Lots of great advice here. We don't have moocher relatives, but do have some moocher "friends". Here's the past history:
- visted us often over the years – usually 3 times a year or so. We always bought all the food, beer and wine. They'd bring an occasional token gift like a t-shirt or bottle of wine, but they never offered to buy supplies or treat for dinner out.
- developed an expectation that we make sure to stock the things they liked but they knew we didn't usually have on hand like dinner rolls, real butter, etc.
- "borrowed" many things. Prime example: two suitcases because they ran out of room with all the stuff they bought during the trip. Joked about how we could get replacements cheap at a thrift store. I mentioned I wouldn't want used luggage because who knew if dirty laundry or drugs had been packed in them - they laughed and still didn't offer to return or pay for them.
Incidents that (finally) made us realize we were being taken advantage of:
- asked us to pick up an elderly family member at a train station, put him up overnight, then drive him to the airport for a 3am flight to their home city. We did this. Felt sorry for this gentle, 86 year old man.
- asked us if they could store an extra car at our place so when they came into town, they wouldn't have to rent a car. We said NO.
- asked us if we could take care of bill payments on some rental properties for them. According to them, since the properties were in an IRA type account, a third party had to do it. They wanted to avoid a $5 per check charge from the property management service. We said NO.
The final straw:
Shortly before my husband retired after nearly 34 years on the job, they visited us. They did nothing to recognize this big event in his life, even though they've known him for over 30 years. Not a card, handshake, hug, nothing. As usual, we bought all the food and supplies for this visit. Later, they sent us some e-mails with links to articles about how people like my husband don't deserve pensions because it will bankrupt our country and take money from future generations. You know, the typical pension hating kinda stuff.
Our new policy:
If they ask to visit, we may or may not be available.
If we are available, they can chip in for food and buy any special stuff they want.
No more free handouts.
Bummer about this situation is we thought they had been our best friends for many years. We practically had to be hit in the heads with 2 x 4s to realize how they were taking advantage of our generosity. It really hurt us to realize this. Especially my husband who is such a sweet guy - you know - the kind of guy to helps strangers in snowstorms. Glad I'm married to him and not our "friend".
Lessons learned:
Moochers don't appreciate anything you do for them, so who bother?
We were partly to blame for allowing the relationship to develop to this point over the years - long ago we should have asked them to chip in for stuff or just say NO.