Yes. Even us bystanders.The diagnosis of cancer can knock the wind out of you.
Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?
Kyounge1956, being forthcoming with your employer is admirable. Another perspective, however, is keeping your option to stay employed without misleading your employer. What do you lose by putting off that decision until after your treatment? There is nothing unethical and it allows you to focus on just one thing - your health.Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes!
Maybe I should clarify a little. When I said I was thinking seriously about retiring now, I didn't mean that the paperwork is all filled out and ready to be sent in. I do see the logic of using whatever sort of leave I'm eligible for, as long as I can. It's more like, why not admit to everyone, including my boss, what I've pretty much already decided--that I won't be returning to work after treatment. It seems disingenuous, to say the least, for me even to imply that I might come back when I really have no intention of doing so. Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?
Mom knows best, at least in this case. If there is a possibility of taking an unpaid leave of absence rather than quitting outright, I suggest taking it. While your current feelings are understandable, there is no obvious downside to that strategy, since you can always tell your employer that you have decided not to return (or feel unable to do so): no reasonable boss is going to pressure a cancer survivor to return to work against their better judgment.kyounge1956 said:My mom says "don't burn your bridges behind you" ... [but] I can't see myself going back to work after treatment. I'm very certain I don't want to, and not sure that I could do my job well again after a lapse of a month or more, even if I wanted to.
I am very glad to hear this encouraging news. Good for you!Surgery was June 6, and I have pretty much completely recovered. It was nowhere near as bad as I was afraid it would be. I was really nervous about only being in the hospital overnight for what seemed like a really major operation, but I was more tired and sore after surgery than actually in pain...sort of like just getting or just getting over a bad case of the flu. I think some of the women in the online breast cancer forum I've been hanging out in since my diagnosis even had mastectomy as an outpatient surgery and went home the same day!
After surgery, I had a wait of some weeks before my first appointment with my oncologist, and after that a couple more weeks waiting for a test result to come back. The results of that test suggested that chemotherapy would be advisable, so I've just started a 6-month course of CMF, which is made up of two drugs by IV once a week, and the third in a daily tablet. This isn't the most modern drug cocktail currently in use for breast cancer, but the two-drug combo originally suggested by Dr. F has a potential side effect that really freaked me out--about 3% of people in the clinical trial for one of the drugs lost their hair permanently. The two-drug combo, called TC, has a two percentage-point net advantage over CMF (i.e. two more people in a hundred still alive ten years later), but I just didn't feel it was worth risking baldness for such a small difference. TC would have needed to show a much greater superiority over CMF to make me prefer it. CMF takes longer, 6 months vs 3, but has fewer and milder side effects than TC. There was a third option, but one of the drugs in that cocktail can cause heart damage. Dr F advised against option #3 for that reason and as being more aggressive than warranted for my diagnosis, and I had no argument with that advice, and if (heaven forbid) I do have a recurrence, I still have that more aggressive regimen to throw at it. As yet the side effects of CMF have been negligible, but it's only two weeks into the six months. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, but so far it hasn't.
With chemo plus and hormone therapy, my chance of the cancer coming back should be greatly reduced. I have already had one consultation with a plastic surgeon about reconstruction. He likes patients to recover for a couple of months between chemo and reconstructive surgery. At that rate, by the time I'm recovered from reconstruction it'll be close to May 2013, which is when I was planning on retiring anyway. The longer I stay out of my office, the less inclined I am ever to go back. I've been telecommuting part time and occasionally going in to my office on Saturday when there's nobody else there. It's so much easier to get a lot done when it's quiet and distraction-free. For some reason I am reluctant to see people from my office while I'm in treatment. Fortunately this feeling doesn't extend to the folks from St. John's, who have been just fantastic, or I'd turn into a complete hermit (not that there's anything wrong with that ).
My townhouse went on the market earlier this month. I just got an offer on it yesterday, so now I'm waiting to see what the prospective buyer says to my counter-offer. Meanwhile, two weeks ago my mom & I drove down to Olympia to look at a couple of houses on the market down there. I saw one I'd like to check out further, a little two-bedroom bank repo, but it already has an offer on it and the agent isn't responding to my voice mail, so I guess they are sure enough of the sale they don't want a back-up offer, or already have one or more. It's a pity, it's a nice little house, close to pretty much everything and very inexpensive, but it's not the only one in Olympia, and anyway if it will be the better part of a year before I complete treatment there is no reason to be in a hurry. My mom is making noises about putting this house on the market next spring, but I don't see any movement yet toward clearing out the accumulation of thirty years' residence here. Heaven knows I have made noises about doing things well in advance of taking any action, so who am I to get impatient if my mom does the same thing? I just hope I still have enough energy later in chemo treatment to help with the packing up and winnowing down, because it's going to be a big job and I'm the only one of us four kids who lives nearby. The next closest sibling is in San Diego and my two brothers are both back east. Oh well, cross that bridge when we get to it. Mom will move when she's ready to.
Damn breast cancer, that truly sucks. Now I feel really dumb thinking you were a man.
I've just read this entire thread for the first time. I'm glad to hear that things are working out well for you.
I like that you can work from home and that you can go into the office when its quiet. I'm sure that has helped a great deal. In your shoes, I would continue with that arrangement until after fully recovering from the reconstruction.
I wish you continued progress in your treatment and long and happy retired life.
Hi CJ,(snip) I am here to offer encouragement - my first BC diagnosis was almost 18 years ago (I was 39). Had a mast with reconstruction (which was extremely successful) followed by 4 cycles of AC and 5 years of Tamoxifin. My second diagnosis (other side) was almost 5 years ago - lumpectomy with 6 cycles of TC, 33 radiation treatments, and I'm in my 4th year on Arimidex. So I've been through the BC amusement park, and have been on almost every ride, so I can definitely understand what you are going through. I'm doing well now, and wanted to let you know that there is life on the other side!
Working through the process can be very trying, and yes - your perspective really changes. A LOT. A year after my first treatments, I left mega-corp after 22 years there. I hated my job and was pretty much treading water waiting for the magic 30 years and retirement. Then I realized, hey! I could be dead in that amount of time! So I went to another company where I was appreciated, and worked there for 15 really good years. Retired last year at age 56. Not sorry for one minute. (snip)
CJ
Hi CJ,
Thanks!
It is encouraging to meet long-term breast cancer survivors! Since my diagnosis I've found out there are nearly a dozen, just in my home parish of some 300 souls. Some of them were diagnosed over 15 years ago, and it's really heartening to see them going about their lives just like anyone else. Cancer is at the front of my thoughts a lot of the time nowadays, which I suppose is only to be expected while going through treatment, but apparently there does come a day when you don't think about it all the time, or have to push it out of your head and deliberately think about something else. I'm looking forward to that.
I got an email from my boss last week asking me to fill them in on my long term career plans, so they can arrange for continuity, and hoping I will be returning full time when I complete my treatment. When I was first diagnosed I thought, why not just 'fess up that I don't plan to return, but now I wonder exactly how I should respond to this question.(snip) why not admit to everyone, including my boss, what I've pretty much already decided--that I won't be returning to work after treatment. It seems disingenuous, to say the least, for me even to imply that I might come back when I really have no intention of doing so. Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?
e-r.org forum members said:I would keep silent with my boss for now and focus on the treatment and my well-being instead. Take care.
Kyounge1956, being forthcoming with your employer is admirable. Another perspective, however, is keeping your option to stay employed without misleading your employer. What do you lose by putting off that decision until after your treatment? There is nothing unethical and it allows you to focus on just one thing - your health.
Good advice from MichaelB. You have a lot to contend with - I can well believe that the diagnosis has turned your life upside down - and if possible it would probably be best to defer your RE decision until after your health and housing issues have first resolved. (snip)