Chuckanut
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I hope this turns out well for you. You deserve better than what you had.
Grey Divorce
- Thread starter Teacher Terry
- Start date
- Status
I hope this turns out well for you. You deserve better than what you had.
Badger
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2008
- Messages
- 3,419
I'm glad the process is going well with few "blips".
When my first marriage of 10 years went sour due to my spouse seeking greener pastures while we were married I didn't hesitate to call a lawyer. Infidelity is not an option for anyone I would be married to. Lack of trust is a big issue for me. I even wrote out all the parameters for dividing assets that we both agreed on so the lawyer could put it in "legalese". Amazing the stupidity of the lawyer when everything was laid out for him so he could type it up. It took 3-4 tries. I think he was just trying to increase his fee.
I wish you smoother sailing in your future. By the way we aren't all bad. The second time around has been 32 years now. I wish it could be 32 more years but my sell by date will be due before then.
Cheers!
When my first marriage of 10 years went sour due to my spouse seeking greener pastures while we were married I didn't hesitate to call a lawyer. Infidelity is not an option for anyone I would be married to. Lack of trust is a big issue for me. I even wrote out all the parameters for dividing assets that we both agreed on so the lawyer could put it in "legalese". Amazing the stupidity of the lawyer when everything was laid out for him so he could type it up. It took 3-4 tries. I think he was just trying to increase his fee.
I wish you smoother sailing in your future. By the way we aren't all bad. The second time around has been 32 years now. I wish it could be 32 more years but my sell by date will be due before then.
Cheers!
pb4uski
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I don't know about the last part... I have a sexual addiction and I've been faithful to my vows. [emoji3]
Marathoner
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2011
- Messages
- 147
So sorry you are going through this. 9 years ago this forum was so helpful to me when I was trying to decide whether or not to divorce my cheating husband who wanted a second chance. While it wasn’t a gray divorce, it completely changed my ER plans, but my new life is so much better than I ever could have imagined. Since you’ve been through this before, you know that things will get so much better. You’ve got this!
Wow, great to hear from you again, Marathoner. We all thought you deserved much better, so it's wonderful that you could make that happen.
Retch The Grate
Full time employment: Posting here.
Oh, sorry to read this. Good luck with the new start Terry.
Retch The Grate
Full time employment: Posting here.
Wow, that was 9 years ago already?
Enduring strength
TT.
As many have said, I am sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you well.
From your unrelated past posts and this thread, I am in awe of your knowledge, wisdom, strength, resilience, capacity to think clearly under duress and perhaps most remarkable, ability to see good in others when it would be easy to be jaded. You are a remarkable person!
I can not offer any meaningful insights. I believe you will not only land firmly on your feet, but will prosper over the course of time.
Continue to take good care of yourself; mentally, physically and financially. Thank you for your genuine and thoughtful posts.
Stay safe. Stay well.
M.
TT.
As many have said, I am sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you well.
From your unrelated past posts and this thread, I am in awe of your knowledge, wisdom, strength, resilience, capacity to think clearly under duress and perhaps most remarkable, ability to see good in others when it would be easy to be jaded. You are a remarkable person!
I can not offer any meaningful insights. I believe you will not only land firmly on your feet, but will prosper over the course of time.
Continue to take good care of yourself; mentally, physically and financially. Thank you for your genuine and thoughtful posts.
Stay safe. Stay well.
M.
Ablatus
Dryer sheet wannabe
I would wait a year before buying your condo, the advice I ever got was to wait a year after major emotional upsets before doing anything major. Are you staying in the area? How many of those women knew he was married? I am gay (single) and in Palm Springs and have that issue, here. Going on a date is hard. Married men are out sleeping around on their spouses, sometimes in an open relationship, sometimes not.. Good for you for dropping his cheating heart. I try my hardest not to be "the other one" making sure my date has said he was single several times, and glad you also made him the responsible one and not going after "the other woman."
Last edited:
Sorry you are going through this. I wonder if he needs to see a mental health professional. the change could be the result of depression, PTSD, or early Alzheimers.
instead of a condo, consider renting for a year as you work through all of this. After the year, you may find out that you would want to move to a new area.
instead of a condo, consider renting for a year as you work through all of this. After the year, you may find out that you would want to move to a new area.
mountainsoft
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
stephenson
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2009
- Messages
- 1,610
Chuckanut,
Just catching up on this thread ...
Your post of 9 Jan left both my wife and me in tears. You should do standup!
Just catching up on this thread ...
Your post of 9 Jan left both my wife and me in tears. You should do standup!
Teacher Terry,
Just seeing this thread (thx to mods for highlighting in newsletter), but I wanted to send best wishes. You are such an important part of the ER community, even-tempered, wise, empathetic, with always lots of good ideas, esp. fun ones. Please take care.
Just seeing this thread (thx to mods for highlighting in newsletter), but I wanted to send best wishes. You are such an important part of the ER community, even-tempered, wise, empathetic, with always lots of good ideas, esp. fun ones. Please take care.
OP
OP
Teacher Terry
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
- Messages
- 7,100
I have lived in 5 states but have been here 24 years and consider it home. I have wonderful, supportive friends and my oldest son is here. I have no desire to move. I love to own so I can make my home the way I want it. I usually paint, pergo, etc before moving in. That’s really important to me. Renting would be much more expensive than owning a condo and then I would have to move again. I always knew that if something happened to my husband that I wouldn’t stay in the house but would buy a condo. I lived in one for 6 years when I first moved here and loved it. My husband’s loan is finally progressing so I should be able to look at condos next week if any come on the market that I am interested in and make a offer. We have a major housing shortage so it should be interesting.
troutnut1
Recycles dryer sheets
My first wife was the female sexual addict. Fun date. Lousy wife. Had 4 kids with and lost everything to her. Walked away from it all and started all over again knowing legal fees alone would eat it all up anyway. Didn’t want to impoverish the kids. 12 years was all of that I could take.
I married the second time and got a lot better deal. 38 years together now and no signs of infidelity in our marriage. I could never live like that again.
My ex went on to continue “dancing” (That’s still how the kids and I refer to what she was doing) and eventually died like that after wrecking at least a half dozen marriages and live-ins. I learned eventually it was just her problem. Mine was booze and cigarettes (which I dealt with two decades ago). Her’s was sexual addiction which never went away even as a senior.
I wish you the best. sometimes the other person problem is just the other persons problem. In a 12 step program I learned the “Three C’s”. We didn’t Cause their problem, we can’t Cure their problem, and we can’t Control their problem. Another saying I liked in that program was “not my monkey, not my zoo”.
I married the second time and got a lot better deal. 38 years together now and no signs of infidelity in our marriage. I could never live like that again.
My ex went on to continue “dancing” (That’s still how the kids and I refer to what she was doing) and eventually died like that after wrecking at least a half dozen marriages and live-ins. I learned eventually it was just her problem. Mine was booze and cigarettes (which I dealt with two decades ago). Her’s was sexual addiction which never went away even as a senior.
I wish you the best. sometimes the other person problem is just the other persons problem. In a 12 step program I learned the “Three C’s”. We didn’t Cause their problem, we can’t Cure their problem, and we can’t Control their problem. Another saying I liked in that program was “not my monkey, not my zoo”.
powerplay
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2008
- Messages
- 1,608
TT, I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You have a plan and I'm certain your new life in the condo and with your dogs will be even better. You have the strength and will do very well. Take care of yourself!
Golden sunsets
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2013
- Messages
- 2,524
TT; I have nothing to add, but wanted to convey my best wishes. I always find your comments awesome.
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2015
- Messages
- 13,980
I think it's strongly implied that these are new events, and throughout the thread, very clear that they are the final straw in a complex and difficult relationship, without hope for a healthy future.
I apologize... I'm a computer programmer by trade, so nothing is implied in my line of thinking unless otherwise expressed.
- Status
