I may be a bit graphic here so read at your own risk. We are all going to pass & this was my experience with my late wife. Yours will be different. DwD is right for some people & not for others. About a third of people requesting DwD do not end up using the drugs. For us it was very right for us
Mrs Scrapr had been having trouble swallowing the summer of 2017. The nurse practioners were looking at GERD & things like that. It was really getting bad by Fall to the point she could only swallow liquids. Mrs Scrapr was Dx in Nov 01, 2017. (always remember that day) As she came out of the initial testing I looked at survival rates for esophageal cancer. It was very poor. I never told her & never looked again. She went through a feeding tube, radiation & chemo & then surgery in March of 2018.
Post surgery testing showed she was clear. 20 biopsies & all clear. Then the summer/Fall of 2018 she started having pain in her shoulder. Testing showed it had come back. Stage 4 at that point. The doc said "I can't cure you. She underwent more radiation then with a drug that was just out of clinical trials. That drug had saved a good friend of ours with a different cancer. So we were hopeful. But this was a moonshot....our last chance.
In February or March of 2019 she was having some fluid retention & they did a stent in one of the arteries. It helped "a little" . The stent was to get the blood to flow around a tumor in the carotid artery. This was the time that we realized time was short. We had kind of been in denial. The oncologist never really talked about the prognosis. He just wanted to treat the symptoms as they showed up. Crisis to crisis. He did not like to have the hard talk. In April we talked about the tumors amongst ourselves. They were growing & multiplying. We talked about the tumors on her windpipe & how that would grow. That the end would not be quick. It would probably press then the windpipe would adjust & she would breathe better. Then not. And the not breathing well periods would get longer & longer. At one of these appointments we told the oncologist we wanted to request DwD. This starts the process. It takes a minimum of 15 days. Our took about 20 days to do the 2 doctor appointments, have friends sign off on her request, and get the drugs.
We were staying at her Mom's house in separate bedrooms. I woke up one night & something told me to check on her downstairs. It was 3 in the morning. She was sitting up in bed with a look on her face I had never seen before. She was badly scared as she was having a hard time breathing. We went on hospice the next Monday. There were a few hiccups on getting evaluated & "into" the hospice program but they sorted out fairly quickly.
We had moved full time to our vacation home in Bend & she said that is where she wanted to pass. Every chance we could get a few days we would run over (it's 3 hours from Portland) On our last trip I was getting us ready to go back to Portland (more appointments). She was on the couch all night. I think she knew her time was close. She was up all night thinking. I pushed back a little but knew deep down that this was it. DwD has people in the program to come to your home & mix the cocktail & take some pressure off the family. I called around a bit but nobody was available. It was kind of last minute. So it was up to me
She called our son who was working at the time. They had a good cry. He took off work. Then she whatsapp her best friend who was in Greece at the time. They had a little back & forth. I asked her if she wanted to get "dressed" and she said no. I knew she was serious now. Her appearance was always important to her.
I was apprehensive on mixing the drugs. What if I did it wrong? There are 3 drugs taken a half hour apart. The last 2 they say to drink with wine to help with the taste. She had our wedding flutes on display so i took them down & poured a bit of wine. There was some measuring to do & I had to ask her about that. She was kibbutzing me & we were laughing. By the 2nd drug we started getting more serious & I asked where she wanted to scatter our ashes. We decided on our favorite vacation spot Little Cayman. We reminsced on our happy times. When we met & were first dating. Our boy's birth. Her helping him grow up & mature. She told me to find someone else & to have a good life. The last cocktail was about 10 or 15 minutes in & she said I don't think this is working. 2 or 3 minutes later she says Ohh...now it is. Our last words were I love yous to ea other. She closed her eyes as I held her & she slipped away. I held her & cried for about a half hour.
I called the funeral home (it was all prearranged) and after a bit of back & forth they came & were very respectful. I held her & cried as they wheeled out her body.
She/we were sad that it had to end way too soon. I would call it melancholy not sad. At some point a month or 2 from the end she saw an older couple tottering down the sidewalk holding hands. She said we aren't going to get that are we. I had to agree. She was a force of nature & I miss her. I am proud that I did right for her. On the 17 months from Dx to death I was at every appointment & treatment. We became much closer during this time & I'm thankful for that. After she passed I looked at her drug log that hospice had her fill out. I noticed that the morphine was getting more frequent & larger doses. She did not tell me about doing that. So she was hiding that from me. (or i should have looked) In the end the morphine was not going to help her condition (IMO)
I started dating earlier this year & have found a special woman. We are really good together. I have had a few breakdowns when a trigger comes up. I am decent if I know it's coming but the surprises are hard. She is good about letting me process it & talk about it if I want to. Part of it is me recognizing my own emotions. So work in progress
More info on DwD. The stories were very helpful to me
https://deathwithdignity.org/stories/
Oregon DwD FAQ
https://www.oregon.gov/oha/PH/PROVI...NRESEARCH/DEATHWITHDIGNITYACT/Pages/faqs.aspx
Mrs Scrapr had been having trouble swallowing the summer of 2017. The nurse practioners were looking at GERD & things like that. It was really getting bad by Fall to the point she could only swallow liquids. Mrs Scrapr was Dx in Nov 01, 2017. (always remember that day) As she came out of the initial testing I looked at survival rates for esophageal cancer. It was very poor. I never told her & never looked again. She went through a feeding tube, radiation & chemo & then surgery in March of 2018.
Post surgery testing showed she was clear. 20 biopsies & all clear. Then the summer/Fall of 2018 she started having pain in her shoulder. Testing showed it had come back. Stage 4 at that point. The doc said "I can't cure you. She underwent more radiation then with a drug that was just out of clinical trials. That drug had saved a good friend of ours with a different cancer. So we were hopeful. But this was a moonshot....our last chance.
In February or March of 2019 she was having some fluid retention & they did a stent in one of the arteries. It helped "a little" . The stent was to get the blood to flow around a tumor in the carotid artery. This was the time that we realized time was short. We had kind of been in denial. The oncologist never really talked about the prognosis. He just wanted to treat the symptoms as they showed up. Crisis to crisis. He did not like to have the hard talk. In April we talked about the tumors amongst ourselves. They were growing & multiplying. We talked about the tumors on her windpipe & how that would grow. That the end would not be quick. It would probably press then the windpipe would adjust & she would breathe better. Then not. And the not breathing well periods would get longer & longer. At one of these appointments we told the oncologist we wanted to request DwD. This starts the process. It takes a minimum of 15 days. Our took about 20 days to do the 2 doctor appointments, have friends sign off on her request, and get the drugs.
We were staying at her Mom's house in separate bedrooms. I woke up one night & something told me to check on her downstairs. It was 3 in the morning. She was sitting up in bed with a look on her face I had never seen before. She was badly scared as she was having a hard time breathing. We went on hospice the next Monday. There were a few hiccups on getting evaluated & "into" the hospice program but they sorted out fairly quickly.
We had moved full time to our vacation home in Bend & she said that is where she wanted to pass. Every chance we could get a few days we would run over (it's 3 hours from Portland) On our last trip I was getting us ready to go back to Portland (more appointments). She was on the couch all night. I think she knew her time was close. She was up all night thinking. I pushed back a little but knew deep down that this was it. DwD has people in the program to come to your home & mix the cocktail & take some pressure off the family. I called around a bit but nobody was available. It was kind of last minute. So it was up to me
She called our son who was working at the time. They had a good cry. He took off work. Then she whatsapp her best friend who was in Greece at the time. They had a little back & forth. I asked her if she wanted to get "dressed" and she said no. I knew she was serious now. Her appearance was always important to her.
I was apprehensive on mixing the drugs. What if I did it wrong? There are 3 drugs taken a half hour apart. The last 2 they say to drink with wine to help with the taste. She had our wedding flutes on display so i took them down & poured a bit of wine. There was some measuring to do & I had to ask her about that. She was kibbutzing me & we were laughing. By the 2nd drug we started getting more serious & I asked where she wanted to scatter our ashes. We decided on our favorite vacation spot Little Cayman. We reminsced on our happy times. When we met & were first dating. Our boy's birth. Her helping him grow up & mature. She told me to find someone else & to have a good life. The last cocktail was about 10 or 15 minutes in & she said I don't think this is working. 2 or 3 minutes later she says Ohh...now it is. Our last words were I love yous to ea other. She closed her eyes as I held her & she slipped away. I held her & cried for about a half hour.
I called the funeral home (it was all prearranged) and after a bit of back & forth they came & were very respectful. I held her & cried as they wheeled out her body.
She/we were sad that it had to end way too soon. I would call it melancholy not sad. At some point a month or 2 from the end she saw an older couple tottering down the sidewalk holding hands. She said we aren't going to get that are we. I had to agree. She was a force of nature & I miss her. I am proud that I did right for her. On the 17 months from Dx to death I was at every appointment & treatment. We became much closer during this time & I'm thankful for that. After she passed I looked at her drug log that hospice had her fill out. I noticed that the morphine was getting more frequent & larger doses. She did not tell me about doing that. So she was hiding that from me. (or i should have looked) In the end the morphine was not going to help her condition (IMO)
I started dating earlier this year & have found a special woman. We are really good together. I have had a few breakdowns when a trigger comes up. I am decent if I know it's coming but the surprises are hard. She is good about letting me process it & talk about it if I want to. Part of it is me recognizing my own emotions. So work in progress
More info on DwD. The stories were very helpful to me
https://deathwithdignity.org/stories/
Oregon DwD FAQ
https://www.oregon.gov/oha/PH/PROVI...NRESEARCH/DEATHWITHDIGNITYACT/Pages/faqs.aspx
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