Done with child support!

[Backpacker]

Just a happy dance to celebrate the end of 12 years of child support
Not sure I even want to know how much I paid over the 12 years. Luckily I had 50/50 custody for the most part. Best guess is in the neighborhood of $100k, over the 12 years. I've got 4 kids (and one step kid) - and I surely can relate to many that have posted here that kids are a huge expense. Still have college expenses for 2 of them but I am paying less for college than I did for c/s. Last kid was $800 a month in c/s; that will free up some serious coin for funding ER!

 

[JPatrick]

That is some serious coin...It's no wonder you live on a dirt road..

 

[Amethyst]

This actually seems rather cheap. Mr. A. was paying $600 a month, plus many kid-related expenses such as orthodontia, plus tennis, swimming, and piano, plus gifts, etc. for one child in 1986, when I married him. And he was a GS rating, like me...not highly paid. Were you getting a multi-kid discount?

Ametyst

J Last kid was $800 a month in c/s; that will free up some serious coin for funding ER!

 

[Backpacker]

Yes the formula does give a discount for multiple kids. It's the 50/50 custody that I had a hard time with. They spent 2 weeks with me and then 2 weeks with X.

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[NW-Bound]

I am not a divorcé but my child support does not end until next month, after my 30-year old daughter's wedding.

But when the kids were still living with me, the nice thing is that out of the house I bought to house them, I got to keep one room for myself. That saved a bit of personal expenses.

 

[Taxman59]

I am not a divorcé but my child support does not end until next month, after my 30-year old daughter's wedding.

But when the kids were still living with me, the nice thing is that out of the house I bought to house them, I got to keep one room for myself. That saved a bit of personal expenses.

+3

I still have 2 sons living on dear old dad! I am hoping one gets a job soon and is able to move out, though I have 4 more years on the last one.


Have the day you deserve, and let Karma sort it out.

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[Amethyst]

Hope the dwellings are close together. My cousin and his ex are only a mile apart, and the teenager likes the bi-weekly exchange, since he goes to the same school either way. When he's fed up with Mom, he gets to be with Dad, and vice versa.

Mr. A. and his ex were several states apart, and we got "summers, and alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas." And split 3 airfare bills per year.

Haven't thought of this in such a long time! At the time, I knew the [-]old bat[/-] ex was robbing him, but you really brought it home

Yes the formula does give a discount for multiple kids. It's the 50/50 custody that I had a hard time with. They spent 2 weeks with me and then 2 weeks with X.

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[Andre1969]

Dang, kids ain't cheap nowadays! When my Mom and Dad divorced back in 1977, I think Dad was supposed to pay $20 a week. I can't remember if he had me every weekend or every other weekend, but it only lasted a year, until he moved to Florida. He was sporadic in the payments, and once he was in Florida, stopped paying entirely, although he'd send me 50 bucks for Christmas and another 50 for my birthday.

He wasn't a total deadbeat though. He made up for it when I was in college. I'd estimate he paid about half of my college tuition..

 

[timemoveson]

To make you feel a bit better, I am close to a situation with a couple where the DH is going to be paying in the order of $6000/month in child support. In this jurisdiction, once you get into "rich" territory in the eyes of the system, all bets are off.

 

[Backpacker]

To make you feel a bit better, I am close to a situation with a couple where the DH is going to be paying in the order of $6000/month in child support. In this jurisdiction, once you get into "rich" territory in the eyes of the system, all bets are off.

Yikes! - that is rock star level for sure. I was making about $40k 12 years ago so definitely not in the rich category. All things considered I can't really complain (Much). Although my Ex dragging me back into court for a "raise" every 2 years was a bit frustrating

 

[Danmar]

These can be huge issues. I stopped paying child support in 2007. This support was paid to the X even though I fully supported my daughter directly, eg tuition and living expenses. Had to go to court to get it stopped. Total child support over about 15 years was into 7 figures.
It took 15 years of continual litigation to finalize spousal support. She kept getting raises in support (with retroactive effect) every time I got higher comp at work. She finally finished when I retired.
It was a nightmare but through it all I was able to maintain a very close relationship with my daughter. This is the most important and difficult thing I have ever done.
Hopefully you have managed this with your kids as well.

 

[flyingaway]

My younger son just entered a state university. My budget for his education is $20,000 per year That is a huge relief from what I paid for my elder son at an Ivy league school.

 

[aja8888]

Everybody loses in a divorce, and the money that's spent on child support doesn't repair any of the psychological damage done to the children.

 

[Danmar]

Everybody loses in a divorce, and the money that's spent on child support doesn't repair any of the psychological damage done to the children.

Can't disagree. But sometimes the alternative is worse. Was in my case. Actually was well worth it to me, although very expensive.

 

[Mulligan]

Everybody loses in a divorce, and the money that's spent on child support doesn't repair any of the psychological damage done to the children.

Compared to some of the above comments, mine was a painless process. Daughter was only 2 so she never really had any memories. We split 50/50 until school age, then half summer and every other weekend even into college....Never had any post divorce arguments, and neither had anything bad to say about the other. Ex remarried a couple years later and step Dad is a good man.
Though the most funniest thing I remember was when daughter was 4 or 5 ex was considering having another child with husband and told our daughter. Daughter proceeds to tell me I need to get a baby crib so the baby has a place to stay on "their weekend with Dad". Fortunately they didn't have one because I don't think I ever got my daughter to understand then that the baby wouldn't be coming to spend the weekend with us.


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[aja8888]

Compared to some of the above comments, mine was a painless process. Daughter was only 2 so she never really had any memories. We split 50/50 until school age, then half summer and every other weekend even into college....Never had any post divorce arguments, and neither had anything bad to say about the other. Ex remarried a couple years later and step Dad is a good man.
Though the most funniest thing I remember was when daughter was 4 or 5 ex was considering having another child with husband and told our daughter. Daughter proceeds to tell me I need to get a baby crib so the baby has a place to stay on "their weekend with Dad". Fortunately they didn't have one because I don't think I ever got my daughter to understand then that the baby wouldn't be coming to spend the weekend with us.


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You were fortunate as my two daughters were in their early teens when we split up. It was a mess from a lot of standpoints, none of which are worth discussing.

 

[athena53]

Though the most funniest thing I remember was when daughter was 4 or 5 ex was considering having another child with husband and told our daughter. Daughter proceeds to tell me I need to get a baby crib so the baby has a place to stay on "their weekend with Dad". Fortunately they didn't have one because I don't think I ever got my daughter to understand then that the baby wouldn't be coming to spend the weekend with us.

That's adorable- and a good sign that she felt comfortable with both sides of her family!

Everybody loses in a divorce, and the money that's spent on child support doesn't repair any of the psychological damage done to the children.

My divorce involved no child support and certainly no spousal support and, sadly, my son and I were winners because the marriage had turned into a war zone. Sometimes it happens. Thank God I had a good career and was financially better off without the Ex, who finally succeeded in drinking himself to death 5 years ago.


Those of you who acknowledged your obligation to support children from previous relationships, and who kept your promises, have my utmost respect. My current husband managed it even through a prolonged period of unemployment (this was years before we met). The two of us have a wonderful life together and we love our DIL (my DS's wife) and baby granddaughter. Sometimes what goes around really does come around.

 

[Danmar]

You were fortunate as my two daughters were in their early teens when we split up. It was a mess from a lot of standpoints, none of which are worth discussing.

Yes, he was. My daughter was 8 and the split was terrible. Conflict was constant. She (daughter) has gotten very good at dealing with this issue. She got married last month and even after almost 25 years there were issues. Was still a wonderful wedding but very stressful for wife number 2.

 

[Mulligan]

You were fortunate as my two daughters were in their early teens when we split up. It was a mess from a lot of standpoints, none of which are worth discussing.

It sure appears from my experiences that you unfortunately had a more "normal" divorce experience than I had. My ex never tried to "screw me over" and in return I made sure I never gave her a reason to think about doing it. I certainly imagine early teens would be a tough period for this to happen.


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[Bestwifeever]

....
Though the most funniest thing I remember was when daughter was 4 or 5 ex was considering having another child with husband and told our daughter. Daughter proceeds to tell me I need to get a baby crib so the baby has a place to stay on "their weekend with Dad". Fortunately they didn't have one because I don't think I ever got my daughter to understand then that the baby wouldn't be coming to spend the weekend with us.
...

You really made me smile at this--Bet you would have done it too!

 

[aja8888]

It sure appears from my experiences that you unfortunately had a more "normal" divorce experience than I had. My ex never tried to "screw me over" and in return I made sure I never gave her a reason to think about doing it. I certainly imagine early teens would be a tough period for this to happen.


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I had a full blown California style divorce.....use your imagination.

 

[Mulligan]

You really made me smile at this--Bet you would have done it too!

Only if asked! .... But the past 20 years have turned me into a cranky old man.....I have two friends that never bothered to have kids until their 40s. I find myself hanging around more with my friends who had their children when I did and are empty nesters... Five year olds have to much energy for me. Of course they aren't my grandkids though...


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[heeyy_joe]

Done with child support? Better hide yor wallet pops!

 

[Backpacker]

My two oldest were teens, and very rough for both of them, just in the past year has my relationship with DD gotten better, her having a child of her own has matured her considerably. All the kids are better able to put things in perspective with time, they love their mom, as they should, but just shake their heads at some of her antics. 50/50 can work if the co-parents are on the same page, but if we were on the same page probably wouldn't have divorced.

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