Friends are all broke!

[38Chevy454]

...... All of us are pretty well off and living well. That's really all you can ask for a good retirement.

I think that is quite true. As long as you have the money to do pretty much what you want to do, you can have a good retirement. Of course doing what you want is a different definition to many people. To each their own.

 

[street]

Most people I went to high school with are doing very well retired young and live well. My relatives for the most part don't have much but seem to do fine. I do have some very close friends that will work till they fall over. They have told me that and they do fine but have no large resources to retire.

 

[scrabbler1]

I know very few people, at least few people whose finances I am familiar with. My brother is wealthier than I am. My best friend, the snake-bit one, is nearly as wealthy as I am now, and the gap has been closing quickly (he is around $1.25M, about $0.25M behind me. He is my age (54) and still works full-time, with no plans to retire any time soon. My dad, nearly 87, is not wealthy but has been living comfortably retired since 1994. Only my ladyfriend is not wealthy, a paycheck-to-paycheck worker. I have helped her out with some debts but she tends to refuse any extended help, help which would be huge for her but hardly a blip on my financial radar.

 

[Car-Guy]

Fast forward to now and all of us are retired but I'm the only one that seem's to have any money to do anything or buy what they want in retirement. Basically I have all these friends but nobody can come out and play! It also makes for uncomfortable situations when we buy a new car or go on a nice vacation. I'm guessing more then a few of us on this forum have this situation.

I guess it's all relative. Most of my friends have more NW than I do (I think, but I don't know for sure) so I guess I'm the poor one. OTOH, within my family, I'm the one with some money.

 

[Luck_Club]

Friends are all broke

This isn't a humble brag but a real question. Does anyone else have this issue with friends or family?

This has been a common thread in my and my families lives. We definitely have a thrifty gene coupled with a generous social demeanor. This leads to an uncanny ability to attract leaches.

Dis-equal levels of wealth and generosity does make it difficult with friends. For many years, us and two other couples would get together pretty regularly. For the most part we did house parties with everyone bringing a thing or two. We even included kids for many years. Eventually I got fairly ticked off at 1 couple who hosted at a ratio of about 1:12. I refuse to be a doormat, and though I enjoy the company of these people on occasion, I've come to grips that unless I want to pay or host, we won't see them. As a result the gatherings have pretty much stopped, since I no longer suggest that everyone come to our house.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

I am the dud in my family and among my friends, but we are still good.

I fear that my children have learned nothing.

 

[Bamaman]

I came from a community where most friends were sons/daughters of railroaders. They as union members made twice as much as average families. Divorce was rare. The children went to college and led a frugal life. Few worked into their 60's and don't seem to lack for anything.

When I went to college, I was in a fraternity with many "pretty boys.". It is hard to imagine that they as a whole were so successful. Many ended up lawyers and self employed and most are working in their mid to late 60's.

Most of our close friends now are from church. They are young retired doctors, school teachers and other professionals. No money issues are present.

It is the millennials (our children) that I worry about. They live too high, drive too nice of cars but still owe for student loans. And many save nothing for retirement. They have not figured out Mom and Pop are going to spend our money in retirement .

 

[Huston55]

This isn't a humble brag but a real question. Does anyone else have this issue with friends or family?

Most of my long term friends have been in the same employment field as me so we all basically made close to the same amount of money give or take a few thousand plus most of our spouses also worked giving us great household incomes in the $200,00 a year range.

I've always been very financially conservative and a big saver while at the same time living a very fulfilling life without doing without. Over the years I've seen these friends make poor financial decision's time after time but of course always kept my comments to myself. They of course also never really saved for a rainy day or retirement other then the retirement system we all belong to.

Fast forward to now and all of us are retired but I'm the only one that seem's to have any money to do anything or buy what they want in retirement. Basically I have all these friends but nobody can come out and play! It also makes for uncomfortable situations when we buy a new car or go on a nice vacation. I'm guessing more then a few of us on this forum have this situation.

Interesting to see that most of the responses involve ‘financial [-]responsibility[/-] irresponsibility’. While I agree that LBYM is the key to FI for many, there’s also just stuff that happens (or doesn’t happen) in life that dramatically affects one’s NW, and it has nothing to do with how prudent or responsible you are.

IOW, if a young person asked me how to get a head start on being FI, I’d tell them to marry someone with a solid career & respectable income, don’t get divorced, have no children, don’t contract a debilitating disease, and don’t have parents you have to care for/support financially. If you can do those things, the rest is easy peasy.

 

[bada bing]

I lurk around here a bit because the typical story here is interesting and different from the people I know in "real life". In real life, I am not close to anyone that I think is doing better than I am financially. Here on this forum, I am probably bottom quartile and running late for my early retirement, mostly through lack of discipline rather than adequate income.

I am still working and have the intention to retire in 2019 or 2020. I anticipate there is going to be some friction around money with my siblings and extended family because none of them are doing really well and a couple of them are headed for a pretty austere outcome. So far, it hasn't been hard to play "poor", but the real crunch is coming in the next decade as the group moves into and through their 60's and paychecks are going to become skinnier and harder to find. I am adamant that I won't be bankrolling any of them, but I do want to maintain connections. Hopefully it will be less of an issue than the worst case scenario.

That is part of the reason I think I find it interesting to lurk here. It is like a little window into a world where the people are a bit more normal and thoughtful.

 

[robnplunder]

It just occurred to me that being broke in US is so much more blessed than being broke in many 3rd world countries. So much more.

 

[Milton]

Think of it like Taylor Swift's song "Shake it Off".

No thanks!

 

[Milton]

Most of my siblings and close friends have less money than me.... Where this tends to be a problem is when we vacation together. I would prefer staying in nicer hotels (e.g., with an ocean view or an historic hotel within a national park) and eating at nicer restaurants and visiting better attractions. Usually we are sharing a hotel room as having separate rooms would be a big budget buster for them. While I am willing to pay extra, they want to split the costs evenly and this makes it awkward.

Looks like you have two options:

(1) decide that the 'togetherness' time is a more important feature of your joint vacations than enjoying fancy hotels or restaurant meals; or

(2) start vacationing alone so that you can eat and stay at your preferred places without any friction or hurt feelings.

 

[Car-Guy]

I fear that my children have learned nothing.

+1, except that daddy will bail them out when the going get's to tough.

 

[frayne]

Friends are friends and the issue of money very rarely comes up. I do like to talk investments and strategy with a few of my golf buddies now and then but we never discuss sums.

 

[gayl]

Funny story: took 2 of the grands out to SF to play & meet up with their brother when he got off work. He told us all about his new room (roommate left & moved into her room) then stated she skipped out on utilities. So he asks "if i put dinner on my charge card can I borrow $100 until pay day so I can give (other roommate) the increased utilities then I'll pay you back? Can you afford it?" Told him sure, no need to pay back. Small disagreement as he's insisting. So the 3 yr old walks over to me and says "it's your money do whatever you want" then goes back to her chair. We all cracked up

Bottom line: children learn more than you think

 

[gayl]

Forgot to mention dinner was 92+tip

 

[ponyboy]

All my party hearty dope smokin', beer drinking, frat brother school buddies are millionaires.

Most of my girlfriend's friends are too.

I thought all pot smokers are bad people, lol.

Most of my friends are terrible with money...a few that are in between where they like to spend but they're careful...and only 4 others who are good with money.

 

[45th Birthday]

The people I went to high school with are almost all blue collar types who will not retire early.

The people I went to college with are mostly white collar workers, a few of whom have retired (I'm 56). Mostly doing OK.

The people I went to grad school with are for the most part very wealthy, many retired early. I tend to hang out with these people more because we are more similar and the proximity of time is also a factor.

 

[brett]

Most of my spouse's five siblings are.

Their formula was simply. Remain in the small town where you were brought up. Don't bother pursuing meaningful post secondary education. Don't encourage you children to either. Never consider moving away in order to take advantage of career or lifestyle opportunities.

Spend more than your earn in order to keep up appearances and 'fit in'. Finance it with high interest credit cards. Then add divorces into the mix for a few of them.

Some of them think that we a lucky! They still don't get it even though some have nothing but debts either in or gong into retirement. They never will.

 

[frayne]

Their formula was simply. Remain in the small town where you were brought up. Don't bother pursuing meaningful post secondary education. Don't encourage you children to either. Never consider moving away in order to take advantage of career or lifestyle opportunities.

Spend more than your earn in order to keep up appearances and 'fit in'. Finance it with high interest credit cards. Then add divorces into the mix for a few of them.

Some of them think that we are lucky! They still don't get it even though some have nothing but debts either in or gong into retirement. They never will.

Pretty much the same recipe I have observed for many of my old home town HS classmates. Rinse and repeat, generation after generation after generation. The sad thing is many of these same types bitch about how the world is screwing them, it is always someone elses fault and never their own. SMH

 

[HFWR]

Think of it like Taylor Swift's song "Shake it Off".

Must I?

 

[kgtest]

I thought all pot smokers are bad people, lol.

Most of my friends are terrible with money...a few that are in between where they like to spend but they're careful...and only 4 others who are good with money.

I had a pretty high "yield" last year, didn't seem to effect the investments either.

 

[Rianne]

Funny you should ask. A couple we've known for about 20 years are coming to spend the weekend with us this month. I know there are financial issues plaguing them, it's something we rarely discuss. DH and I avoid this topic at all costs, although we have a really good time with them. We are also on opposite sides of the political spectrum, but we still manage to have fun. This might sound odd, but we stay on topic of silly things. They never ask for financial help. They do say in jest, they will never retire as they are not able. Honestly, it's their spending habits, they both have great jobs and will have pensions. They don't like their jobs, he's been with the post office for 40+ years and she's been with a medical company for about 25 years. We don't ask and we don't tell.

 

[Crewer]

I think my family's case shows that it's somewhat of a crap shoot. We're all sort of in the same boat financially except
one brother seems to have much more probably because his wife inherited a significant amount of property in the bay area,
one brother is close but not as well off as us probably because they have 2 disabled kids,
and the 3rd brother is definitely less well off mostly because his wife is a 2x cancer survivor and the 2nd bout wiped out their savings. They declared bankruptcy even though he had decent med insurance. I understand the out of pocket was huge and maybe they had even hit a lifetime cap since that was preACA. Also she lost very good jobs and went jobless fr quite awhile both times she got the big C.

 

[Chuckanut]

Interesting subject especially when tied into the March 9 subject.

The few people I know today who are 'of retirment age' and struggling financially fall into two groups:

1.) Those who thought that being in debt (except for the house and maybe a car) was a normal way of life. They have paid a fortune in interest (often high interest!) to the banks, assorted loan companies, etc.

2.) The others are those who had significant investments in their IRAs and 401ks and just need a few more years of earnings, but bailed out of their investments in the 2008-2009 low point, and never got back in. They did this just as they were within a decade of retiring, and really had no way to make it up once they got out of and stayed out of the market. The market is now up over 3x, but they panicked and sold low. They missed that last 'doubling' (actually tripling in this case) of their assets that helps retired people fund their retirement.