TromboneAl said:
My 91-year-old mom is about to die. She can barely get out of bed, and is not comfortable. She wants to die ("Help me find a way out" is what she said to sister 1) and has talked about going to Oregon (where sister 1 lives) to take advantage of the Physician-assisted suicide law there.
My three sisters and I are tag teaming the care, and I'm going there as soon as I retire.
Any advice or suggestions from some of you who have gone through this?
Al, this is tough. I am sorry for all the anguish and pain, and wish you the best in negotiating such a difficult passage.
Without knowing details, here are some thoughts I hope you find helpful. Just a few things I learned from experience (I deal with end-of-life situations daily in my work).
If she has a good primary doctor, enlist him/her early into the process. Sometimes "about to die" doesn't turn out to be as quick as everyone assumes, and thus planning gets derailed.
If death truly is imminent, consider getting hospice involved. They do it best, and you do not have to have cancer to qualify.
A major move at this time (e.g. Oregon) should be approached with great caution; the move itself may create more emotional turmoil than whatever logistic benefits it may hold. It may be the right thing, but unless she is expected to live for months, I have rarely seen such last minute disruptions turn out all that well.
There is an approach to care called "terminal sedation." This is not euthanasia, and it is considered ethical and legal under many circumstances. Depending on the type of suffering she is experiencing, it can bring about a comfortable, non-prolonged passing. I have no clue whether your mom's situation is appropriate for this, but just so you know.
Take care of yourself, and make sure your sisters do too. The 24-hour vigil thing can be gruelling and sometimes drags out a long time.
Good luck and best wishes. Feel free to PM me if you think it would be helpful.