I have posted before about being worried about quitting work. I’m about to hit the 2-year point at my current job. I had told myself when I took the job that I wanted to work two more years and that’s it. The job has been the best I have had: good boss, good teammates, and some freedom to put processes and initiatives in place. Still, I am a work to live type, not a live to work type. I don’t love working, never have, even now.
I had been thinking about working through October and then notifying my boss that I was planning to leave. I was also planning to give her the option of having me stay til she found a replacement, as long as I only had to go into the office occasionally. I chose November because a small equity bonus vests if I stay through October; it’s not a ton of money but it could probably pay for the floors being redone in my living room and kitchen. Plus, staying here for the winter doesn’t thrill me, and there’s not a real point in staying through Feb 2024 when annual bonus is paid because I doubt there will be much of a payout, and maybe not even a payout at all. I also have a project that will end in November. I don’t enjoy it, and it’s a lot of work, but my conscience makes it hard for me to dump it on my team.
But at work last week, something happened that really irritated me, and left me feeling quite disillusioned. I won’t bore you with the details, but I left that meeting and just got in my car and went home. I have tried to pick myself up, and I’m sure that my boss will have stuff to say to me in my upcoming performance review, but it’s like someone turned off a switch. I no longer feel like I can make a difference here, not the way I wanted, and I started thinking about maybe just saying goodbye now.
Here I am a few days later, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel paralyzed with fear of not working. Of letting go. Over the weekend, my thumb started twitching uncontrollably. My immediate thought was that I have MS, or Parkinson’s, or ALS, so I should keep working for the health insurance. What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings? (btw thumb is fine now…I also had a physical and the necessary well-woman checkups to make sure nothing obvious was wrong with me…at least not physically )
Then I think about what I want to do in retirement. I’m working on a degree, for personal enrichment, and I’m majoring in a language so I can live and travel in more countries. The tuition costs money. I want to take a few trips, but all I think about is that those trips will be expensive and I won’t have money coming in. Then the worries come back to health insurance and the ACA going away and me having a major issue. Even with ACA, I worry about finding a doctor who takes ACA insurance. And about the costs of prescription drugs. I want to leave the state so “find out what insurance your current doctor accepts” isn’t relevant.
I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt. Rationally I think I’m set for 99% of anything that could come up in life. But I dwell on the 1%. My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…but that worry-wart side of me pops up and says, “you’ll just sit on the couch and not take advantage of your newly-found free time.
How do I get past these fears and turn in notice? I’m sure I’d be happier not working, if I could get past the fears. At least I think I’d be happier; I’m one of these restless types that never is 100% happy. But I do think life would improve. Any tips for changing my mindset? Any advice that will get me to stop waffling or feeling terrified?
I have a friend who gave notice to retire at her company. I asked how she felt. She said she felt great. I asked if she felt scared before she did it and she said no, not at all. So I really don’t know why I am feeling like this.
I had been thinking about working through October and then notifying my boss that I was planning to leave. I was also planning to give her the option of having me stay til she found a replacement, as long as I only had to go into the office occasionally. I chose November because a small equity bonus vests if I stay through October; it’s not a ton of money but it could probably pay for the floors being redone in my living room and kitchen. Plus, staying here for the winter doesn’t thrill me, and there’s not a real point in staying through Feb 2024 when annual bonus is paid because I doubt there will be much of a payout, and maybe not even a payout at all. I also have a project that will end in November. I don’t enjoy it, and it’s a lot of work, but my conscience makes it hard for me to dump it on my team.
But at work last week, something happened that really irritated me, and left me feeling quite disillusioned. I won’t bore you with the details, but I left that meeting and just got in my car and went home. I have tried to pick myself up, and I’m sure that my boss will have stuff to say to me in my upcoming performance review, but it’s like someone turned off a switch. I no longer feel like I can make a difference here, not the way I wanted, and I started thinking about maybe just saying goodbye now.
Here I am a few days later, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel paralyzed with fear of not working. Of letting go. Over the weekend, my thumb started twitching uncontrollably. My immediate thought was that I have MS, or Parkinson’s, or ALS, so I should keep working for the health insurance. What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings? (btw thumb is fine now…I also had a physical and the necessary well-woman checkups to make sure nothing obvious was wrong with me…at least not physically )
Then I think about what I want to do in retirement. I’m working on a degree, for personal enrichment, and I’m majoring in a language so I can live and travel in more countries. The tuition costs money. I want to take a few trips, but all I think about is that those trips will be expensive and I won’t have money coming in. Then the worries come back to health insurance and the ACA going away and me having a major issue. Even with ACA, I worry about finding a doctor who takes ACA insurance. And about the costs of prescription drugs. I want to leave the state so “find out what insurance your current doctor accepts” isn’t relevant.
I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt. Rationally I think I’m set for 99% of anything that could come up in life. But I dwell on the 1%. My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…but that worry-wart side of me pops up and says, “you’ll just sit on the couch and not take advantage of your newly-found free time.
How do I get past these fears and turn in notice? I’m sure I’d be happier not working, if I could get past the fears. At least I think I’d be happier; I’m one of these restless types that never is 100% happy. But I do think life would improve. Any tips for changing my mindset? Any advice that will get me to stop waffling or feeling terrified?
I have a friend who gave notice to retire at her company. I asked how she felt. She said she felt great. I asked if she felt scared before she did it and she said no, not at all. So I really don’t know why I am feeling like this.