Friendship turnover--your stories

[Luck_Club]

For some friendships (acquaintances) come and go and for others they last a lifetime. I'm curious about others experiences of the transition point from friend to not friend. I'm sure given this group their are some funny as well as tragic stories.

Over the years my personal experience has been to turnover fiends at various transitions points in my life. A move, 30 miles can do it, marriage, kids etc, have all resulted in a turnover of sorts. As we transition to the next phase of life, I already see the early stages of it setting in.

 

[Nemo2]

my personal experience has been to turnover fiends at various transitions points in my life.

"Dracula call home, you can have your old room back"?

 

[Souschef]

All my friends lived back East, and when I moved to CA they sort of went by the wayside.
However, at a neighbor's birthday party a few years ago, I met a lady who said her husband has Parkinson's, but loved to fly. I told her that i would love to fly with him, and the tears ran down her cheeks.
As Rick said in Casablanca, "this is the start of a beautiful friendship". Some few months later, his wife passed away, and as a widower, I was there to take him through the steps of his loss.
Fast forward to the present, we have over 200 hours flying together, and last year we were given the "Joined at the hip" award from Angel Flight for the missions we have flown together.
This man is like a brother to me, and he feels the same way.
P.S. Neither of us will see 70 again.

 

[Big_Hitter]

I still have close friends in Houston even though we moved far away over 6 years ago. Social media helps a lot plus visit at least twice a year. We usually get together to drink and/or golf when I'm down there. One of my buddies comes up here for the member/guest every year. He loves Idaho.

As far as transitioning to the next phase of life, we are about there. I don't see us losing any friends because of it, quite the opposite actually.

 

[Meadbh]

Ive moved a lot, and many of the friendships that I developed along the route have been temporary ones. Other friendships have lasted, but at a less intense level. But I still keep in regular touch with a group of high school friends from the 1970s, despite being on the other side of the world. We exchange news on social media, get together every time I visit my hometown, and travel for big occasions.

 

[kcowan]

Every time I changed geography, acquaintances dropped away while friendships grew deeper. I think it is healthy to learn who your friends are.

I can pick up with those Acquaintances when I go back. But I stay in touch wth the friends.

 

[FIREd]

Few of my friendships extended beyond normal life transition points (moves, job changes, etc...). Going away to college killed most of my hometown friendships. Going away to graduate school halfway around the world killed most of my college friendships. Graduating and getting my first job killed most of my graduate school friendships, etc...

A few friendships survived through all the commotion of life and those are the ones that matter. I might see those friends only once a year in person, sometimes less, but when we meet again it's as if we have never been apart.

 

[tmm99]

All my friends lived back East, and when I moved to CA they sort of went by the wayside.
However, at a neighbor's birthday party a few years ago, I met a lady who said her husband has Parkinson's, but loved to fly. I told her that i would love to fly with him, and the tears ran down her cheeks.
As Rick said in Casablanca, "this is the start of a beautiful friendship". Some few months later, his wife passed away, and as a widower, I was there to take him through the steps of his loss.
Fast forward to the present, we have over 200 hours flying together, and last year we were given the "Joined at the hip" award from Angel Flight for the missions we have flown together.
This man is like a brother to me, and he feels the same way.
P.S. Neither of us will see 70 again.

Your story brought tears to my eyes. A wonderful relationship you built with your friend. Love is love. And they come in all shapes and sizes.




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[Rianne]

Moving often throughout our lives, I've learned the characteristics of people that I almost immediately can connect. Negative personalities, people who complain often and have a dark view on their lives are like water and oil with me. Unfortunately, my DSI is one of those. There are several friends I've kept in touch with over the years, nothing heavy. It's hard to go deep with those I haven't seen or connected with in a long time.

Friends I have now, or new people I meet seem to have that immediate attraction to share personal things. Listening to people before sharing gives me the best compass to go forward with that friendship.

 

[tmm99]

I have two friendships that endured time and distance. We all lived in Tucson in the 80's and I left there in the late 80's, and another left there in the 90's, but I still talk to them both on the phone and all three of us have occasionally gotten together over the years. We all look a bit wrinkly but when we get together, it's like we have always been together. I feel very lucky to have them.

Most other friends have been transitional except for my former boss who got laid off ten years ago. We used to get together every couple months. We still email and talk to each other on the phone despite that I moved to Canada over two years ago. A few more friends I still talk to in California but I'll see how those will play out...


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[Koogie]

I love turnovers. Date or raspberry, preferably.

 

[kcowan]

I have two friendships that endured time and distance. We all lived in Tucson in the 80's and I left there in the late 80's, and another left there in the 90's, but I still talk to them both on the phone and all three of us have occasionally gotten together over the years. We all look a bit wrinkly but when we get together, it's like we have always been together. I feel very lucky to have them.

In 1968, all the sales types from a small megacorp branch had a weekend away after Labor Day at the branch manager's cottage. There were 32 qualifiers. After the branch manager moved on, we approached him to continue the get togethers and he agreed. Eventually he quit megacorp and moved on but the reunion continued. Today there are 16 surviving participants. We are not all friends during the year, but we are together after Labor Day. Next year is our 50th anniversary.

Funny how we do not look older until we consult the pictures from 50 years ago!

 

[Nemo2]

By the time I was 20 I had circumnavigated the globe, worked in Northern Australia, and traveled around a large portion of Australia with a couple guys.....(only one of whom took the ship covering the second half).

When the vessel docked he rented a car, and dropped me at my parents' before heading north.

As he was leaving I said "See ya".....he drove off and my mother said "That's it? You've been around the world with him and you say "See ya"?"

I felt badly....I should have said "O.K., See ya".

 

[aja8888]

I moved away from Connecticut to California (job related) in 1981. I had two very close friends in CT and kept the friendships going through my move to Texas in the 1990's. I would periodically visit them back east and they would reciprocate when they could. One friend died last year and the other has dementia so bad he is in a home. Consequently, no close friends left back east, only one remaining sister and her family.

Here in Texas, I have two pretty close friends but one is clearly "losing" it mentally and the other is OK. In my mid-70's now is an eye opening time of life as it seems people you know, friends or otherwise, are slipping away.

 

[bigcmagor]

Sad story but I lost two good friends in one swoop. Played racquetball with friend A two or three times per week for years. Friend B was a homebuilder. Friend A asked for a recommendation for a builder so of course, I hooked them up. Things went poorly on the project and friend A went over the edge nuts on the builder, telling him he should just kill himself. This was during the housing crisis, so things were not good for any builder. Unfortunately, friend B did just that. Didn't help that we built homes next door to each other and I'd known him since we were 5 years old.


Told friend A that I couldn't stand to have someone in my life capable of that much hate and to get lost.

 

[athena53]

I'm going back to my roots. I lived in Ohio 25 years, then in NJ 25 years, and have been in the KC area since 2003. I do have a good group of friends here but social media have really made it easier to keep in touch with people far away and get back in touch with those you thought were lost forever (especially female friends who changed their names).

Encouraged by FaceBook pages, I've attended my 40th and 45th HS reunions back in Ohio as well as the 50th anniversary of the founding of the HS and, just a week ago, the 50th anniversary of my 8th-grade graduation. Those were not my best years; they weren't for most people, I suppose. Now I'm finding that these people with whom I existed in close proximity for many years are (mostly) very good people with whom I have much in common. I know that the ones who show up at reunions are the ones who feel good about where they are in life and it's not the whole group but I really enjoy these visits. Similarly, I tracked down a guy I dated in college on LinkedIn and we've developed a deep friendship that's helped both of us through changes in our lives.

 

[kcowan]

You've been around the world with him and you say "See ya"?"

I felt badly....I should have said "O.K., See ya".

Now you would have to be careful. A hug might be misinterpreted!

(DW#1 said that we should say something with our son when he said he loved his buddy. I said "Stifle it Edit!" and it worked out fine.)

 

[Nemo2]

Now you would have to be careful. A hug might be misinterpreted!

(DW#1 said that we should say something with our son when he said he loved his buddy. I said "Stifle it Edit!" and it worked out fine.)

How about a rousing chorus of "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK"?

(One time, eons ago, my oldest friend, of some 50 years now, whom I see rarely....separated by distance....said "I know you're out there"....reassuring for both of us to know that someone is 'out there'.)

 

[W2R]

Friends? What are they? I am just a few bits and bytes out here on the internet. Pretty much INTJ, too, heavy emphasis on the "I".

Other than F, I have no social life. Or, as my DD told me back when she was a little kid and I was in engineering school, I have no life.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

When I was 12-13, my dad moved my family around quite a bit for oilfield work. I was in 3 different 7th grade classes in 3 different states.

For one four-month period, we were in a small town in southern Illinois, and my two best friends from that time are still my besties today. One was my maid of honor back in 1979 and comes to CA from Georgia twice a year; the other is my travel buddy and we get together here in CA; in Chicago, where she lives; or elsewhere. Last week we met up in Rhode Island for some genealogy stuff.

Next year I celebrate 50 years of friendship with each of these women.

That was a fruitful four months in Illinois.

Other friends have come and gone with interests such as book clubs, work, or exercise. We just seem to drift apart.

 

[GrayHare]

Most of my existing friends date to my teenage years, sadly a list that has been significantly whittled down by deaths in their 40s and 50s. With a track record like that for some reason it's been tough to find new friends.

 

[Bamaman]

We had about 10 couples that would meet many Friday nights for happy hour. We would also go on road trips including going skiing in South Lake Tahoe every year. As individuals and together, they were a very lively bunch.

After I was transferred 200 miles away, every one of our friends separated or divorced and the group went their own ways. We still miss them terribly.

There's nothing like sitting around with a bunch of CSI's and Forensic Toxicologists telling stories about last week's murders in the big city.

 

[Scuba]

We really value our friendships. DH is more of an introvert although he's very sociable, so our friends are mostly people who were my friends before we met. Many of my closest friends worked with me at the same megacorp where most of us worked for 15+ years. We have happy hour reunions every six months or so that are always fun, and I see the ones I'm close to more often. We also have neighbor friends, wine club friends, and a few childhood friends although we both grew up over 2K miles from where we live now.

I still keep in touch at least occasionally with most long-term friends, although I've drifted apart from some especially those who live in other areas. The ones I've lost touch with are mainly people who are totally wrapped up in work. My best friend and I have a very close relationship. We see each other every week when we're both in town, and talk several times per week.

One thing I have found is that it's harder to be close to people with completely different economic circumstances. If friends are significantly more wealthy, they want to do things that are a bit out of our league, and even if they offer to treat, we don't want to feel like the "poor relations." If they don't have nearly as much or just have different spending priorities, it can be hard too.

 

[Teacher Terry]

As someone who has moved a lot I have kept up some friendships and not others. I am still friends with someone from kindergarten and a few of my HS friends even though we live along way away. WE have been in the west 20 years and have lots of great friends. Interestingly when we retired at 53 and 58 we lost 2 couples as friends. One couple was older and started to question us about why we were downsizing, jealous of our pensions although for years we talked about that was the reason we worked for less $, etc. They were 10 years older and still working from home. When they inherited $ they bought a 3k sq ft home and rented their other home that was underwater. That did not seem like a good decision but we never said a thing. AFter about a year I got really sick of them and quit returning their calls. After 16 years it was surprising that our friendship could not survive our choices.

 

[Sarah in SC]

We have a very wide circle of friends, met in all sorts of circumstances. I have only a handful of girlfriends from high school with whom I stay in touch, mostly sporadic because they chose to have children and I did not. We “adopted” quite a few younger friends in their early twenties (as in, young enough to be our kids) and have really enjoyed those relationships and their perspective on life.

I’m the sort to work at maintaining friendships, and always happy to make new ones. Social media does help us stay in touch with the folks who are far away, and I value those folks as much as I do my friend down the street.

When we went to the UK last year, nearly all of our 3 weeks was spent at the homes of friends, an added frugal bonus.

I have lost a few along the way, mostly because we were doing different things (kids) but I doggedly hang on to connections, even when maybe I shouldn’t.

I don’t spend time in bars so much any more, but our 2x monthly girls night happy hour is a favorite.