Feeling guilty about early Retirement?

[97guns]

It sounds as though you and I may have had a different sort of w*rk life. My former colleagues are individuals that I have known for decades and for whom I have the utmost respect. We had a great esprit de corps. All of them were genuinely happy for my being able to retire early though a couple admitted a bit of envy on their parts ).

No long standing relationships here, in fact I was always beefing with most of them, they were all a bunch of slugs and did not agree with my work ethics, they felt I was making them look bad. that's one thing I really don't like about union jobs, the workers feel they are untouchable with the unions backing

 

[97guns]

Also maybe because I was only at my last job for 4 years, didn't build any long lasting 20 year relationships

 

[JDARNELL]

I had one time that I really felt guilty about ER when I was at an event with some old co workers. In fact I began to question myself for a couple of days. Then I thought about it. Why should I feel guilty? I now have some acquaintances that every chance they get to jab me with "it must be nice to be retired" I say "it is and I recommend you try it. Of course we all make choices in our life and I chose well. "

 

[97guns]

My brother is retired and divorced, they liquidated the assets and he bought in a bedroom community 70 miles from a major metro, most of his buddies don't work but they are not retired. One day the conversation of retirement came up and they had no idea of the mechanics of it, one popped off and said "I need to retire like Mike" the other says how can you you haven't worked in 6 years

 

[FIREd]

I just moved into a house with a driveway from hell and the moving company thought it judicious to send two senior citizens to move our all of boxes and furniture up the driveway. One guy had bad knees and bad feet. The other had emphyzema and COPD and had to breathe into a nebulizer every few minutes. But they needed to work and make money. It was a sad sight and made my feel fortunate to be an early retiree. But not guilty.

 

[kcowan]

Rejections to invitations you may extend should be accepted gracefully, without any pressure or comment. Respect the fact that other people will have their own priorities.

Also they may have made some bad choices that prevented them from the LBYM lifestyle. Part of that might be providing for you but it was not your decision. Now they are in a groove that does not demand holidays.

I think the OP needs some counseling. This feeling guilty is a self-imposed problem. Either that or you have a god complex that you are essential. Either way, you need some help to deal with it.

In Spanish, the word for retirement is jubilation. There is a reason for that.

 

[WithAPurpose]

I know the guilt... I am 44 and FI. I have cut back my work schedule to 4 days /week. DH is 58 and just retired this year. I golfed with a girl that said she was too young at 48 to retire, she'd do it in another 10 years. It is certainly expected that no 44-year old could 'retire'. But that's not what stops me. At 44 I have the same thoughts posted by many others. I'm not worried about what others think of me or my choices. I feel guilty about not contributing after I leave my day-job. NO matter that my day-job is just as a cog in a wheel that will continue to turn without me and is not high on the societal value. I guess I just learned one more thing from the responses here: the people that are already retired don't feel this guilt. Maybe it's just so good being retired that the thoughts of societal pressures melt away. Or maybe it's dealing with those feelings in our decision to retire gets them over it that makes retirees so guilt-free. Either way, you're not the only one feeling these things.

 

[Beldar]

Early retirement is no reason to feel smug, but neither should it cause guilt or shame.

Yes, this sums it up for me too.

We're blessed to be FIRE'd and to recognize that fact over 2 yrs ago thanks to this forum.

_B

 

[pb4uski]

Perhaps a bit. Just today I stopped by the local general store and while I was waiting for my order to be filled the proprietor (who is older than me and definitely retirement age) wandered by and I said hello... he responded hello and just making small talk asked me how work was... I somewhat sheepishly responded that I was mostly retired and didn't work a lot these days (truth is I don't work at all).

I don't really feel any guilt but it is sometimes embarrassing.

 

[Walt34]

No guilt at all here. I worked in law enforcement and retired at age 52. Twenty and twenty-five years to normal retirement is common in that field.

I also went to eight line-of-duty funerals and about 20-25% go out on service-connected disability retirements. Every single one of them said they'd much have preferred to go out on a regular retirement. At the time I started I had no idea it was so risky.

 

[marko]

+1

How often have you seen people whose self perception leads them to believe that they are invaluable, and that the company will fall apart if they're not there........then they leave, someone else picks up the slack, and life goes on.

Van Halen re: David Lee Roth excepted.

 

[Luck_Club]

I think the OP needs some counseling. This feeling guilty is a self-imposed problem. Either that or you have a god complex that you are essential. Either way, you need some help to deal with it.

Though I do think I'm rather nuts, my feelings of guilt are more in line with empathy for those less fortunate, as others have suggested.

On the God complex maybe...My MIL used to say I looked like a Greek God when I was younger. Maybe it went to my head.

Why would I need counseling, I've got this form.

 

[Major Tom]

The way FIREd describes it matches how I feel quite closely. I too have empathy and concern for people who are struggling in the workforce, some of whom I know personally. I don't feel guilty though, because the fact they are not retired has nothing to do with the fact that I am. Still, I wish that the folk who are still working and desperately wish they could stop were also retired. I'd like for those around me to know what it is like to lead a pleasant and low-stress life.

OTOH, if everyone else were as content as I am, very little would ever get done

 

[Nemo2]

My MIL used to say I looked like a Greek God

Someone used to say that about me too....oh wait, no, they said I looked like a goddamned Greek.......never mind.

 

[marko]

Though I do think I'm rather nuts, my feelings of guilt are more in line with empathy for those less fortunate, as others have suggested.

I grew up with, and still associate with quite a few trust funders, most of whom have never had any type of job whatsoever (unless you want to count "working" at some sleepy museum or art gallery. Car restoration is big too.).

While there is empathy for those less fortunate, "guilt" is not a word I believe they know the meaning of. They'll contribute to charities and always offer to help out on things but never is there any feeling guilty about their life situation that I'm aware of.

A common thread: an almost irrational fear that the money will disappear somehow, bordering on paranoia.

So, I'd just live your life, not worry about what other think/say and try to put the guilt thing under a blanket. Unlike others, you've EARNED your retirement. Go and enjoy it! Life is too short!

 

[2017ish]

...

On the God complex maybe...My MIL used to say I looked like a Greek God when I was younger. Maybe it went to my head.

Why would I need counseling, I've got this form.

This one?

 

[Luck_Club]

This one?

View attachment 25887

That about covers it!

 

[Milton]

Perspective

If one must feel guilty about an issue for which one has no responsibility, I would suggest thinking about people in India who suffer from leprosy.

Their situation is infinitely worse (more pitiable) than that of healthy Westerners who enjoy normal lives but simply can't afford to retire.

 

[kimcdougc]

No guilt at all retiring at the ripe old age of 50 and DH retired at 57. Feel for the family sometime because they are all still working but we stayed at home and ate dinner at home for over 30 years to be able to do what we want now.

We do give back by volunteering.

 

[Aerides]

No guilt, but any discussion of finances can be uncomfortable so it's best to avoid the topic when possible. Especially since the recession it's just not something that goes over well when a majority of people can't even fathom how to retire at 65.

I ER'd with a severance package last year. A friend and colleague about 60, with 10+ years more tenure than me, was really hoping for a package for years. When I got my news I did feel a bit of unease thinking I'd got what she wanted. I decided to fess up, messaged her "can you chat?" She replied back "oh did you hear?" - She was ecstatic to tell me she'd just gotten a package.

I told her Me too! and that I was thinking she'd be mighty pissed if I got one and she didn't. and she said Ha and you'd be right!

 

[Milton]

We do give back by volunteering.

Good for you!

While altruism is laudable, if your volunteer role(s) are a good 'fit' you almost certainly get back more than you give (as you have probably discovered for yourself).

 

[ER Eddie]

I'm not retired yet, but I expect that I'll have some unwarranted guilt when I do. Just because it's irrational doesn't mean you don't have the feeling anyhow.

The work ethic is not only a big part of our social programming (work = identity, money = worth, etc.); it's also a big part of the religious heritage, at least in the US. Work is what God requires of you; work is how you demonstrate your goodness and worth; sloth is mortal sin, etc. -- all of that stuff is in the water.

 

[Gumby]

There is a quote by football great Jerry Rice that nicely encompasses how I feel now on the verge of retirement.

“Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't”

I did, and I am.

I don't feel guilty about it, although I do appreciate that I have also been lucky and that others who did the same as me but were not lucky may have come up short.

 

[Hexanova]

I only feel guilty in that my wife is choosing to keep working, but she's happy with her job. And my mother was forced to work until she was 70 before she could retire on very meager savings and budget.

I retired once at 48, then reluctantly got sucked back to the same company, then retired again in January at 51 after they offered huge early separation/retirement packages to some people. Sold!

Beyond that, I don't feel guilty at all...I worked my arse off.

 

[brewer12345]

Guilty? No. However, I do feel like I have some unfinished business career-wise. This is probably due to the fact that I ended up in a line of work I never intended to be in for 5 years courtesy of the crash and I bailed on the career at 40 when I was burnt out. I have continued doing consulting/contract work and if the right opportunity materializes I will probably jump on it, at least for a few years.


Curiously, I have had remarkably few questioners about what I do for a living aside from the "social inquiry" type stuff. People accept the answer that I consult pretty much without reservation and we live modestly (middle class, nothing close to upper middle class when you roll up in a 12 year old minivan) so nobody seems to care to inquire further.