a huge new one and then rented the old one because it was underwater. Last I knew they were still working at 72. At the same time we downsized into a smaller, cheaper home right in town so we could walk places. They kept questioning why we were doing that and trying to talk us out of it. After about 2 years I dumped them and we had been friends for 16 years. Interestingly enough our smaller home in town has sky rocketed price wise while our bigger, newer home in the burbs has not so we are financially better off. I know my best friend's finances becaue she will ask me for advice from time to time.

 

[unclemick]

No kidding. There was a whole thread on this issue recently. Like anyone would lie about it? I keep thinking about some poor schlep who goes out every morning pretending to go to work so he won’t offend anyone because he’s retired.

Hmmm - somewhat painful memory - I stopped attending the monthly lunch bunch at the Country Club of plant retirees cause at under 55 I became self conscious. Post age 55 (early retirement) started attending again sporadically.

heh heh heh - chickenheartedness can be the better part of valor. Or something.

 

[Milton]

First world problems

Yes they are renting out one of the condos in Vancouver but renting out the Whistler one would make a difference for sure. It would be a sacrifice for the whole family but that is what a crisis demands.... They do rent out their PV condo but return to Vancouver each time.

As you suggest, if they need to raise cash then sacrifices will have to be made. But it doesn't sound like anyone concerned will go short of hot dinners.

While such personal dramas are obviously annoying, it helps to keep a sense of perspective.

 

[brucethebroker]

I'm nearing my exit from Mega Corp world. I plan to imply or state outright that I am still working in my profession as a consultant, so as to not offend anyone. No one will ever know whether or what I'm doing, I float between properties in diff states. I even plan to do this with my sister.

DW suggests I tell people I am a private money manager, when asked.....

 

[brucethebroker]

At the same time we downsized into a smaller, cheaper home right in town so we could walk places. They kept questioning why we were doing that and trying to talk us out of it. Interestingly enough our smaller home in town has sky rocketed price wise while our bigger, newer home in the burbs has not so we are financially better off.

We did the same thing for the same reasons and have had the same result! Apparently we are on the crest of a new wave....

 

[cyber888]

The husband of the friend of my wife literally ate his inheritance. The guy got about $120k when Mom passed away, and in 1 year or so - it was gone, because he ate and ate at expensive restaurants everyday. My cousin’s hubby is broke because everytime he quits a job, he cashes out his 401k. He said he will work till he croack

 

[brucethebroker]

The husband of the friend of my wife literally ate his inheritance. The guy got about $120k when Mom passed away, and in 1 year or so - it was gone, because he ate and ate at expensive restaurants everyday. My cousin’s hubby is broke because everytime he quits a job, he cashes out his 401k. He said he will work till he croack

I would never believe your story if not for a former friend who is the same way. Resigned and took $110k in 401-k and blew it over 15 months. Tried to blame it on the high cost of COBRA. Nice try......

 

[athena53]

I would never believe your story if not for a former friend who is the same way. Resigned and took $110k in 401-k and blew it over 15 months. Tried to blame it on the high cost of COBRA. Nice try......

My Ex walked out of our divorce with $100K in proceeds from the sale of house- tax-free, of course- and no debts (the $100K was his share net of his credit card and other debts, nine of which had been incurred to support the family). He was also broke within 15 months- didn't even try to get a job because nothing would suit his lofty standards.

I also took $100K out of the sale of the house, used it as a down payment on another house and added a $250K mortgage. I sold it 7 years later at a $200K profit.

 

[Milton]

The husband of the friend of my wife literally ate his inheritance. The guy got about $120k when Mom passed away, and in 1 year or so - it was gone, because he ate and ate at expensive restaurants everyday.

Wow.

But there is an upside, If he routinely eats that much, he’ll die soon and his savings to life expectancy ratio will balance. Funny how works out.

 

[brett]

BRother in law still working at 70. So is his spouse.

He cannot afford to retire. Years and years of ongoing consumer debt and a large mortgage payment. Two cars of course. Always concerned about what up their neighbours, relatives, and church friends will say and think.

They could have been nicely retired years ago if they had smartened up, lived a little below their means, said 'no' more often to their adult children, and saved just a little. Have another SIL in the same boat...essentially homeless at 70.

Consumer debt and the economy is such where we live that my spouses church is now putting on money management and budgeting courses. NOthing to do with investment but simply the basic rules of income and expense math that most people on this forum mastered in their early 20 or late 20's. They are doing it the smart way by bringing in professionals in the field.

 

[jelly bean counter]

x

 

[akidagain2018]

DW suggests I tell people I am a private money manager, when asked.....

I already (still working, 2018 - 2019 exit planned) refer to my 'second job' of running "My Name, Inc." - investments and real estate, which can take up some time. It is often a daily activity, sometimes I'm on two phone calls at the same time, with issues at two diff properties, while reading an estimate for work at another on email, and trying to give out Halloween candy, while still standing - in my living room, still in my suit from the day job. Yeah, I'm ready to just say: I have my own business. Or: I'm consulting/a consultant. I happen to be advising myself.

 

[Markola]

I plan to say I’m taking a sabbatical, one that happens to never end.

 

[Milton]

They are doing it the smart way by bringing in professionals in the field.

 

[RAchip]

We would like to find friends in their late 40s early 50s like us (still with fairly young kids) that are FI and are either semi or totally retired. Its basically impossible. Most people are broke and even the ones that appear to have money and live like us need their large paychecks every two weeks.

 

[Chuckanut]

I have a good friend who retired after working 40 years for the state. He is on the "Golden" pension plan that has not been available to new people since the mid 1970's. His wife, who has worked over 35 years for the state, is on a lesser but still decent plan from the state. Neither is on the hybrid plan that came about in the 90's as part of pension reform (Obviously, I don't live in Illinois. )

He inherited about $300,000 in farmland from his parents.

I don't know what their income is but I doubt it is less than a penny under 100K.

They are both seeking part-time work to help pay for their expenses. New house, new car, upgrades and repairs to their boat, etc. etc. etc.

To each his or her own.

 

[Milton]

His wife, who has worked over 35 years for the state, is on a lesser but still descent plan from the state.

In a descending pension, I suppose payments gradually decline (the opposite of an 'indexed' pension with COLA)?

 

[ncbill]

We would like to find friends in their late 40s early 50s like us (still with fairly young kids) that are FI and are either semi or totally retired. Its basically impossible. Most people are broke and even the ones that appear to have money and live like us need their large paychecks every two weeks.

I doubt many with younger kids would RE, even if they would w/o.

Too many possible unplanned expenses.

I'm in your age range, and RE not really by choice, but at least my youngest is off to college this fall, hopefully mostly paid for by Uncle Sam.