Social Network after retirement

[Nemo2]

I suspect most of us are actually ambiverts.

I'm ambivalent about that......(but I suspect you're right).

 

[flyingaway]

Seems to be a lot of introverts here. Extroverts? Just me, Kcowan, and a few others?

Extroverts are easygoing and are less interested in FIRE. They like to make money, spend money, and have fun. Lol.

 

[aja8888]

I must be an ambivert too:

Ambiverts have a distinct advantage over true introverts and extroverts. Because their personality doesn’t lean too heavily in either direction, they have a much easier time adjusting their approach to people based on the situation. This enables them to connect more easily, and more deeply, with a wider variety of people.

(Yep, that's me.....)

 

[Nemo2]

Extroverts are easygoing and are less interested in FIRE. They like to make money, spend money, and have fun. Lol.

What's your definition of 'fun'?

 

[imoldernu]

I suspect most of us are actually ambiverts.

+1
Finally, a title I can relate to....

 

[Teacher Terry]

For most of my life I did not drink at all because I was too busy raising kids, going to college, work, etc. Some of my friends drank but it never affected my friendships. I don't really think anyone cared. It was not until my early 50's when all my responsibilities were done that we started to do things like wine tasting, having wine at dinner, etc. Both my DH and I are extroverts. We enjoy meeting new people.

 

[flyingaway]

What's your definition of 'fun'?

Drinking at bars, for example.

 

[Nemo2]

Drinking at bars, for example.

“The Prosecution Rests, Your Honor.”

 

[jjquantz]

“The Prosecution Rests, Your Honor.”

Too funny!

I would take Amethyst's comment one step farther - it is really easy to fake the sports stuff. "Did you see last night's game?" "No, I missed it. What happened?" Bingo, you're good for 15+ minutes if you are talking to an individual and more if there is a group. A few head nods and everyone is happy.

Regarding the sports/entertainment/politics conversation discussion, I'm reminded of the time we went to LA to visit DW's cousin, who was some sort of high powered Hollywood executive. She was preparing to fill out her ballot for the Academy Awards and thought she would ask the opinion of some of the unwashed. The conversation went something like:

"Have you seen ______?"
No.
"Oh, have you seen _____?"
Uh, no.
"Well, what did you think of so and so in ____?"
Who?

Crickets.....

We had a great time talking about family history, art, and music, but we were definitely out of the loop on popular culture.

 

[Danmar]

I suspect most of us are actually ambiverts.

First time, I've heard that term. Come to think of it maybe I'm one of them too. Although, I certainly like having fun. Can't beat fun for a good time. I have to admit, that more often than not, some alcohol is involved when I'm having fun.

 

[pb4uski]

Our social network is much broader in retirement than it was when I was working. Both our summer home and winter condo have a great sense of community.... frequent socials and community meals, etc. (Going to a community pig roast tonight).

The thing that has been a pleasant surprise is that these retirees (including us) don't much care about what people did when they worked.... it ranges from former bank executives and CPAs to carpenters and painters and plumbers and everything in between.... as long as you are reliable and a decent person you are welcome. Also, some are clearly more well off than others but that doesn't matter either.

 

[kcowan]

DW and I have complementary social skills. She is shy among new people but likes to develop deep relationships with selected people. So I catch the fish and then she throws a few of them back.

 

[Scuba]

5 - 10 years is a good seasoning period...I have a few "newer" friends of that length. But, I also have friends of 35 years, and there is a long history that can't be duplicated with new friends. Back in the day there was a party or get together every weekend, we played on the same sports teams for years, took weekend trips together. We've been to each others weddings, seen their career advances or changes, watched their children grow into adults, given some of them support after a divorce, etc.

I guess I'm fortunate to have both long time friendships and some newer ones.

+1
I keep in touch with a few people from high school/college days, but most of my long-term friends are from a megacorp we worked for. None of us still work there nor do we talk about the past very often when we get together. While we met at work, all of our lives have evolved and we've been there for each other through promotions, relocations, job losses, marriages & divorces, kids, and sad family events too. DH & I also have friends from some wine groups, neighborhoods we've lived in, etc. Some are newer (10-15 years). I don't feel like maintaining these long-term friendships is being "stuck in the past." We've all evolved and grown together and the relationships have ebbed & flowed accordingly.

We may make more new friends now that we've recently retired. I think the catalyst for this would be taking up new interests or relocating. The idea of relocating is not that attractive to me because I think it would be harder to maintain friendships when we see people once a year or less vs every few weeks or months. YMMV

 

[Danmar]

+1
I don't feel like maintaining these long-term friendships is being "stuck in the past." We've all evolved and grown together and the relationships have ebbed & flowed accordingly.

We may make more new friends now that we've recently retired. I think the catalyst for this would be taking up new interests or relocating.

I totally agree with you. Maintaining old friends is wonderful, as long as your values and interests are still consistent. I certainly wouldn't say this is living in the past.

As we age though, I think it is also important to make new friends. You wouldn't want to be like my in laws who late in life found all their friends had passed on. Keeping and making new friends takes a fair bit of effort, but I think worth it as we age.

 

[braumeister]

Maintaining old friends is wonderful, as long as your values and interests are still consistent.

An excellent point. This is a bit of a dilemma for me.

I have two very good old friends; both live far away from me. I've known them both for well over 50 years and I still keep in touch with both regularly.

Back when we were young, we were all on the same page, but in the last 5 years or so, one has drifted far to the left while the other went far to the right. I like to think I'm still kind of in the center. Both extremes make me very uncomfortable.

As a result, I'm drifting away from both of them (and needless to say they have completely broken with each other).

Sad.

 

[Danmar]

An excellent point. This is a bit of a dilemma for me.

I have two very good old friends; both live far away from me. I've known them both for well over 50 years and I still keep in touch with both regularly.

Back when we were young, we were all on the same page, but in the last 5 years or so, one has drifted far to the left while the other went far to the right. I like to think I'm still kind of in the center. Both extremes make me very uncomfortable.

As a result, I'm drifting away from both of them (and needless to say they have completely broken with each other).

Sad.

Yes, I've seen this happen as well. People change. In high school it was sports, drinking, and girls. Not hard to find compatible friends. But then life happens and we often diverge. Some went on to University others didn't. Some ended up with professional type jobs others didn't. Many moved away. Some died. Not to mention religious and political differences that occurred later in life. That's why I think it is important to try to keep meeting new people. Never know, you might find a new best friend.

 

[kcowan]

We have also found that couples we both knew in prior relationships do not always work out. One of my buddies from university has worked really well with my new partner but many have not. Often DW makes the initial contact and then we guys find common ground.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My Mom eventually outlived all her friends-even the younger ones. She died just short of 90. WE have friends from grade school, HS, work and newer friends. A few friendships have ended because we had grown apart. No big deal. My friends from grade school and HS I don;t see alot because we live in different states.

 

[dixonge]

Friendship generally requires proximity, but proximity is no guarantee of affinity. Very few of my co-workers over the years share enough of my interests and/or political/worldviews to maintain much of a friendship. Even those relationships we have maintained over the years by just not talking about certain subjects have disintegrated over the last several months.

The relationships we started based on affinity have survived lack of proximity. Without the shared worldview relationships suffer. This is true of both family and friends. These are all factors in moving back to Mexico where we have managed to maintain friendships (online) even while being away for two years.

Originally we thought we would prefer places in Mexico (or other countries) where we could experience more of a local culture. An additional benefit is that it pushes our learning curve in Spanish. However, it also makes us one of very few gringos in town. This greatly reduces the friends available, which reduces the likelihood of meeting like-minded people. We seem to have found a good balance between fellow expats and good local culture in Ajijic. Best of both worlds. More friends and shared interests than we could possibly take full advantage of. It's a nice problem to have.

Just realized that our flight is in two weeks!

 

[Lsbcal]

Why am I finding this thread a bit depressing? Maybe it is because my "friend account" is very small.

DW is my best friend. I've never really had a close male friend. More like couples interactions. So I'm jealous of those guys that have that. I'm not into sports talk and would probably rather talk about things like economics or science or gardening or ...

This year we joined a gym and I have occasional interactions with others there. It's a friendly gym with a lot of older folks. DW makes friends in her dance classes (like Zumba) there and sometimes I meet them too.

Sometimes I have interesting short conversations with people I meet in the park while I do stretching in between my runs.

I'm getting better at asking good questions of people I meet to open up conversational channels. Less talk about me.

 

[Amethyst]

I like to talk about these things (and similar), but sometimes DW's do not like DH's having female friends.

W

DW is my best friend. I've never really had a close male friend. More like couples interactions. So I'm jealous of those guys that have that. I'm not into sports talk and would probably rather talk about things like economics or science or gardening or ...

T.

 

[jjquantz]

Why am I finding this thread a bit depressing? Maybe it is because my "friend account" is very small.

DW is my best friend. I've never really had a close male friend. More like couples interactions. So I'm jealous of those guys that have that. I'm not into sports talk and would probably rather talk about things like economics or science or gardening or ...

This year we joined a gym and I have occasional interactions with others there. It's a friendly gym with a lot of older folks. DW makes friends in her dance classes (like Zumba) there and sometimes I meet them too.

Sometimes I have interesting short conversations with people I meet in the park while I do stretching in between my runs.

I'm getting better at asking good questions of people I meet to open up conversational channels. Less talk about me.

+1 This describes me to a tee. There was one fellow who belonged to the same golf club that I did who would approach me every time he saw me with, "JJ, I have a question for you." It was always something interesting - he was wanting an explanation for some phenomenon in general relativity, or wanting to know when zero was introduced into the Western world, or something. He was a real geek and had worked as a mathematician in some hush-hush job that he couldn't really tell me about, but he and I had some great, brief conversations. Never would consider him a close friend, but he was a great acquaintance for me to see regularly. Unfortunately, he moved away a couple of years ago. I hope that he has found someone else to ask his questions.

 

[Scuba]

I totally agree with you. Maintaining old friends is wonderful, as long as your values and interests are still consistent. I certainly wouldn't say this is living in the past.

As we age though, I think it is also important to make new friends. You wouldn't want to be like my in laws who late in life found all their friends had passed on. Keeping and making new friends takes a fair bit of effort, but I think worth it as we age.

Yes, we need to make younger friends for sure. Most of our friends are either around our age up to 15 years older. Not too many retired people that we know in mid 50's so a lot of our "playmates" are older than we are.