Parents with Financial problems

[pacergal]

OP--sorry you are experiencing this.
Since your parents did not ask for help, and you pushed for the information, you may still not have a full picture of their financials.
They are definitely living beyond their means, and I don't see it stopping anytime soon, unfortunately, until banks stop allowing further credit, or sources of income dry up, most likely via death of one or the other.
Are there other siblings who are concerned or would help in any kind of intervention?
Otherwise, I think its one of those situations where you have to sit back and sadly watch things fall apart, until they ask for help.
Unless you have the finances and desire to assist them for the rest of their lives.
Very difficult situation, that is for sure.

 

[ncbill]

A roommate or two, Golden Girls style, might also work. Or the subsidized housing possibility.

Subsidized elder housing often means you'll die from old age before your name gets to the top of the list.

Yes to roommates, though...I don't know why more people don't go that route.

My oldest kid is reporting to a new duty station where they'll be for the next several years & so will be renting a room at a friend's house for only a few hundred bucks/month while the kid looks for a house to buy.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Having roommates sucks and people don’t want to do that when old. I would live in a studio by myself before I had a roommate that I wasn’t in love with or gave birth to.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Subsidized elder housing often means you'll die from old age before your name gets to the top of the list.

One of my friends just made it in to a nice place after being on a list for years. That is why it is best to sign up as soon as one is eligible to do so. I read a story online about someone who researched the waiting lists for subsidized housing by location and ended up moving to a city with no wait list.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Having roommates sucks and people don’t want to do that when old. I would live in a studio by myself before I had a roommate that I wasn’t in love with or gave birth to.

It depends on the cost of housing. A room in our area cost $800 a month the last time I checked for someone and it probably has gone up since then. There are no studios for that amount of rent. A very small ADU in our neighborhood was going for $2K. So roommates would beat living in my car or homeless shelters for me, if I was poor.

 

[Jenna]

We are in a similar situation but the second husband died. And my mother in law lives off SS. That's all she has although she has a reverse mortgage so she can stay in her home. Home upkeep is expensive. We even offered to buy life insurance on her husband years ago and he wouldn't talk to us about finances. He was day trading up until the day before he went in the hospital. We do not help out except with our time. She continues to spend on ridiculous things. But she has improved a bit. And her house is a mess although we have tried so many times to help her clean out. Our motto--You can't care more than they care. It's sad because we would love to paint her home inside or install some new flooring but she won't clean up her house. She says she's not good at house keeping. He told her that she would have enough money knowing full well that she would not. It's a sad reality for many couples.

 

[Yoheadden]

We are in a similar situation but the second husband died. And my mother in law lives off SS. That's all she has although she has a reverse mortgage so she can stay in her home. Home upkeep is expensive. We even offered to buy life insurance on her husband years ago and he wouldn't talk to us about finances. He was day trading up until the day before he went in the hospital. We do not help out except with our time. She continues to spend on ridiculous things. But she has improved a bit. And her house is a mess although we have tried so many times to help her clean out. Our motto--You can't care more than they care. It's sad because we would love to paint her home inside or install some new flooring but she won't clean up her house. She says she's not good at house keeping. He told her that she would have enough money knowing full well that she would not. It's a sad reality for many couples.

It is a tough position to be in. That’s a good motto and very true. I’ll have to keep it in mind.
I’m not sure a reverse mortgage would help here. They owe $141,000 on a $167,000 dollar prefab house.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Here renting a room in a house is 800/month and a studio 1100. If I was poor I would move to a cheaper state before I would live with people. Sadly a woman that I had walked with a few times and lived in a studio in my building killed herself over finances. She was 60 and really nice. So tragic.

 

[ncbill]

It depends on the cost of housing. A room in our area cost $800 a month the last time I checked for someone and it probably has gone up since then. There are no studios for that amount of rent. A very small ADU in our neighborhood was going for $2K. So roommates would beat living in my car or homeless shelters for me, if I was poor.

It's a shame boarding houses were essentially zoned out of existence.

Have your own room & meet your fellow tenants for dinner each day.

 

[Sunset]

It's a shame boarding houses were essentially zoned out of existence.

Have your own room & meet your fellow tenants for dinner each day.

My grandmother survived the great depression by turning her house into a boarding home.

When I did contract work around the country, I'd rent a hotel for 1 week in the new city, and while at work and after work look and find a room to rent in a house nearby work. It was great as was cheap and not tied to a year long lease, since the work could end suddenly. Obviously some people and places were sketchy, but I didn't rent at those.

 

[Sunset]

It is a tough position to be in. That’s a good motto and very true. I’ll have to keep it in mind.
I’m not sure a reverse mortgage would help here. They owe $141,000 on a $167,000 dollar prefab house.

Are you sure the house is worth that amount, as previously you said that was about the value of the original mortgage.

A quick look on Zillow is good enough for the price estimate, because unless the house is currently worth $300K, I don't think there is enough room given the existing mortgage to get a reverse mortgage.

 

[Sunset]

They could try some nonprofit or free debt assistance place to end the credit card interest and work out a payment plan. It would mean the credit cards probably would be unusable, but they are near that now I'm sure.

The interest from the credit cards must be a huge drain on them every month.

Social security is exempt from bankruptcy so maybe this is the answer for them, the extra great thing is it will make them less attractive for more credit card offers.
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/can-bankruptcy-take-your-social-security.html

Problem with these ideas is: They have to want to do it, and do it.

 

[Chuckanut]

IMHO, the OP needs to consult with an expert(s) in geriatric issues and geriatric law in his parents state
.
Get some outside opinions from people who will be brutally honest and not try to sugar coat anything. Even if the OP can't do much now, the time will come when he/she has to step in and take control over the parents situation. At least know ahead of time what to look for, and what the options are, and the steps necessary to intervene.

Yes, this is easy for me to say and hard to do. So let me share my experience.

My father stubbornly refused to write a will or do anything positive as my parents situation slide further and further down hill. It got to the point where he would not listen to me and he would threaten violence to anybody who did anything he perceived as being 'against' him. It was awful. One day he fell, broke his hip and then had surgery. He came out of the surgery thinking he was about 8 years old and still living in Italy. Sad as that was, there were two good things about it. First, it allowed us to relatively easily get control of my parent assets and put them in a family trust. Fortunately, enough was left to keep him and mom comfortable for the rest of their lives. Second, a life of grudges and unhappy memories were replaced by the simple pleasures of being about 8 years old again. Though he thought his wife was his mother, and I was his brother, I had not seen him that happy and at peace in about a decade. Oh, he died 8 days after the trust was finalized.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

It's a shame boarding houses were essentially zoned out of existence.

Have your own room & meet your fellow tenants for dinner each day.

They actually are still kind of a thing in San Francisco and LA, except for the dinner part. A few of our adult kids' friends live in houses with 4 -5 bedrooms, a garage gets converted to a livable space, and then each bedroom and the garage gets rented out to 5 - 8 roommates, some share a bedroom. Each of those bedrooms would rent for $800 or more a month. One student got by sharing a bedroom with $400 rent for her half of a bedroom.

The state laws have been changed so that most homes can now have 2 extra rentals - a garage conversion and an ADU. That state law overrides any more restrictive city codes in order to try to help solve the housing shortage.

 

[Walt34]

It's a shame boarding houses were essentially zoned out of existence.

And for good reason.

Boarding houses may have worked in cities where one could walk to work or the train, but they don't in suburbia where everyone needs a car. There just isn't enough parking to make that work.

 

[mystang52]

Bankruptcy an option?

 

[pb4uski]

A roommate or two, Golden Girls style, might also work. Or the subsidized housing possibility.

Do the OPs DMIL and DSIL have a spare bedroom to rent out? If they could get $500/mo it might make a big difference for them.

 

[pb4uski]

Having roommates sucks and people don’t want to do that when old. I would live in a studio by myself before I had a roommate that I wasn’t in love with or gave birth to.

Agree, but sometimes there isn't much choice. Live in a rented studio or in owned home with a boarder? Tough choice, but also a tough situation.

 

[pb4uski]

It's a shame boarding houses were essentially zoned out of existence.



Have your own room & meet your fellow tenants for dinner each day.

That sounds sort of like assisted living to me... Mom has her own room, bathroom and kitchenette for morning coffee, microwave popcorn, snacks, etc and then meals are communal.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Pb4, I would buy a studio condo if I was in that situation. I wouldn’t rent and be at the mercy of increases. We have some retiree couples in our building that have bought studios. They are only 450 sq ft. Some people enclosed their patio or balcony, taking the slider out and put their table to eat at for extra space.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We had a poster here at one time who bought a mobile home for a low income parent and that seemed to work out well. There are really a lot of cute prefab type homes out there these days, if you can find a reasonable cost place to locate them.

 

[Yoheadden]

Are you sure the house is worth that amount, as previously you said that was about the value of the original mortgage.

A quick look on Zillow is good enough for the price estimate, because unless the house is currently worth $300K, I don't think there is enough room given the existing mortgage to get a reverse mortgage.

This is what my DM told me, but checking Zillow is a good idea.

 

[Yoheadden]

Bankruptcy an option?

I don’t know. This is one of the topics I was hoping someone with more experience might chime in on.

 

[Yoheadden]

Do the OPs DMIL and DSIL have a spare bedroom to rent out? If they could get $500/mo it might make a big difference for them.

This might actually be an option down the road since they live in State College, PA. Although I can’t see DM actually doing the leg work necessary to rent out a room. This is one of the initial problems, lack of motivation and follow through.

 

[Sunset]

This is what my DM told me, but checking Zillow is a good idea.

Especially as people misinterpret or misunderstand things, or even deceive themselves by not looking at all the facts.

Example: My happy to spend sister told my buddy she only owed $100 on her CC. Actually it was $5,000 owed with a monthly minimum payment of $100

When I asked her about it, she said she would just pay it off at $100 /mo. It would only take ~30 yrs