Why am I so terrified to stop working?

[Poopycat]

I have posted before about being worried about quitting work. I’m about to hit the 2-year point at my current job. I had told myself when I took the job that I wanted to work two more years and that’s it. The job has been the best I have had: good boss, good teammates, and some freedom to put processes and initiatives in place. Still, I am a work to live type, not a live to work type. I don’t love working, never have, even now.

I had been thinking about working through October and then notifying my boss that I was planning to leave. I was also planning to give her the option of having me stay til she found a replacement, as long as I only had to go into the office occasionally. I chose November because a small equity bonus vests if I stay through October; it’s not a ton of money but it could probably pay for the floors being redone in my living room and kitchen. Plus, staying here for the winter doesn’t thrill me, and there’s not a real point in staying through Feb 2024 when annual bonus is paid because I doubt there will be much of a payout, and maybe not even a payout at all. I also have a project that will end in November. I don’t enjoy it, and it’s a lot of work, but my conscience makes it hard for me to dump it on my team.

But at work last week, something happened that really irritated me, and left me feeling quite disillusioned. I won’t bore you with the details, but I left that meeting and just got in my car and went home. I have tried to pick myself up, and I’m sure that my boss will have stuff to say to me in my upcoming performance review, but it’s like someone turned off a switch. I no longer feel like I can make a difference here, not the way I wanted, and I started thinking about maybe just saying goodbye now.

Here I am a few days later, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. I feel paralyzed with fear of not working. Of letting go. Over the weekend, my thumb started twitching uncontrollably. My immediate thought was that I have MS, or Parkinson’s, or ALS, so I should keep working for the health insurance. What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings? (btw thumb is fine now…I also had a physical and the necessary well-woman checkups to make sure nothing obvious was wrong with me…at least not physically )

Then I think about what I want to do in retirement. I’m working on a degree, for personal enrichment, and I’m majoring in a language so I can live and travel in more countries. The tuition costs money. I want to take a few trips, but all I think about is that those trips will be expensive and I won’t have money coming in. Then the worries come back to health insurance and the ACA going away and me having a major issue. Even with ACA, I worry about finding a doctor who takes ACA insurance. And about the costs of prescription drugs. I want to leave the state so “find out what insurance your current doctor accepts” isn’t relevant.

I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt. Rationally I think I’m set for 99% of anything that could come up in life. But I dwell on the 1%. My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…but that worry-wart side of me pops up and says, “you’ll just sit on the couch and not take advantage of your newly-found free time.

How do I get past these fears and turn in notice? I’m sure I’d be happier not working, if I could get past the fears. At least I think I’d be happier; I’m one of these restless types that never is 100% happy. But I do think life would improve. Any tips for changing my mindset? Any advice that will get me to stop waffling or feeling terrified?

I have a friend who gave notice to retire at her company. I asked how she felt. She said she felt great. I asked if she felt scared before she did it and she said no, not at all. So I really don’t know why I am feeling like this.

 

[REWahoo]

If you don't feel comfortable retiring, then keep working. Those of us drawing SS appreciate your continuing contributions.

You'll know when it's time to pull the plug. You're already getting some early signals:

My health is getting worse.

Remember, a heart attack is nature's way of telling you it's time to slow down.

 

[Alex The Great]

If you feel so uncomfortable to retire may be it is a time to find another job which you like? There are plenty of opportunities around and your NW would give you an advantage not to worry about compensation.

 

[Sunset]

Frankly, you are in GREAT shape financially to quit work. $4.5M and no debt, and living in a low cost area (at least not high cost).

Lets be real, nobody can tell the future, so worrying about possible things that you have zero evidence of is a waste and could cause cancer (just kidding).
As for the worrying, remember, you could work another 10 years and die of a heart attack. Do you you worry about never getting to enjoy your retirement ?

My Dad died just before his 65th birthday, An Uncle died ~2 months after retirement at age 65.

Assuming you are invested around 60% stock and 40% actual bonds, you could spend 3% very safely which is $135K per year, (actually more once you account for SS).
How much do you spend ? Track it and you will know if you can afford to retire.

In your position, I would plan to spent $20K per year on travel at a minimum.

 

[MarieIG]

It sounds as if your job is stressing you out.

Can you find a part-time job, which you enjoy, that has health insurance benefits - as a way of weaning yourself away from work?

In light of your symptoms, I would forget about the November deadline.

 

[jim584672]

With 4.5 million I'm sure you will find a way, even in the worst possible situations. Now get going, time is burning.

 

[pacergal]

Fear of the unknown is common.
You have a great NW.
Have you run firecalc and are you comfortable with the results?
Have you answered the questions in the early retirement FAQ : Some Important Questions to Answer Before Asking - Can I Retire?

Your health is everything, both physical and mental.
Your current job is causing you anguish.
You can always find an other job if needed. Your time here on Earth is limited.

 

[pacergal]

Also, I would not offer to stay until they find your replacement--most likely it won't happen! And you will continue going in day after day......

 

[Sunset]

I will say, when I retired at age 57, I kept working part-time on a "call me if needed basis" for 1 client as I felt obligated, this continued for ~5 years at a decreasing amount until they stopped calling.

This sort of phasing into retirement showed to me I could retire (with far less than OP) and the world didn't end.

 

[aja8888]

If I had $4.5 million at age 53, I would be the longest member here by now, well, maybe not longer than REWahoo.

 

[REWahoo]

If I had $4.5 million at age 53, I would be the longest member here by now, well, maybe not longer than REWahoo.

friar1610 and stevelb have been here longer than I have - by three or four days!

 

[Aerides]

I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt. Rationally I think I’m set for 99% of anything that could come up in life. But I dwell on the 1%. My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…but that worry-wart side of me pops up and says, “you’ll just sit on the couch and not take advantage of your newly-found free time.

How do I get past these fears and turn in notice? I’m sure I’d be happier not working, if I could get past the fears. At least I think I’d be happier; I’m one of these restless types that never is 100% happy. But I do think life would improve. Any tips for changing my mindset? Any advice that will get me to stop waffling or feeling terrified?

Your NW doesn't have you set for 99%, it's higher than that. Your risk of wiping that out is below 1% as a single person, unless you are extravagant, and you don't seem to be.

Here's an idea for you: Don't think of leaving this job as retiring, but simply as leaving this job and allowing yourself time to regroup. If you go 6 months and realize you'd rather be working, you don't have much of any resume gap to worry about, and can find something else like you found this one. If you took 6 months and found yourself working out, traveling, busy, then even better.

 

[Poopycat]

Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the number of responses already! I humbly thank you all. I have already seen some nuggets here that have really helped me. I will respond to some tonight when I have the time to do so. To clarify, my fear isn’t about having enough income. Rationally, I know I have enough. It’s more about how to let go and of these irrational fears. I do occasionally look at other jobs on LinkedIn - I think it’s the competitive nature in me - then I think, “what are you doing You don’t want to rope yourself in for MORE working years!” I am open to part-time work, just for the social aspect and so I alleviate the fear of burning through money. And I say 99% safe because that 1% - serious illness or being swindled are the only things I can think of that could derail me. But yes, Firecalc has always indicated 100% likelihood of safety for me.

I’ll give all responses more thought. Thanks so much.

 

[mystang52]

Reading between the lines of your first post, it sure sounds like you want to ER. I suggest: 1) make sure that equity bonus is deposited in your account before giving notice
2) remember you won't have employment income after you retire. But, proceeds from your 4+ $million stash becomes your income source, and should be ample replacement income.
3) Do your research, now, for health insurance and (if you're worried about it) Long Term Care insurance.
4) Start a written list of things you may want to do after ER: places to travel to, day to day activities and hobbies, etc. I strongly suggest you do what I did, which was write down every possible activity I'd consider. Eventually I ruled out some, others I tried and chose not to pursue further, but there were others I continued to do to this day. Had I not made that initial list some of those never would have been tried.

 

[Sojourner]

Over the weekend, my thumb started twitching uncontrollably. My immediate thought was that I have MS, or Parkinson’s, or ALS, so I should keep working for the health insurance. What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings?

This is one of the (few) beauties of ACA. With an ACA insurance plan, your out-of-pocket costs are capped at something like $7k/year even with the lowest level "bronze" plans. So $7k/year is the most you'd be pulling from your nest egg even in the unlikeliest, worst case health scenarios.

The tuition costs money. I want to take a few trips, but all I think about is that those trips will be expensive and I won’t have money coming in.

Sure, all that stuff costs money and some of it is quite expensive. But you have a LOT of money. With your net worth, you can easily spend $120k/year with virtually no chance of ever running out of money. Continuing to work to earn more money at this point is just adding more cushion to the very comfy retirement pillow you already have. How much more comfort and fluff do you need, or do you want?

I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt.

Other than being single, you and I are in very similar spots. I FIREd in my mid/late 40s with a net worth about 30% less than yours, and here I am nearly 10 years later with a 65% higher net worth than when I FIREd. I also worried about a lot of the things you mentioned, but in the end, pulling the FIRE trigger was the very best decision for me.

FWIW, a mental hack that might help get you through all your worry about whether to FIRE or not is to keep reminding yourself that you can always go back to w**k if you feel the need or desire to. Don't look at it as an irrevocable decision.

 

[Gotadimple]

It might be useful to spend time envisioning what not working would be like for you. I highly recommend reading "How to Retire Happy Wild and Free" by Ernie J Zelinski. This book is not about Finances - it's about what you want to do with the rest of your life.

You have plenty of money, so you have security. Now you need to build a framework for what you will pursue after you leave working. Once you have that, give notice, it will be a no-brainer at that point.

I, too, am single and retired at 58. I had a high-stress job, the pay was good, the working environment was eroding. Once I understood what I wanted to pursue, I had no fear of giving notice and going on my own way.

- Rita

 

[Katiek]

I can relate to a lot of what you've written. As a single person, I've worried a lot over the years about job security. There was no other income to fall back on if I lost my job. The idea of giving up a well paying job just seems so risky, but then I have to remind myself that even though I'm worried now, I'll be just as worried a year from now or two years from now. I realize that whenever I leave there will be some stress and worry - even if in the long term I'll be happier. So the only way to avoid the stress is to work until I can't - I'm either fired, get sick or die - and that seems like an even worse alternative.


That said, I don't know if now is the right time for you Is the incident something that was a one time thing or something that will impact your satisfaction at work long term. But I do think that worrying about leaving is perfectly normal (even if you believe that you'll be fine objectively). But any change will take some adjustment, and one very valuable thing about this forum is that you can hear so many people tell you that the hardest part is the jump.

 

[njhowie]

How do I get past these fears and turn in notice? I’m sure I’d be happier not working, if I could get past the fears. At least I think I’d be happier; I’m one of these restless types that never is 100% happy. But I do think life would improve. Any tips for changing my mindset? Any advice that will get me to stop waffling or feeling terrified?

I have a friend who gave notice to retire at her company. I asked how she felt. She said she felt great. I asked if she felt scared before she did it and she said no, not at all. So I really don’t know why I am feeling like this.

1. Based on your savings/expenses and being debt free it seems you can easily retire and not worry.

2. Turn in your resignation notice now. Just think, not having to work all day, you can spend time exercising, getting fit and in better shape...and eliminate all the stress.

3. You're never going to know unless you try. Mentally give yourself 2 years to try retirement and see how it goes. Set up a reasonable budget just so you have an idea what your expenses should look like. Of course it can deviate, but once you have the budget, you should mentally feel more confident about retiring now.

What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings?

If that's you're thinking, well, you're never going to retire. Simple as that. We shouldn't even be having this discussion. As time goes on, the probability of the major illness will go up. However, you're going to have health insurance the entire time. Generally, even if insurance doesn't pay everything, you have an annual out of pocket maximum. So, for an individual, assuming you max out, you're going to be looking at maybe $10k/year (on top of your monthly premiums). Not the end of the world. If we figure your $4.5M is generating a lowly 2%/year, that's still $90k and you will have Social Security available starting in 9 years. In all likelihood, you'll be able to generate more than 2%/$90k per year with very little risk.

I say that you shouldn't delay - just write your resignation letter now and envision how great things will be when you don't have to work or put up with the silly bureaucracy, and have lots of time to get healthier and do what you want with your time.

What's the absolute worst thing that happens? You get real bored and things are not so great. You take a part-time job to keep you busy and making some income.

You shouldn't be so worried. You're in a great position.

 

[bloom2708]

Put in your 2 weeks. Quit for 1 year.

If you are miserable and broke after 1 year, go back to work.

With $4.5 million I think you will be OK.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

What pushed me over the edge was the adage that I learned here: I was tired of trading time I'd never get back for money I'd never need. I ran all the calculators I could find, and every one of them said "what are you, nuts? Just retire already!"

I've been able to get a dog, which requires that I take him on 2+ walks a day of at least 45 minutes each. I joined a gym which is a 10-minute walk from my house, and I take classes 3-4 days a week. I plan meals more carefully now, which has had a direct impact on my health (grocery shopping on a Tuesday morning beats the hell out of Sunday afternoon!).

I was afraid I'd miss the twice a month paychecks, the quarterly commissions, annual bonuses and RSUs that hit every quarter. Surprisingly, I really don't. I transfer money into my checking account so that the balance stays above what I could reasonably spend, and I'm happy.

What I do miss are the colleagues, but not the work. But I stay in touch with them on social media and texting (and I even visited two of them in Milan and London just in the past two weeks).

Congratulations on making it - you are in an enviable position.

Don't drag this thing out. Give your notice and make it two weeks.

 

[obsessed]

A few years back, my situation wasn't much different than yours. Work wasn't bad but it could get crazy at times. Trying to schedule a trip, something at work always seem to come up (and I wasn't good at sticking to my vacation plans). I was mostly healthy but I could see warning signs and stress, eating poorly and lack of exercise weren't helping. Plenty of dough to cover my spending. A couple more years of working/income weren't really going to mitigate any black swan event so off to retirement I went. No regrets.

 

[SecondAttempt]

I’m single, 53, my current NW just popped above the $4.5M mark, I have zero debt. ... My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…

It's time to go if that is what you want to do. No job is worth sacrificing your health if you don't have to. With $4.5M you can afford health insurance even if ACA goes away.

 

[freedomatlast]

You may want to try to address your anxiety in general since you know financially you'll be fine and can walk away from the job at any time. Are you anxious about other things also, and do you tend to dwell on the unlikely in other scenarios as well?

 

[GenXguy]

I had been reluctant to retire in my 50's as well, also single, but I have well less than 4.5M in my stash, although I'm also in a lower cost of living area. I kept delaying retirement with health care coverage concerns, then the pandemic, then inflation.

Well, my employer forced my hand a couple weeks ago, so it actually worked out well thanks to some separation pay and health care subsidies I wouldn't have gotten if I had announced I was retiring on my own, which was highly likely I would do by next June, anyway. So, I started retirement about a year ahead of schedule and will still have some extra money coming in for a while.

I have anxiety also, before and still do.

 

[njhowie]

I had been reluctant to retire in my 50's as well, also single, but I have well less than 4.5M in my stash, although I'm also in a lower cost of living area. I kept delaying retirement with health care coverage concerns, then the pandemic, then inflation.

Well, my employer forced my hand a couple weeks ago, so it actually worked out well thanks to some separation pay and health care subsidies I wouldn't have gotten if I had announced I was retiring on my own, which was highly likely I would do by next June, anyway. So, I started retirement about a year ahead of schedule and will still have some extra money coming in for a while.

I have anxiety also, before and still do.

I think you'll do fine as well - simply a matter of getting comfortable with withdrawing funds without the safety net of that bi-weekly paycheck coming in. I think it's a natural feeling. But, as someone else pointed out, it is not a decision that cannot be reversed in the future. Give it time, if it doesn't work out, you can always go back to work, even if part-time to have some income to supplement a lower level of withdrawal.