Friends are all broke!

[travelover]

I don't know, in SoCal it seems like I'm the one who's poor and scraping by. Unlike my friends/colleagues and neighbors I don't have two Tesla Xs nor shiny 1/2 ton trucks with more bling than my checking account could handle. There just seems to be a ton of money everywhere here. I often wonder what I did wrong despite me trying to be money conscious all my adult life.

When the tides goes out, you'll see who is swimming naked.

 

[FIREmenow]

I don't know, in SoCal it seems like I'm the one who's poor and scraping by. Unlike my friends/colleagues and neighbors I don't have two Tesla Xs nor shiny 1/2 ton trucks with more bling than my checking account could handle. There just seems to be a ton of [-]money[/-] debt everywhere here. I often wonder what I did wrong despite me trying to be money conscious all my adult life.

You're doing good.

 

[retire2020]

My BIL brags about his negative NW. Money they blow on vacation for a week, we stretch that amount for three weeks. And then we hear from them that they dont have money to repair the leaks they've in house and we take too many vacations. We bought a luxury car this year and now he keeps repeating how poor he is with two salaries and 200K combined income. He keeps telling me that I've been lucky and I've a better job even though we have had single income for about fifteen years. I've made around 200K but the diff is that we've lived below our means and saved a lot which he'll never understand. I've not told him that I've been retired for over a year otherwise he would demand ransom from us to fulfill his extravagant life.

They both work for state and will have pension and health insurance but no ER on horizon.

 

[CoolRich59]

Does anyone else have this issue with friends or family?

I'm going to find out tomorrow night. My wife comes from a very large family (12 kids) and her brothers and sisters have been our primary social circle during our married lives.

I am ERing at the end of the month. We have not made any kind of announcement, but we've told our kids and we assume the word is out now within the extended family.

We are having a wine and cheese party with 4 of my wife's siblings and their spouses tomorrow. 3 of the 4 couples have not done well financially (1 due to huge medical bills, 1 due to my BIL's job being outsourced, and 1 due to my BIL being a spendthrift).

I had raised the topic of "what do we say to people" to the DW a couple of weeks ago, but she didn't think it was necessary. However, last night, she says to me "What do we say if someone asks how you're able to retire early?"

I'm hoping that the evening is uneventful and the subject doesn't come up at all. But, if it does, the wife and I are now aligned on how we'll respond.

 

[braumeister]

My BIL brags about his negative NW.

Definition of dysfunctional?

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I don't know, in SoCal it seems like I'm the one who's poor and scraping by. Unlike my friends/colleagues and neighbors I don't have two Tesla Xs nor shiny 1/2 ton trucks with more bling than my checking account could handle. There just seems to be a ton of money everywhere here. I often wonder what I did wrong despite me trying to be money conscious all my adult life.

We also live in an area where status cars are common. I am sure many people can afford them, but we also know quite a few who use the debt up to their eyeballs method:

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I don't know, in SoCal it seems like I'm the one who's poor and scraping by. Unlike my friends/colleagues and neighbors I don't have two Tesla Xs nor shiny 1/2 ton trucks with more bling than my checking account could handle. There just seems to be a ton of money everywhere here. I often wonder what I did wrong despite me trying to be money conscious all my adult life.

They could be deep in debt trying to pay for those toys. Some people just love to spend more than they have and it gives the false impression they are wealthier than they really are. I used to live in So Cal. Yes there are wealthy people there, but not everybody is and you can't always tell by the vehicles they drive.

So Cal can be a very competitive place and unless one has access to the bank accounts of others it isn't easy to tell who is living above his means and who isn't. In short I wouldn't worry too much what others have. Worry about what you have and how you can get to where you need to be and try and let all that other stuff go.

 

[dvalley]

Oh I totally get that many in SoCal could be in debt but I also think the economy over the past 8yrs or so has made a lot of multi-millionaires, somehow. As an example, a house goes up for sale for around $900k, within 24hrs there are CASH offers for $1MM+

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

Oh I totally get that many in SoCal could be in debt but I also think the economy over the past 8yrs or so has made a lot of multi-millionaires, somehow. As an example, a house goes up for sale for around $900k, within 24hrs there are CASH offers for $1MM+

I guess it just depends how you look at it. I mean I could spend all day being jealous of others who have more money than me. But no good can come of it by being envious. It will just drag me down in the long run. I am not really where I want to be but I work hard on it every day.

I do that not by comparing myself to others, but by knowing what I have now and knowing what I would like to have and working towards the goal. Sure I would like to be rich like Warren Buffett, but I don't have the skills. So I work with what I think is realistic. Then once I reach that I can set another goal.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Oh I totally get that many in SoCal could be in debt but I also think the economy over the past 8yrs or so has made a lot of multi-millionaires, somehow. As an example, a house goes up for sale for around $900k, within 24hrs there are CASH offers for $1MM+

Same up here, but these are both concentrated areas of wealth. When we were deciding if we could afford to retire we looked at the Consumer Expenditure Survey and felt pretty good about our own finances. Worst case we felt we could just move some place cheaper and be the Joneses.

 

[Danmar]

We solve this issue by renting our own VRBO property and then inviting others to join us at no cost to them. Since their lodging is free, and we are spending about what we would anyway, we all have money left over for activities and nice dinners out. The properties have kitchens so we can eat breakfast and occasionally dinner together at home.

This is a good solution. We often invite friends/family to our vacation homes, especially the lake house and our place in Arizona. Don’t expect any contribution but most will bring bring some wine or beer. Guests will usually offer to pay for at least one meal out. We do insist on the 4 day rule and dont allow any self invites though.

 

[ndnguy822000]

I’m not retired but do have those friends who never take advice and are always broke even when they make over 150k a year. Fast forward 10 years and they are worse now after earning all that money. I guess it’s just the amerson way , more you make the more fake rich you are. I’m 35 now but I’ve moved on from those so called “friends” who only show up when they need something and have friends who are more like minded. Most of them are very smart , doctors, businessmen, lawyers etc , I’m the only cable guy but since I don’t have student loans I get to be above their economic status lol

 

[Ready-4-ER-at-14]

We have friends and former neighbors who are quite wealthy re income obtained, both in RE and businesses owned and sold.

We had income that rated pretty high regarding the national average as well. We have numerous friends who appear to have been lower earnings. I've not had many old money family friends but spouse has, going to private schools and college with them.

She can always pick out a wealth pretender by the need to brag about it and is not that interested in how it is obtained. I have so wildly exceeded my expectations that I sometimes just think wow. It's hard not to want to brag (share your good fortune?) when you make in a day what another might make in a month, until I remember that I am just a fish in a very small pond and others could view me similarly. And even if you are the biggest fish, you flounder or die and another takes that place.

I like to talk about investing and money if the other people are into it, because it is a game to me, lots of shiny doodads, and lots of adrenalin if you wish, so definitely outed as not old money blue blood. I think to them it is just gasoline in the car, unimportant as long as whomever tends your car fills it on schedule.

We get vacation spots with timeshares and invite friends and family. Those that are willing and able usually contribute something to the food while there and usually pick up their day play expenses. Some even buy us a meal or slip us a few bucks. Some bring food from home to contribute. If they ask cost we just mention portion of annual fee and never buy in cost.

 

[brett]

x

 

[Scrapr]

I had raised the topic of "what do we say to people" to the DW a couple of weeks ago, but she didn't think it was necessary. However, last night, she says to me "What do we say if someone asks how you're able to retire early?"

I'm hoping that the evening is uneventful and the subject doesn't come up at all. But, if it does, the wife and I are now aligned on how we'll respond.

Perfect time to ask them for a loan of undetermined length! Drop in that you are starting up a bottle collection business for the deposit money. And did you know sometimes grocery stores throw out perfectly good food in the dumpster?

Have some fun with it

 

[jazz4cash]

Ready, I love this line:

"I think to them it is just gasoline in the car, unimportant as long as whomever tends your car fills it on schedule. "

 

[akidagain2018]

There are differences in finances and then there are differences in finances. I've been fortunate, much younger than my siblings so in the next generation where there was more opportunity, had some good breaks. I've helped out siblings from time to time, pay the heat kinda stuff even now. But they're old enough to be aunts or uncles, so it's different. I never had any issue with this between friends or colleagues but I notice as I've gotten older that it can feel like a big barrier with some people. One former friend, I think, "had a hard time being around me" -- perhaps at my age it all looks easy from a distance -- when in actuality I worked my tail off and saved, and invested, and deferred enjoyment, and lost sleep.... She eventually moved on. Some people "can't make the climb" and reaching FIRE is a climb too far for many for many and varied reasons. I'm nearing my exit from Mega Corp world. I plan to imply or state outright that I am still working in my profession as a consultant, so as to not offend anyone. No one will ever know whether or what I'm doing, I float between properties in diff states. I even plan to do this with my sister.

 

[Markola]

“Well, there’s always a bigger fish.” Qui-Gon Jin

 

[redduck]

When the tides goes out, you'll see who is swimming naked.

I hope that you're right. We have a lot of beautiful people living around here.

 

[travelover]

I hope that you're right. We have a lot of beautiful people living around here.

Uh, yea, but there are no doubt some pretty ugly ones, too. And a lot of luxury cars going back to the bank.

 

[Music Lover]

I'm nearing my exit from Mega Corp world. I plan to imply or state outright that I am still working in my profession as a consultant, so as to not offend anyone. No one will ever know whether or what I'm doing, I float between properties in diff states. I even plan to do this with my sister.

I guess I'm fortunate that I've never had to lie about my retirement status to prevent offending people, or maybe I was just to oblivious to notice. But, for those who found out I retired early and don't like it, that's their problem, not mine.

 

[Bigdawg]

I'm going to find out tomorrow night. My wife comes from a very large family (12 kids) and her brothers and sisters have been our primary social circle during our married lives.

I'm hoping that the evening is uneventful and the subject doesn't come up at all. But, if it does, the wife and I are now aligned on how we'll respond.

How did it go?

 

[Scuba]

I guess I'm fortunate that I've never had to lie about my retirement status to prevent offending people, or maybe I was just to oblivious to notice. But, for those who found out I retired early and don't like it, that's their problem, not mine.

+1

 

[Danmar]

I guess I'm fortunate that I've never had to lie about my retirement status to prevent offending people, or maybe I was just to oblivious to notice. But, for those who found out I retired early and don't like it, that's their problem, not mine.

No kidding. There was a whole thread on this issue recently. Like anyone would lie about it? I keep thinking about some poor schlep who goes out every morning pretending to go to work so he won’t offend anyone because he’s retired.

 

[iloveyoga]

I've had a few people say "wow how did you do that, I want to too" but if I share even a little of what we did (work, save, eat at home, etc) a lot of people really don't want to do that.