Sorry I can't give advice, but I'm afraid I may be like your dad. Should I live another 10 years, I'll likely be him... fiercely independent and determined.
The survival instinct is still there. "I can handle the situation." I might listen to my kids, but I'll be the one to decide. When mistakes are made, I'll pay for them.
So, here's the thinking. When problems come up, like inability to maintain my home the way others think it should be kept... if it gets cluttered and messy, I'll decide if and when to hire someone to help. If DW breaks a hip, and must go to assisted living... I'll make the decision to join her. If we have trouble with meals, will have them delivered or get home health aides. If it's a matter of money decisions, I'll make them, or if I'm unable... have already given power of attorney.
(above and below... read "I" and "my" as DW and me together. We are of one mind.)
Yes... but there are so many decisions!... so much to handle! Well, here's how my mind works: Compartmentalize... health, physical injury, money, home, legal papers/obligations, even a disaster, like fire or incurable illness....
When stuff happens... already mentally prepared to deal with problems, including death.
Along the way... I love my kids and their families, but don't and won't visit distress in my life on them. It would not be good for them or me to be in the middle of each other's lives.
It's a mental comfort level, but not something I keep to myself. We... the family, together and individually have opened access to our thoughts, financial condition, plans for the immediate future, our will, and what 'they' can expect in the event of our sudden departure. They know about my electronics "hoarding" and have the info for cleanup and disposal.
They have learned to graciously accept the oddball behavior.
Being open with all of this has relieved my mind to allow for concentration on our personal future.... and at the same time has lifted the weight of responsibility from my family. The last thing I want is to shift decisions and resultant worry to others. DW and I will make mistakes... we'll lose some money along the way, and one or the other... (if the odds hold up) will eventually become dementia patients. The onset is already under way, to be handled as it happens.
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Some time ago, I wrote that we don't daily share our life's problems with our kids. We don't live in their lives, nor they in ours. We don't exchange presents, Christmas cards, or subsidize their needs and wants... except in serious situations. Those comments received some understandable criticism...none the less, it worked out, and there is no loss of love because of this. We remain very close and caring.
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And so, no advice. Every family is different. Just adding a personal outlook... maybe to help understand that an 'this' old curmudgeon is not necessarily devoid of sensitivity, and there is room for others to be different from normal expectations.
Wish you the best in a challenging situation.