How have you reduced competition in your ER lives?

[Lsbcal]

I find that if I can reduce some of my competitive activities and urges then my anxiety level goes down somewhat. Maybe this is not an issue for some or they actually thrive on competition. Our modern society really does seem to encourage intense competition.

For instance, I was playing on-line chess (on Lichess) and finding the competition was just a little bit too intense. So I stopped playing for awhile and now I am coming back with a better attitude. I'm trying to play against players at or below my rating level and in "casual" instead of rated games. I'm trying to improve my skills through puzzles and to necessarily to improve my rating.

I'm also trying to not win "friendly" arguments. Starting with DW. I'm trying to detect friction earlier and backing away or just dropping the subject.

So assuming you have ER'd and work competition has been eliminated, what have you done to reduce the amount of competition in your life? Or is it not an issue for you?

 

[Dtail]

I find that if I can reduce some of my competitive activities and urges then my anxiety level goes down somewhat. Maybe this is not an issue for some or they actually thrive on competition. Our modern society really does seem to encourage intense competition.

For instance, I was playing on-line chess (on Lichess) and finding the competition was just a little bit too intense. So I stopped playing for awhile and now I am coming back with a better attitude. I'm trying to play against players at or below my rating level and in "casual" instead of rated games. I'm trying to improve my skills through puzzles and to necessarily to improve my rating.

I'm also trying to not win "friendly" arguments. Starting with DW. I'm trying to detect friction earlier and backing away or just dropping the subject.

So assuming you have ER'd and work competition has been eliminated, what have you done to reduce the amount of competition in your life? Or is it not an issue for you?

Bolded by me - now you get it.
Actually the only competition in my life is playing Pickleball and that does not give me stress. Only somewhat stressful when playing in tournaments and thus I have been limiting my participation in those venues.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't try to reduce competition in my life; I don't seek it out, except to survive.

 

[COcheesehead]

I compete with myself in endurance cycling. I find it really relaxes me.

I also try and live by one of my favorite sayings:

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

 

[ERD50]

I'm also trying to not win "friendly" arguments.

An argument (discussion) is not something to be "won". It is something to learn from.

Approach it like this - "Can this person show me I'm wrong? Good! If they do that, I've learned something, and I'm now smarter than I was before". If you 'win' the argument, you have not learned anything. If you do it right, the other person may have, but that's probably up to them more than it is up to you.

-ERD50

 

[Lsbcal]

I compete with myself in endurance cycling. I find it really relaxes me.

I also try and live by one of my favorite sayings:

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

I like it. Thanks.

 

[Gumby]

These days, my competitive urges are limited to trying to beat my average on the NYT crossword puzzle every morning and trying to make my garden grow better than last year.

 

[Lsbcal]

An argument (discussion) is not something to be "won". It is something to learn from.

Approach it like this - "Can this person show me I'm wrong? Good! If they do that, I've learned something, and I'm now smarter than I was before". If you 'win' the argument, you have not learned anything. If you do it right, the other person may have, but that's probably up to them more than it is up to you.

-ERD50

We would have to dissect the actual discussion with facial expressions and voice expressions. So I think it is not simple to analyze in a face to face discussion.

You have set up a kind of negative view of what I wrote. Don't get me wrong, I am not offended. And this is the internet after all. I get that you are trying to learn something but it's also important (to me) that the other person be pleased with the discussion.

With DW, she is kind of put off by a blunt expression of the other side of the coin. I think others may be like this too in certain social settings. So I have to learn to ease into perhaps a different point of view without offending. Like maybe saying something positive about the other's view and then saying something like "What do you think about this ... ?". I don't know that I have a well developed skill at this.

 

[friar1610]

I don’t know if this is just minor stress or if it qualifies as a type of competition.

I’ve been in an email group for years with a bunch of fellow Navy retirees. I enjoy the stories shared about the “old days” or about what other shipmates are doing. Increasingly, I’ve not been enjoying it when someone shares an opinion piece (politics, national security issues, the military today [hint: it’s gone to hell since we got out], environment, economics, Fed policy, etc). Then everyone has to comment on the article, comment on others’ comments, comment on comments to comments, etc. There was probably some competition to comment cogently on the article and to be persuasive bringing others around to one’s own point of view. I finally got sick of reading articles that I would not otherwise have read if I’d run across them independently of this group - it was starting to feel more like reading assignments from a teacher than banter with my buds. Also, the volume of emails filling my in-box was getting out of control as I strove to keep up.

Finally, I said, “I quit for a few months - take me off distribution for emails such as these.” I’m about a month into this and am still evaluating whether I’m going to make it permanent or not. But absent the “competition” of keeping up my in-box as far fewer emails!

I also agree with posts above about competing to win arguments. At a certain point (quite early in the discussion) I’ve made it a habit to just say, “You may be/could be right” and just move on to something else.

 

[Sojourner]

The only thing that comes to mind for me is that I've almost entirely stopped watching televised sports, like football, tennis, basketball, etc. Sure, I might be missing some of the momentary, fleeting highs of "my" team winning the big game, but I'm also spared the much more frequent disappointments of my team losing or not making it to the playoffs, etc. IMHO, life's too short to spend time following and being emotionally invested in the (infrequent) ups and (frequent) downs of arbitrary teams of wealthy strangers who happen to be really good at certain sporting activities.

On the flip side, DW and I have been spending more time in recent months playing board/card games, both competitive and cooperative. I still need to work on my "being a good loser" skills when it comes to certain games, but playing interesting, challenging, well-crafted board games is a LOT more fun and rewarding than watching, say, a professional basketball game.

 

[Aerides]

I gave up workplace competitiveness long before I ER'd, after I realized it was all pretty useless. It was always more about who like you vs. what you delivered. Oh sure, you had to deliver well, but the cream that rose to the top usually had another connection of some sort. Or they were on the hotter project, or their boss was liked more by the higher boss, that sort of thing.

Similarly, personal competition was fun as a kid, but I don't do that sort of thing anymore for years - I used to enter all the town arts and crafts contests, and usually swept the field. I liked getting good grades, etc.

Nowadays, not ER related, and not through any direct effort at reduction, any competitiveness I have is the friendly sort - ala daily wordle score comparisons with DH and my sister. She and I also like to compete the "best" gifts for our parents. Not the biggest, grandest thing, but elusive perfect thing they never knew they wanted.

Anything else is just competing with myself. Am I running a bit faster/longer? Can I bench a bit more than last month, does fitbit say my steps were a new record? Is that new recipe I'm trying getting better each time? Does my cat purr more if I rub her belly just right?

 

[Rianne]

I compete in online euchre with live players. The problem is I have to depend on a good partner or be lucky to win enough points without them. I have been known to get frustrated and quit for a while when the cards are bad.

I don't think I compete with anyone in my life, family, neighbors, or friends. What's the point? I have nothing to prove.

 

[Lsbcal]

...

I don't think I compete with anyone in my life, family, neighbors, or friends. What's the point? I have nothing to prove.

My theory is that with guys it is testosterone poisoning.

 

[Lsbcal]

The only thing that comes to mind for me is that I've almost entirely stopped watching televised sports, like football, tennis, basketball, etc. Sure, I might be missing some of the momentary, fleeting highs of "my" team winning the big game, but I'm also spared the much more frequent disappointments of my team losing or not making it to the playoffs, etc. IMHO, life's too short to spend time following and being emotionally invested in the (infrequent) ups and (frequent) downs of arbitrary teams of wealthy strangers who happen to be really good at certain sporting activities.

On the flip side, DW and I have been spending more time in recent months playing board/card games, both competitive and cooperative. I still need to work on my "being a good loser" skills when it comes to certain games, but playing interesting, challenging, well-crafted board games is a LOT more fun and rewarding than watching, say, a professional basketball game.

Yes, those sports games can be really frustrating for me to watch. When I was a teen I'd be down for the day if the SF Giants lost. Now I hardly watch any sports and don't have to pay the higher prices for viewing either.

 

[Calico]

The only competitive activity I have engaged in since retiring is competing with my 15-year-old cat to see who can nap more.

There is not a snowball's chance in h#ll that I will ever catch up to her, but it's fun trying.

 

[RobbieB]

I've never been competitive.

 

[jollystomper]

Competition is not an issue for me. In one sense, if one is truly FIREd one has "won" the life competition, as one has enough to support oneselves (and one's family), not be a burden on others now or in the future, and no need to accumulate more financial assets other than for "wants", not needs. From that standpoint, for me there is no competition. I am not "competing" with anyone for more money, knowledge, influence, friends, material things, position, or relationships, so any interactions that fall into those categories are not competitions in my mind (as much as others might want to make you feel that way).

From an games/entertainment/sports perspective, I am still competitive, I do want to win, but it does not stress me out. If I lose, so what. As long as I felt I have done my best, and/or improved some aspect of my skill in what I participate in, I am fine. I compete more with myself than with others in these pursuits.

Also... there were past "competitions" that I participated in that I was surprised to have won, or was one of the winners. Maybe those experiences have me satisfied for life.

 

[MC Rider]

Quit doing group motorcycle rides.
Too many people seemed to think it was a competition.
Sometimes they do stupid stuff as a result, and mess up everyones day.



I just wanted to ride to eat, eat to ride.

Happy to just do my own thing.

 

[Dtail]

The only thing that comes to mind for me is that I've almost entirely stopped watching televised sports, like football, tennis, basketball, etc. Sure, I might be missing some of the momentary, fleeting highs of "my" team winning the big game, but I'm also spared the much more frequent disappointments of my team losing or not making it to the playoffs, etc. IMHO, life's too short to spend time following and being emotionally invested in the (infrequent) ups and (frequent) downs of arbitrary teams of wealthy strangers who happen to be really good at certain sporting activities.

On the flip side, DW and I have been spending more time in recent months playing board/card games, both competitive and cooperative. I still need to work on my "being a good loser" skills when it comes to certain games, but playing interesting, challenging, well-crafted board games is a LOT more fun and rewarding than watching, say, a professional basketball game.

Since retirement, I have lost a lot of interest in watching professional sports.
Still watch it at times, but a lot less frequently.

 

[Lsbcal]

Competition is not an issue for me. In one sense, if one is truly FIREd one has "won" the life competition, as one has enough to support oneselves (and one's family), not be a burden on others now or in the future, and no need to accumulate more financial assets other than for "wants", not needs. From that standpoint, for me there is no competition. I am not "competing" with anyone for more money, knowledge, influence, friends, material things, position, or relationships, so any interactions that fall into those categories are not competitions in my mind (as much as others might want to make you feel that way).

From an games/entertainment/sports perspective, I am still competitive, I do want to win, but it does not stress me out. If I lose, so what. As long as I felt I have done my best, and/or improved some aspect of my skill in what I participate in, I am fine. I compete more with myself than with others in these pursuits.

Also... there were past "competitions" that I participated in that I was surprised to have won, or was one of the winners. Maybe those experiences have me satisfied for life.

I'm working on that "improve the skill set" mental framework.

 

[Gumby]

As a litigator, I spent 27 years of my life as a professional competitor. I competed every day against the lawyers on the other side of my cases, and for me to win in court, they had to lose. And vice versa. I worked hard at it and was fairly successful, but that was business. I had and have no desire to compete with anyone in my personal life, and it's all personal life now.

 

[W2R]

I feel like I competed throughout my entire life, at school, work, or whatever. Finally I won the grand prize - - a wonderful retirement. This is better than winning "Queen for a Day".

Anyway, having won, I have no more reason to compete. I already won and it's time to kick back and enjoy the results of my efforts.

(Such as, sleeping late, doing what I want to do when I want to do it, being able to afford more than just the necessities of life, and so on.) I have no more desire to compete and no more need to do so, either.

 

[stepford]

One of my favorite sayings is, "Winning is for Losers". Interpret it as you will.

 

[Ronstar]

I was competitive for years - through school, sports, work. But now I’m seldom competitive because I rarely engage in activities where there is competition.

 

[Lsbcal]

I feel like I competed throughout my entire life, at school, work, or whatever. Finally I won the grand prize - - a wonderful retirement. This is better than winning "Queen for a Day".

...

Boy that brought back ancient memories.