EvrClrx311
Full time employment: Posting here.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2012
- Messages
- 648
For anyone who has successfully found a good FIRE partner or is currently searching for one, I'm wondering how/when you brought up your financial situation with your prospective partner?
It would seem that wealth (high salary or high net worth) should be kept private, to avoid that being the main focus for pairing up... to avoid attracting people who may want your wealth or net worth to spend. However, the flip side is that it is important to know someone's financial health as a means to decide how reliable a partner they would be in marriage. I've come to appreciate that people don't often change. That is, if they were raised to be in debt, and carried debt in their 20's and 30's... it's likely they won't magically change in their 40's because they met someone they love who taught them about money. That, said I'm not against helping a partner be better with finances, I just would rather find someone who already is. If that makes sense?
So when and how is the best time to bring this kind of thing up? Is it good to talk vaguely around it on a fourth or fifth date (as in, ideas about financial behaviors, but no specific to your own situation or theirs) early on. Or should numbers and situations be described more in detail early on to avoid going down the road with someone who may otherwise be perfect, except a potential financial disaster. Also, I obscure my wealth and income quite well. I live very modestly, and even my friends and family are a bit clueless to it. So if someone were a FIRE guru like myself, they might look at my life and wonder if I have my act together too. It goes both ways. So what is the safest way to lower that net, so to speak...
Not sure if there is a coherent question in there, but I'm sure I wrote enough to get the topic started
Mainly I'm just curious how you went (or are planning to) go about evaluating financial compatibility with potential partners.
It would seem that wealth (high salary or high net worth) should be kept private, to avoid that being the main focus for pairing up... to avoid attracting people who may want your wealth or net worth to spend. However, the flip side is that it is important to know someone's financial health as a means to decide how reliable a partner they would be in marriage. I've come to appreciate that people don't often change. That is, if they were raised to be in debt, and carried debt in their 20's and 30's... it's likely they won't magically change in their 40's because they met someone they love who taught them about money. That, said I'm not against helping a partner be better with finances, I just would rather find someone who already is. If that makes sense?
So when and how is the best time to bring this kind of thing up? Is it good to talk vaguely around it on a fourth or fifth date (as in, ideas about financial behaviors, but no specific to your own situation or theirs) early on. Or should numbers and situations be described more in detail early on to avoid going down the road with someone who may otherwise be perfect, except a potential financial disaster. Also, I obscure my wealth and income quite well. I live very modestly, and even my friends and family are a bit clueless to it. So if someone were a FIRE guru like myself, they might look at my life and wonder if I have my act together too. It goes both ways. So what is the safest way to lower that net, so to speak...
Not sure if there is a coherent question in there, but I'm sure I wrote enough to get the topic started
Mainly I'm just curious how you went (or are planning to) go about evaluating financial compatibility with potential partners.