Brother's Keeper

[The Cosmic Avenger]

We allowed my dad to go outside to smoke for a little while when we first bought our house, but we found that the guest room and the chairs he sat in stank of smoke, and we told him we wouldn't be letting him smoke anywhere on our property. Luckily he quit again and it stuck that time.

But all logistics aside, nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, and with the reduced blood flow comes a delay in all healing processes. He definitely should be off cigarettes while trying to heal from major injury and surgery. Mention it to his doctor when you take him for his visit, Mdlerth, see what he says.

 

[spncity]

Don't remember if the house guest has Medicare. If he has qualified for a skilled rehab benefit in a nursing home after a three-day stay in the hospital, check to see if that benefit expires at thirty or thirty-one days post hospital discharge.

 

[Mdlerth]

Boy, could I do unto others right now! Grrr!

But all logistics aside, nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, and with the reduced blood flow comes a delay in all healing processes. He definitely should be off cigarettes while trying to heal from major injury and surgery.

Entirely logical, but it's not clear that Sheridan is susceptible to logic. For that matter, neither am I; I knew it would be like this but I took him in anyway.

The really crazy bit is that during his 3 weeks in hospital, he wouldn't have been able to smoke at all. By the time he was discharged, the nicotine withdrawal symptoms would have largely subsided. For anybody who genuinely wanted to quit but couldn't get past the detox, this should have been a blessing in disguise. But he didn't, so it wasn't.

Mention it to his doctor when you take him for his visit, Mdlerth, see what he says.

Unless the doctor's name is Kevorkian or Mengele, I bet I already know what he'll say.

Of course, at this point I trust Sheridan to ignore medical instructions once nobody's looking. After dinner last night the conversation turned to house rules. Instantly, he was consumed by fatigue and needed to go to bed right away. Anything he doesn't want to hear is a waste of breath.

Frustrating? Certainly. Childish? Without doubt. Sociopath? Probably. What was I thinking when I agreed he could stay? I was thinking less about whether it would be pleasant for me and more about doing unto the least of my brethren. Sigh. 35 days to go...

On the positive side, I will have some colorful anecdotes for this year's annual Christmas letter!

 

[kcowan]

My brother was like Sheridan. I will call him Roger. He was born when Mom had polio and she was guilted into treating him well. He never left home. When she died ealyl from cancer, Dad was guilted into maintaining the mantel.

When Dad died, Roger managed to take over the family home just fine. He survived on his own for 9 years, including having a broken femur.

They used to come to our place (25 miles) for dinner Sundays. Then Dad refused to drive him anymore and so Dad would come alone.

(There is much more to this story and many anecdotes but I will spare you.)

Anyway, you have my sympathy and I am sure it will all fade into history after July.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My friend went to skilled nursing after a serious injury and they had her check her cigarettes in and out at the front desk. They let her smoke outside but didn’t trust anyone not to do it inside.

 

[kcowan]

MIL was a career smoker but suddenly when she was 88 she stopped. She would not say why (a proud lady), but we saw evidence that she fell asleep in her chair in front of the TV and our forensic analysis concluded that she was scared shiteless about being immolated.

Five years later she died of lung cancer.

(She used to be forced out on our patio even in the winter to smoke. I had sympathy for her but DW was adamant.)

 

[Aerides]

The really crazy bit is that during his 3 weeks in hospital, he wouldn't have been able to smoke at all. By the time he was discharged, the nicotine withdrawal symptoms would have largely subsided. For anybody who genuinely wanted to quit but couldn't get past the detox, this should have been a blessing in disguise. But he didn't, so it wasn't.

I was wondering about this. Assuming he wasn't able to walk at all, or get around in a wheelchair by himself, this would be true.

Many years ago, I was hospitalized for multiple weeks (not related to smoking, it was a surgical error that turned out outpatient surgery into a long mess). I went in as a smoker, left as a non-smoker. Part of the reason that "took" was seeing other patients who were able to get outside in their wheelchairs or with crutches, dragging along their poles for whatever (oxygen, meds, food), so they could squeeze out a few minutes with a cigarette.

I knew if that I didn't quit then, I might never. So I did.

 

[jayanu]

He was in the hospital for three weeks? He must have been at death's door. What was he in for?

Not necessarily. But the reason he was kicked out after 3 weeks is that the Medicare (and possibly other insurances) would not pay the hospital beyond 3 weeks for almost all treatments san few.

 

[Buckeye]

Also, no smoking. Period. It slows the recovery process.

I'm assuming his cigarette supply is replenished by you or DW. That's easy to fix!

 

[Buckeye]

The really crazy bit is that during his 3 weeks in hospital, he wouldn't have been able to smoke at all. By the time he was discharged, the nicotine withdrawal symptoms would have largely subsided. For anybody who genuinely wanted to quit but couldn't get past the detox, this should have been a blessing in disguise. But he didn't, so it wasn't.

They apply nicotine patches in the hospital. Get him a box of patches or nicotine gum at Costco. Expensive but cheaper than cigarettes.

 

[BeachOrCity]

The OP should be commended for selflessness.

As part of that if he needed to vent here, fine by me.

 

[Mdlerth]

The Saga continues...

I'm assuming his cigarette supply is replenished by you or DW. That's easy to fix!

Neither DW nor I will furnish cigarettes. But other visitors cycle through Casa Mdlerth, including some who are smokers themselves. One can make things foolproof, but not damnfoolproof.

They apply nicotine patches in the hospital. Get him a box of patches or nicotine gum at Costco. Expensive but cheaper than cigarettes.

He's on Chantix now. We'll see what happens, but don't hold your breath. A few years ago, he underwent vascular surgery which similarly kept him in a vice-free environment. He emerged from that a changed man, full of resolutions. Turned out, he was full of something else.

The OP should be commended for selflessness.

I dunno. If I were truly selfless, I wouldn't be praying so hard for July 19th to come faster!

As part of that if he needed to vent here, fine by me.

Thank you for understanding! This forum is a nice relief valve for a host of concerns, and I intend to keep using it for mine. It does help.

 

[Rianne]

Mdlerth: I've been in a similar situation. An honest blow up is needed. Set the ground rules and stick to them or you will be in a straight jacket. No need for threats, but charity only goes so far. My DB is now in a comfortable AirBNB that he is renting for 4 months. He is close by for emergencies, I will take him to the grocery store or pharmacy-whatever. I 100% would not allow smoking in my house. He lived with us for almost 3 months (off and on). If you back down, you become the victim. Don't be a martyr out of guilt.

 

[Caskem]

Brother's Keeper?

I never figured out why a relative would have more "rights" than a friend. I don't have much family and those I have I don't interact with. No loss for them or me.

I would NEVER take this sponge in because I know it would be a battle getting him out. but if you have taken him in, I hope you have an exit plan. I bet your wife does.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

I never figured out why a relative would have more "rights" than a friend. I don't have much family and those I have I don't interact with. No loss for them or me.

Heck, my family is difficult, but I still love them (most of the time), and I still like and trust my closest friends better than my family! We named two of my friends contingent guardians and trustees in our will/trust, no one on my side of the family is named.

 

[Buckeye]

I don’t see the issue with letting people smoke outside.

Smokers stink when they come inside after smoking! We made SIL go to the end of the driveway when he and step-daughter visited. No chance of smoke wafting in the door or hanging around until we walked outside. But he stunk when he came back inside. Neighbors on both sides of us smoke and it bugs me to no end when I can smell their cigarette smoke in the screened pool area out back or in the front yard. It seems to take only a few molecules of cigarette smoke to stink up a wide area.

Cigarettes killed my mother and I despise them.

 

[MultiEventer]

I've been in this situation myself with a SIL and her two young daughters. In addition, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I look for opportunities to help people. But I have conditions. There are 2 extreme ways people often deal with people in trouble. The 1st is throwing them a Bible tract that says, "Jesus Saves" while they are starving in a ditch, and then you walk away. The other extreme is giving people money and chances to 'infinity and beyond'. Both are bad as most of us know. In the end, I always give people at least one chance. Maybe more but after you do it enough times, you know by their attitude and their character when to quit. My litmus test in general is help one time and then if they don't make any attempt at being self-reliant and responsible, you leave it to God. Any other course sucks you and your family in and toward possible harm yourselves. Pray. Just pray and let God fix it. He'll do it far better than you or I can.

 

[Gearhead Jim]

There is a thin line between being a helper and being an enabler.


Aside from being a total jerk, it sounds like he has the mental capability to control his own actions but just doesn't bother. Tell him what you expect, make the conditions fair but firm, and get rid of him if he won't comply. Keeping in mind that you will want to talk with an attorney before forcibly evicting him.

 

[Walt34]

Keeping in mind that you will want to talk with an attorney before forcibly evicting him.

There is that to consider. State and local laws vary widely on that, so a local law may apply even though rent is not being paid. Where we used to live "paying rent" was one of the crucial elements of a tenant/landlord relationship, but that was in Maryland. I'm sure other states may be different.

 

[braumeister]

Always look on the bright side:

 

[Nemo2]

^ Love it!

 

[Mdlerth]

I'm free. I'm free, and freedom tastes of reality

The Lord works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.

Sheridan had an appointment last week with the doctor. Doc says "You're not healing as fast as you ought. There appears to be some sort of infection. I'm having you re-admitted to hospital for treatment."

Unwelcome news for my house-guest, but welcome news for me. Sheridan is the hospital's problem for a few days, and upon release he will once again pursue his recuperation with a nearer relative than me.

DW welcomed the news even more than I did. My late father once dubbed Sheridan "Sir Clod". Two weeks ago Sheridan proved the accuracy of that appellation when he clumsily tumbled backward into DW, causing her to fall and sprain her knee. Result: I now had TWO people on crutches.

I think that was the event which triggered divine intervention in the form of inserting a minor microbe into Sheridan's leg. He'll be all right; the hospital will pump him full of penicillin and he'll be clean again by tomorrow. But he'll also be treated to their inhospitality (as he sees it) for a bit. Maybe it will build his character.

Karma is a bey*tch. It never seems to come as early as we'd like. But when it does, it can be pretty funny.

 

[braumeister]

Congratulations!

 

[Teacher Terry]

Great news!

 

[MarieIG]

How is poor DW's knee?