Losing relationships

[Gazingus]

I'm three years away, but it seems pretty evident that retirees are immediately out of the "club" and socializing pretty much ends with those who are still on the job.

It's kind of like the skydive instructor told me: "If you don't jump, we don't hang with you, because there is nothing to talk about."

We have some really good friends there, but it's built on that common interest (I'm in management and the friends I refer to are peers at other locations. We have to travel to get together). I think these relationships will wither on the vine.

Anybody back that up with experience?

 

[walkinwood]

Our experience is just the opposite. We moved to a new city and had to make new friends. We found it quite easy to do - and none of our friends are retired.

We did have to take the initiative early on and used meetup.com. But now, we seem to be extending our friends circle by meeting friends of friends with whom we get along well. Our neighbors have been incredibly friendly too.

 

[KingB]

Not true.
I still hang out with my former co-workers after I retired.
We have plenty to talk about besides work. Before I retired, we seldom talk about our jobs when we are together for lunch or any get-together anyway.

 

[FIREd]

Are they really "friends" if all you have in common is work?

 

[W2R]

I'm kind of an INTJ, so for me one of the best things about retiring is that I no longer have to engage in social interactions with my co-workers (as nice as they were).

I spend my time either alone, or with Frank and/or other retirees such as the daytime attendees at my gym. I haven't made any effort to see anybody from work, and I haven't seen any except for three that I ran into (separately on different occasions), at restaurants or the grocery store. It was fun to see them and talk for a little while, but to be honest each seemed exhausted and stressed out and I felt sorry for them. All three said that "things had gone downhill" at my work since the time I left, and that I had left at the right time. Well, that was purely accidental since I left on the first day I could, but sheer luck I guess.

You know, the people I worked with were really nice. Still, there is a whole world out there filled with many, many other nice people, too, that I have never even met yet. When working, one is stuck at work all day long and there is limited opportunity to establish or develop friendships. When we retire, we have all the time in the world to see our friends, seek out and nurture new friendships if need be, or we can spend more time alone if we wish, or do whatever we wish about friendships. To me, it is the best of all possible worlds.

 

[Meadbh]

You know, the people I worked with were really nice. Still, there is a whole world out there filled with many, many other nice people, too, that I have never even met yet. When working, one is stuck at work all day long and there is limited opportunity to establish or develop friendships. When we retire, we have all the time in the world to see our friends, seek out and nurture new friendships if need be, or we can spend more time alone if we wish, or do whatever we wish about friendships. To me, it is the best of all possible worlds.

W2R, that is so true! I still keep in touch with some good friends from the world of w*rk, and it is a privilege to have known them, but there were many people at w*rk whom I am only too happy to leave behind. I was courteous to them all because it helped to get the w*rk done. I am fortunate to have developed a whole new social circle of people who have nothing whatsoever to do with my w*rk. Many of them are ERs. We have been discussing how many people take their identities from their w*rk and how self defeating that is. Every single one of my new friends is interesting and unique.

 

[MBAustin]

I have been surprised at how little I have interacted with most of my former co-w*rkers, even though I was primarily managing virtual teams so we rarely saw each other (meaning it's no harder to be in touch now than before).

I do still go back to the office for a weekly yoga class (love the instructor) and I get enough of a glimpse into megacorp insanity to keep me counting my ER blessings.

 

[Ready]

Most of my former coworkers lost interest in me once I left. I guess they were mainly "work friends", and not so much "life friends".

 

[LoneAspen]

Most of my former coworkers lost interest in me once I left. I guess they were mainly "work friends", and not so much "life friends".

"Single serving friends" is how I think of them, from the same line from the movie Fight Club.

I don't tend to socialize with people at work. I only have one set of friends I routinely socialize with, and I met them almost 15 years ago at another company. They're the only ones I've maintained contact with.

It's another reason I avoid workplace events like holiday parties, etc. I have to work around these people for 40 or more hours a week, I don't feel like socializing with them, too. I have a different circle of non-workmates for that.

 

[FreeAtLast]

I was called back to work PT after a year in full retirement. So I see some of the people that I used to work with. A few people that I was friendly with have since left so I pretty much just do a few hours of work and leave.

They used to have social gatherings, however, times got rough and no more parties.

 

[Bigal50]

Most of my former coworkers lost interest in me once I left. I guess they were mainly "work friends", and not so much "life friends".

+1

It happened week one of retirement when they didn't respond to my emails.

 

[Richard4444]

We all have many acquaintances that we falsely perceive as friends. If you did well, would they be envious or truly happy for you? You only need a very few number of friends, and acquaintances are fine to hang with, go to events with, spend time with, but don't fool yourself into mixing the two. In ER and with a move to a new city, and just change in general, we have kept our true friends, and have made a bunch of new acquaintances, whom we are happy to share events with and to know the limitations.

 

[frayne]

Are they really "friends" if all you have in common is work?

Excellent point.

 

[eytonxav]

I still have good friends from my original mega corp from which I retired back in 2003. We get together every few months for dinner and other activities.

Also, still maintaining friendships from my more recent mega-corp which I retired from back in April. Maybe I am not a typical INTJ.

 

[GT1 Doug]

I found that I spend more social time with my friends from work now that I am retired. When I was still working, our schedules rarely seem to coincide. Now that I am not working, I can usually "work" around their schedule. As a result we spend far more time together away from the work place than we ever did.

I had the good fortune of working with a large group of outstanding individuals over the years, however, of the those people I worked with, my friends from work were those that shared common interests beyond work, the rest were just coworkers, most of whom I respected and enjoyed working with.

The one thing that slightly distressed me after I retired, was the fact that I noticed I only had two friends outside of work, the rest were all people I worked with. I attributed that to the long hours spent at megacorp over 32 years.

 

[truenorth418]

I have worked at several companies, and my experience has always been that over time I have left most of my co-workers behind when I have left the job behind. There have been a few rare exceptions. And for the rest, there is Facebook.

 

[scrabbler1]

Most of the coworkers I had in my years of work I lost touch with after I left in 2008. My best friend/coworker calls me once in a while or emails me once in a while to chat (although sometimes it is a work question EEK!). A few others I get an email once in a while. A few others I kept in touch with for a while have left the company and I never had their home email, not that I am broken up about that. A few others who retired (early, YAY!) just before I left the company I stayed in touch with for a while but nothing recently (which is disappointing because we actually DO have something particular in common being early retirees).

Other than the best friend/coworker and one other friend/coworker I had from my working days, I don't expect any consistent contact with anyone else anyway. I was never a big socialite at work in the 23 years I worked there. None of these people live near me so it isn't like we would ever get together outside of work now that I am not there.

 

[Redbugdave]

"Single serving friends" is how I think of them, from the same line from the movie Fight Club.

I don't tend to socialize with people at work. I only have one set of friends I routinely socialize with, and I met them almost 15 years ago at another company. They're the only ones I've maintained contact with.

It's another reason I avoid workplace events like holiday parties, etc. I have to work around these people for 40 or more hours a week, I don't feel like socializing with them, too. I have a different circle of non-workmates for that.

That's exactly the same way I feel, too. There's work friends and real friends.

 

[cantlogin]

The people that I had to interact with at w**k are largely the reason that I wanted to retire.

I have far more quality friendships now than I ever did when employed.

 

[Elantan]

Have to admit I am looking forward to losing all my " friends"

I'm an introverted person that loves spending time by myself ... I find being around people a chore

 

[ls99]

Lucky I guess, never confused friends with co-workers. In all the years and several occupations I made a few frieds. Very few.

 

[martyp]

I am 2.5 yrs into ER and I still see co-w*rkers every couple of months. We go out to lunch and I say to people at the office. As time goes on though, turnover has resulted in several people leaving. I expect the number of people I know there will decrease steadily over time.

 

[Larro Darro]

Have to admit I am looking forward to losing all my " friends"

I'm an introverted person that loves spending time by myself ... I find being around people a chore

Me too. I tell folks upfront that I am anti-social. They think I'm kidding. I'm not.

We only have three employees at my company. I used to be very close friends with one of them. Now not so much. I rarely see him at all, and onlyspend a half hour with my boss twice a week. So coworkers are just not much of an issue for me, one way or the other.

Customers are another story. I've done this job for 22 years, so everyone in town knows me. When there are two or three hundred people in the building, and half of them wanting to say hello, you will find me in my office with the door shut. Likely as not, posting here.

 

[Moscyn]

I guess things are different for me. I moved to Hong Kong for work more than 20 years ago. I worked in mainly 4 different firms in this country before I retired. Most of my friends now are from my previous firms. Some have also retired early but most are still working. When we were colleagues, we mostly just met at work and did not bother to develop our friendship further but when I left the firms, I made it a point to meet them for lunch or dinner on a regular basis as I genuinely see the potential to develop lasting friendships with them. Of course there were others I did not bother much to keep in touch. So now I have a few groups of close friends from different stages of my life. But I must say, extending a relationship from colleagues to lasting friends require effort from both parties.

 

[kcowan]

We have made a bunch of new retired friends both up north and down south. They seem to have more similarity in interests than the working gang. In some cases, our winter friends have also become summer friends.