Maintaining our relationship in retirement.

[Koolau]

Yeah, that's us too. We occasionally get together with two couples in town (2 or 3 dinners a year?), and with two others that live 13 and 8 hours away (We get together with them for a week or so every year, plus the occasional drop in.). Then we also have our kids/grands, and other relatives who we get along well with when we travel to see them.

That and our traveling and working out is sufficient to keep us busy for now.

When the lady of one close couple passed from cancer, we went out of our way to still include the guy. But, it just was so uncomfortable for him, he more or less "dropped out." Eventually, he left the Islands. He has now remarried and is very happy, but it was a very sad period of time for him (and for us.)

 

[AudiDudi]

My grandparents neighbors in the late 60's divorced after being married for over 50 years. Her comment was "I married him for better or worse, but not for lunch." I gues he had nothing to retire to and was always in the way.

My grandmother old my grandfather shortly after he retired that she had maintained the household for him for 36 years and asked him if he had any problems with that. He said No and she told him to let her continue to do things HER way. They were married another 30 years.

 

[mebden]

Wanna test your relationship? Sell the large house and live in a motorhome for a few years. You'll either grow closer or further apart.
Kidding but that's what we did. Had some challenges but thoroughly enjoyed being able to do so many things together.

I'm in the process of that now folivier once I sell my house me and the GF selling everything we can't fit in the motorhome and hitting the road going North for the summer months and South for the winter months no cold for us lol

 

[DrRoy]

It took the first year or two for DW to get used to me being home all the time. I used to travel a few days a week for work. She would get prickly. It helped when I picked up more chores around the house.

 

[folivier]

mebden you'll love it! When we started we would stay in one place for a few days or a week then move on. A few fulltimers told us to slow down, stay for a month and explore the area. Once we did that our expenses went way down and we really enjoyed it much more. There is so much to see that is not advertised. When moving to a new campground for a monthly stay I'd go to a local barbershop for a haircut and ask them what are neat places to see around here. I'd get tons of good info.
BTW that's how we found our mountain cabin.

 

[AudiDudi]

It took the first year or two for DW to get used to me being home all the time. I used to travel a few days a week for work. She would get prickly. It helped when I picked up more chores around the house.

20 odd yrs ago, we took our 28ft travel traler from MT to the Seattle area so I could do some contract work for a software company over the winter. After about a month, I made the comment that "I guess we've proved that we can live in the trailer". My wife responded "All we've proved is I can live in it as long as you are gone 12 hours/day".

 

[Dtail]

We have become closer in retirement. I have more time to get stuff done. We understand each other better.
We do our own stuff into the early afternoon, then mainly spend the rest of the time together.
However, some of that time is spent in the same room, but we could be doing different things.

 

[Teacher Terry]

When I was married we bought my friend’s parents motorhome because they traveled for a year and were sick of it and had sold everything. They had to buy everything again.

Learning from them we took a month trip and I realized that was all I could stand with 2 people and 4 dogs. I missed being away from home, my kids and friends. So for 13 years we would take a yearly trip for 2-4 weeks and camp some with our friends. Eventually our group of friends all got sick of camping.

 

[Koolau]

Whether we are in the Islands or the mainland, we live in a relatively small space. We've chosen our own space within these small areas (I have my Les Nessman office and she has hers.) For the most part, we respect those spaces. We have our "alone" time and "together" time and, for the most part, it w*rks for us. If I could wave a magic wand and make things "better" somehow, I suppose, I'd wave it. But, we seem to have adapted to our particular retirement reality. Perfect? No. Acceptable? Yes. YMMV

 

[meleana]

The main thing to keep in mind is too much togetherness isn’t good.

 

[CO-guy]

My better-half and I have been together for more than 20 years. She is many years younger and plans to continue working for quite a few more years. She has been totally supportive of my transition into retirement, and the reduced stress and increased flexibility in my schedule has had an overwhelmingly positive effect on our relationship.

We enjoy traveling together, but we also enjoy traveling solo or with other friends/family. Same with our most common activities of skiing, hiking and biking. It's fun when we're able to enjoy those activities together, but most of the time I'm by myself, which I also enjoy. Sometimes, even when we're doing the same activity at the same time, we're not together, because we're just not on the same pace that day. She's also very supportive of my volunteer efforts in our community, and always tries to make time to be there, whether I'm putting on a fundraiser or just need a second set of eyes on a grant proposal. I do the same when it comes to her volunteer efforts in the community. YMMV, but it seems to be working for us.

 

[mebden]

mebden you'll love it! When we started we would stay in one place for a few days or a week then move on. A few fulltimers told us to slow down, stay for a month and explore the area. Once we did that our expenses went way down and we really enjoyed it much more. There is so much to see that is not advertised. When moving to a new campground for a monthly stay I'd go to a local barbershop for a haircut and ask them what are neat places to see around here. I'd get tons of good info.
BTW that's how we found our mountain cabin.

I think we will like it to as I've camped all my life started in a tent and moved all the way up to a Class A motorhome only took 40 years lol. So did you give up Motorhoming? and just live in your cabin now full time? I don't think I caught where you bought your cabin at?

 

[folivier]

Gave up motorhoming when we bought the cabin in 2021. Spend about 6-8 months at the cabin mostly in summer but a couple months in the winter. We also have a condo in Louisiana near family and grandkids.
Our cabin is near Gunnison, CO.

 

[mebden]

Gave up motorhoming when we bought the cabin in 2021. Spend about 6-8 months at the cabin mostly in summer but a couple months in the winter. We also have a condo in Louisiana near family and grandkids.
Our cabin is near Gunnison, CO.

Cool folivier as I'm from Houma, LA for now. When I sell my property here I'm moving to a State with no income tax these state taxes are killing people down here lol

 

[folivier]

Our condo is in Baton Rouge. We lived in Thibodaux over 30 years after Nicholls.

 

[Montecfo]

Good to have your own spaces and respect them. I enjoy travel more and sometimes take solo trips.

 

[yakers]

My wife is my best friend, she did like the first two years of her retirement when I was still working but we spend A LOT of time together (like stting next to me for 220 hrs of just driving time on a road trip to Canadian arctic/Alaska when I first retired 16 years ago, last year she went on a 'girls cruise' and I flew over to meet her in Rome, was the first time in 25 years I traveled without her overseas. Been to Burning Man six times, she does not want to go again and I don't want to go without her. We're going camping on Catalina this weekend (with a lot of friends). She has jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. Good thing I married Adventure Girl.

 

[jldavid47]

We have "me" time and "us" time every day. It is important for each us to be able to pursue activities that the other might not want to participate in.

+1 Same for us. We have always given each other space to pursue individual interests. But we also set aside time to either do things together or just be together. It's worked well for 41 years and our relationship is as strong as it has ever been. Retirement has not changed that.