Challenges of RE middle-aged and living alone

[karen1972]

For me it was hard to tell until I was doing it. Every time I started to get bored I always found something to fill the time (Volunteering, Hiking, e-Learning, etc). Most things I allow more time for and I often wonder how I got stuff done while having a full time job. The house is certainly a lot cleaner and the chores list a lot shorter.

You may get bored, especially if you don't have someone to do stuff with, but luckily there are things like meetup that allows one to meet people with similar interests. Most of my friends now are people who have odd hour jobs so they are free mid -day (nurses, people in retail, etc).

I find a ton of free events thru the museums and park and recreation and most of them I would have typically said interesting but who has the time... ME.. I do now. Its actually kind of astounding sometimes how much free stuff exists that I never had any clue over and of course finding it and researching it takes time too.

 

[ckelly78z]

How about trying power walking, or bicycling the back streets in your area, exploring new areas, and shops that interest you. Find a local gym, and determine some fitness goals, find a local library, and learn new things, take up a new hobby that can be done at home quietly, or sitting on a park bench, get a dog, volunteer at a local charity that interests you.

 

[Hamlet]

I can think of lots and lots of things that could keep me busy in retirement. I have hobbies that I could fill endless time with (collecting comics, aquarium fish breeding, gardening, poker, etc. I could spend a lifetime engaging in pursuits that interest me and never run out of additional things to do). Most of those activities have ways to drive social interaction if I want them to.



I think the biggest issue I will have is to actually motivate myself to get off my butt and actually do some of those things.


I have a tendency to sit and do nothing but web surf and watch tv and movies if left to my own devices. I'll need to be careful not to become a complete slug in retirement. I'll need to make getting some exercise each day a non-negotiable part of my routine.



Plus, I'm pretty sure my wife will start prodding me if I start spending my whole life watching TV on a couch surrounding myself with fast food bags.

 

[wolf]

Keep working, try a new "career", something enjoyable. (Work is fun, if you have the option to quit). Group living?

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I'm retired and married but I have a close friend who is retired and single. We both laugh about how we can easily putter the day away. It will be 3 pm and we've just been on forums and puttered around the house or yard without accomplishing anything. It's great.

I am not sure the difference in keeping pleasantly busy in retirement is necessarily being single or married as we know retired single people with lots of hobbies and club involvement and bored, retired married people. Maybe it is more of a personality type. I'm kind of a planner and club joiner. We're in a few clubs and from the clubs we've made retired friends we see regularly. Plus like Karen1972 posted, I also find a ton of free park and museum events I never had the time to do when DH and I were working and raising kids. I just signed up for a wildlife boat tour on a local lake and a bird watch outing through our regional parks. I also get many great ideas of things to do from Facebook and following local bands, museums, park departments, music venues, etc.

 

[lucky penny]

If you managed to give your all to your career, you can figure out how to do the same for your next phase.

Im retiring next month after a long career & I know it will be a big change and a big challenge. This will be my mantra -- thanks!

 

[socca]

But I’m kind of lazy when left to my own devices. I piddle around as my interests dictate, so I’m not sure how realistic it is to think I’m going to do something purposeful every day.

One option is to acquire an asset that requires a certain amount of tending to stay in good condition and also contributes something positive to your life. In my case, I manage assets that generate income for myself and others, but sadly these assets can be rather 'high-maintenance' at times. The nice thing about being FI is that you can control how much cr*p lands on your plate - if caring for an asset becomes too onerous, just get rid of it.

The 'asset' that I'm referring to doesn't have to be about money. For example, the 'asset' may provide you with emotional comfort or the satisfaction of contributing to society, etc.

Congrats on having the luxury of being able to contemplate the next phase of your life!

 

[Austin704]

+1

Live with the DGF, so not the same exact situation.

However, I can't say I am ever bored, even when doing nothing.

I’m hoping this is what i find.

 

[Austin704]

Check out some meetup groups in areas you like.

Good idea.

 

[Austin704]

As the kids say... It me (purposeful to whom? no one is keeping score or judging, remember)

And there's nothing wrong with that!



Time is a vacuum that tends to fill easily. I don't feel compelled to have a routine (other than perhaps your mornings, and no nap needed yet).

Give yourself permission to ease into things without too much structure at least for the first 6 months. 2 hours from waking to leaving the house seems like a luxury before RE, but a year after? Ooh that feels rushed!

I know the big saying is know what you're retiring "to" - but it sounds like you have enough in that area, and you're looking to fill a 10 hour day... but RE doesn't work that way. If you're normally content with your own company, it's a non issue. If you're someone who craves other people and isn't ok being solo for hours (or days) at a time, then you'll find other things that work for you.

Thank you. I’m probably overthinking things, which is my tendency. I’m very comfortable alone, but I have limits. I think I’ll just have to get out there and do some new things to engage new people. I like the idea of a 6 month period just to ease into things without too much structure...

 

[Austin704]

I will add, it takes me a lot longer to do stuff, and I have found it very enjoyable to slow down. I rushed around for so many years that I got used to it. It took awhile to settle in to my slower routine, but I love it. I too also work about 10 hours a week.

Yes, I find I’m already starting to slow my pace and enjoying being late to work in these final months! Good observation.

 

[Mulligan]

Yes, I have. And I’m hoping that given sufficient time to explore my interests that I’ll find something that I want to spend time doing even if it doesn’t pay anything. That makes me excited...

Austin, give it time and you probably will find your zone. I am in same situation. I am almost 55 and retired about 10 years ago. I have a GF of 12 years that we do not live together either, but it same town.
I phased into retirement by doing a Mickey Mouse PT job from where I retired from. Did Mickey Mouse for 5 years. Then did nothing for 2 years. First 2 months I was a bit antsy, but then I got the hang of piddling. Unfortunately I got sucked back into Mickey Mouse past two years again same place. Will do it one more then will put my foot down. Between GF time on weekends and once mid week usually, and all day golf outings twice a week, I dont have to fill a lot of time but between working out, internet, and playing in the market.
Besides, I like my alone time. I lied to one of my friends who wanted to hang out and watch hockey game. I told him I was going to see my daughter when all I wanted was to watch game alone on my big screen.

 

[Austin704]

I worry that I’ll fade out and lack the gumption to do things. DF is just 66 but he only leaves his apartment now to go to the grocery store. He could do things, he’s just not interested. DM spent most of her 40s and 50s wracked with endless migraines (she’s better now, but still very sensitive to foods, light, and noise). I started to become very sensitive to noise and light at about 36.

I think I’ll be better once I semi-FIRE, the stress drops, and I can join a a couple clubs and/or resume old hobbies. But I totally get your concern, OP.

I’m hoping that I’ll pay closer attention to my health having time to devote to cooking and taking more time preparing meals. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who know on Sunday night what he’s making for dinner on Wednesday. Also, some gym time will be in order.

 

[Austin704]

I thought about this a lot before I retired, then I had a thought......

I am responsible for my own life, activities, entertainment etc. Why on earth should I or anyone depend on a corporation to provide activities to fill my day unless those activities are what I WANT to be doing?

So I decided to take responsibility for my life and retire. Great decision

Good point!

 

[Markola]

Without the burden of earning a high salary...

Ha! One rarely hears such truths in our workaholic culture.

 

[Austin704]

I'm single, been retired 10 years, definitely not bored or lonely.
I find that I'm always busy with something and time flies by so quickly that I wonder where the day went. As I write this, I find it hard to believe that I've been retired 10 years already, that really flew by too!


Honestly, I think there have only been a few days when I really felt bored and looking for some social interaction - like when being trapped in the house during a long stretch of stormy weather.


I have no real routine, other than coffee, breakfast, coffee, surf the internet, then do whatever the heck I want to that day.

That’s encouraging! Thanks for the viewpoint.

 

[Austin704]

I have been retired for just over 10 years. retiring at 45 in late 2008. I worked for 23 years, 16 full-time followed by 7 years part-time. I hated the commute, which is why I twice reduced my weekly hours worked in order to reduce the long, awful commute.

Some things in my life are similar to yours. My lady friend for the last 15 years lives very close by (walking distance) and I spend a lot of time with her. (She works full-time.)

I am still basically a loner. I have a few hobbies and do some volunteer work. One of my activities, advanced level square dancing, took a big hit last year when the caller, an 85-year-old man, passed away, leaving no desirable alternative to this declining activity.

Just not having to get up early, even a few days a week, and do that awful commute, is a big plus. While many early retirees dote on how happy they are to be able to do certain things they couldn't do before, I get much joy by simply NOT having to do BAD things I hated doing. If this means getting some joy out of seeing a transit report on TV or something bad about the Long Island Rail Road, then so be it!

I am living the life I led for about 7 weeks after my last college final exam and before I began working full-time, except that this time I have lots of MONEY to enable me to live those 7 weeks infinitely!

Sounds like you had a plan that came together. Interesting parallels between us. My girlfriend is fine with the arrangement for now (our living close, but apart) and knows I need lots of alone time—we’ll see if my being alone practically all the time changes things.

 

[Austin704]

Don't force yourself to keep busy and have a schedule from the get-go, driven by fear of being bored or lonely. Give yourself some unstructured time to try different things and do nothing at times to see how busy you really want to be and how much socialization you need. If you find out that you are indeed bored and lonely, you can find activities and friends. If you're not bored or lonely, you've found what you want.


A lot of the retirement literature seems to be written by extroverts, for extroverts, with the assumption that one will go crazy without a schedule and constant socialization. But that's not me, and it's not many of the people on this forum. You sound like you tend toward being introverted, and from my experience, that makes the retirement journey a lot easier to navigate.

+1 on the literature. And, good advice. I will take it slowly. I’m content most of the time just doing my thing and don’t need a lot of socializing to feel connected, but I assume one reason for that is I get plenty of human interaction at work. Once that’s gone my belief is I’ll shift a little the other way, toward more interaction so I don’t feel isolated. Good news I suppose is I get to choose who I socialize with!

 

[Austin704]

Every time I get the urge to 'keep busy' with some sort of activity or job, I take a nap and it goes away. Sometimes, while napping, I dream that I went back to work, grinding through the day with all the pressure and nonsense of the job, and wondering why I did it. Then I wake up, give thanks, and move on.

I do find that giving myself useful things to do acutally makes time go slower. I hate the idea of 'killing time'.

I like your approach! Naps have helped me avoid a lot of bad decisions through the years.

 

[Austin704]

If you managed to give your all to your career, you can figure out how to do the same for your next phase. Good luck, and keep us posted!

Thank you. very kind.

 

[Austin704]

I could have written these exact words about 3 years ago, which at age 48 was about 2 years into my semi-ER. Us younger, single, child-free ER types sometimes have a more difficult transition when it comes to navigating a path to "fulfillment" in the days/months/years after leaving the corporate world. Our journey is often a very lonely one, with all our friends (and usually our wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend) still working full-time, leaving us to our own devices to fill our days with interesting, meaningful activities. It can be a real challenge.



It's been shown again and again in studies that exercise is one of the very best ways to improve your mood and make you "happier", so one of my strongest recommendations for a happy ER is to focus on things that get you up and moving (e.g., hiking, biking, walking/running, gardening, playing tennis/golf) along with things that are mentally and intellectually stimulating. Personally, I need regular doses of both kinds of exercise—physical and mental—to stay happy. Along with, of course, social interaction with my DGF, friends, and family.



One other thought comes to mind: Do you have a pet? If not, you may want to consider getting one.

Sounds as if we could be brothers... I do think the path potentially could be lonely for child free, single ER types and I think that’s my fear. I don’t even have family close by but I do plan to make special effort to see them more often, and to visit friends out of state when I can. I love to exercise and do so often. Used to be a gym rat but work left me drained so I dropped it. Will be taking that up immediately following my exit from paid work. I have a senior orange tabby cat who keeps me company for now. He’s been a good friend, and I value him as a quiet companion... Thanks for the reply...

 

[Austin704]

For me it was hard to tell until I was doing it. Every time I started to get bored I always found something to fill the time (Volunteering, Hiking, e-Learning, etc). Most things I allow more time for and I often wonder how I got stuff done while having a full time job. The house is certainly a lot cleaner and the chores list a lot shorter.



You may get bored, especially if you don't have someone to do stuff with, but luckily there are things like meetup that allows one to meet people with similar interests. Most of my friends now are people who have odd hour jobs so they are free mid -day (nurses, people in retail, etc).



I find a ton of free events thru the museums and park and recreation and most of them I would have typically said interesting but who has the time... ME.. I do now. Its actually kind of astounding sometimes how much free stuff exists that I never had any clue over and of course finding it and researching it takes time too.

Thanks for the perspective. I’m going to check the meetup.org thing—a few people have mentioned that. It’s exciting to think how much more time I will have to explore things you describe... I love art and museums but frankly have not prioritized the time. Now I won’t have to.

 

[Austin704]

Plus, I'm pretty sure my wife will start prodding me if I start spending my whole life watching TV on a couch surrounding myself with fast food bags.

Um, yeah. I don’t know you but I’d take that bet... That said, I have been known to kill precious hours sitting on the sofa with an iPad in my lap and the TV on... I have to guard against that.

 

[Austin704]

I'm retired and married but I have a close friend who is retired and single. We both laugh about how we can easily putter the day away. It will be 3 pm and we've just been on forums and puttered around the house or yard without accomplishing anything. It's great.

I am not sure the difference in keeping pleasantly busy in retirement is necessarily being single or married as we know retired single people with lots of hobbies and club involvement and bored, retired married people. Maybe it is more of a personality type. I'm kind of a planner and club joiner. We're in a few clubs and from the clubs we've made retired friends we see regularly. Plus like Karen1972 posted, I also find a ton of free park and museum events I never had the time to do when DH and I were working and raising kids. I just signed up for a wildlife boat tour on a local lake and a bird watch outing through our regional parks. I also get many great ideas of things to do from Facebook and following local bands, museums, park departments, music venues, etc.

Do you find yourself enjoying these events alone or do you pair up with DH or friends?

 

[Major Tom]

I am living the life I led for about 7 weeks after my last college final exam and before I began working full-time, except that this time I have lots of MONEY to enable me to live those 7 weeks infinitely!

For me, this description of ER hits the nail on the head!