Feeling sad in retirement

[monte1022]

Is it the teaching or the money? If it is the teaching, then go teach for free. Teach as little or as much as you want. Give instead of sell your knowledge and skills. When exhausted, fall back, rest then go at it again. Stop when you have had enough.

 

[Montecfo]

Going to the gym is a great idea. Get that into your routine.

Or better yet take a short walk each morning. Physical activity lifts your spirits and you may see neighbors which is helpful too.

Schedule some after school get togethers with work friends. Look up recent retirees from school. Having a couple of events on the calendar is fun to look forward to.

By all means eat well, rest and take care of you. Exercise also helps with all of these.

Best,

Monte

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have found it more rewarding to help people that need it on a individual basis. I have helped people declutter, have garage sales, take people to doctor appointments, help them with a budget, pay bills, basically anything they are struggling with.

 

[jollystomper]

Why did you retire? What were/are you looking forward too in retirement?

This is very true. It can also be summarized as "are you retiring from something, or retiring to something?"

I do not have much else to add to the suggestions already given. For me it comes down to find some things you enjoy and be active with them. You have a valuable commodity whose continued future is unknown, and that is free time.

Do not let others tell you what you should be accomplishing at this stage, you have to decide for yourselves. In some cases I have seen retirement "sadness" due to folks being influenced by what others thought they should be doing.

 

[Marita40]

If you haven't done it, I'd suggest taking a personal retreat--maybe a weekend alone somewhere--and use your time off the internet to brainstorm a list of things you've always wanted to do (painting, travel to x, skydiving, learning a language etc), and things that will result in "giving back" and/or a "good life" in retirement, however defined (volunteering, community engagement, taking time to meet your neighbors, etc). Ideally, how do you envision yourself 10 years from now? Then, you can do what you want with this list but it may provide some insight as you move forward about your deepest desires and goals. Now is the time to consider working toward them.

 

[luckydude]

It's been over a year now since I retired from teaching, and I'm still feeling lost. My husband also just retired and is all giddy about being retired, but I'm desperately missing a work family and a routine. The year after I retired, I subbed, tutored, and worked for another education adjacent company, but the summer finds me sitting around feeling useless. All the decluttering I should be doing just remains undone. The routine I want for myself is to get up, tidy for a solid couple of hours, go to the gym, read for a few hours, cook dinner, watch some tv. What I usually do is get up and doom scroll the day away, maybe go to the gym (getting better with that), worry about stupid stuff.
Any words of advice or encouragement?

I've been retired for 7 years now. Aside from some family/kids related stuff, I have a lot of free time and I find that setting goals for things I enjoy helps bring some structure to my daily schedule and makes me more disciplined.

For example, I love mountain biking, so I have a goal to ride xxx miles with xxxxx ft of elevation gains every month. I love literature, so I set a goal to finish x number of books a year. I love to play musical instruments, so I identify pieces that I want to learn. I love to travel, so I set goal to visit country x this year and country y the next and enjoy doing all the trip planning. Then there are other things like lifting weight x times a week, running x miles a month or exploring new trails every month, etc.

I will "reward" myself when I hit certain goals: so, I'll have days when I sleep in and do nothing (and not feel guilty about it), or go to the local bookstore and spend a few hours just browsing titles and magazines, or try out new restaurants, or just go to the local coffee shop for a latte, sit outside and watch the world go by, etc.

So, I recommend that you find something you enjoy doing, set goals for them, and stick to a schedule/regimen. That will help give you more purpose and motivation.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Try actually starting the decluttering. Listen to music, podcasts, or audiobooks while decluttering. Just take a small area and start. I started with one closet at a time. Or one pile of papers, or one drawer. Decluttering is boring. The audio input makes it easier to stick with it.

Volunteer somewhere. Red Cross, Meals on Wheels, your local historical society, the library. Our local library has lots of activities and opportunities. Volunteer at a community theater. They need people to run the box office, sell refreshments at intermission, construct and paint sets as well as tear them down.

 

[levindb]

As a teacher, you probably had to develop a plan for the school year. The topics you wanted to cover, what order to teach them, and decide what work will be done in class vs at home.
Try to put together a similar plan for the coming year...your home is the classroom, and you (and spouse?) are the students. Keep things broad for the year, but add more details for each month as they get closer. Add a lot of detail for what you will be doing next week. What do you want to accomplish in Sep/Oct? What are the goals for the year?
You have tremendous experience in education...use that strength to create an exciting/rewarding year for yourself. Once you get motivated on this first year, start a rough plan for your second year from what you learned in year one.
Make your retirement the BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE!!!

 

[Markola]

There’s nothing wrong with finding a job. Everyone needs help right now and, rather than money, OP could aim for an org that comes with a work family she wants.

 

[Lucie]

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I think it is important for people to distinguish whether they are feeling sad, grief, depressed or just unmotivated. Teaching is one of the careers that is often strongly tied to identity (like medicine, law enforcement, etc). Transition to retirement is both exciting, but can also create a sense of loss for many people. Loss can result in grieving (loss of identity, structure, "work family" etc.). Also, too much unstructured/free time can result in boredom and lack of motivation. You've identified some of the things you miss about work. Engage in some goal setting to replace those things and add motivation and fulfillment to your life.

 

[Koolau]

The things that make me sad, loss of friends/relatives, loss of health, interpersonal relation issues, etc., have all been helped by being retired in my case. I have more time to deal with issues and fewer distractions. There have been a few times when I was almost bored, but I got over it quickly. Other than that, retirement has been virtually all positive. I think vafoodie needs to explore more opportunities for people interactions, but I am NOT an expert on such things since I'm off-the-scale introvert. So YMMV.

 

[clifp]

I'm going on year 23 of early retirement. The last 3 years have mentally been the toughest with Covid, the craziness in Washington and the world. Volunteering can definitely help, but I really think having a more normal environment will help everyone.

 

[PG_Photo_Gal]

I have been retired since November 2021. I found the transition a bit tough at first. I felt like I was at loose ends, like I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I set myself a goal of doing one productive thing per day. It could be something small like a load of laundry, but as long as I did one thing, the rest of the day was mine to do as I pleased. It helped quite a bit. Now, at the nine month mark, I'm still not sure I have this retirement thing dialed in, but at least I am content most of the time.

 

[SALTedOut]

Thanks! The volunteering part is definitely a missing piece in my retirement puzzle. My husband and I are looking into helping with Meals on Wheels. This looks like a great option too. Helping out in KY would be great as we have family from there.

I started doing MOW about a year after my retirement. I delivered one day a week and offered to occasionally substitute for drivers who were sick/vacation, etc. After about 6 months I picked up a second day and a year later now doing three days.

The deliveries take me about 2 hours door to door but I also go the gym after I finish. The gym is very close to the MOW pick up location so that encourages me to go. So all in all it takes up about 3-3.5 hours out of my day.

I've met some very nice people. Some of them want to chat for a few minutes when I drop off their food, while some of them just want the food delivered and close their door promptly. They are all 20-30 years older than me.

I find it very fulfilling.

 

[Midpack]

Have you read Ernie Zelinski book "How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free"? It has a great exercise in the Get A Life tree exercise to explore all of the things you may want to do or have wanted to do in the past.

+1. I did the Get-A-Life Tree exercise before I retired, it was the missing piece that gave me the peace of mind to actually retire. With about 15 minutes work, and some follow up in the days that followed - I realized there were at least 50 things I wanted to do! More than I could ever get to. All you need is one piece of paper and a pen. Someone else’s example below, do your own!

Second, DW and I decided we’d say yes to everything for a change. We’re always up to meet new people, if it doesn’t lead to a relationship, we’ve lost nothing. When we get invited to anything, we go. When we want to try a new activity, restaurant, live theater, concert, sports event, whatever - we do it. If it doesn’t work out, so what? Beats watching TV or moping around.

https://www.wesmoss.com/news/wes-moss-get-a-life-in-retirement/

If you don’t have many hobbies or what I call “core pursuits,” you should try Ernie’s “Get a Life Tree” exercise:

Step 1: Take out a blank piece of paper and a pen, and draw a medium-sized open circle to represent your retirement.
Step 2: Draw out branches from the circle, and on each branch write down activities you enjoy right now. (Examples: golf, gardening, spending time with your grandkids)
Step 3: Draw more branches, and write activities that you used to enjoy but for one reason or another have stopped doing. (Examples: volunteering, writing, singing in the church choir)
Step 4: Now draw even more branches, and write down activities that you think you would enjoy. (Examples: traveling, learning a new language, joining a book club)
Step 5: Last step, draw a few more branches, and write several physical activities that you think you would enjoy. (Examples: yoga, tennis, being the umpire for a little league team)

While you hopefully have a lot of ideas written down now, keep in mind that Ernie and my research agree that not all activities in retirement are created equal. Social activities and activities that engage your mind make for happier retirees.

 

[Bamaman]

When I'm a little down, I just start my day watching Let's Make a Deal and then Price is Right.

That turns my attitude north every time.

In my 36 years at MegaCorp, we didn't work like normal friends and neighbors. We had to give it 110% every hour and every day. And when I hung the phone up, it'd ring again, and again. I earned to be a little "bored" at age 58.

And 14 years later, I still have too many honey do's and too much decluttering to do.

 

[mystang52]

the only way to get into a new routine is to actually do it. For 3 weeks. Despite inertia, weather, your mood, what you ate that morning, whatever. Force yourself. Then one day you won't have to force it. I mean even if it's just going to the gym, not going is a lot easier than going. So you go, and go again, and then it becomes habit. There is no magical motivation outside of yourself that will really work.

Personally, if I had your list I would do the gym first as that will have benefits all day long, and it's harder to go later in the day. I'd also structure the tidying thing: pick rooms and projects to tackle that are manageable in a few hours, put them on a list or calendar.. (ie, tuesday is the hallway closet, wednesday is the medicine cabinet).

As far as doomscrolling, find a substitute - journaling, gardening, walking, etc.

I didn't read the other replies; this reply is perfect for OP.

 

[COcheesehead]

My first wife suffered from depression. Activities and routine won’t cure it. It’s a disease. The only improvement I have personally witnessed was via medication.

 

[SecondAttempt]

Have you read Ernie Zelinski book "How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free"? It has a great exercise in the Get A Life tree exercise to explore all of the things you may want to do or have wanted to do in the past.

That is a great book. I bought it I think 10 years ago to mentally prepare for retirement. Read it, did the exercises, and thought heavily.

My (now ex) wife. Wanted nothing of it. She was notably a teacher (college professor) like the OP. When she retired she lost it. It was clear to me that she needed the control she had as a teacher. I'm not going to badmouth her except to say the divorce put me in a better place. She did the whole volunteering thing and constntly complained about not being in charge and being told what to do.

But relevent to the OP, I think that you have to accept that this is a time in your life for you to focus on YOU. If you want to be lazy, that's your success for the day. You were useful for many years. As a teacher you have positively impacted many students' lives. You've done your part. I taught college business classes part time for several years and long after I ran into former students at my bank and other places who recognized my help. It is very afirming. Even if you teach in grades where this does not happen, I have no doubt you have changed kids lives for the better!

Enjoy life and do what you want to do for YOU!

 

[vafoodie]

I have found it more rewarding to help people that need it on a individual basis. I have helped people declutter, have garage sales, take people to doctor appointments, help them with a budget, pay bills, basically anything they are struggling with.

How did you find these people to help?

 

[Chuckanut]

How did you find these people to help?

If you have an active senior center start by talking to them. Often they have a need for volunteers to transport people to appointments, shopping, etc.

 

[FREE866]

I find having a routine helps for sure....I'm a fan of rituals and daily practices--healthy breakfast, some spiritual reading( like a daily book, whatever works for you), stretching, yoga, meditation, exercise, etc..I find it really grounds me for the day.....I like that saying of "move a muscle, change a thought"


I also find the internet, for the most part, to be toxic for me...rarely go on Facebook or LinkedIn.....I get a daily email from The Week that has a paragraph on the top 10 stories so I'm not totally ignorant of what is going on, but the news, politics, etc is poison .....

 

[Midpack]

I also find the internet, for the most part, to be toxic for me...rarely go on Facebook or LinkedIn.....I get a daily email from The Week that has a paragraph on the top 10 stories so I'm not totally ignorant of what is going on, but the news, politics, etc is poison .....

That's sad commentary but I agree. We limit our news sources and frequency more than ever before, we're determined to stay informed but it's a lot harder to get a balanced picture these days...more noise than facts nowadays it seems. I used to watch Fox and CNN to get both sides of every story, but had to quit that almost 10 years ago when they both decided having an agenda was part of their MOs.

 

[FindingForward]

This is very true. It can also be summarized as "are you retiring from something, or retiring to something?"

I do not have much else to add to the suggestions already given. For me it comes down to find some things you enjoy and be active with them. You have a valuable commodity whose continued future is unknown, and that is free time.

Do not let others tell you what you should be accomplishing at this stage, you have to decide for yourselves. In some cases I have seen retirement "sadness" due to folks being influenced by what others thought they should be doing.

I hope this isn't an intrusive question, but would you be comfortable sharing any examples of the bolded observation? Can't help but be curious at what expectations folks tend to put on someone else's retirement. Was it things like guilting them into volunteering or babysitting the grandkids a bit too often?

 

[Librarian]

DH & I were teachers too.

It's been over a year now since I retired from teaching, and I'm still feeling lost. My husband also just retired and is all giddy about being retired, but I'm desperately missing a work family and a routine. The year after I retired, I subbed, tutored, and worked for another education adjacent company, but the summer finds me sitting around feeling useless. All the decluttering I should be doing just remains undone. The routine I want for myself is to get up, tidy for a solid couple of hours, go to the gym, read for a few hours, cook dinner, watch some tv. What I usually do is get up and doom scroll the day away, maybe go to the gym (getting better with that), worry about stupid stuff.
Any words of advice or encouragement?

He retired last year & me this.

What did you do during summers before?

It looks to me like you need SOMETHING that gives you purpose.
Perhaps in the summer you could volunteer?
Or find a different job!

Last winter DH created a daily routine (something like yours) to get him thru until golf started again. He even started a PT job at Menards stocking to fill some hours.

I decided that I needed GOALS.
My retirement goals are travel, travel, travel--I love the researching & planning almost as much as the actual travel!
I also am trying to workout more.
I have a long list of books (not to mention the numerous unread ones on the shelves!)
I have a long list of movies & TV shows/series that have been recommended--I'm not much of a TV/movie person, but I have been enjoying it more than I thought!
I also have neglected scrapbooking while the children were busy in their teen years.
And yes, the list of things to clean out.

Been traveling so much that beyond the books, haven't ticked too many off the other lists. BUT I have done SOME.

When summer started I was going like a mad woman trying to get things done like I do every summer.
DH reminded me I no longer had that finite time frame to get it done.
Now, I like to tick things off my TO DO list.
But I am enjoying relaxing more.
Nap sounds good? Do it.
Sleep late? DO IT.
I used to be good with a deadline--I am shocked to find that even without one I am getting things done just fine!

I was told to give it a year before considering subbing.
So I am.
Last Monday when I realized that it was NOT my last week of summer vacation I nearly danced around the room!

What do YOU want to do?
What goals could you set for yourself?
Do some soul searching.
Take a class.

You will find your way, I'm sure of it!