I don't think it's laughable at all. I suspect that your opinion is based on your IT work, and network security is very different from secure hardware/firmware on a device with proprietary chips working with proprietary firmware all soldered down in such a way to even make physical removal very, very difficult (and probably useless anyhow, w/o the 'keys').
I have a bit of experience with some secure boot devices, though this was a while back, and my memory is fading on the details (which were under NDA anyway, so just as well). These devices initially boot with a set of keys that are used to lock down all the secure components. The resulting info they need to validate is stored in memory that can't be externally read. These devices won't talk to each other if they don't validate, and that validation process is all in 'burned in' firmware that cannot be bypassed. If Apple did not retain the keys used to lock that device, which maybe they don't - they can't be hacked if they don't own them anymore, they have no better chance of breaking in than anyone else.
What Apple does have, from what I understand, is the 'signing process' to load new software on the phone. What I don't know is whether some of the restrictions on number of tries, etc (what the FBI is asking for) are part of software that can be re-loaded, or is it part of the firmware in their 'secure enclave' that is not re-programmable.
-ERD50