Exit Interview Question

[Twinkle Toes]

First, let me say I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you don't have to put up with that oaf much longer. I've had a little success in dealing with such insensitive comments by opening my eyes a little wider and speaking in a somewhat hushed tone "I've always been afraid of making that kind of comment for fear someone would file a harrassement suit against me." That has always changed the subject quickly...usually killed the conversation altogether.

I'd like to say that your exit comments would make a difference, but I think they would fall on deaf ears. Years ago, I was a witness in a sexual harrassment case...I worked with both and never saw him harrass her...I heard about a lot of stuff, but could only testify as to what I saw. In the end, she left and he (the harrasser) suffered no career set back. I've even seen known harrassers transferred from one location to another. Not fair, just not fair. But look on the brigh side...you don't have to put up with it much longer.

 

[bright eyed]

i think you can make your points without "going off" on how awful the person was.

just make the point it was inappropriate and you wanted it noted, and have a nice day!

You took some awful behavior - totally unacceptable! is this what is going on in megacorp? hehe

 

[Arc]

Depends on the quality of your HR person (assuming he/she is the one performing exit interview). A good HR person can insure that info is passed along in useful manner. I say be honest and then skip out the door with a huge smile!

 

[KM]

I don't think whether HR "does something about it or not" should be the driving force in your decision. I think the real question is how will you feel 6 months and/or 6 years after you retire. Will you regret not saying anything?

I would (regret not saying anything). This guy is a lawsuit waiting to happen and you have friends still working there. Maybe HR will do something, maybe they won't - but I would want to know I tried to make a difference.

 

[KM]

I would also like to add that you must be a very patient, forgiving person. No parent should have to go through what you went through. You have my sympathies. You certainly should not have had to listen to this guy's insensitive comment.

 

[growing_older]

I'm currently in a position working for someone not as bad as your boss, but someone who has driven close to 40% of the department to quit in the last six months, including over 50% of his direct reports. Quite a few of those departing have reported detailed incidents in their exit interviews. HR routinely takes these reports to the offending manager. He discounts the worst or spins so the departing person is somewhat discredited (making it much less likely they will ever be offered another position here if they ever wanted to come back).

The purpose of the exit interview is primarily to gather info for the company's benefit. This could include a pattern of employees leaving, but mostly seems to be finding an "acceptable" category to put the departure in that avoids upsetting the power balance at the company, including both HR and the manager in question.

Now, you may have a more enlightened and proactive HR at your company. But given the egregious offenses of your boss that have not yet been addressed, it seems unlikely.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

Im not sure if I would let anyone grab my stomach without grabbing them by the throat. Anyways in a workplace that is a real big no no that he did that. Ive never seen that go on in my line of work without some kind of violence or repercussions.

I guess the topic of hand is what you would do on the interview. Give them a big screw you and nice knowing you I guess.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

do you have your boss' address? lets egg his house.

my employer would only put his hand on me if he wanted it broken or if he was planning to buy me dinner, depending on my mood.

i see no difference between talking someone out of or proselytizing for any particular religion. i certainly try not to practice and i wouldn't put up with it either.

there is one thing about all this i'd question as you seem to describe yourself a bit timid. not to take away from the other guys responsibility but i can't help but wonder if you do not maybe bring some of this upon yourself.

i'm not saying that you are responsible for some bully taking advantage of you but they do smell fear. they also have pretty good eye sight even if you are sitting still with your back turned in a corner of the room. i would learn how to defend myself and then, just for grins, paint upon my character a few colorful streaks and spots to warn them that i am poisonous to the bite.

 

[fisherman]

Thank you to all for the condolences about my daughter. It was a tremendous blow however DW and I are trying to grow in character from the experience. I really found out who our true friends were after that and hopefully I am putting more important things first now. DW and I set a goal to RE when we first married 21 plus years ago. She SERd two years ago and we both are very thankful that our financial plan worked out to allow us both to SER as we planned. We have a small business on the side that we enjoy doing and some rental property so we are not technically completely retired but soon I will join my wife in being free from Mega Corp.

I really appreciate all the suggestions. It is a lot of good food for thought that will lead me to the right action.

Thank you.

 

[SteveR]

Fisherman,
I too am sorry about your loss. I lost a wife a few years ago and my current wife lost a grandchild so I am close to how this affects a family.

First, your boss was WAY OUT OF LINE in many respects.
* Touching an employee is a major No No and he could be fired for it if done repeatedly after being told not to do so.
* Making comments about your religion is also a major issue.

His comments to your wife at your daughters service was terrible and just shows his poor social skills and lack of good judgement.

HR may or may not discuss Exit Interview information with your boss. Some do some don't. Ask them what they do with the information BEFORE you tell them anything. Even then, they still could do nothing with it.

HR may or may not be of any help with your boss. Don't count on them to do much unless like Rich said, you have a documented trail of items along the way and not just as you are getting ready to leave. Even a prior employee's comments may not be enough to get much action. They don't want to rock the boat unless there is a clear risk to the company from a legal perspective. In your case, there may or may not be since there may not be any prior history of actions until now. Most HR folks will not stick out their necks without a TON of documenation to back them up.

My suggestion is to mention the fat and religious comments as if they happened to someone else. If pushed, you can volunteer they also happened to you. Don't expect much action. Without a documentation trail your comments will be interesting but not taken too seriously.

If you really want some action...compose a very well written letter with your story and send it to the CEO, COO, President of HR, Division Pres., and your local HR person. That works wonders.

 

[RetireeRobert]

Christians, it is true, are told to turn the other cheek. But given your statements that you will be able to let go of these matters *personally* indicates you will have no problem with this part.

Christians also have a responsibility to speak up and let others know when the others' actions are harmful and wrong. If you let pass the opportunity at the exit interview to speak up, you may regret it later.

In my opinion, given the very recent repetitions of offensive behavior, and given it is at Megcorp's initiative to conduct exit interviews, it is your responsibility to yourself as a Christian, your co-workers, your boss, and to Megacorp to be frank as to the issues in the exit interview. Just present the info calmly and without rancor.

Others have pointed out no one knows whether or not your exit info will change anything or not. But you can be 100% sure if you say *nothing*, then it will not change anything. A "wrong" left unchallenged can soon enough become the norm.

I think for your longterm healing and for the sake of your own conscience, you should be frank and truthful at the exit interview. A weight will lift off your shoulders and you will sail into your well-deserved ER with peace.

But these are all my opinions. You are the one in the middle of it all.

Ultimately, I suggest you pray about your decision.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

I think for your longterm healing and for the sake of your own conscience, you should be frank and truthful at the exit interview. A weight will lift off your shoulders and you will sail into your well-deserved ER with peace.

Use the exit interview as catharsis and psychotherapy? If it's that deep and troubling, then real counselling with someone other than an HR functionary (quite possibly someone 20 years his junior) might be a better choice.

 

[Dawg52]

I would simply shove a fist down the sob's throat on the way out the door.

 

[maddythebeagle]

The purpose of the exit interview is primarily to gather info for the company's benefit. This could include a pattern of employees leaving, but mostly seems to be finding an "acceptable" category to put the departure in that avoids upsetting the power balance at the company, including both HR and the manager in question.

Now, you may have a more enlightened and proactive HR at your company. But given the egregious offenses of your boss that have not yet been addressed, it seems unlikely.

Well said...I think the OP even cemented this by further explaining what happened when another coworker left...

 

[Redbugdave]

Fisherman...

First off, let me say congratulations on your retirement! You made it! Despite the roadblocks along the way. And, I am sorry about the passing of your daughter. A terrible thing.

Now, for the problem at hand...
I would just do the exit interview with a smile on my face, and not say anything about the beast. Just let it go. You are at a new beginning in life! The purpose of HR is not for you...but to help and support management. If anything was going to be done, it would have been a long time ago.

Once more...Congratulations!

 

[gandalf42]

You've gotten a wide range of responses which probably reflects people's experiences with their workplaces.

I have worked in both small companies and at a Megacorp. I would not raise any issues at a small company as in my experience there is no consistent HR policy, it is personally driven by the manager(s).

At the megacorp I worked at, your three issues play out this way.

The crass comments at the funeral occurred offsite at a non-company event. They are viewed as an issue between people and not a work related issue.

The discussions about religion sound to have been done one on one. In this case nothing is provable. Best case HR would review policy with the manager and worst case do nothing.

The public grabbing and negative joking had witnesses and occurred more than once. This would be taken very seriously, investigated and if corroborated, the HR would have a "little talk" with the manager and put a warning note in his file. If a similar incident occurred again, he would be in significant danger of demotion or being fired.

These are my experiences of how megacorp HR has handled issues with folks that worked for me. So my advice is let go the first two, as nothing much would happen, but report the third.

 

[tightasadrum]

I would simply shove a fist down the sob's throat on the way out the door.

This was my first impulse too.

But, better yet, as SteveR put it: "If you really want some action...compose a very well written letter with your story and send it to the CEO, COO, President of HR, Division Pres., and your local HR person. That works wonders. "

It all depends on the company you're dealing with. Where I worked for years if someone had done this, supervisor would have had a one-on-two conversation with the HR manager and the Operations Manager, and a note about the incident placed in their personnel file, just in case something came up again. The EEOC can take up a lot of HR's time.

Supervisor:IQ > 100, emotional intelligence < 10. It will take at least a 2x4 upside-the-head to realign the latter one. Put it in writing. Make it sound like you have a concern for supervisor's future welfare, employee morale and the company's turnover/financial welfare. I wouldn't get into it in an exit interview though. Simply pass the sealed envelope across the desk as you stand up the leave. "You'll find everything you need to know in this." Show a cc: to corporate HR and mail that one. If there is any hope for action, this should do it.

Good luck with the what comes next whatever you decide to do.

 

[Meadbh]

Your boss' behaviour was completely unacceptable. Chances are he also intimidates others. I would definitely bring this up.

In my experience, behaviour problems like this are often well known to management and your report may be the icing on the cake that they need to exert progressive disciplinary action. If it is a longstanding problem and you are the first to report it, that says a lot about the culture of your organization: don't ask, don't tell.

I hope you enjoy your retirement.

 

[Meadbh]

Zipper, discrimination based on religion is illegal in the United States. The OP should not be made to feel like he is a "nutjob" for his beliefs.

It's illegal in Canada too.

 

[FinanceDude]

Im not sure if I would let anyone grab my stomach without grabbing them by the throat. Anyways in a workplace that is a real big no no that he did that. Ive never seen that go on in my line of work without some kind of violence or repercussions.

I guess the topic of hand is what you would do on the interview. Give them a big screw you and nice knowing you I guess.

It happened to me once, and my boss was surprised to find himself on the floor a few seconds later. Then I went to my office to pack up my desk and leave,thinking for sure I was fired. But he didn't fire me, and we got along after that...........

 

[template]

...The purpose of HR is not for you...but to help and support management. ..

Now, what is the purpose of an exit interview, if not for uncovering problems contributing to attrition and which require attention?

 

[Shawn]

Your boss isn't simply a jerk. His actions likely are illegal. Religion, for example, is a protected classification. Depending on the state, if you report your boss's behavior to HR or to a person with supervisory responsibility, they have a legal obligation to take action. In California, for example, all managers/supervisors within companies over a certain size are required to take extensive biannual harassment training. At megacorp, there will be an individual responsible for handling harassment issues. Also, depending on the state and the circumstances, an investigation may occur without your name being mentioned.

I don't know why you believe that your boss's actions are less problematic since you are a man, not a woman (you're neither more or less able to handle abuse as a man). I think the opposite is true, in that you are more likely to be ignored as a man.

That said, and while you need to decide what is best for you, if it were me, I would not let it go. The actions of your boss are inappropriate for the workplace. They go well beyond poor interpersonal skills. Your boss will continue to mistreat other employees. Any action you take is more likely to help your coworkers. At the very least, either at your exit interview or before, you could query HR to determine what would happen if you voice your concerns. You could then determine how to proceed.

If you do decide to go forward, expressing the situation/events in a calm and factual way will have the most impact. You may want to practice your thoughts beforehand. Mention that the behavior of your boss is responsible, at least in part, for your earlier retirement.

 

[bryanf]

Exit interviews are designed to benefit the company, not you. My inclination would be to exit gracefully and quietly. What do you have to gain by providing information? And what do you have to lose? Can you be certain that your input would remain confidential? Doubtful.

 

[SecondCor521]

My ex and I lost a child at 8 months gestation in 1997, and then a miscarriage followed in 1998. We divorced last year, and while there were many factors that contributed, losing those children -- and how we handled, or rather didn't handle it -- clearly didn't help.

Your wife and your relationship with her are a billion times more important than your stupid boss or your exit interview. Cherish her. Care for her. Make sure...make very sure...make absolutely sure...and then be 1000% sure again that you both have what you need to heal from your loss and not let it split you apart. Don't become me.

You have my condolences on your loss and on your idiot boss.

2Cor521

 

[CyclingInvestor]

Exit interviews are designed to benefit the company, not you. My inclination would be to exit gracefully and quietly. What to you have to gain by providing information? And what do you have to lose? Can you be certain that your input would remain confidential? Doubtful.

I agree completely. I had a few minor issues (nothing like yours) I could have spoken up about,
but that was a celebratory day for me. By the time I was in the interview, I was mentally already
out the door,retired, and had no interest in anything going on behind me.