thefed
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2005
- Messages
- 2,203
Well, here's another one of thefed's problems. ive been with my gf for 8 yrs...with a 6 month separation about 4 years ago. she left me because i was,admittedly, a day-to-day selfish a$$. BUT she certainly deceived me and was sleeping with a man while still sleeping in my house. i didnt even see it coming. over the next 6 months, we both realized our mistakes, mended the relationship, and moved on. we now have 2 kids (3 and 3mos), live in the same house,etc.
Well, i did propose to her 2 yrs ago...but thinking back, i almost felt FORCED to do so...pressure from our families,her,etc....it basically shut everyone up for a while....but now the pressure is back on....from her.
i dont want a conventional religious church ceremony,because im not into that. she does, but we settled on a vegas trip/wedding/honeymoon. a year ago i agreed we'd do it this fall. well, as fall apporoaches, i have COLD feet. I DONT want to do it, ive pissed her off because she 'feels like shes been living a lie'...
well, why dont i want to marry her? I honestly just cant forgive her for what she did. although i was not good at being in a relationship at the time, i NEVER deliberately did anything that would hurt her...it was unintentional,self-absorbed, greed-driven emotional absence.
i also suspect she had some part or knowledge of a certain event in my life that will affect me for ever. long story short, my illegal lifestyle at the time resulted in large sums of cash stashed around the house. shortly after she moved out, people I KNOW she mingled with attempted to rob me, police were involved, i am now a felon. LONG story VERY short. I dont WANT to believe she was a part of it, but i think her big mouth started things in motion. I cant forgive that. she swears she had nothing to do with it. i also suspect she slept with a second person while we were separated, someone i knew...but denies it. she'd never admit it, and i wont ever forget it...so its a stalemate
i also want a pre-nup, which she takes halfheartedly. i dont want her to be able to pull one over on me nect year or 10 years down the road. I dont THINK she would, but i didnt THINK she'd sleep with some guy while still residing in my/our home...nor did I have the slightest idea she'd have all her stuff moved out when she did...I was BLINDSIDED. I have significant assets for my age and want them protected. she alwasy said 'yeah, we can do a pre-nup" but now that im discussing details it aint going so well.
all in all, i feel not marrying her is my last bit of 'control' over the situation. i dont DISTRUST her now...not at all....but its the fear of the unknown holding me back
i dont know what to do....everythings fine on a day-to-day basis....until marriage talk comes up....
i even explained that im trying to find MYSELF right now...the whole inner peace thing I posted before...and she laughs at me...literally...saying 'how long is it going to take? we've been engaged for 2 years". i understand her point, but she definately doesnt understand where im at emotionally/spiritually/mentally right now...and that doesnt help
thanks for listening!
Well, i did propose to her 2 yrs ago...but thinking back, i almost felt FORCED to do so...pressure from our families,her,etc....it basically shut everyone up for a while....but now the pressure is back on....from her.
i dont want a conventional religious church ceremony,because im not into that. she does, but we settled on a vegas trip/wedding/honeymoon. a year ago i agreed we'd do it this fall. well, as fall apporoaches, i have COLD feet. I DONT want to do it, ive pissed her off because she 'feels like shes been living a lie'...
well, why dont i want to marry her? I honestly just cant forgive her for what she did. although i was not good at being in a relationship at the time, i NEVER deliberately did anything that would hurt her...it was unintentional,self-absorbed, greed-driven emotional absence.
i also suspect she had some part or knowledge of a certain event in my life that will affect me for ever. long story short, my illegal lifestyle at the time resulted in large sums of cash stashed around the house. shortly after she moved out, people I KNOW she mingled with attempted to rob me, police were involved, i am now a felon. LONG story VERY short. I dont WANT to believe she was a part of it, but i think her big mouth started things in motion. I cant forgive that. she swears she had nothing to do with it. i also suspect she slept with a second person while we were separated, someone i knew...but denies it. she'd never admit it, and i wont ever forget it...so its a stalemate
i also want a pre-nup, which she takes halfheartedly. i dont want her to be able to pull one over on me nect year or 10 years down the road. I dont THINK she would, but i didnt THINK she'd sleep with some guy while still residing in my/our home...nor did I have the slightest idea she'd have all her stuff moved out when she did...I was BLINDSIDED. I have significant assets for my age and want them protected. she alwasy said 'yeah, we can do a pre-nup" but now that im discussing details it aint going so well.
all in all, i feel not marrying her is my last bit of 'control' over the situation. i dont DISTRUST her now...not at all....but its the fear of the unknown holding me back
i dont know what to do....everythings fine on a day-to-day basis....until marriage talk comes up....
i even explained that im trying to find MYSELF right now...the whole inner peace thing I posted before...and she laughs at me...literally...saying 'how long is it going to take? we've been engaged for 2 years". i understand her point, but she definately doesnt understand where im at emotionally/spiritually/mentally right now...and that doesnt help
thanks for listening!