Retire where your kids will want to visit you?

[qwerty3656]

We are nearing retirement and really have no reason to stay where we are. My wife suggested we find a place our kids would want to come visit to move to.
My counter was that those places are too expensive.

Any suggestions on places where people like to vacation/visit that aren't expensive to move to? Any thoughts on the premise that kids will come to you if your in the right location?

 

[pacergal]

My hope would be that my kids would come visit me no matter where I lived!

What is it you are looking for? Warm weather, Summer or winter activities (ie swimming vs skiing), arts/cultural activities? Plan your retirement for what you and DW want to do, rather than if/when/how often your kids will visit.

 

[Jerry1]

We’re lucky in that our kids never moved too far away. One is very close (we moved closer to her due to the grandkids) and the other is only about an hour away. My guess is that unless you live in a very special place, like on the beach, where you live is not going to be the determinate of whether or not your kids come see you. It may help a little, but even if it’s a nice place, how often are they going to want to come there. Think in terms of a time share.

Maybe a better solution is to find a place you and your spouse like and can afford and put the extra money toward paying for or subsidizing family vacations. If possible, staying within a reasonable drive to the kids. Or, near a hub airport.

 

[qwerty3656]

My hope would be that my kids would come visit me no matter where I lived!

What is it you are looking for? Warm weather, Summer or winter activities (ie swimming vs skiing), arts/cultural activities? Plan your retirement for what you and DW want to do, rather than if/when/how often your kids will visit.

Your basic warmer weather locations (Arizona, Florida, etc). (Actually, If I could waive a magic wand, I would probably pick living in an upscale ski resort town in Colorado - I know this counters my previous sentence - but it would have to come with the money to afford the lifestyle which we don't have).

 

[Act2]

My aunt lived on Waikiki and thought it was wonderful that everyone came to visit. And they did - but only every several years. I think our family of five went a total of three times over 15 years. It was easier for her to travel alone to see family than it was for a family group to travel to see her.

I have other friends in Florida. We were thrilled and were going to go visit. It’s been 10 years. We haven’t made it there yet due to cost and time of work issues.

I think if your family does already travel frequently the distance you are talking about, you may have a different matter. But if you’re hoping people who are generally homebodies now will suddenly travel, us homebodies pretty much stay home and rarely travel even though we like the idea as a general concept.

 

[Brat]

My parents purchased a place in Waikiki, we visited once because the cost of visiting with children was too expensive.

My suggestion, if you can cope with extreme weather is Sunriver, Oregon. Lots for young families to do.

My daughter and her husband purchased a home on the lake at Lake of the Pines recently. They are anticipating visits by her children and their friends as there are lots to do on the lake.

My suggestion is that you find a home convenient to family and where there are lots for families to do.

Keep in mind that health care services need to be convenient for you. For that reason, I do not recommend a home on the Oregon coast.

 

[djsander]

We retired to a little higher cost of living area. It is a high desert location. Our kids weren’t thrilled with visiting we’re we were living but they would visit us. Both came to visit us at our retirement location and said they would make more trips to see us. It’s not the cost of living which stops them it’s how they perceive the location and what is available to them when they visit, Y’all need to define what you want to do, the climate and what your willing to spend to live there. Probably get a good discussion with your children on what areas they would visit. We ended up in the right place.

 

[ivinsfan]

I have a little different take. Find a place you like where you can afford a nice sized home for family visits.Ideally it would be close to a major airport with lots of flight options.
Bonus points if it's fairly close to major interstate access.


Your family because of jobs and kids aging will care if it's easy and cheap to get to, has an interstate to speed up road travel and that there is room for them to stay comfortably without spending for a hotel.

 

[Music Lover]

We are nearing retirement and really have no reason to stay where we are. My wife suggested we find a place our kids would want to come visit to move to.
My counter was that those places are too expensive.

Any suggestions on places where people like to vacation/visit that aren't expensive to move to? Any thoughts on the premise that kids will come to you if your in the right location?

It's all about distance. If they work and have kids visits could be limited to once a year or far less if you're too far away, regardless of how nice it is. Visiting parents is likely only part of what your kids want to do with limited vacation time.

 

[Luvtoride]

qwerty, how often are you expecting the kids to visit? I think the biggest factor for young families these days is having the TIME and money to travel, not WHERE you live. Between jobs with limited vacation time, activities that your grand kids are involved with and the cost of travel, I wouldn't count on too many visits regardless of where you are.
Are your kids near where you live now or are they already dispersed to various part of the country and far away from you? You stated that you "really have no reason to stay where we are". Is being close and accessible to your kids important? It sure is to me and my family.

 

[aaronc879]

I would suggest you live wherever YOU want to live and then visit your kids. You will have much more time to visit them than they will have to visit you. Don't worry about getting a big house with room for all the kids to visit. Get a place that is right for you 365 days a year not a place that is good for the kids a few days a year.

 

[athena53]

qwerty, how often are you expecting the kids to visit? I think the biggest factor for young families these days is having the TIME and money to travel, not WHERE you live. Between jobs with limited vacation time, activities that your grand kids are involved with and the cost of travel, I wouldn't count on too many visits regardless of where you are.

I agree. DS and DDIL are a 3-hour drive away. It just worked out that way. We sent DS to college in Des Moines and he stayed there! They were just here last weekend with the 3 kids and yes, hauling 3 kids ages 7 and under and their paraphernalia is a job. DDIL home-schools them and DS works a 4-day week so they have more flexibility but the 2 girls have ballet (one Mondays, one Thursdays) and they LOVE it.

I visit them more often than vice versa.

My parents retired in N. Myrtle Beach and 3 of my 4 siblings were a few hours away so they got more visits and they had very good relationships with their grandchildren. I was in NJ, so we saw them maybe 3 X/year. Mom had joked that they moved near the ocean so they'd get family visits and it actually did work out that way.

Don't worry too much about what there is to do. Kids can be pretty easily entertained with activity books, walks, learning to cook, reading to them, birdwatching, gardening..visits don't have to be theme parks and organized activities 24/7.

 

[Midpack]

I would suggest you live wherever YOU want to live and then visit your kids. You will have much more time to visit them than they will have to visit you. Don't worry about getting a big house with room for all the kids to visit. Get a place that is right for you 365 days a year not a place that is good for the kids a few days a year.

+1, seems like a better option? I'd rather have the house we want for ourselves, than one that's ideal for kids/grands who may visit a couple weeks a year.

Even if you choose a HIGHLY desirable location, I doubt your kids/grands will visit often after the novelty wears off - travel costs and time will always be an obstacle. If your kids have moved away, most seniors I know move close (but not too close, not next door) to their kids so they can visit or host often.

 

[tmm99]

I would suggest you live wherever YOU want to live and then visit your kids. You will have much more time to visit them than they will have to visit you. Don't worry about getting a big house with room for all the kids to visit. Get a place that is right for you 365 days a year not a place that is good for the kids a few days a year.

+1.

Having said that, personally, I'd like to live within one to two hours of where they live. It'd make holiday, long weekend, summer break get-togethers much more doable, but I'd be really sad if they had to move.

 

[JRon]

For us it worked out because our kids moved back to their hometown and we never moved away.

Friends of ours bought a lake cabin 3 hours from their home, but only 1 hour from where 2 of their 3 kids live and their hoping the 3rd one moves there too. Our friends have the time to go to the cabin a lot and they’re hoping the kids will want to visit a lot because it’s close and free!

 

[Dash man]

We’re also fortunate to have both of our son’s families near us. One moved here from Seattle last year because housing is just too expensive. DIL was able to work out a transfer and DS works remotely, so he can live anywhere. They chose to be by us and we’re happy to have everyone close. Our three grandkids will grow up near us! [emoji16]

 

[Walt34]

A close relative moved to FL, thinking it was ideal for retirement and that their five kids would love visiting there. It turned out the timing was terrible; all their kids were starting jobs/careers and simply did not have the leave time available (not to mention the money) to take a week off at a time and visit FL. DW and I were invited multiple times, but I too had just bought a house and didn't have the spare money to spend on trips.

Eventually they grew wiser, sold the place in FL, and moved back to Northern VA.

 

[athena53]

A couple more thoughts: as you become less independent you may want your kids closer. A friend who was born and raised in Ohio has parents who moved to Arkansas and they're getting close to 90. They're having trouble maintaining their place by themselves and they expect their kids to come down and help out. My plan, should this happen, is to find the level of care I need near DSS and DDIL so they don't have to run back and forth to check on me.

Also- kids move. I think DS and DDIL are pretty much rooted in Des Moines. They love their church, DDIL's parents are nearby and there are other opportunities in DS' field in the area if he changes jobs, but you can't always assume that wherever you retire your kids will always be X miles away.

 

[ivinsfan]

A couple more thoughts: as you become less independent you may want your kids closer. A friend who was born and raised in Ohio has parents who moved to Arkansas and they're getting close to 90. They're having trouble maintaining their place by themselves and they expect their kids to come down and help out. My plan, should this happen, is to find the level of care I need near DSS and DDIL so they don't have to run back and forth to check on me.

Also- kids move. I think DS and DDIL are pretty much rooted in Des Moines. They love their church, DDIL's parents are nearby and there are other opportunities in DS' field in the area if he changes jobs, but you can't always assume that wherever you retire your kids will always be X miles away.

We have a single friend that moved to DM for work from what he says the town is thriving and jobs abound. Now that would be something to consider when either moving to your kids or locating away from them..

 

[Golden sunsets]

Our daughter moved back to the area in which she grew up, (which we never left) during the pandemic and will be able to work remotely indefinitely. DS is 1.5 hours away, also quite convenient and I wouldn't be surprised if he moved even closer.

 

[Brat]

qwerty, how often are you expecting the kids to visit? I think the biggest factor for young families these days is having the TIME and money to travel, not WHERE you live. Between jobs with limited vacation time, activities that your grand kids are involved with and the cost of travel, I wouldn't count on too many visits regardless of where you are.
Are your kids near where you live now or are they already dispersed to various part of the country and far away from you? You stated that you "really have no reason to stay where we are". Is being close and accessible to your kids important? It sure is to me and my family.

I agree. When I consider the obligations of my children and their children's activities they rarely have time to visit us. We visit our children in California, the local family we see regularly.

 

[kcowan]

We have friends who live on a gulf island accessible by boat only. Kids come in the summer, sometimes multiple times.

Everyone else I know has had limited success with getting the kids to come. Sometimes once a year but often very seldom. Another had an island and it was great for the kids but when they grew up one moved to Paris and another to BC. A third stayed nearby. (2.5 hours)

So I think it will depend on the individual situations. When our kids come to visit in Mexico, we arrange for accomodation nearby. Our place is big enough for family gatherings but not five people as guests.

 

[tb001]

I agree with those who have said make it convenient/easy. If your kids are relatively stable in their location, then living within a short flight in a desirable area will certainly help with visits.

That said, when DH and I were both working and my father retired, I became very resentful of the demands they made (or tried to make) with respect to visits. They had far more financial resources available and all the time in the world, but trips were a one way thing, despite many invitations. The trip for us involved a full travel day there and another back and considerable $. When you might have 10 days of vacation/yr, it’s too much to expect kids to spend 5 days of it and half of their budget on a trip to see family, imo. In contrast, my mother was a direct flight, an hour away. I could fly up Thursday night on a cheap flight over a long weekend. Or drive for a slightly longer trip.

If you live in a destination they want to come visit, that’s easy to get to, I can see the appeal. Or if they can work remotely and spend a longer time there. I would head up to see my mom for a month in the summer in a heartbeat. They live in a beautiful location, we can drive it in a day, and their home is easy and comfortable to be in.

But the point that’s been made about living close enough to have kids help as you age is one to consider. At this point, unless my parents are willing to relocate, there’s not a lot I can help with.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

From experience.


Live where you want and when you want to go see your kids and grandkids, go close by and get a great hotel where they can come over and swim and eat great.


Young couples are starving for time and the travel to go see relatives and sleep on the couch is hard on them.


Also. From what I've seen as people get older they don't have the patience to have grandchildren running loose in their house. It's better to have your own roofs and space.


Live where you want and go see them and have fun.

 

[sengsational]

There's some math that should be done with any place you chose, especially if it's cheap to stay put. How much more would it cost, one time and annual, to move to the fabled kid magnet location? For that money, could you sponsor an all-expenses paid trip to any one of many kid magnet locations? Wouldn't it be fun to say this year on Myconos, next year on Waikiki?