Where to Live: An Experiment

[tb001]

I don’t envy your decision. I too love both lifestyles. We’re not on a farm now, but much more rural than we’ve lived before and we’re loving it. That said we’re still fairly close to drs, stores, etc. 20-30 minutes to most of a larger metro area. It gives us the peace and privacy that I need. Still, I miss walking down a busy block to dinner or grabbing a glass of wine at the wine bar downstairs.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. It’s easy to rent an Airbnb in an urban area for a week and be able to enjoy the lifestyle without owning. Maybe harder to do that in the country? It sounds like part of the issue is that both places require a lot of time. Would a low maintenance condo in an urban area be a nice compliment to the farm? Could you use your farm cottage as a caretakers place to cut down on the time spent maintaining the property?

 

[Major Tom]

Everyone else's mileage will vary, of course but, for me, the connections I have with people are far more important than the cost of housing, cost of living, climate, or nearby amenities in an area.

For the last few years, I've been considering looking into other areas to live, where housing is cheaper, so that I can either easily afford to rent, or perhaps even buy a small place in the future. A couple of weeks ago, I had a total knee replacement on my right knee and, suddenly, the importance of close friends, neighbors, and family became very apparent. The support I received from my small social network was very important in my recovery. On top of that, it made me think of the times in the past when I have been there for friends and family when they were going through difficult times.

Moving to another area would remove me from this network that has been built gradually over decades. The SF Bay Area does have expensive housing. Currently, I enjoy cheap rent but, if I ever want to move within the area, I will have to accept much higher housing costs. There are many areas in which I could afford a much larger place than the one I currently live in, but I wouldn't have friends and family nearby. I'd much rather have a smaller - even tiny - place close to friends and family, than a spacious one in an area where I have no support network.

Relationships are everything, as far as I'm concerned.

 

[big-papa]

Interesting approach. We're about 1 year away from full retirement and trying to figure out what we want to do.
We currently live in a suburban home one a 1 acre lot and I just can't see myself continuing to maintain this in my 70's. It's not that we couldn't afford to outsource this work, but I'd rather spend retirement money elsewhere. We saw what inertia can do with my in-laws as they also lived on a similar sized lot but just never got around to relocating or downsizing before they both eventually passed. And there were negative financial impacts for them because of this.

Anyway, we talk about this often and the best plan we've come up with is once we're retired, we'll identify a number of candidate places to live, then do a long term AirBnB or similar. Of course there are other considerations such as our circle of friends, etc. which may be a draw to downsize, but remain in the general area. I just don't want to wake up one day and see that 10 years have passed and we've done nothing.

Cheers.

 

[Helen]

We've been struggling as to whether to buy a condo in Palm Springs to winter in or keep renting. So far we've decided to keep renting so we 1. keep thing simple and 2. to have more flexibility in where we winter. Pre-pandemic we stayed 2 months in PS and travelled overseas for several months. The last 2 winters we stayed in PS for 4 months.

 

[Breedlove]

They say there are three America’s . The cities , the suburbs and the country . We owned a beautiful home in the suburbs . Paid 700.00 a month in real estate taxes but we were close to everything we thought we needed. We owned land in the country that we had for years a lot of nice things about it but it was basically a jungle . Over time we had this done that done
I don’t own mulchers or skills to take big trees down . But you learn in the country this work is reasonable . We are 20 minutes from any major grocery store , oh we have a Dollar General a couple convenient stores. A Subway , a Big Madre and a Checkers . A couple biker bars a Mexican restaurant and a BBQ.
Our closest hospital is 30 mins but our area has a helo pad and an ent. squad.
Our real estate taxes are annually less the a months was in the suburbs. We do so much more then we could when living in the suburbs . I have room if I want to buy an old boat or car to park it . We just built a Lean too on the barn ( no permit needed ) Now I go back where I used to live and the traffic to me is like a zoo. Fast food restaurants every corner
Everybody’s home is the same ......Just all what you want we might change but right now we like the country.

 

[Retired Expat]

Dear Steady, I completely understand. We have 2 homes and kind of snow bird and miss the worst of winter in each place. Due to the pandemic starting right after winter at our northern home and closed borders we were “stuck” in one house for 18 months. Kind of got used to it and thought seriously about selling. However we rent it on AirBnB when not here and it actually costs nothing to keep it or makes us money even! now that we are back at what is our vacation home, i realize just how much I love it here. Despite a lot of work after all that time, hassles with car, tractor etc that sat too long, etc damage from guests to fix I am newly in love with the house again. The area, the views, the restaurants etc. So glad I turned down the crazy pandemic offers from brokers to list it.

Maybe rent one of your places out? Might be a nice income and the separation will let you see what it is like living in only one.

 

[steady saver]

I had a house in the San Francisco East Bay for 35 years. After 5 years of retirement I moved to Bangkok, Thailand. I had lived in suburbs all my life. Now I am living in a condo, not owning a car, in the center of a modern city. I am loving big city life, taking trains every, not having car/house maintenance, just everything about this. Sometimes chang be can be good.

That's definitely appealing but for us it would probably be a short-term thing, like a month or two. I want to live in the US b/c that's where all my family and most of my friends are. But what a cool change of living for you!! It sounds freeing.

 

[steady saver]

I don’t envy your decision. I too love both lifestyles. We’re not on a farm now, but much more rural than we’ve lived before and we’re loving it. That said we’re still fairly close to drs, stores, etc. 20-30 minutes to most of a larger metro area. It gives us the peace and privacy that I need. Still, I miss walking down a busy block to dinner or grabbing a glass of wine at the wine bar downstairs.

A couple of thoughts come to mind. It’s easy to rent an Airbnb in an urban area for a week and be able to enjoy the lifestyle without owning. Maybe harder to do that in the country? It sounds like part of the issue is that both places require a lot of time. Would a low maintenance condo in an urban area be a nice compliment to the farm? Could you use your farm cottage as a caretakers place to cut down on the time spent maintaining the property?

That's good to hear that you're loving it! Encouraging. We've definitely thought of finding a couple of reliable airbnbs in the city to stay in for extended periods should we end up selling the house there. And we've thought of a low maintenance condo too. But we've come to the conclusion that neither of us wants to replace home ownership with condo ownership. We only want to own one place.

 

[steady saver]

"Relationships are everything, as far as I'm concerned."

I agree, Major Tom. Relationships outweigh everything. One of the thoughts in renovating the cottage is so friends and family can come and stay (and have their privacy). And the farm is closer to our sons than the city house by about an hour and a half.

 

[steady saver]

Interesting approach. We're about 1 year away from full retirement and trying to figure out what we want to do.
We currently live in a suburban home one a 1 acre lot and I just can't see myself continuing to maintain this in my 70's. It's not that we couldn't afford to outsource this work, but I'd rather spend retirement money elsewhere. We saw what inertia can do with my in-laws as they also lived on a similar sized lot but just never got around to relocating or downsizing before they both eventually passed. And there were negative financial impacts for them because of this.

... I just don't want to wake up one day and see that 10 years have passed and we've done nothing.

Cheers.

I feel that urgency as well. No 10 year waiting around and thinking about it.

I'm pretty confident that we wouldn't live on the farm forever either b/c we just can't handle the work (and it's not fun anymore) or for health reasons. The gene for Huntington's runs in DH's family - his maternal grandfather had it, mom has it... his sister has tested positive for the gene but DH has opted not to be tested which I 1000% support (nor has his brother so far) b/c it's a 50/50 proposition of whether he inherits the gene or not and there's not a cure or meaningful treatment as of 2021 so WTF. So that weighs VERY heavily on my mind and is the elephant crowding out my room.

It's about quality of life, friends, unfulfilled dreams...deciding if those old dreams are still current dreams, etc.

I refuse to make decisions now based on "what if" b/c we can always change course later on. Nothing is carved in stone. We want to make our decision based on "wild abandon" and really listening to what our hearts are telling us but "wild abandon" is a new, foreign phrase I keep tripping over in my head... so we're trying to discern (ha, in our typical systematic and non wild way) what that looks like for us today.

 

[steady saver]

Breedlove, it sounds like you've found a good spot...and you had it all along! I do love the freedom of country life. Fewer conveniences but, gosh, when I think about remodeling the house in the city vs remodeling it in the country...night and day in terms of regulations and delays. And I don't hear the constant drone of leaf blowers, ambulances and traffic.
Last night, however, I did find a scorpion in the dining room...

 

[steady saver]

...Maybe rent one of your places out? Might be a nice income and the separation will let you see what it is like living in only one.

Retired Expat, we've talked about that and it's certainly a short-term possibility and not a bad idea to rent out the city house. I think it would be easy to rent out. We're just not thinking we want to be landlords...we're trying to move away from being our normally overly responsible selves and let go of some stuff. But gosh, it could make a lot of sense otherwise.

 

[Breedlove]

Steady Saver , those Scorpions can be bad , but the formula is Do not let any spider webs accumulate around your perimeter then go to the feed store and get the insecticide . We went through those . Neighbor got bit by a copper head a week ago working in her garden .

 

[big-papa]

I feel that urgency as well. No 10 year waiting around and thinking about it.

I'm pretty confident that we wouldn't live on the farm forever either b/c we just can't handle the work (and it's not fun anymore) or for health reasons. The gene for Huntington's runs in DH's family - his maternal grandfather had it, mom has it... his sister has tested positive for the gene but DH has opted not to be tested which I 1000% support (nor has his brother so far) b/c it's a 50/50 proposition of whether he inherits the gene or not and there's not a cure or meaningful treatment as of 2021 so WTF. So that weighs VERY heavily on my mind and is the elephant crowding out my room.

It's about quality of life, friends, unfulfilled dreams...deciding if those old dreams are still current dreams, etc.

I refuse to make decisions now based on "what if" b/c we can always change course later on. Nothing is carved in stone. We want to make our decision based on "wild abandon" and really listening to what our hearts are telling us but "wild abandon" is a new, foreign phrase I keep tripping over in my head... so we're trying to discern (ha, in our typical systematic and non wild way) what that looks like for us today.

I hear ya' regarding the elephant in the room - in my case, it's Alzheimer's on DW's side: her mom, her mom's twin, her mom's brother, her great aunt.....

 

[steady saver]

I hear ya' regarding the elephant in the room - in my case, it's Alzheimer's on DW's side: her mom, her mom's twin, her mom's brother, her great aunt.....

I'm sorry. That sucks. All the more reason to live fully now and not waste time on dumb stuff. I'm trying to "be here now" but I'll be relieved when we figure out our next steps and dump some responsibilities.

 

[brett]

Best thing we ever did after retirement was sell our house, put what we wanted to keep in storage, and traveled for seven months, then did a furnished apt for another three. Did not miss the house or the possession.

I would probably still be traveling if DW had not put her foot down!

We decided to stay in the area that we lived in prior to retirement. But we did decide where we might and might not buy a vacation home. Plus, we changed our mind on the type of accommodation that we wanted to buy.

 

[meleana]

Pick the one that is best for you to age in in terms of the house itself and the area and closeness to your family. It sounds to me it should be the city one. As you age you don’t want a house that needs a lot of work.

 

[boont]

City House/Country House

I'm in California. I have a City House that looks right at the Golden Gate Bridge and a Country House in the wine country. I love the contrast going from one to the other. I bought the Country place as an escape from the high-tech world I worked in. During the recent Covid year it became an even more important get-away.

What you have, is in my view, an idyllic situation that most people can only dream about. I'd say enjoy your lucky circumstances. Yes, it's a bit of a pain to have two homes but in this new world we all live in now, don't be too quick to throw away what may prove to be way more valuable to you than you think.

When I was a kid my friend's family built a bomb shelter and we used to play in it. You and I have the 21st Century equivalent of a bomb shelter, just for a different danger. Keep it.

 

[Whoosh]

Steady - We are in very similar places. I plan to retire within 18 months. 3 years ago we bought a house in a rural area about 100 miles outside NYC that we have been vacationing to for 40 years. We also have a house on Long Island. We plan to sell LI and move to the country place within 18 months. We love the country life, especially when contrasted with LI which is now so crowded and expensive (probably among the highest RE taxes in the nation). I have some doubts about leaving LI - it's where I grew up and have family and friends. The house on LI is nicer and requires little maintenance compared to the country place. But the relaxed life in the country is just so appealing at this stage, and we are just over 2 hours drive away, so visiting is not a big deal. I am not interested in maintaining two homes either emotionally or financially.

 

[Sojourner]

One [home] on 30 rural acres about 25 min from the closet small city.

I didn't read all the responses in this thread, so someone may already have mentioned this, but if it were me, I would be concerned about living full time in a rural home that would require nearly a full hour for an ambulance round trip in case of emergency (25 min to house, 25 min to nearest hospital). IMHO, this is probably the biggest disadvantage of rural living for elderly folks. I say this not knowing your current age, but knowing that you will be elderly and at high risk for sudden medical emergencies at some point.

 

[steady saver]

I'm in California. I have a City House that looks right at the Golden Gate Bridge and a Country House in the wine country. I love the contrast going from one to the other. I bought the Country place as an escape from the high-tech world I worked in. During the recent Covid year it became an even more important get-away.

What you have, is in my view, an idyllic situation that most people can only dream about. I'd say enjoy your lucky circumstances. Yes, it's a bit of a pain to have two homes but in this new world we all live in now, don't be too quick to throw away what may prove to be way more valuable to you than you think.

When I was a kid my friend's family built a bomb shelter and we used to play in it. You and I have the 21st Century equivalent of a bomb shelter, just for a different danger. Keep it.

For me growing up in Oklahoma it was a tornado shelter...

Yes, I'm super grateful for the options and giving up either will be painful. But we're both in agreement that the more we have to manage, the more stressful our lives are. We are going for simplicity.

 

[steady saver]

Steady - We are in very similar places. I plan to retire within 18 months. 3 years ago we bought a house in a rural area about 100 miles outside NYC that we have been vacationing to for 40 years. We also have a house on Long Island. We plan to sell LI and move to the country place within 18 months. We love the country life, especially when contrasted with LI which is now so crowded and expensive (probably among the highest RE taxes in the nation). I have some doubts about leaving LI - it's where I grew up and have family and friends. The house on LI is nicer and requires little maintenance compared to the country place. But the relaxed life in the country is just so appealing at this stage, and we are just over 2 hours drive away, so visiting is not a big deal. I am not interested in maintaining two homes either emotionally or financially.

Sounds like we are, indeed, in very similar places.
Our home in the city is decidedly nicer than our house in the country. That said, the guest cottage is being renovated and it'll be super cute. The main house is something that we'd likely do a good enough fix up on ("lipstick on a pig" as my friend used to say), at least for a while. We also have a huge, huge room over the detached garage that is completely finished off (currently housing "stuff" and the brain healthy ping pong table

Our country house is closer to our sons - just an hour and a half as opposed to the city house which is a good 3 hours from them...

 

[steady saver]

I didn't read all the responses in this thread, so someone may already have mentioned this, but if it were me, I would be concerned about living full time in a rural home that would require nearly a full hour for an ambulance round trip in case of emergency (25 min to house, 25 min to nearest hospital). IMHO, this is probably the biggest disadvantage of rural living for elderly folks. I say this not knowing your current age, but knowing that you will be elderly and at high risk for sudden medical emergencies at some point.

Sojourner, I hear you and agree. In the city I am a 5 minute drive from world class medical care. In the country the closest hospital isn't one I'd really want to have to rely on. That said...

We are both 58. No current significant medical issues. We're clear that we wouldn't view the country home as our forever house. It would likely be more transitional as we enjoyed it and eventually settle on a place that is closer to a nice sized city and all it has to offer, and preferably near water (a lake). While I am not at all a fan of boating, DH has had a lifelong love affair with wooden boats. So there's that.

As a side note, whenever I get on Next Door for our city home, I think I am crazy to even consider retiring there. The crime has gotten so bad there. And yet there is so much to love about our city.

 

[Whoosh]

We are looking to do some addition/renovation to the country house. First thing is to put a 2nd story over the 2 car detached garage for a workout room and storage. You are fortunate enough to already have that! Then some work on the main house will be on the menu, but that can wait a year or two. It's hard to find a contractor though. The area is experiencing a real estate boom since the pandemic hit. Lots of people from the city are either moving there permanently, or buying up 2nd homes. Virtually anything will sell in a matter of weeks. And with that comes a lot of remodeling, making it difficult to even get a call back from contractors.

 

[steady saver]

We are looking to do some addition/renovation to the country house. First thing is to put a 2nd story over the 2 car detached garage for a workout room and storage. You are fortunate enough to already have that! Then some work on the main house will be on the menu, but that can wait a year or two. It's hard to find a contractor though. The area is experiencing a real estate boom since the pandemic hit. Lots of people from the city are either moving there permanently, or buying up 2nd homes. Virtually anything will sell in a matter of weeks. And with that comes a lot of remodeling, making it difficult to even get a call back from contractors.

Yes, things are going fast on the rural market around here.

We do feel fortunate to have the room over the garage...this big garage next to the house isn't what I would've done but I'm grateful for it. I miss the gym and we have one corner in that room with a few weights and a yoga mat but I really miss the bike (for my knee) so we're planning to get a bike and some more equipment for DH. Also have the ping pong table in there (which, honestly, has turned out to be so fun. I highly recommend ping pong!). One big corner has DH's art supplies, another currently has his beekeeping equipment but we're going to move that. All that to say, while the city home is "nicer" we have more room here and lots of potential as they say!