Inappropriate Hugging?

[aaronc879]

I wonder if the sleazy hugger demonstrated an overt proclivity towards giving all the young boy caddies a prolonged bear hug, how long would it take for club members or management to step in?

I bet not long.

Why add in "prolonged bear hug"? The OP specifically said in post #100 that the hug was brief. A brief friendly hug is no big deal. IF this were a prolonged hug with grabbing stuff then that would be different but that is not what the OP described at all.

 

[braumeister]

The hug is absolutely NOT a big deal. I thought I made that clear multiple times already.

I'm afraid you only made it clear to yourself. It's OK to stop trying now.

 

[GenXguy]

Why add in "prolonged bear hug"? The OP specifically said in post #100 that the hug was brief. A brief friendly hug is no big deal. IF this were a prolonged hug with grabbing stuff then that would be different but that is not what the OP described at all.

Exactly!

 

[Qs Laptop]

You must have missed posts in this thread where the OP mentioned those other people witnessing it.

I didn't miss your posts.

In addition to witnessing it you said they "didn't think anything of it."

That is mind reading. You have no idea what these other people were thinking. After all, the OP was a witness and definitely thought plenty about it.

 

[aaronc879]

I didn't miss your posts.

In addition to witnessing it you said they "didn't think anything of it."

That is mind reading. You have no idea what these other people were thinking. After all, the OP was a witness and definitely thought plenty about it.

The OP did say the others in the golfing group witnessed the hug and had no reaction. I think it's reasonable to infer that if they had no reaction to the hug then they didn't think anything of it. Certainly didn't think enough of it to even look at each other or say anything. If it was truly egregious I would assume someone would have said something.

 

[LateToFIRE]

Why add in "prolonged bear hug"? The OP specifically said in post #100 that the hug was brief. A brief friendly hug is no big deal. IF this were a prolonged hug with grabbing stuff then that would be different but that is not what the OP described at all.

Whatever it was, it was enough to make Midpack uncomfortable. So, then let's say the pervy old man was similarly ONLY TARGETING YOUNG LADS, the caddies working for tips. Wadda yah think would happen then? Never mind, I don't need to know what you'd think.

 

[harley]

You may not be very aware of the change in dynamics in the world today Harley, but many of us are. So, please, just speak for yourself.

Where I went to school, us includes me and others. So I was speaking for myself. Just like you were when you used the same word.

This is not getting anywhere. I'm outta here.

 

[Gumby]

MODERATOR NOTE - Midpack asked his question. People gave their advice. Midpack has told us he is going to speak up. Maybe he will report back, maybe not. But now we are going down the path of who understands what and who doesn't, and the comments have started to take a personal and biting turn. Such fighting is not good for any of us. I would suggest that we all cool our jets and wait to see what Midpack reports, if anything.

 

[Texas Proud]

Unwanted hugs are bad for the recipient. Period. If that hasn't sunk in by now, there is no talking to you.

I do not disagree.... but who knows if the hug in question is 'unwanted'? She might want to give a hug to get a bigger tip.. she might not have a single problem being hugged... and as we sit here today you do not know either..



That is what I have said throughout... talk to the girl or girls.. without any input from them it is just a guess what the huggee if feeling.. unless you can see it in their face or expression that they do NOT want the hug that is...

 

[Texas Proud]

BTW, HUGS are good for you...


https://www.sclhealth.org/blog/2019/07/the-power-of-hugs-and-how-they-affect-our-daily-health/

 

[LateToFIRE]

IMO, it's not for us to debate whether or not Midpack has a right to find the subject acquaintance's behavior (both the flirting and the unprovoked physical contact with young women in their place of work) acceptable or unacceptable. Midpack has already established that he finds the behavior disturbing and unacceptable - that much is not in dispute and none of us are witnesses. The question was, given his feelings about it, what should he do or not do about it.

 

[GenXguy]

I do not disagree.... but who knows if the hug in question is 'unwanted'? She might want to give a hug to get a bigger tip.. she might not have a single problem being hugged... and as we sit here today you do not know either..

That is what I have said throughout... talk to the girl or girls.. without any input from them it is just a guess what the huggee if feeling.. unless you can see it in their face or expression that they do NOT want the hug that is...

Good point. Very true.

BTW, HUGS are good for you...

https://www.sclhealth.org/blog/2019/07/the-power-of-hugs-and-how-they-affect-our-daily-health/

It sounds like we need more hugs, not less. In that sense, the old guy is doing these people a favor - it's good for their health.

 

[Koolau]

LOL I never said anything about sexual harassment being a big deal or not - never spoke to that at all in my comment.

I'm talking about the hug that 20 other people witnessed other than the OP and didn't think anything of it. Follow the lead of everyone else - be wise and don't get involved in someone else's affairs.

I still contend that it IS my affair if it's done by a member of MY group. It reflects on ME and the other guys in the group. If I say nothing, I'm stained with the same broad brush of harassment.

I'm willing to agree to disagree on this, but that's my feeling about the subject. I would either deal with it or back away from the group. Just me, so YMMV.

 

[sparky08]

but I'm pretty sure I will be the bad guy thereafter. I suspect the other two guys will privately tell me they agree but wish I hadn't said anything.

Sigh.

After how-many-years of sexual harrassment training (annual coursework mandated by company), I can tell you this is sexual harrassment.

You mentioned early that this guy is a hot-head and this will probably ruin your friendship. I think this would be a blessing.

 

[aja8888]

I've ready all the posts in this thread and have decided not to participate. So There!

 

[youbet]

While I agree that OP should communicate to his golf buddy that golf buddy's hugging and flirting with the scantily clad beer cart operator should end, in OP's place I'd go further. Being a member of an organization where the membership condones a manager bringing in her young daughter, dressing her provocatively and sending her out with a load of beer to sell to the boys golfing isn't an organization I'd belong to. Convincing the golf buddy to stop is just the tip of the iceberg. It's the whole tacky situation at the club. Time to find a new place to swing your club............

 

[ERD50]

... Convincing the golf buddy to stop is just the tip of the iceberg. It's the whole tacky situation at the club. ...

I'm not a golfer, so when I read this thread, I'm thinking - "Wait, he's involved in a foursome, but hugging is inappropriate?"...

-ERD50

 

[youbet]

I'm not a golfer, so when I read this thread, I'm thinking - "Wait, he's involved in a foursome, but hugging is inappropriate?"...

-ERD50

 

[brett]

You are known by the company that you keep.

 

[Koolau]

I've ready all the posts in this thread and have decided not to participate. So There!

No hugs for you, then.

 

[ls99]

I give and get hugs on the dance floor. Young or old, it does not matter. No complaints. Even do it on the sidelines.

 

[Koolau]

I give and get hugs on the dance floor. Young or old, it does not matter. No complaints. Even do it on the sidelines.

Sounds like the hugs are not only acceptable but expected. I think that's great.



It's the unsolicited, unexpected hugs that tend to be inappropriate - especially in the situation described by OP.

 

[ls99]

It would be instructive if the girls in the OP's post would comment. Perhaps the OP could get them to cmment on a video or even via writing. Everything else is guess work and personal opinions.

 

[Koolau]

It would be instructive if the girls in the OP's post would comment. Everything else is guess work and personal opinions.

Yeah, we need some young'uns to join the Forum. Maybe OP can invite them. Their perspective and opinions would be most welcome.



Maybe I'm off base on this subject - but I don't think so though YMMV.

 

[aja8888]

No hugs for you, then.

I got lots of hugs today seeing it's my birthday!