Dad is acting a bit out of character

[NW-Bound]

...since he still drives he'd be considered a stud muffin .

Wow! Pretty low standard there!

 

[sweetana3]

I understand your worry. My dad is 87 can called me Nov. 1 to tell me he is getting married Nov. 2. She is 45 with three kids (6,13,18). Not much I could do.

He was lonely, found someone (anyone) who would say yes. Not much anyone could do since he is fully competent.

 

[Nords]

Normally I'm not so indecisive, but this is new territory to me and I'm uncertain on what to do here (if anything at all). Anybody been there, have some advice? Thanks

I'm going through a similar situation with my 77-year-old Dad.

First, the behavioral problems may not be Alzheimer's or "serious" dementia. They may be a symptom of excessive alcohol (which, above age 70, could be more than one drink) or medication side effects or obstructed blood flow in the jugular/carotids. Or it could be "all of the above".

If he doesn't want to see a different doctor then you could give him a "coupon" that you "won" in a health-fair drawing for a free physical exam from a different doctor. If he's like my parents-in-law then he'll have a great time arguing with a different medical professional.

Second, is he happy? Then the best solution may be to... butt out. Keep the lines of communication open and wait for him to initiate contact.

Third, if he's not unhappy but you are then the best thing to do is to do something for yourself. In my case it was a free consult with a geriatric care manager who explained how this stage of life typically goes. My brother and I have picked out a couple of emergency geriatric care providers in my dad's area who could respond when "the call" comes until my brother and I can get to the scene. They're also able to arrange in-home help or whatever proves to be necessary (just bring money). We've also picked out a nursing home and a hospice/care home to check out during our next trip. (Without Dad. He says those homes are for old people.) There are a number of technology systems that can help your dad care for his lady as well as stay in touch with you. GrandCare touch-screen computers are one example of an entertainment device connected to a concierge service, a geriatric-care documentation website, and a home-monitoring network.

My father, an electrical/nuclear engineer, has decided that he's no longer going to use a computer or [-]be a lab rat[/-] a doctor. He says he's got it all covered. When he hikes the Rockies he makes sure to hike uphill so that if he can't remember how to get back to the parking lot then he can at least go downhill. He also carries his and our names/addresses/phone numbers in his wallet so that if he gets seriously confused he can find a policeman to tell him who he is, help him get home, and get him help.

He claims to have his powers of attorney and medical directive and will and all that other stuff in perfect order waiting to be launched. However my cynical perspective is that he probably hasn't touched it in a decade, can't remember where it is, and would argue about it anyway. He probably hasn't filed a tax return (with anyone) for a couple years... just like his father did to him about 25 years ago. Now that I've reduced my expectations, I won't be surprised or disappointed by the reality.

The "best" I expect out of this situation is a call that he died while doing what he loves-- hiking. The "worst" is a call that he's accidentally burned down his apartment building. Somewhere between "best" and "worst" is the landlord telling us that Dad hasn't paid his rent or his other bills for six months and that we'd better come take a look... or a call from a hospital or the police.

 

[obgyn65]

Sorry to read this. Have you contacted a family lawyer to begin with ?

Normally I'm not so indecisive, but this is new territory to me and I'm uncertain on what to do here (if anything at all). Anybody been there, have some advice? Thanks

 

[Grizz]

Sorry to read this. Have you contacted a family lawyer to begin with ?

I haven't, and maybe I'm dense, but how would that benefit the situation? If it's relevant to your post, I do have a copy of his most recent will/directive which is only about 6 mo. old.

 

[Brat]

This isn't about his will or health care directive, were I you I would discuss his competency with your own elder-law attorney.

 

[obgyn65]

+1

Additionally, a family lawyer could advise you on the best next steps. This is what I would do anyway, faced with the same situation.

This isn't about his will or health care directive, were I you I would discuss his competency with your own elder-law attorney.