Why am I so terrified to stop working?

[Gumby]

If being retired would cause you anxiety, then you probably shouldn't do it right now. We all have to operate within our comfort zone. I personally enjoy retirement, but then I also generally enjoyed working. As was hinted at earlier, maybe your anxiety is not really about your retirement. It probably wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional about your issues. SGOTI is going to be of limited help for that.

 

[DrRoy]

I think you are ready to go.
You have the $.
You have things to do.
The job is getting to you.
DW and I retired 6 years ago at 57 with less than you have and we travel regularly, US and international.

 

[cyber888]

Based on what you say about your health, you better think about how much stress you are having. Your health is your priority.

I say - take your $4.5 Million and get out of the rat race, and focus on getting your health back.

You don't want to be 6 feet under while the IRS or someone else takes your $4.5 Million. Or bedridden, and not enjoying your $4 million

Over the weekend, my thumb started twitching uncontrollably. My immediate thought was that I have MS, or Parkinson’s, or ALS, so I should keep working for the health insurance. What if I get a major illness that wipes out my savings?

My health is getting worse. I used to be in decent shape but work and school have led to me making excuses for not exercising or eating well. If I had my days free for exercise, I think I’d get healthy again…but that worry-wart side of me pops up and says, “you’ll just sit on the couch and not take advantage of your newly-found free time.

 

[Surewhitey]

Never fully talked about my full experience, but I see my past self in you. @40&46, DW was done with the insurance biz & decided to walk away. We could stay in LA & exist or we could move to Mexico and do something we talked about for some time.

Went for an 8 month test & decided to go back to LA to see how we felt (and do the responsible thing). We returned to Mexico a year later for 2 years. We lived on less than $2k/mo & had so many experiences we'd never done otherwise & made some great friends from around the world. Got scuba certified, spearfished all over the local Caribbean visiting many towns, villages & Belize. We left Mexico with the same NW as we started, just under a mil.

Decided to nest 1 street over from DD in 2015 & now have 2 DGK's to keep us here for a while. We both returned to w*rk & DW's j*b is still making her "happy". I left the desk j*b in 2018-ish & started my small biz to make DW happy. I w*rk part time until she joins me to do "it" again. In the meantime, we're 2.5x our return to DFW NW. I am way healthier and more active. We still travel extensively @ 52&58.

Not working & finding this kind of thing is addictive (in a good way), so I suspect you will eventually find this out. Money is clearly not a problem. Maybe explore the place where the language you are learning to really experience it?

 

[Poopycat]

Also, I would not offer to stay until they find your replacement--most likely it won't happen! And you will continue going in day after day......

Yes, I suppose that could happen, but I don’t think my boss would do me like that. I think it was also partially to get used to the idea of retiring before I actually pulled the trigger.

 

[Poopycat]

It sounds as if your job is stressing you out.

Can you find a part-time job, which you enjoy, that has health insurance benefits - as a way of weaning yourself away from work?

In light of your symptoms, I would forget about the November deadline.

It would be good to find PT work with full-time benefits. I’m not sure how common those jobs are.

 

[Poopycat]

Fear of the unknown is common.
You have a great NW.
Have you run firecalc and are you comfortable with the results?
Have you answered the questions in the early retirement FAQ : Some Important Questions to Answer Before Asking - Can I Retire?

Your health is everything, both physical and mental.
Your current job is causing you anguish.
You can always find an other job if needed. Your time here on Earth is limited.

I’ve done Firecalc many times but I have not seen the Can I Retire FAQ. I’ll check them out.

 

[Poopycat]

Your NW doesn't have you set for 99%, it's higher than that. Your risk of wiping that out is below 1% as a single person, unless you are extravagant, and you don't seem to be.

Here's an idea for you: Don't think of leaving this job as retiring, but simply as leaving this job and allowing yourself time to regroup. If you go 6 months and realize you'd rather be working, you don't have much of any resume gap to worry about, and can find something else like you found this one. If you took 6 months and found yourself working out, traveling, busy, then even better.

That’s an interesting approach. I have had more of a retire or work mindset, because it can be so hard to find a job when there’s an employment gap. But six months isn’t a big deal. I doubt I’d go back to work, at least not full time, but the mindset of having the power to go back if I want is helpful.

 

[Poopycat]

Reading between the lines of your first post, it sure sounds like you want to ER. I suggest: 1) make sure that equity bonus is deposited in your account before giving notice
2) remember you won't have employment income after you retire. But, proceeds from your 4+ $million stash becomes your income source, and should be ample replacement income.
3) Do your research, now, for health insurance and (if you're worried about it) Long Term Care insurance.
4) Start a written list of things you may want to do after ER: places to travel to, day to day activities and hobbies, etc. I strongly suggest you do what I did, which was write down every possible activity I'd consider. Eventually I ruled out some, others I tried and chose not to pursue further, but there were others I continued to do to this day. Had I not made that initial list some of those never would have been tried.

There is a separate equity account run by an external company so I think I’m ok with the vesting stock grants if I stay thru October. I do have LTC insurance. Health insurance is the big question because I’m not sure what state I want to move to, but COBRA would at least be there if needed.

I have started writing out my to-do list, and that has caused me some worry because most of them involve travel (and therefore money). But some sound really exciting and have been an impetus for me to stop working and start living.

 

[Poopycat]

This is one of the (few) beauties of ACA. With an ACA insurance plan, your out-of-pocket costs are capped at something like $7k/year even with the lowest level "bronze" plans. So $7k/year is the most you'd be pulling from your nest egg even in the unlikeliest, worst case health scenarios.



Sure, all that stuff costs money and some of it is quite expensive. But you have a LOT of money. With your net worth, you can easily spend $120k/year with virtually no chance of ever running out of money. Continuing to work to earn more money at this point is just adding more cushion to the very comfy retirement pillow you already have. How much more comfort and fluff do you need, or do you want?



Other than being single, you and I are in very similar spots. I FIREd in my mid/late 40s with a net worth about 30% less than yours, and here I am nearly 10 years later with a 65% higher net worth than when I FIREd. I also worried about a lot of the things you mentioned, but in the end, pulling the FIRE trigger was the very best decision for me.

FWIW, a mental hack that might help get you through all your worry about whether to FIRE or not is to keep reminding yourself that you can always go back to w**k if you feel the need or desire to. Don't look at it as an irrevocable decision.

Very good points, thank you. It also has helped to hear from others who were in similar situations.

Re the $7K cap on insurance payouts, I always hear anecdotes about people who have to pay for healthcare costs beyond their out of pocket max, because the insurer refuses to pay or because of in-network vs out of network issues. I know there has been some legislation around protection from surprise out of network providers. Health insurance has been my #1 retirement concern by far.

 

[Poopycat]

It might be useful to spend time envisioning what not working would be like for you. I highly recommend reading "How to Retire Happy Wild and Free" by Ernie J Zelinski. This book is not about Finances - it's about what you want to do with the rest of your life.

You have plenty of money, so you have security. Now you need to build a framework for what you will pursue after you leave working. Once you have that, give notice, it will be a no-brainer at that point.

I, too, am single and retired at 58. I had a high-stress job, the pay was good, the working environment was eroding. Once I understood what I wanted to pursue, I had no fear of giving notice and going on my own way.

- Rita

Thanks for the tip, I’m gonna have to get that book!

 

[Poopycat]

1. Based on your savings/expenses and being debt free it seems you can easily retire and not worry.

2. Turn in your resignation notice now. Just think, not having to work all day, you can spend time exercising, getting fit and in better shape...and eliminate all the stress.

3. You're never going to know unless you try. Mentally give yourself 2 years to try retirement and see how it goes. Set up a reasonable budget just so you have an idea what your expenses should look like. Of course it can deviate, but once you have the budget, you should mentally feel more confident about retiring now.

If that's you're thinking, well, you're never going to retire. Simple as that. We shouldn't even be having this discussion. As time goes on, the probability of the major illness will go up. However, you're going to have health insurance the entire time. Generally, even if insurance doesn't pay everything, you have an annual out of pocket maximum. So, for an individual, assuming you max out, you're going to be looking at maybe $10k/year (on top of your monthly premiums). Not the end of the world. If we figure your $4.5M is generating a lowly 2%/year, that's still $90k and you will have Social Security available starting in 9 years. In all likelihood, you'll be able to generate more than 2%/$90k per year with very little risk.

I say that you shouldn't delay - just write your resignation letter now and envision how great things will be when you don't have to work or put up with the silly bureaucracy, and have lots of time to get healthier and do what you want with your time.

What's the absolute worst thing that happens? You get real bored and things are not so great. You take a part-time job to keep you busy and making some income.

You shouldn't be so worried. You're in a great position.

Very helpful points of view, thank you.

 

[Poopycat]

What pushed me over the edge was the adage that I learned here: I was tired of trading time I'd never get back for money I'd never need. I ran all the calculators I could find, and every one of them said "what are you, nuts? Just retire already!"

I like that adage! All the guidance and advice is pushing me closer! I have a trip planned in August so I might as well stay so I can have it paid for. But I’m starting to be swayed by the sentiment that waiting til November may not be prudent. I’m now thinking that an Oct notice date could give me some planning and prep time to make sure I’m all organized and ready to go.

 

[Poopycat]

It's time to go if that is what you want to do. No job is worth sacrificing your health if you don't have to. With $4.5M you can afford health insurance even if ACA goes away.

I hope I don’t need to find out what life is like without the ACA…

 

[Poopycat]

You may want to try to address your anxiety in general since you know financially you'll be fine and can walk away from the job at any time. Are you anxious about other things also, and do you tend to dwell on the unlikely in other scenarios as well?

I do have some social anxiety but otherwise I don’t really struggle with anxiety.

 

[Koolau]

I think you are ready to go.
You have the $.
You have things to do.
The job is getting to you.
DW and I retired 6 years ago at 57 with less than you have and we travel regularly, US and international.

And you have enough to deal with your health care. You might figure a way to qualify for ACA - but if not, you can get "expensive" insurance. YMMV

 

[Poopycat]

Never fully talked about my full experience, but I see my past self in you. @40&46, DW was done with the insurance biz & decided to walk away. We could stay in LA & exist or we could move to Mexico and do something we talked about for some

Not working & finding this kind of thing is addictive (in a good way), so I suspect you will eventually find this out. Money is clearly not a problem. Maybe explore the place where the language you are learning to really experience it?

Yes, I’m learning Spanish so I have lots of places to explore. One of the things I have been thinking of doing is to live in one country for up to a year, or live in several countries during a one-year period, mastering the language and doing the occasional Spanish immersion program. I’m older than the hills, but the university I go to has exchange programs and there’s no age limit so I’m even toying with doing a term at a sister school in Spain. I want to be fluent but I don’t think I’ll get there unless I immerse myself.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

Yes, I’m learning Spanish so I have lots of places to explore. One of the things I have been thinking of doing is to live in one country for up to a year, or live in several countries during a one-year period, mastering the language and doing the occasional Spanish immersion program. I’m older than the hills, but the university I go to has exchange programs and there’s no age limit so I’m even toying with doing a term at a sister school in Spain. I want to be fluent but I don’t think I’ll get there unless I immerse myself.

Now you’re talking. You’re single, you’ll be retired, flush with cash, and able to have these kinds of experiences. Fast forward two years: will you look back and think “I sure am glad I worked and didn’t go to [insert country names] to learn Spanish and experience different cultures.” I’m excited for you!

 

[Ballhawker]

Your feelings are valid. It's of course not about the money, you have enough money. It's about the emotional side. It's about change. It's about your identity. Many of us tie our identity and sense of worth to our job.

It takes a lot of courage to take this step. Try finding a volunteer position that brings you joy. There are many ways to contribute to society and feel a sense of purpose.

There is no risk, you can always get another job in the future.

 

[dmpi]

single, 53, wealthy... You biggest risk is a future ex-spouse taking half your money.

 

[Aerides]

Also, I would not offer to stay until they find your replacement--most likely it won't happen! And you will continue going in day after day......

Yes, I suppose that could happen, but I don’t think my boss would do me like that. I think it was also partially to get used to the idea of retiring before I actually pulled the trigger.

Absolutely do NOT put your end date in your boss's hands with the replacement idea. Never a good idea, for any role or person. It will be a nightmare, who cares what your boss likes.

Here's what happens: They drag their feet on hiring, months. You start bugging them if they are interviewing yet. They start getting snippy about it but you are now stuck. Then they start interviewing, and of course THAT person needs time to leave their other job and start. Then you have to train them. For months. Then what if that doesn't work out?

And that whole time you are dead-man-walking. No one wants your input anymore. Some colleagues resent you because word is out you're retiring young. Your boss even more, because now you've made her have to do something they don't want to do (hiring new people to replace good people is a chore).

Nope. Give a date. Make it a short one. Have all the control. Don't link it to "end of project" or "hire replacement" because those things are milestones you have no say in, and they move, a lot.

Don't worry about your team or your project. You will be forgotten in 2-3 weeks no matter what happens or when you go, even sooner since you've only been there 2 years. Don't kid yourself otherwise, in any role.

 

[Poopycat]

single, 53, wealthy... You biggest risk is a future ex-spouse taking half your money.

LOL, that’s what prenups are for

Seriously, if I have made it to this age without being married, I’m thinking it unlikely that any marriage proposals are in the future.

I watch a lot of true crime shows, and if I ever did meet someone worth marrying, my biggest risk might be being murdered so the guy could get it all!

 

[Route246]

I'm new here. What constitutes NW? Does this include only investable assets or does it include real estate? If it includes real estate then $4.5M in NorCal can mean cash-poor and house-rich.

 

[GenXguy]

I'm new here. What constitutes NW? Does this include only investable assets or does it include real estate? If it includes real estate then $4.5M in NorCal can mean cash-poor and house-rich.

Both. I usually avoid talking "net worth" and talk about my "stash" instead, which is my investments/savings/retirement.

 

[Koolau]

Both. I usually avoid talking "net worth" and talk about my "stash" instead, which is my investments/savings/retirement.

Yes, that's sort of our collective thinking here though some disagree. Your house is where you live. Your investable "stash" is what drives your future income from your stash. (IOW your house doesn't really earn you any money unless you are willing to sell it to get that money out.) You can "predict" how much your stash will make you over a year's time or at least you can calculate some % (like 4%) that is considered "safe" to take from your stash to live on. You don't want to be taking 4% from your house each year!