Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

[capitalhockey]

The worst thing is i don't even know that i am wealthy.

I have to pinch myself every time I check my investment account!

 

[capitalhockey]

People just can’t comprehend that you saved half your income for 20 years. They can’t conceive of doing it themselves. I gave a couple of retirement planning talks at work, and most walked out depressed or jealous, rather than inspired. They just don’t get it. I’d just say “I saved and invested” and let it go at that, unless they ask for more info. The only path to wealth and security most people can fathom is winning the lottery, unfortunately. When I told people of my early retirement, they often say that I’m lucky!

Sounds like no one likes to hear hard work and sacrifice as secret ingredients to success!

 

[capitalhockey]

Your finances are none of their concern, and anyone who asks directly is behaving rudely IMHO.

Your story will probably not inspire more than one or two of your acquaintances. Most will either shrug their shoulders or decide on their own that you must have had some special advantage to justify why you did it and they didn't.

At least that was my experience when I FIREd at 46. I sent out a farewell note to probably 100 coworkers. Most assumed I was going to another job, and I clarified that I wasn't. Only one seemed to get how I had done it, and my strong suspicion is that they were another silent millionaire next door type who recognized what was happening with me because he was already on the same path. Out of those 100, exactly zero asked me for input or advice or seemed to take any inspiration.

Oh, and your true friends shouldn't care either way.

Your coworkers wished they were like you without working for it!

 

[Dtail]

There’s some truth to that in my career!

Had some friends who had a rough idea on our financial situation. A few would say I wish I had your monies, but none were willing to say that they would work as hard as me to get there.

 

[capitalhockey]

Yep, family dynamics can get weird too as well. I have a SIL who likes to tell others "hey, he can afford it" when any discussion of bigger purchases come up. I just go silent and ignore the comments.

I ying and yang on what/when I want my kids to know specifics. While my sisters and I did get an inheritance from my dad, it did not move the needle for me and I encouraged my dad to spend it all while he was alive... never expected/underwrote an inheritance in my plan. There is a high probability my kids will inherit some significant dollars at end of days. The last thing I want my kids to do is EXPECT an inheritance. My biggest concern is they learn the real numbers and $$ signs light up aka big inheritance is on their daily radar affecting their drive in life. That said, I am looking at strategic ways to both spend it with/on them including occasional specific cash gifts. For now, they know enough to know mom and I are doing just fine.

Did you hide your finances from your kids so they don’t grow up expecting it?

 

[Winemaker]

I don't like anybody who wears their cause, affiliation, wealth, victimhood, etc. on their sleeve. I try to be plain vanilla.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Don't care about what others think. Live your life how you would like, nothing to hide and nothing to flaunt. We live in a resort community where I would say 90% of the households have more money than us, several billionaires and many worth hundreds of millions. We play golf on the same course and eat at the same clubhouse restaurant. We don't talk money and get along just fine.

 

[COcheesehead]

Isn’t it ironic that some fear exposing success…
Kind of an odd dynamic.
Do some flaunt their poorness?

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, I like to keep under the radar too.

1400 sq-ft tract house, a Chevy and a Subaru in the driveway, and I buy old used boats.

Time to hit the fridge for some caviar -

 

[capitalhockey]

I bought Tesla, Apple, Google and Facebook early.

And you also placed big bet on Bucs over Chiefs in the Super Bowl : )

 

[capitalhockey]

Had some friends who had a rough idea on our financial situation. A few would say I wish I had your monies, but none were willing to say that they would work as hard as me to get there.

Everyone wants the prize but not willing to work for it!

 

[Pointby2]

Nobody in my family seems to care. We sometimes talk about stocks and investments, but very little talk about who has how much.



I'm guessing that's because we're all in the same general range and no one is really "wealthy".

 

[Retire52]

Don't care about what others think. Live your life how you would like, nothing to hide and nothing to flaunt. We live in a resort community where I would say 90% of the households have more money than us, several billionaires and many worth hundreds of millions. We play golf on the same course and eat at the same clubhouse restaurant. We don't talk money and get along just fine.

Everyone wants the prize but not willing to work for it!

You said it brother, no one wants to hear that the secret sauce is the long slow slug of saving and investing for a couple decades or more to get here.

 

[scrabbler1]

Put me down for neither hiding nor flaunting my wealth. I live a low-key life, just the way I like it.

One condition for being able to FIRE (and at 45) was that there would be no change in my everyday lifestyle or general spending habits. My ER budget always included a cushion which would allow me to go on small spending sprees once in a while without throwing my budget into chaos.

Also, because I had been working part-time for the 7 years preceding my FIRE, the hobbies and other activities I had been doing just prior to my ER were unaffected, other than being able to partake in them a little more and a little more easily (i.e. no more scheduling conflicts with my limited work schedule). This also meant that the people I knew the best and was with the most were the ones who benefitted the most from my increased availability from being FIREd. They weren't about to say anything to antagonize me for being able to FIRE at 45.

My coworkers said little to me. Given that I had worked there for 23 years, I was a steady but decreasing presence at the office due to working part-time the last 7 years. They were happy for me and were glad I was getting out on my own terms.

For those who did persist in wondering how I was able to FIRE at 45, I had a short answer for them: "No kids, no debts." That usually ended that line of questioning.

 

[street]

I also know many that are very wealthy and work hard and save and are still working into their mid 60's and older.

They show their wealth and could stop but don't. They have nothing else to do. People know they are rich, they know they are rich, they show that are rich, and life goes on.

 

[capitalhockey]

I also know many that are very wealthy and work hard and save and are still working into their mid 60's and older.

They show their wealth and could stop but don't. They have nothing else to do. People know they are rich, they know they are rich, they show that are rich, and life goes on.

That life does not appeal to me at all....a slave to work is not "rich" to me!!

 

[capitalhockey]

Put me down for neither hiding nor flaunting my wealth. I live a low-key life, just the way I like it.

One condition for being able to FIRE (and at 45) was that there would be no change in my everyday lifestyle or general spending habits. My ER budget always included a cushion which would allow me to go on small spending sprees once in a while without throwing my budget into chaos.

Also, because I had been working part-time for the 7 years preceding my FIRE, the hobbies and other activities I had been doing just prior to my ER were unaffected, other than being able to partake in them a little more and a little more easily (i.e. no more scheduling conflicts with my limited work schedule). This also meant that the people I knew the best and was with the most were the ones who benefitted the most from my increased availability from being FIREd. They weren't about to say anything to antagonize me for being able to FIRE at 45.

My coworkers said little to me. Given that I had worked there for 23 years, I was a steady but decreasing presence at the office due to working part-time the last 7 years. They were happy for me and were glad I was getting out on my own terms.

For those who did persist in wondering how I was able to FIRE at 45, I had a short answer for them: "No kids, no debts." That usually ended that line of questioning.

I live in a very HCOL area where both spouses have to work full time in order to pay for housing expenses. My wife is part time since we don't need her money and she could spend more time with kids. Everyone is looking at us like aliens!

 

[capitalhockey]

Yeah, I like to keep under the radar too.

1400 sq-ft tract house, a Chevy and a Subaru in the driveway, and I buy old used boats.

Time to hit the fridge for some caviar -

Do you fish on your boat or more for cruising?

 

[GrayHare]

A friend wanted to talk stock investing, and I made the mistake of mentioning I had open orders pending on several stocks, hoping to hit them at a low price. "But what if all those orders execute on the same day?" she asked. I fumbled for a reply that did not sound like I had a ton of cash available to invest. I did not tell her the orders represented a small fraction of my total investments. A spender friend thought it ludicrous that his brother was saving "a huge amount" for retirement, and quoted the monthly amount. I did not say I was saving more than 10x that amount. A few years later the spender friend declared bankruptcy and wound up homeless.

 

[NW-Bound]

A spender friend thought it ludicrous that his brother was saving "a huge amount" for retirement, and quoted the monthly amount. I did not say I was saving more than 10x that amount. A few years later the spender friend declared bankruptcy and wound up homeless.

Spender friend did not ask you for a place to stay?

I guess he was not a close friend.

 

[rk911]

IMO most dont get an explanation. Let them wonder. Only a very, very trusted few should know anything.

this is us. i'm sure my sister, BIL and nephew and maybe some of the neighbors suspect but we live very simple lives not because we're trying to be invisible...we've always lived this way. our cars are 18 and 11-years old and we live in a 3-BR home built in 1960. our only outward sign of $ is our motorhome. apart from wealth mgmt firms that we've been interviewing we haven't told anyone about our situation.

 

[RobbieB]

Do you fish on your boat or more for cruising?

Mostly fishing. Although more cruising will be happening with the bigger one. But when anchored, why not fish? Supper could be coming with the next bite!

 

[rk911]

Isn’t it ironic that some fear exposing success…
Kind of an odd dynamic.
Do some flaunt their poorness?

in our case it's not fear it's just not important to us to flaunt what we have (apart from our motorhome...and we're not flaunting or hiding that). we're simple folks who worked, shed debt, lived beneath our means, saved and invested for the long term. we don't buy fancy cars not because we're trying to hide but because that's not us. our cars are a '03 Jeep Wrangler and a '10 Jeep Liberty.

 

[skyking1]

Not us either. We got DW a 2019 Tiguan in the highest trim level last year, and I expect that to last a good long while.
I have a refurbished 2007 Ram truck for the camping, and a 2003 Beetle.

 

[GrayHare]

Spender friend did not ask you for a place to stay?

I guess he was not a close friend.

Actually, he didn't ask because he valued our friendship more than money. OTOH, he seemed to value everything more than money, especially his free time. Despite my many attempts to help him (finding him jobs, introducing him to friends, etc.) he ended up dying alone a few years after the bankruptcy. It still bothers me. I suspect humans at a young age learn save/spend habits, ones very difficult to change later.