I think anyone preparing for FIRE or even in the early FIRE stages should be concerned about their relationship with their significant other. In our case, the dynamics completely blind-sided us. And we have a happy marriage that some of our peers envy. So if it can happen to us, I think anyone is vulnerable.
I did a lot of preparing for FIRE. Mostly financial, but I also spent time considering the emotional and mental failure points, but typically from an individual perspective. I assumed, wrongly, that the stress points of our relationship would get better due to the elimination of work stress, etc. I assumed that we would mellow with age and the FIRE lifestyle.
What I didn’t consider was that the stress points of our relationship were mostly social in nature. And the dynamics associated with those increased. And more importantly, the number of opportunities for these conflicts dramatically increased. It was really just a numbers game of probabilities that conflicts were going to increase as well. The affects were repeatable and cumulative. All of this while the happy couple postings on Facebook and in group settings continued. People openly envied our FIRE lifestyle.
At first, I thought it was just the adjustments of FIRE that we were going through. Much like getting married, having a child, losing a parent, or other challenges in life. However, the affects were cumulative, and after five years, we finally were approaching rock bottom. We both knew it. The only things that saved our marriage was a deep love for each other, and there was no other person of the opposite sex that would have made the grass greener. We talked openly about where do we go from here, cautiously avoiding the “D” word. But we knew something had to change. If either one of us was ready to give up, it would have been over. There were no dependent kids, no financial worries, and a lifetime still in front of both of us. We just didn’t know if we would be together.
Fortunately things have improved in the last several months, but there is still a lot of work to be done. Either one of us could slip back, and we are both aware of that. When we approach typical situations that may cause conflicts, we often discuss items in advance.
In summary, anticipate conflicts increasing in FIRE, and plan just like you do financially. If they don’t, consider yourself lucky