Money …root of all evil!

[Dot57]

My husband and I were both married before and are about to celebrate our 25th anniversary. Since we each have 2 children from previous marriages we have kept our investments separate.
When we married he moved into my house, which I paid off shortly thereafter. He rented his home for a few years and sold it 10 years ago. Over the years he has made considerable improvements to my home as he is very handy. We are now selling it and moving into a home we both love. We plan to share equally in the cost of the new home. He feels that all the proceeds of my home should go toward the purchase of the new home and that we should take a mortgage out for the remainder and split the payments in 1/2. Since I paid for the home myself I feel I should receive all the proceeds and invest them as he did when he sold his house. He feels this does not reimburse him for his ‘sweat equity’. I don’t want to be unreasonable. Does anyone have an idea how to fairly handle this type of situation? I hate even asking this question as I truly believe money is the root of all evil.

 

[RobbieB]

You should have all the equity value of the house at the time you married. Then figure out the value of the improvements he made and that's his share. The rest is joint.

 

[Bigdawg]

why don't you take the money he made from selling his house and put that money toward the new house? That would be fair to me. Good luck.

 

[street]

I understand that you have kept your finances separate but at sometime after 25 years of marriage, wouldn't now be a great time to each put in a share of the cost for the new home and call it both yours.
To me it doesn't seem like a marriage, if you can't be partners and both own something together. To me it seems selfish to not think of one another, instead of who's kids get what and this is mine and this is yours.

Good luck and this is just my 2¢.

 

[RetiredHappy]

His sweat, i.e. improvement to the home, was in lieu of living in your home for free, while he collected rent on his other home and then re-invested his money when his home was sold. When you sell your home, the money is yours. If he cannot see it that way that you should each pay 50-50 for the new home, I don't see him as a life partner. He is making money the root of all evil.

 

[MarieIG]

My husband and I were both married before and are about to celebrate our 25th anniversary. Since we each have 2 children from previous marriages we have kept our investments separate.
When we married he moved into my house, which I paid off shortly thereafter. He rented his home for a few years and sold it 10 years ago. Over the years he has made considerable improvements to my home as he is very handy. We are now selling it and moving into a home we both love. We plan to share equally in the cost of the new home. He feels that all the proceeds of my home should go toward the purchase of the new home and that we should take a mortgage out for the remainder and split the payments in 1/2. Since I paid for the home myself I feel I should receive all the proceeds and invest them as he did when he sold his house. He feels this does not reimburse him for his ‘sweat equity’. I don’t want to be unreasonable. Does anyone have an idea how to fairly handle this type of situation? I hate even asking this question as I truly believe money is the root of all evil.

Both contribute an equal down payment to the new house.

He was able to earn money on HIS house/ investment while living in your house, which you paid off with money you earned. Did YOU not contribute "sweat equity" towards the marriage? Even if you didn't swing a hammer, did you cook, clean, etc. to make his life more comfortable. It seems to me that HE is increasing HIS net worth, and HIS kids inheritance, while decreasing yours. If you've been married before, you know marriages can end.

You don't have to be obnoxious about, but no.

 

[bolt]

Some loose their human capital in an aggreation and ultimatum.
Never give up!
Some now compensate others.

Think about that claim from all colors & metrics.
Good luck & Best wishes....

 

[Qs Laptop]

<Pedantic mode> The actual quote is: "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil." --1 Timothy 6:10

I hope you can figure out a fair way to split the cost of your new house.

 

[Souschef]

Dot and I have something in common. DW and I both lost our spouses about the same time. We each have 2 children by former marriages.

We keep our finances separate, for obvious reasons for our children.
She sold her house about the time we got married, and put the proceeds to our new home. i rented mine condo out, but took out a HELOC to pay for our new home. When I sold my condo, I paid off the HELOC, and split the proceeds among our 4 children.
IMO, even though she put in less than I did, it is even as far as our assets went.

 

[Bamaman]

My wife and I were in your position 35 years ago. She had her house and I had mine. We sold both and bought one bigger home when I was transferred. My house was worth much more than hers, but after a few years it didn't matter.

You should have combined assets 20 years ago. Any split can be done in a will. Marriages don't need such matters to decide.

 

[RetiredHappy]

..........

 

[CRLLS]

If you are happy with 75% of the costs over time vs his 25% and only getting 50% ownership then who am I to argue? I wouldn't do it myself though.

As others have said, I don't understand the separate finances. If that is good with the two of you, perhaps you should write up some agreement where you get 50% of the ownership of the new home to start out and then the remaining 50% is split 25/25. That should be easy enough to do considering your situation. I would get a good attorney to write up the contract though and let him get his own lawyer.

 

[Aerides]

After 25 years of marriage - in a 2nd in which you both entered with some scars but hopefully wiser - I would hope that the concept of Yours vs. Mine vs. Ours would fade significantly. If not all at first, now is the time.

Maybe time to visit an accountant/lawyer to ensure all the children are appropriately covered in a will, and then move on, with joint accounts?

 

[ivinsfan]

Couple questions did DH keep for himself 10 years worth of rent from his former home? And did he keep all the money when he sold it?


And do you have any idea of the amount of sweat equity we are talking about?


If he lived in your house 25 years then stuff wears out need fixing that's the cost of living somewhere. Is there a bigger problem at work here?


Only you know that.


There is nothing wrong with separate finances in my opinion. But if one party is petty and a bean counter it can be a issue. If I understand you , your DH wants to put no out of pocket costs of his own into your new place. That's an issue.

 

[retire-early]

His sweat, i.e. improvement to the home, was in lieu of living in your home for free, while he collected rent on his other home and then re-invested his money when his home was sold. When you sell your home, the money is yours. If he cannot see it that way that you should each pay 50-50 for the new home, I don't see him as a life partner. He is making money the root of all evil.

THIS !!!

You got nothing for his house when he sold it, and he wants a cut of the sale of your house. That would be a big fat NO in my book.

 

[ivinsfan]

THIS !!!

You got nothing for his house when he sold it, and he wants a cut of the sale of your house. That would be a big fat NO in my book.

OP doesn't specifically say that but that's the impression I got as well.


It seems super petty after 25 years together.

 

[Gumby]

I am so happy to have had a simple life.

 

[retire-early]

OP doesn't specifically say that but that's the impression I got as well.


It seems super petty after 25 years together.

It also brings into view the sexist notion that his sweat equity is more valuable than her sweat equity which MarieIG alluded to in her post.

The simplest solution is that the sale of her house is hers and the sale of his house is his. They were assets brought into the marriage.

 

[RetireBy90]

Gotta say, I’ve been married for 42 years, DW had a son from previous marriage. He was 2 at the time. I adopted him and he is one of our 2 boys. I really shouldn’t advise as everything we have is “owned” by us. But then I told DW many times, within certain limits, our marriage is what we want it to be, not what our parents had.

Best of luck in this. Sounds like you should share a bottle of good scotch and let him know your concern.

 

[Midpack]

Like others have said, I can’t imagine a disagreement like that after 25 years, so I can’t imagine a suggestion that would help…

 

[RetiredHappy]

Gotta say, I’ve been married for 42 years, DW had a son from previous marriage. He was 2 at the time. I adopted him and he is one of our 2 boys. I really shouldn’t advise as everything we have is “owned” by us. But then I told DW many times, within certain limits, our marriage is what we want it to be, not what our parents had.

Best of luck in this. Sounds like you should share a bottle of good scotch and let him know your concern.

Who is going to pay for the good scotch?

 

[tmm99]

Both contribute an equal down payment to the new house.

He was able to earn money on HIS house/ investment while living in your house, which you paid off with money you earned. Did YOU not contribute "sweat equity" towards the marriage? Even if you didn't swing a hammer, did you cook, clean, etc. to make his life more comfortable. It seems to me that HE is increasing HIS net worth, and HIS kids inheritance, while decreasing yours. If you've been married before, you know marriages can end.

You don't have to be obnoxious about, but no.

This (in bold) was exactly what came to my mind as well. When DH was renovating the house, I'm sure Dot was doing things that he wasn't doing, like cleaning and taking care of other businesses and getting food ready for him, etc.

I don't have a lot of suggestions as I'm not getting the full picture of what DH did with the money from his house (with rental and sale), but when children are involved, things get a bit more complex and intense because you want to make sure that the right amount will go to your children.

Good luck to you.

 

[RobbieB]

Second marriages come with more baggage than firsts. Some have more, some less, some children, no children. Houses, investments, big IRS debts.

Firsts are usually when both are young and broke and just starting out.

There is a reason for joint and separate accounts.

 

[jollystomper]

Over the years he has made considerable improvements to my home as he is very handy. We are now selling it and moving into a home we both love. We plan to share equally in the cost of the new home. He feels that all the proceeds of my home should go toward the purchase of the new home and that we should take a mortgage out for the remainder and split the payments in 1/2. Since I paid for the home myself I feel I should receive all the proceeds and invest them as he did when he sold his house. He feels this does not reimburse him for his ‘sweat equity’. I don’t want to be unreasonable.

It is not money that is to root of all evil, it is the love of it. On both sides.

Do you have an idea what the cost of the "considerable improvements" are? You could always come up with an estimate, reimburse him (perhaps with interest) that amount from the sale of your home, call it even, and from that basis work in sharing the cost of the new home.

 

[Surewhitey]

We're having our 25th this year too. I couldn't imagine having separate accounts for each of us. Her daughter is my daughter. My first marriage, her second, coming from a crap situation.

We started with little, so maybe it's different, but I couldn't imagine not, eventually, getting on the same page with finances. Having money should not be a reason to be a problem. Lack of money is a stressful thing, this should not be.